The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

That's exactly what I did @Womanshour . To friends and family I just said that I was feeling rubbish and was trying to get on top of it with more sleep and a healthy diet etc. This was true - the only bit I missed out was that I knew why. I still went out and did what I did before, except without drinking. I lost one friend, who I subsequently realised must have seen me more as a drinking buddy. She hated it when I didn't drink, as it showed up her drinking, which was heavier than mine had ever been. Sharing a bottle or three of wine hid it, but it was obvious when she kept going to the bar that she was drinking a lot. It hurt a bit, but in some ways it was a relief, as she often got quite nasty when she'd had a few, and as my self-esteem increased I began to realise that it's not normal to put up with that from friends. Nobody else cared.

My mum made comments, but she can't help herself, so I try to ignore them. Her peak was at my son's wedding when she said she was so pleased I wasn't drinking. She didn't say 'because that would have spoilt things', but the implication was there, along with a reminder of when that had happened before. Nothing specific, but designed to make me think about that instead of just letting me enjoy a lovely day. Worse, she said it to my husband, so I couldn't respond without making a fuss.

That is a definite milestone, @HappyAsAGrig . The more of them you pass, the easier they'll become, as you know you can do it. Congratulations. I bet you feel great for not giving in.

Wow well done @HappyAsAGrig what did you say?

Thanks @ShyMaryEllen I think I'll feel better when a couple of key I'm not drinking conversations are out of the way.

morning all. shiny and sunny day 7 here. hope everyone is ok glad to hear about your knee improvements @WendyWagon and sorry about your continuing need for intrusive medical checks @ShyMaryEllen . mid life eh?
not for the faint hearted especially after a few decades of alcohol abuse.

i'm just going to say i'm taking a break from booze and i like the not sleeping narrative. i think if you mention health also no one who is a proper friend can argue with that. most of my regular friends are boozers but not all and defo not all to my extent but there are certainly a few who will be very surprised that i'm not drinking and whom it will trigger about their drinking. but mostly they're not raging addicts like me.

anyway, DD1 has her boyfriend in her room and the dog needs walking so onwards and upwards. i'm back to work next week, hoping sobriety will bring real benefits on work mornings.

@HappyAsAGrig missed your post! that's brilliant. massive well done. be proud.

@HappyAsAGrig well done.

Thanks, all!

@Womanshour I said “seeing as the booze free thing is going pretty well, I’m going to stick to it for now, but thanks for the thought.”

Love that @HappyAsAGrig just sounds casual! Think I maybe over sharing!

Hello,

I've been watching this these sorts of threads on and off for some time now, sometimes with a glass of wine!

I am another one who's occasional evening "glass of wine to relax" has spiralled into drinking most nights and I feel it's impacting on the rest of my life negatively.

Day 2 today. Thanks for sharing all of your experiences so far.

@Womanshour - I’m definitely being casual about it. Nobody outside of my head needs me being all angsty or intense about whether or not I’m drinking.

I told friends I was giving it up for Lent, which was to help me stick to it for the first weeks. That’s gone ok, so I’m keeping with it. Better for my health, better for our much-beleaguered current account.

Most people can relate to at least one part of that, and no one’s looked askance. Not drinking is only weird if we make it weird.

@whichdayisit , welcome to the thread! We drop in and out as circumstances dictate, but there’s always someone supportive and we don’t judge. Best of luck with day 2. I promise it will get easier eventually.

I definitely agree with this. A massive, MASSIVE theme for me is my mother. Like @ponzusoup and @ShyMaryEllen's, mine has zero filter where she believes herself to be right (all the time) and cannot restrain herself. It's caused many a relapse - but I am thankfully better able to understand that I cannot change her, just how I react to it, and that's better for me.

Glad to hear that nothing sinister was found @ShyMaryEllen - was it Moviprep/Movicol that you had to drink? Foul stuff. A few years ago in hospital I had to have the stuff and tubes put in both ends. Grim. But the throat one was worse than the bottom one! Hope all continues well. Hope you are recovering well also @WendyWagon - you'll get back into those lovely jeans, I've no doubt. Steroids are a b*gger for the temporary weight gain.

Congratulations to @HappyAsAGrig, that's a great milestone 😁and welcome to @whichdayisit and congratulations on Day 2. Stick to it, you can do it. It won't always be easy but it WILL always be worth it.

The lumps in my "shirt potatoes" have turned out to be nasty bacterial infections. Actually a good thing, considering. So I am on two bstrd-strength antibiotics, which are making me feel terribly sick, but helping me to stay wonderfully sober.

Strength and love to each and every one of you. Have a great weekend. xx

'Shirt potatoes' 😄
Sadly the teenage nickname Mellons applys to me!
You are a tonic @REP22

welcome @whichdayisit day 2 is a fantastic start. i am very early days too but feeling that the difference for me this time is i am going for empowered sobriety instead of just grimly holding on to not drinking for dear life. this thread and these ladies feel very empowering. i hope i can say that given i'm such a newbie. friday always a trigger day for me but i've made the decision and i won't be drinking today which honestly is a relief. got plans to go out with DD 2 and her friend tomorrow snd it will be so much easier snd more a notable with no hangover , anxiety and wondering sneakily when i can suggest a drink to feel better. no way of living really.

@REP22 hope the antibiotics sort you out. totally get your comments about not being able to change our mothers but changing how we respond. being sober helped me with that this week. somehow feel less angry with her and more ... whatever.

also i listened to ruth jones on the bee sober podcast snd found it really funny , relevant and empowering. partly hearing those gorgeous northern accents ( i'm a northerner living in the south) and just honesty and humour.

@ShyMaryEllen just properly absorbed what you said about your mums comments at your son's wedding. awful. sounds just like my mum.. absolutely every comment and conversation turns into a well engineered put down. what a miserable way for them to live. god forbid i ever do that to my kids. you must be very proud of your sobriety with that going on in the background.

Thank you. You're right Ponzou. With you also on being sober and less angry.

You're fabulous despite her mediocre parenting (sorry if that's an unfair projection, just channelling my own experience here), not because of her. "Whatever" is often, I find, the wisest place to be. xx

Hehe, thanks @WendyWagon (sorry about your nickname though - I had a similar breast-based one in junior school) - about a year ago I caused the vet to have unprofessional spasms when I was discussing the dog's "necessary operation" (can't believe I've had the dog a year now - what a blessing he is) and referred to it as him having his love-spuds removed. 😉

Or "fun-plums", if your bent is towards a more fruit-based oeuvre...

My mother does not approve of my use of such terms. Nor a relation of the hound's misadventures on Dartmoor which includes the fuller humiliating aspect of having to hide an entire chicken curry in my pants. So you may be sure that I relate them only when necessary. All the time. 😈x

Hello and welcome @whichdayisit , congratulations on day 1! You’ll have your first AF Friday night under your belt soon too. Do you have a plan for it? Post whenever you want to, as often as you want. And congratulations @HappyAsAGrig ! Birthdays are a big one for me.

Thoughts and wishes to everyone recovering from tests/procedures and @REP22 on the antibiotics.

There are such sad mum stories in here 💐 to you all. When I told my mum that I’d stopped drinking for good she said I was doing it to make her look like an alcoholic. There was a lot of self restraint in the seconds following that comment before I managed to switch the conversation to something less contentious.

out for dh’s birthday lunch today. I was driving, and had a very nice seedlip spice with a fever tree tonic, tons of ice and a trendy air-dried orange slice. Followed by an entirely forgettable AF Riesling.

Thanks @Blackberryblossom - I'm so sorry that your mum said that thoughtless thing to you; that's so unfair. Some of them do have a way of making things all about themselves, don't they? It's certainly a big part of my problems. I could go on at length, but this isn't the space and it would be helpful to no-one. You're a wonderful person, a real bastion of support to us all on here and so valued. ❤ Sorry the AF Riesling was unremarkable though - we deserve better!

The antibiotics seem to be working but one lot in particular are making me extremely nauseous in the morning, really bad today. I'm on Metronidazole and Doxycycline - it's the second one that's doing it, I think. Beware the Doxycycline ladies (bit like the Doxycide in Harry Potter, it's no fun). But, on the upside, I have absolutely no temptation at all to add alcohol to the mix. Every cloud has a silver lining (which must be terribly worrying for airline pilots, don't you think...?!)

Glass recycling bin here today - last month, out of all the bins in the street, mine inexplicably went unemptied - so the evidence of my last "blip" has remained by the bin store all month, mocking me in cruel judgement (plus, due to kerbside collections, the local community bottle banks have been removed. Gits.). They'd better have collected them today, or I shall be FedEx-ing the dog to the Council offices come Monday. Then there'll be trouble - he loves his mama and he likes his bins in order... 🐗

Strength and love. xx

first friday night sober in a long long time hope you're doing alright @whichdayisit

I know a lot of people find weekends difficult, but the good thing about them is that they don’t tend to be in a routine like weekdays, so it can be easier to find things to do other than drinking. With a bit of planning weekends can be a bit different, and make it easier to form new habits.

Early nights, long baths, hobbies sorting the house out, trying new things to cook, whatever floats your boat. When you’re at work all day and there are just a few hours between eating and bed I found it too easy to sit in front of the tv and miss opening a bottle of wine. That’s where the AF stuff came in, but at weekends I tried to do something different, which helped too. It’s surprising how much time being sober can free up, too.

Thanks for all of the welcomes and support!

@Blackberryblossom and @ponzusoup I spent the first half of the night making the living room
cosy and getting some work done I needed for tomorrow and then cosied in in front of The Apprentice with the candles on and a couple of ginger beers (from the recommendations here!) - the night passed really quickly and I'm surprised it's as late as it is!!

Friday is normally a wine night for me but I was surprised how easily it has passed. I have kept quite busy though, I imagine the quieter nights might actually be harder!

Hope everybody else's Friday has gone well xx

@whichdayisit that is fantastic progress. hopefully you will reap some benefits in the morning x

@ShyMaryEllen wise words. shamefully my hobby has been drinking! time to find some new ones.

Top stuff @whichdayisit and fellow shipmates. That's great to hear. Friday nights are particularly challenging for me too. I had a grim night, but that was more the antibiotics than staying sober. I usually have something innocuous on permanent play on the iPlayer quietly throughout the night, something like Saturday Kitchen or QI, so I'm not alone with my thoughts. Just me and the dog at home though, so appreciate that this might not be so easy for others.

Have been for a long walk in the local woods today - the bluebells are out, always a lovely sight to cheer the heart.

And my glass recycling bin WAS emptied yesterday! Bottles begone! I think the dog is mildly disappointed - he fancied himself as an avenging angel, kicking open the council depot doors and getting "all mediaeval" with them, hehe

Strength and love. x