Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1!

[MamaGhina]

New thread as promised. I’ll pop on later to tag everyone as I wanted to get this link on the old thread before it fills up!

Link to the old one for any new joiners:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4877066-its-day-1-anyone-else?page=40

@smegley could you tell your employers you are struggling with your mh and your doctor recommends you have a complete break within 7 days? Would that not help them organise shifts, arrange cover? No need to tell the absolute reason but with my HR Director hat on, I'd respect you for it.

@SpringNotSprung thats a really good idea.
I'm going to wait and see what is said at the appointment on Tuesday and then approach them I think

Morning all, I’m checking in. It’s definitely a combination of the weather, the dark, the stress leading up to Christmas etc that’s adding to my low mood.

Had a good day at work yesterday. Isn’t it sad that that’s one of the things I look forward to? Going to work. Says a lot. I’m ready to make some changes at home in the new year. I need everyone to pull their weight more rather than me running around after everyone. I guess when I stopped being a SAHM I added work into the mix but didn’t get anyone to change their roles! Now I’m saddled with everything and it’s time for change. I just can’t continue like this.

@MamaGhina I love work and always have. I think that's a positive. If resources stretch, can you outsource some stuff: cleaning, ironing, supermarket deliveries on click and repeat? I even have a Christmas tree man who delivers, puts up and decorates two Christmas trees. A job I fucking hate. If I could I'd outsource present wrapping as well.

I well remember the days I felt responsible for everyone's happiness at Christmas and it weighed heavily: DC, DH, MIL, FIL, elderly neighbour and hordes on Boxing Day. Different now as FIL is gone, DC are partnered/one married and mother and MIL increasingly frail.

Christmas this year is: me and dd to BF's parents on Christmas day, DH to MIL as she can no longer travel, then DD, DS, DIL and I to mother and step on Boxing Day, dd and I driving north on 27th to see MIL. 2 nights in a Holiday Inn. How I wish I.could turn the clock back to 7 or 8 on Christmas Day and 12ish on Boxing Day at ours. Won't miss the slog though.

Why oh why is there an expectation that women have to do it all?

@MamaGhina i am in a very similar situation. Back working full time but still doing all the cleaning!

Sorry haven't been on for a few days. Work is so busy.

@MamaGhina not a long streak but 10 days now. My longest has been nearly 1.5years (but I was pregnant a lot of that!) that latest one was about 6 months. I don't think it is necessarily how long but that you do, but that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. Sure I might have 'slipped' 4 times this year, but I've stood back up 5 times.

Hi everyone, sorry gone quiet for a bit. Struggling with my emotions and realisation since abstaining that I no longer respect my DH :( he still drinks like a fish in the eve. I’m on about week 11/12 and no cravings at all now. I’m sorry @MamaGhina for your load - and the emotional one we bear as women. It does sound like you need some you time or just time out in general. Everyone else who feels undervalued I’m sorry for that too. Such responsibility us women shoulder.

I broke tonight and had a glass of wine - after misjudging the gate post and the car. Such a beautiful scratch! And then I had beef stew, picked at some new potatoes that were left over and then had a chocolate trifle. Booze gives me the munches clearly. It is not good for me.

Now I am back at my desk after watching an episode of Downton to bring me down

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Sorry I'm not about much. I find it easier not to be on the thread all the time. Today is my 38th day, I joined the thread on day 3. I've navigated really boozy evenings where I'd normally drink, meeting up with friends and a night out at the pub without drinking but today has broken me. Horrendous day at work. Remembered on my way home there is alcohol in the house.
I've gone for a 0% captain morgans and coke. I don't feel good or any better. I thought I'd reach out, days not over yet.

@SpringNotSprung sorry you also had a shit day
Well done for stopping at one glass though, that's almost more amazing than abstaining altogether.
I knew I wouldn't which formed a large part of why I haven't had that drink.

@Awayinthewindow me too. I’m 95 days in which is insane but truth be told I’ve been feeling really miserable (which is 99% to do with other things but still wtf, I’m supposed to be feeling awesome).

I’m sorry to hear of everyone else’s trials and tribulations and wish there was more inspiration to give. If it is any help, the doctor I saw recently recommended a therapist and one who, lo and behold, also dealt with addiction issues which was a bit of a shock considering a) I was only at about 50 units a week and b) had actually stopped! But perhaps it serves as a reminder that no matter how much we tell ourselves it’s all normal, other people don’t see it that way. Sigh.

@TimesaChangeling I guess what I tell myself and remind myself of is how much worse I'd feel if I was drinking.
It's normal to feel sad, angry, happy, excited, today was shaking with rage, hopeless and later empty. But I'm still happier than I would be being put of control of how much I'm drinking, shame, remorse, wasted evenings, unable to sleep or wake up, neglecting myself and panicking about my health.
Not easy though.
I still am considering if I want to be able to have a drink on occasion but I don't know and I know today when I feel down and defeated is not the day.

Mmmm. Just imagine all that rage with a hangover as well. At least make it a happy occasion if you do decide to have a drink. I also haven’t made that decision yet but the hankering on the way home was strong.

Is there anything else you can do to distract yourself? Is meditating a thing that works for you maybe? If I have v churned up thoughts at bedtime I sometimes put on a sleep story just to get my head to slow down long enough to feel sleepy.

Thank you for all the encouraging words everyone. My day worked out quite well in the end. I do feel like the happiness of everyone is on my shoulders.

Well done to those still abstaining. I have so much respect for you and I feel ready for a another go in the new year.

@SpringNotSprung sorry about your car 😬 haven’t scratched mine in a while, must be my turn soon!

Morning. I’m up and ready to face another day. It’s all so monotonous and relentless isn’t it? Get up, get ready, get kids ready, clean up, drop kids, go to work. Work like a beast, go pick kids up, do clubs, make dinner, tidy. Do bedtime. Collapse.

And repeat. It’s no wonder we crave some escape.

Then the weekend comes and it’s packed with clubs and parties and seeing family and before you know it, it’s Monday again.

I‘m reading thread after thread about people who seem to feel the same as me and they talk about antidepressants, or HRT or therapy. I think all I really need is a rest! Not sure a spa day will fix this though. It’s definitely time for some action in my house.

Morning all, just checking in. I think a lot of us are feeling the lull before the Xmas storm. A lot of things to remember at this time of year. Xmas is pretty much my sole responsibility. Bad argument with DH this morning who I have been thinking about leaving but it’s not the right time (little kids). Although finding it hard talking to other more ‘braver’ people (men) who have taken the plunge and left. There can be happiness afterwards I believe but it’s the upheaval and the kids I’m worried about the most. Problem is I feel like I’m wasting my life here. That was my main reason for drinking g in the first place. At least I’m not drinking now so that’s one thing! This thread keeps me going!

@MamaGhina you are doing the really tough years but I think you said your DC were 6 and 8? There is an end, it all changes when they move to secondary. They leave a bit earlier, under their own steam, and leave school later and travel home with keys. Also except for school stuff, the clubs fall. .......then by about 15/16 the bloody parties/gatherings start. Meanwhile, you need some help.

Once upon a time there was a thread about where everyone's teenagers were. It turned out another MNetter's daughters were at my house! We put it together from a couple of throw away comments and met for coffee a few weeks later.

I'm hearing you @MamaGhina about the treadmill. Time to step off it and rest.

@Cloudsclouds6 my parents separated when I was 12. I grew up in a house full of mutual dislike (two people who married the wrong person). My advice would be to do it sooner rather than later. There'sno need to make misery last for anyone and divorcing parents and teenage hormones (and exams) are not happy bedfellows.

It took me a long time to sort myself out, dropped out of uni, struggled with an eating disorder, smoked heavily pre DC addictive personality, boyfriends who were too old for me.

@Awayinthewindow Happy belated birthday 😁

@TimesaChangeling are you doing anything to try and find out why you feel like that? It's said a lot but 'putting down the drink is the easy step' I know it's not, but it also is. I can be so hard to face yourself and what bothers you.

@MamaGhina is life just monotonous? For most people, a lot of the time? I really struggled with that. My life went 90 miles an hour until I hit 30 then I hit a brick wall. I had 'everything' I had been striving for. I had travelled half the world, got the career I wanted, married the man I love. And found myself sitting here thinking well what now! So I started drinking more. It was exciting, fun, made life more interesting. I have some issues with impulse control too.

Sorry I think what I am trying to say is that while most of my life is 'same thing different day' having most of a bottle of wine at the end of that day won't really make it any better

@alco It’s a case of wherever you go, there you are. So stopping drinking has not made me immediately able to deal with some stuff that has happened and which I think is leaving me a bit hopeless about what life has to offer. I suppose I shall have to take the therapy option but the idea of returning to all that stuff makes me quite anxious and so I am putting it all off, naturally! Nothing like a good bit of avoidance!

How is everyone? Surviving Friday night? Sounds like people are facing lots of challenges both with stopping drinking, and if stopped, facing the things that probably caused the drinking. A hand hold from me for everyone facing tough times.

@TimesaChangeling ❤it's not easy. Just take it slow and do things at your own pace.

@BoilingHotand50something getting on fine, how are you?

Yeah I am doing ok. Still a bit down in the dumps but not close to breaking thankfully.

Morning all checking in for day 24!
6 weeks has been my previous long run this year so I'm aiming to pass that for a start. Half way there already! Not finding the weekend so bad now and definitely not missing the hangovers.
Hope you are all doing well.