Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

A new thread - amazing thank you @MamaGhina x

Thank you @MamaGhina, and a brilliant title for our new thread.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful Sunday.

Thanks for the new thread @MamaGhina

@Thepeppapigfanclub I hope you are still here and strong!

You are most welcome and I hope that a turn as OP may add some motivation to my mission.

Here’s the backstory for any new joiners. Back on 21 August @thepeppapigfanclub started a Day 1 thread looking for companionship on her sober journey. The initial goal was 100 days and like most people do, we started strong! I think I made it to 40 days before the “spiral of craving” got me. Some lasted longer, a few are still dry.

As a group we’ve had many discussions about why this is so hard and why so many of us have caved. It’s been an amazingly supportive group and one with zero judgement. You don’t have to be looking for a lifetime of sobriety to join and if you fall off the wagon, you don’t have to leave!

This thread is for anyone who wants to cut down on their alcohol consumption. We all have our own stories and the honesty on the first thread was so powerful and relatable. The thing that stuck with me was the discussion about how progress isn’t a straight line.

So I’ll kick off the goal sharing. I want to do the whole of November dry. Not easy with a few social gatherings in the diary and Christmas approaching but I will keep reminding myself of the reasons why I joined the first thread.

I’ve gone back 10 pages on the old thread and tagged as many of the regulars as I can below. Feel free to add anyone I’ve missed! Ghina.

@misssmith80 @Cloudsclouds6 @boilinghotand50something @newlifehappylife @timesachangeling @springnotsprung @steppered @adsy1988 @awayinthewindow @summerscoop @excitedemmi @whyisitsohard @spendysis @limeandsoda2023 @mattyjb @hereshegoesagain36 @ticketyboo11 @toooldforthisnonsense @mummykins54

@yocal FYI new thread!

Thank you. I am still following the thread. Sorry I haven't had any time to post in recent days. Well done to everyone and thanks for keeping the thread going. Day 35 here and still going strong. STILL haven't lost any weight, but that's really neither here nor there when I'm managing to continue my sober journey. Started "doing the work" on myself and not just NOT drinking so I'm hoping to make some progress in my head space. 🙂

@MamaGhina Thank you so much for the new thread.

I'm going to come back later and post my reflections 17 days in - there have been so many positives to quitting alcohol even for this relatively short period of time but I am starting to think that there is no way I can never drink again and yet also know that I cannot moderate. I hope by putting in black and white the growing number of reasons why alcohol is not my friend will act as a reference point for when the wine witch comes calling.

Thank you for the new thread hope everyone is well still af still struggling with anxiety but i think that me at the moment drinking or not

@excitedemmi thats a great update! Day 35 is a fantastic run! I wouldn’t worry too much about the weight loss in the early days. One battle at a time and all that. One thing I focused on was my skincare regime, as it was something I couldn’t be bothered with when hungover. I do think it’s making a difference. Certainly to the way I feel, even if there isn’t an obvious difference in appearance.

@MissSmith80 one day at a time is much more manageable then thinking about forever, which feels massive. I also can’t moderate effectively long term. It always creeps back up as my tolerance increases. A list is a good reference point for that reminder of the reasons why not to drink. For me number 1 is health. I was having heart palpitations at night after drinking and was scared stuff I was damaging my heart. They have significantly improved since I stopped drinking so often and so much.

Sorry to hear about the anxiety @Spendysis. I know different things work for different people but not drinking will be making a positive difference, even if only from a ‘think about how bad it would feel with a hangover’ perspective. In my experience everything is worse when hungover!

@MamaGhina great introduction to the new thread.

I've just had my biggest craving and it was after a visit from my mother! she is so bad for my mental health. I just said to my partner I need to go scream 😱 of a mountain top. What a gaslighting psychopath she is.

I need to calm down and regain my composure. But seriously feel like hitting the bottle, whilst simultaneously not wanting to let her have that power to drive me to it.

Glad you're all still cracking on. I still love this thread/group. X

Do you mind if I just slide in quietly for now?

@Yocal identifying those triggers and managing them is a fine art. One that takes time and practice. The only thing that really works for me at the moment is avoidance. Avoiding the difficult situations or people that drive me to drink! Just think how awful you’ll feel tomorrow if you give in.

Kettle on for a cup of tea? Or a trick drink of squash in a wine glass? This feeling will pass!

@Sharpkat welcome to the group. Please do lurk for as long as you like! I’d read so many threads on here before joining this one. They do offer a good source of support if you do want to chat.

I’m going to try really hard to post every day in November to keep me on track with that goal.

Just before I read your post I poured a tonic in a gin glass. 😅 I'm going to stay strong just because I'm too stubborn to let her win. 😤

@MissSmith80 I hear you on not thinking you can never drink forever but knowing you can't moderate. It's such a quandry. Taking it a day at a time! Not to sound like a complete alcoholic...

@Yocal ugh that sounds awful. Well done for getting through. It's often our relationships with others that can lead us (or excuse us) to drink!

Hello @Sharpkat!

We were driving past people enjoying themselves in pubs and bars on the way home and I so wanted to go do it. But I thought about the money and using that money to actually get me so far away from this situation it becomes moot. Drinking is not the answer, avoidance is 😂

Thanks so much @MamaGhina for the new thread and to all of you for your posts on the previous one. Im now on day 36 which would have seemed impossible when I started.

I have enjoyed reading all the posts but haven’t posted too much myself recently as I was trying not to think about alcohol too much! I have been treating my daily drinking as a bad habit I needed to break and just willing myself not to buy a bottle whenever the opportunity arose. I think though I will now need to give some thought to what next. As others have said, I find it hard to imagine never drinking again but I know moderation is a myth for me and I’d be back drinking daily before I know it. I’m confident I’ll make it a few more days but am out with old friends on Thursday and need to decide a plan. What’s lovely about all of you on this thread is that I know you’ll be supportive.

Welcome to @Sharpkat Good luck to everyone for this coming week.

Hi everyone, just checking in. Loving the new thread. Welcome to the new comers. @Yocal well done for not succumbing to alcohol. Gaslighting is a really awful form of abuse. Yet people get away with it all the time. I’d be seething.

well done @excitedemmi and everyone here. This isn’t easy stuff!

@Limeandsoda2023 nice to see you back. I was reading about something called ‘Fade Affect Bias’ which is when you haven’t drank for a while, so you feel good and you almost start to forget how awful drinking can make you feel or the reasons why you stopped in the first place.

Last month I had that night out when I just knew I would drink. I’d made my peace with it in advance and was even looking forward to it. Afterwards I just felt a bit flat. Yes I had a nice evening. Yes I enjoyed seeing my friends and it was nice not having to ‘resist’ all night but I felt bad that I’d broken my streak. I did feel rough the next day and down.

I’m trying to remember that when I’m tempted. I feel far enough into this that I don’t necessarily need to count the days to know I’m making progress but that doesn’t mean it’s getting easier for me. That’s one reason why I want to do the whole of November. I just need another decent chunk of not drinking behind me.

Oh and DH just asked me if I wanted wine in the weekly shop. I can’t remember who else had the sabotaging DH but seriously 🤣 it’s been 10 weeks and he’s still checking.

Thanks @MamaGhina. I remember your post about your decision to drink that night and thought at the time that it seemed something I would do. Just drink one evening and then go dry again the next day. But not sure now. I’ve only had to navigate four social events during my dry streak and they were all with just one or two friends. Ah well, a few more days before I have to decide. Thanks for your insights.

I don’t know what the answer is. I think maybe I was doing too many social events and I was just starting to feel a bit miserable going to them all and (at times) being the only one not drinking.

I think with the benefit of hindsight I was doing too much too soon. I should actually have taken some time out to refocus, rather than going back to old habits.

That was me with the DH who does that @MamaGhina so I sympathise very much on that front!

I think dry nov is a great idea. I also am planning a night out, not been out for years and because of DH ways I just want a blow out. Not good I know 😒 I know I shouldn’t do it. I don’t want to break my 8 weeks but I’m thinking one or two drinks and a fun night with the girls. Not even sure when it will happen as we all end up cancelling Anyway lol!

Hello all - just a quick check in on day 57! I will write more soon. Thanks @MamaGhina for the new thread- you guys have been the key thing that has kept me going.

Hi all- quick checkin from me as well.

Just to ask- what are people doing in the evenings now? i am mainly cleaning and supervising homework but want to start doing things which are more fulfilling!

I have been madly tired though- i have an autoimmune disorder and think my meds need tweaking. Been to bed a few times before 8 this past week (I am ashamed to say how much before 8)

Morning all, @NewLifeHappyLife i hope you get your meds tweaked soon - lack of energy is really debilitating.

I tend to take myself off and do exercise classes in the evening or the gym now. But there’s swimming or joining a new sports team maybe? I’ll try and think of some more. As the colder months approach I’m thinking Netflix 🤣 or I do work towards a course I’m doing. Photo albums? These are not just my escapism from alcohol anymore it’s more about me also spreading my wings post kids and forging a future for myself iykwim x

Morning all.

@Cloudsclouds6 ah yes, another one with a DH who drinks in front of them and doesn’t see the issue. I totally understand the temptation to go for a blow out, especially if you don’t get to see your friends much. It’s difficult isn’t it. All I would say is you’ve done so, so well and it hasn’t been easy. I guess it depends if you think you can jump straight back to it afterwards?

@BoilingHotand50something 57 days 👏you go! Thanks for checking in, keep updating us on your progress.

@NewLifeHappyLife I’ve gone back to running. I’m 40 something and although I consider myself quite fit it’s been a struggle. To get out in the dark evenings, especially when it’s been raining, but it’s one of the things I want to continue in November. Not sure if something physical is right for you, but there are lots of hobby groups near me. Choirs, sewing, book clubs. Maybe take a look on your local Facebook community pages?