Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

Energy is hard. I am still working full-time. Just parked up at work. I'll get home at 8ish. Time is limited but at least it means I've none to fill. 23 months from now is my tentative retirement date and I have a growing fantasy of having a perfect house and garden, pilates, book club and some voluntary work!

Titration of meds is tantamount. Sometimes the reassurance that they are right helps one's head move into a different space. Personally I think a few hundred on a specialist physician pays dividends. Not least that they have time to listen and re-evaluate.

Hello all!

I'm so sorry for going AWOL. As I'm sure you guessed - fell off the cliff and went straight back to the place of doom. It was just as awful as it's always been. Self-loathing. Shame. Empty bottles. Lack of enthusiasm for house work. etc...Grim! (Also I noticed the price has gone up -even for plonk.)

So I'm back - for ANOTHER day one and a sober November.

It's really great to hear how you are doing. I've still got some spring bulbs to plant so it's time to get back on the wagon. 💐

@Thepeppapigfanclub I am so thrilled to see you and glad you are back.

I hope you approve of the thread title.

❤ yay you're back.

Here is my hand...get back on. 🚚

I absolutely do approve. I've been feeling very, very guilty...and worried that you'd all be really annoyed at me. I really appreciate that.

I'm not annoyed with you and I don't think anybody else will be.

Since yesterday my mother has lived in my head and it's just made me feel dreadful, confused and upset. But I've just realised I need to control what I turn my mind to and give time to. I'm turning my thoughts back to staying on my track. I will have a good day today and stay on my goals, which will lead to a better future. If any of this learning helps you then you can take it. It's a case of watch your thoughts and that's another art I'm honing through this process.

Was 16 years not drinking , then started down a slippery slope that coincided with a big promotion at work and a serious back injury. My gradual slide over past 4 years has resulted in me drinking a bottle of wine a night for the past year to cope with work stress. I was catapulted into equivalent of CEO job- principal of a large school (1000) and I found the only way I could cope was to numb myself every evening. I do it secretly, because I am ashamed after 16 years to admit that I am drinking again. I know my husband suspects but I just can't bring myself to talk about it, at least not until I am on terra firma.
My job is quite high profile and the area I live in is small, I don't feel ready to go back to AA.
Would love to link in with similar people, supposedly high functioning on the outside but a shivering mess on the inside! I know how easy it is to lose everything .
Love the title of promised hope ❤️

That is such a beautiful message- sorry meant to link it to another poster! L plate nerves

This is the message that really moved me❤

I know a lot of people like this. Functioning CEO's and especially teachers. I'd be interested to know what percentage of teachers drink a bottle of wine per night, i've no doubt it will be a lot.

I think you have found your tribe here. I hope it really helps. It's helping me in a lot of things like identifying what going on with me, it runs much deeper than just drinking too much. There are reasons and I need to treat those.

So many messages and so little time (should have been the new thread title).

@Thepeppapigfanclub I am so, so glad you are back. I feel relief that you have updated. I honestly thought you might have died. I know that’s morbid but after what happened to my friend, my mind jumps there far too easily. Thank you for coming back. I hope you don’t mind me taking over the baton. We are all here for you, dry, drunk or anywhere in between.

Will catch up properly at lunchtime!

I also had that worry mamaghina. I think that is one of the saddest realities of addiction.

I'm just watching the very news about Matthew Perry. I'm just going to light a candle for the man who has dedicated so much of his life to helping other battle addiction and aim for sobriety. 🕯

I am very upset, more than expected, by his passing. He was a wonderful man who had demons and addiction.

❤

@Bluegirl19 I can totally mirror experience of a high profile, senior role, at a locally known institution, also in education, and also a serious back injury a few years ago. I tried to pm to be more specific but only could with my usual username. I have name changed for this thread.

Just dropping in quickly to say Yay @Thepeppapigfanclub ! I am so pleased you are back. And yes- we are here for everyone, dry drunk or in-between!

@Bluegirl19 so lovely to see you. :)

Love all you guys. ❤

This is the thing with abusing a substance, be it alcohol, drugs, food, exercise anything really, it’s quite often too late before you realise how serious it is. I know I spoke a bit about my friend on the last thread but I honestly had no idea how serious her addiction was until she died. She was told to stop drinking several times but I didn’t know that until after because she hid it so well.

I hear you @Yocal about Matthew Perry. It’s such a shock, especially given his age. So young. I often wonder if there is ever ‘peace’ from this. If the struggle ever ends or if it’s something that will always be a battle.

Sorry, I don’t want to bring down the thread, I’m just thinking out loud really.

@Bluegirl19 welcome and don’t feel any pressure on this thread. We are all at different stages of our journey. All have different goals but all throwing our support behind each other, whatever they may be.

@Thepeppapigfanclub so happy to see you back! Have been worried. No judgement here - we are all on this roller coaster together! Same goes for anyone else who may have slipped. Come back!

You are all ever so kind - and I am sorry. I won't do it again.

I think poor Matthew brought be back to my senses. So, so sad - I sat there yesterday reading all about it as I finished the dregs of wine from this relapse - wondering why? Why? He had all the money, fame, influence, good looks etc... but still struggled. I think I read he'd spent about 9 million dollars trying to get well. I think him talking about the relationships that it ruined really resonated.

I am sorry about your friend @MamaGhina. My biggest fear is this is the direction I'm heading if I don't beat it.

Interesting to read your posts...I'm a teacher - although not in a senior position anymore.

I meant why am I doing it - not why was Matthew just to be clear.

He opened up his Miami home at one point as a rehabilitation centre for alcoholics. Reading about him is really upsetting. He wanted to help any addict who asked, even though he sometimes couldn't help himself. I shouldn't speculate about his death, but reading between the lines I've come to sad conclusions, that it was all too much for him, living as him.

I think we all need to ultimately love ourselves and treat ourselves better. I'm also taking away from this death, that it is only yourself that can do it. It's got to be an inside job. Matthew had friends and as much support as money can buy, yet that still couldn't save him.

Great to have you back @Thepeppapigfanclub.

It’s interesting what you say @Yocal about needing to love ourselves and treat ourselves better. Since I’ve been not drinking I have found I not only have the time but more importantly the inclination to treat myself a bit better - to take the time to go for a walk or to properly cleanse my face. Small things but indicative I think of how alcohol has been chipping away every day for a long time now at my self-worth.

Welcome back @Thepeppapigfanclub don’t ever worry about going off and coming back. It’s lovely to hear you’re safe and sound. Another big hand reaching out for you here - we can do this!

@Yocal im sorry about your mother. It’s honestly not fair on you and one more thing to add. It’s hard enough going AF without having to deal with narcissism and so on and so forth…family should be unconditionally supportive. I feel for you.

@Bluegirl19 you are definitely in the right place. Keep coming on here to post and to get through the hard times. Your job sounds incredibly stressful.

this group is my saviour. Just sitting in the car on my drive after an exercise class. Now have to face the DH, boo.

Thanks everyone for lovely welcome... I told my story....well up to year 17 on an earlier thread and here I am 3 years later, still telling the same sorry tale.

Welcome @Bluegirl19
Welcome back @Thepeppapigfanclub I am so pleased that you've re-joined us, you and others on this thread have helped me so much, I hope I can repay the favour x