Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

@TimesaChangeling I find myself wondering a lot about how long I’ll be able to go this time. I’m at 20 days. Determined to hit my April target but secretly hoping I’ll go a bit longer. I don’t know. Sometimes I think all I need is a bit of a break. A bit of a reset. But then I have one of those days when I drink far too much and wish I didn’t drink at all.

Good luck with your new target. I really enjoyed series 1 of the podcast ‘fucking sober - the first 90 days’ because it made me laugh. Tomorrow I’m starting sober awkward which gets good reviews on here.

Can I join you please? I used to be on the Brave Babes thread, tried all sorts to quit. Currently having (bloody expensive) hypnotherapy. Stopped in September 2022 for 6 months, then did another 4 months with just a handful of drinks, but of course it crept up. Back to a bottle of wine a night 5 or 6 nights a week.
Sick of it but can't remember how to stop.
Thanks.

Hi @Anotherdayanotherhangover,
welcome. Your worries sound quite like mine, albeit that I haven’t gotten quite as far back down the elevator ride. I’ve decided to repeat all the things I originally did and try to find that serenity again. The hypnotherapy sounds really good and I think someone else on this thread recommended it as well. How is it going for you?

20 days is ace and well done. I will try to listen to that podcast!

Thanks Timesachangeling, the hypnotherapy is very relaxing, but so far no results.
I'm as solid as a rock until 6pm, then the thoughts creep in and I somehow end up buying wine.
Last time I was in a better place mentally, it all came crashing down last summer, which is why I relapsed.

@TimesaChangeling the podcast I listened to today said that in the early days being sober is like being in the space between a joke and the laugher. That awkward silence. Waiting. Anticipating. The uncertainty. And then you get comfortable.

I’m really enjoying listening to other people’s experiences. I got through 3 episodes today, finishing on the fear of sober boring. Whilst I don’t agree with everything I hear, it’s so thought provoking and refreshing. I will be listening to more this week.

Welcome @Anotherdayanotherhangover you are amongst friends. Day 21 here. I had my last drink on Easter Sunday. I’ve done a few dry spells. Last Aug/Sept I did around 45 days, which was the longest for a while.

It’s taken me until now to get another decent run under my belt. My target is a dry April and then who knows. What I do know is that I have focused really hard on one day at a time and tried not to look too far forward. As per the post above, I’m also really getting into the sober podcasts. They help remind me why I don’t want to drink. It can be easy to forget after a couple of weeks.

Best of luck to you. Keep us updated on your progress as you are able.

Oh and the best comment I’ve read on here in ages was “you can have alcohol or you can have everything else”.

Hi,

I'm sorry I've been so quiet on here lately. I did write an epic post a few weeks ago but on reflection asked for it to be removed as I felt it was too identifying. Really nice to see you all on here. Welcome back @Thepeppapigfanclub who brought us all together in the first place! Amazing on your sober spell @MamaGhina , I agree that the podcasts are fantastic!

Welcome @Anotherdayanotherhangover , you are in the right place with the right people. Hypnotherapy sounds intriguing.

Well done for reaching your 6 month anniversary @MissSmith80 that's incredible. And for everyone else on the thread - hey!

I have been doing quite a lot of work on my CPTSD which, for me (and many others), has underpinned my alcohol use and is interwoven in a complex fashion. And it will continue to be a work in progress, probably for life. Last week I decided that instead of option a) drinking what I want and option b) not drinking, I went for a middle option of 20 units a week with 5 dry days. (I know, I know, that is still a lot, still binge drinking, but it's half of what it was). I put it in my app. And last week - a week which was immensely challenging in many ways - I did it. And I felt better for it. And I want to do it again this week. And next week.

Reducing the alcohol will definitely help the CPTSD but removing it entirely just feels like another huge task in my life. My therapist said I am struggling with overwhelm at the moment so I am trying to work on my triggers; areas where I can do less, bringing in a 10 min yoga session at 5pm ... anyway I am babbling now and feel quite sure that a few people will read this and say: DUH JUST GIVE UP THE BOOZE. Right now I am just doing my best. Wishing you all well x

@Steppered I hear you about moderation. Sometimes the idea of nothing is just too great to tackle. There are a few podcasts that discuss the merits of moderation. I’m actually not too bad at moderation most of the time. I like to think I ‘just’ drink on a Friday and Saturday night (so 2 days out of 7) and I have a one bottle rule that I hand on heart do follow most of the time. For me it’s the times that I don’t stick to my rules that cause the problems. I just don’t have the discipline to consistently follow them and sometimes a Thursday evening creeps in and add a glass or two over the bank holiday weekend and before I know it I end up losing a whole day to a hangover and feeling like a shit person.

Sober Awkward do a ‘Moderation Pixie’ podcast that is quite funny if you fancy a laugh.

I’m day 24 and the sleep… it’s just wonderful. I could sleep for hours and hours. For me it’s the single most important change that I’ve experienced by having another break. I just got used to functioning on a fraction of the sleep ‘normal’ people have. Honestly, this alone is keeping me dry!

Thanks all for the welcome. Still haven't managed a day1, but will try again tonight. The problem is tiredness ( I remember the HALT check) juggling work, home & caring for elderly DM & grandchildren. By the time I sit down the little voice in my head is telling me that wine is my reward and my only time to do something for me - total nonsense of course, but very hard to resist.

@MamaGhina it's the sleep that's keeping my away from alcohol too. My watch has a body battery setting and i think it's pretty accurate. When I was drinking, I'd often wake up with 5% battery and hardly ever got above 20% even at the weekend when I could get an extra hour in bed. Now I'm usually between 25% and 80%, have even hit the dizzy heights of 100%. It's a strange thing but I really can't contemplate how I functioned and it's enough to prevent me from even testing it.

@MissSmith80 the other day I tried to work out how much sleep I’ve lost this year 😭 the book alcohol explained says you’ll wake after 6 hours (I think) and I would normally wake up bang on 5 the morning after. If I did this on average 3 times a week, I lost 6 hours a week but the truth is, I didn’t sleep well on the days I wasn’t drinking either so I was probably losing about 14 hours a week. Every week. For months.

This morning when the alarm went off I was in such a deep sleep. I woke feeling so refreshed. For me, totally worth it. I think my face looks different too. Less haggard. Pretty sure that’s a result of better sleep too.

Alcohol free sleep is the BEST. Alcohol sleep for me is just being unconscious I think & waking up with a racing heart and anxiety half the time.

@Anotherdayanotherhangover you will get there. You've taken your first step of realising you're not happy with your drinking and you've reached out and are in the right place. You have to want to not drink, more than you want to drink. Which sounds really easy and is absolutely where you are at 8am when you're feeling crap and guilty. But come 5pm and the hangover has worn off but you're tired and feeling stressed and overwhelmed, more booze feels like the solution.

Lots of books and podcasts deal with this really well. For the science behind it all I like Sober Powered. For laughs I like Sober Awkward (prefer the early series with the 2 ladies). For feeling less alone I like Sassy Sober Mum.
Books wise there is Alcohol Explained by William Porter and the Annie Grace book, both of which are well referred to. You might find some of these (or other material) helpful, it help you feel less alone and guilty.

Practical tips for not drinking? I'm a simple creature. Don't buy it or have it in the house. Drink loads of water or squash through the day (one of those timed bottles is good tho you will be weeing a LOT). Try and fit in even a ten minute walk or yoga when you finish work. If you're craving, brush your teeth/read a book/get into bed/journal it out. Don't feel guilty about snacks. Talk to someone. And one I read recently it's called "honour the preference" which means you have the craving but WHY do you have the craving? Do you need alone time? Do you need comfort? Do you need connection? Try and work out what is underpinning the craving and find a way of meeting it that isn't booze.

You sound incredibly overwhelmed, so as an internet stranger I hereby give you permission to FEEL overwhelmed. Maybe when you get home tonight after work and your caring responsibilities you could just get into bed, pull the cover over your head and have a peaceful evening, sounds like you really need it x

Great post by @Steppered 👏

👆 absolutely agree!

I haven’t thought about drinking tonight but I have spent quite a lot of time wondering about what May will hold for me.

I’m on day 26 and April was my target. Can’t believe I’ve almost made it. I have a few social events booked in May, there will be a bit emphasis on drinking at them. I can’t decide whether to
a. Drink in May and try for a dry June
b. Try a new rule of only drinking out side the house
c. Do my absolute best to keep going

All have pros and cons
a. I wouldn’t have that failure feeling if I give myself permission to drink but I would lose my dry run
b. This would be a great compromise if I was better at moderation but the truth is I’m not
c. I’m scared I can’t do this in reality

This is where my head has been for most of today.

I wrote a really long post that I suddenly realised was absolutely pointless! I guess the question could be: what do I visualise when I visualise happiness? Maybe work from there - you definitely sound happier than you did a month ago! So whatever you decide it’s from a really good position.

I spent my Friday evening playing board games and drinking cocoa. Nailed it as a cool girl 🤣.

Thanks @TimesaChangeling. Monopoly I hope?! My DD whips me every time.

I am happier and I have surprised myself. It should be a no brainier for c.
One of the events I am due to go to is a bottomless brunch. Sigh. I just don’t know how you rock up to something like that and drink coke. It’s been in the diary for months. I can’t cancel. I know it will be odd to go and not drink and to be fair, how much fun is that going to be? I know sober doesn’t equal boring but at a bottomless brunch… doesn’t feel like much of a day out sober. I’ll basically be sitting there for 3 hours watching everyone else drink/get drunk. Oh and probably having to explain multiple times to multiple people why I’m not drinking. And it’s already paid for in full.

Think I just broke a MN record for the number of times I have edited one post 😆 I’m reading it back and I know none of that really matters in the scheme of things and it’s just a few hours but I guess my mindset hasn’t switched yet.

The podcasts I’m listening to emphasise putting your own sobriety above everything else. Are those people just more determined than me? Or was their problem worse? Or do I just not want this enough? Double sigh.

Last night I went for a meal in a pub and I didn’t drink.
When we got home DH opened a bottle of red and I didn’t drink.
I can’t believe it. There’s a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe I can do May after all.
We will see. Day 28 and I’m feeling so optimistic. Long may it continue!

Well that’s amazing! If only we could bottle that feeling 😁 I guess the really hard part of this is not just getting to the point where we physically feel good, but the point where this question isn’t dominating our minds constantly. What’s coming through from the much edited post is the exhaustion of thinking about it, which I think for me comes hand in hand with any version of moderation.

I was thinking a lot about the question of “are these people more determined than me” and I don’t think this is all about a question of willpower, it isn’t the answer. I don’t know if I know what is, but if I had to take a guess, I think it is getting to the point where you don’t need will power because your subconscious agrees with you in the first place. Otherwise can you imagine, a year, a decade, a lifetime into sobriety and still having that daily monumental struggle? I think there is a cross over, sure, because you do have to be determined enough early on to get through the initial cravings but all these podcasters, they’re basically in the business of training their, and your, subconscious.

I was babysitting last night and more than once she referred to her mother getting drunk that night. When I made a non- committal noise, she said “have you met my mother?!” It was really uncomfortable, mostly I think because it shone a light on how little I want to be someone who is identified by others in that way and how I probably was previously (but also a little bit because I could hear her parroting her father when she said it). It made me uncomfortable for my friend too.

@TimesaChangeling completely agree about the exhaustion of thinking about it. Taking it off the table completely is incredibly freeing…. If the willpower is there.
I’m on day 29. I had such a strong focus for April. I’ve updated my app so I can keep counting into May, although I’m still unsure about what that month will hold. I don’t feel like I can commit to trying for the whole month at this point in time but I know I feel great after a month break. Absolutely needed it.

Day 31 and I hit my target of April. After not being able to even do the Easter weekend, I feel really proud of myself.
I am going to try for May. I’ll take it day by day. I could really do with the break and I feel so strong, physically and mentally. As someone said upthread, I’m happier when I’m not drinking.

Anyone want to join me for a dry May? I’m just going to tag a few who regulars. I’ve lost track of who is where with their drinking. I’ll also start a new thread when this one fills up @Anotherdayanotherhangover @Bluegirl19 @BoilingHotand50something @Cloudsclouds6 @Limeandsoda2023 @MissSmith80 @Pinotgrigioblues @PleaseBePacific @SpringNotSprung @Steppered @Thepeppapigfanclub @TimesaChangeling @smegley

Huge congratulations @MamaGhina - amazing achievement. I am still not drinking and have no plans to change that currently so I will join you for a dry May and a new thread. Hope everyone else is doing ok.