The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

Welcome @VanLife33 and congratulations on 16 days - that's fantastic.

I am loving the piercing and tattoos @Womanshour and @Itsrainingten !!

@VanLife33 welcome! I relate to drinking to manage anxiety....and to the anxiety it triggers the next days x

welcome from me @VanLife33 i'm a shiny fragile newbie on day 4 and feeling foggy and wobbly today but also a little bit excited too at finally committing to freedom from the booze black cloud. interested to see how my brain feels when i've had a decent amount of time off, if i can manage it. i've also been taking sertraline for the last 6 months having had a few challenging life events over the last few years that made my anxiety go through the roof ... so i can relate also to the booze: anxiety conundrum ...

@VanLife33 meant also to say 16 days is brilliant progress! well done

@VanLife33 hello! I'm on the April thread with you as well. I haven't been posting on that one as much though. Anyway welcome :)

Hi @VanLife33 .

What strikes me is just how many women are affected by alcohol in various ways. We are the tiny tip of a massive iceberg, having recognised that we had a problem of some sort, decided to address it, been on Mumsnet at the time, found our way to this thread (and thanks for starting it, @Blackberryblossom) and posting on it. The odds against all those things colliding are huge, yet here we are. There must be millions more people like us out there.

Apparently younger generations don't drink as much as before. I hope that's true, and that the roundabout stops here. I'd hate to think that my children might follow my 'example'.

agree @ShyMaryEllen i think the pressure for our generation of women to hsve it all aka do it all is immense and with so little time booze is a fast pass to relaxation / fun / sleep/ wind down / getting ready / socialisation etc. plus we can afford to buy it. just a rubbish cultural set up for women really

as an aside i am so fucking worried about my liver!

Hello
I'm having a rough day. Going to go to Superdrug to get myself a mini treat. Depressed and finding it hard to get the stuff done I need to do. Going to keep off the booze tho.
Stay strong x

hang on in there @livingalivelife tomorrow is another day. also full of fug and procrastination here ... weather not helping!

If you have the beginnings of damage, or anything other than full-on liver failure (which you would absolutely know about!) all that will happen is that you'll be told not to drink, which you're doing. If you have cirrhosis you will get regular ultrasounds and blood tests, which will check for cancerous changes and signs that things are getting worse (eg ascites - fluid round the liver, and varices - veins that might burst and bleed). Otherwise there is no real treatment until later stages. I didn't get any treatment other than beta blockers to stop varices from getting worse. Mine are stage 0-1, so negligible, but another regular test is an endoscopy, which is the camera down the throat test - I'm saying nothing about that!

You need to weigh up whether the monitoring is worth the stigma of having cirrhosis. As I said upthread, you have to declare it more often than you'd think, and getting travel insurance is difficult and very expensive. Your work might need to know if you change jobs and they want to do medical checks. The constant to-ing and fro-ing to clinics is a pain in the arse. You might need time off work, and depending on the system where you are you probably get given appointments (as opposed to making them yourself) so often have to cancel things or rearrange them to fit everything in. I have four separate rounds - an US (supposedly) every six months, bloods on a different appointment also 6 monthly, another (separate) 6 monthly appointment with the liver team and an endoscopy every couple of years. They are not co-ordinated, so every couple of months there is something.

The question is whether you think that's worth it for the peace of mind that knowing you don't have liver cancer etc gives. If you already have health anxiety (as I do) it's debatable. It's good when you get the 'nothing to worry about' letter, but worrying when you are waiting for blood test results and to find out whether the US/endoscopy has shown anything up.

Seriously, the chances are you will be ok anyway. I was unlucky. Many people drink scary amounts and come out the other end ok. Do you have reason to suspect that you've damaged your liver, (other than worry that you might have, I mean)? Whatever you decide, I would give it 3 months off before getting any tests run. Most improvement happens then anyway, and knowing that you're getting tested will give you even more incentive to stay off it. There's a good chance that you'll feel great by June/July and won't see the point anyway.

Good idea to get a treat with the money you're saving. Ponzo's right, the weather makes everything seem worse, but it's bound to improve soon (I hope).

Welcome @VanLife33 ! I know what you mean about drinking to overcome shyness. One thing that has surprised me about going to social events sober is that, on balance, they are more relaxing. Yes, the initial conversations can be harder without alcohol - but to be honest I realised that 55 year old me is much more confident than the 18 year old me who drank for courage and to fit in. And now, I don’t need to monitor myself- before I felt like I was constantly watching myself: have I drunk too much? Where is “the line”? Am I being too loud?

I agree @Onewildandpreciouslife - better to be socialising in my 50s with few fucks given, and sober.
Thanks @ShyMaryEllen and @ponzusoup - some sunshine would indeed help.

@ShyMaryEllen thanks for liver advice. i have had combo of full ache/ full on intermittent pain in my lower right abdomen gif about a year, worse when heavy drinking especially worse with spirits. spirits crept up on me. i was a beer wine girl for 30 years then about 7 years ago we went on family hols with a gin drinker and i started buying gin. fatal. i realised that a few inches of gin and the same of tonic could get me high fast. and so easy to sneak another without anyone knowing. i don't know if my skin has a yellow tinge or if i am imagining it. no one has commented. the ache in my side is still there , on day 4. usually feel a bit sick , always tired.

also on hrt and sertraline which are both heavy on the liver i believe. sorry i'm really sharing i know.

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone ☺️
Hi @Itsrainingten !

@Onewildandpreciouslife yes to the constantly monitoring myself, totally relate to that! It's exhausting and definitely takes the fun away.

My friendship group dynamic has changed in the last few years so where we were all married with young children, we would all meet up once every few months or so and just go mad like we would pre kids ...

Now all my friends are divorced and get every other weekend free to go out and party like we did when we were teenagers.

I just can't keep up like that anymore, and I actually don't want to. Being the only one still married I enjoy my nights in with my family... Also my single friends have the weekend to have their hangovers in peace whereas I don't.

I've suggested going out for a meal instead of going out just to drink .. but they say they don't have the money for that .. even though they happily drop 50quid every other weekend on booze 😵‍💫

I'm determined to be AF I just hope I don't lose any friends over it.

@livingalivelife sorry you are having a rough day. Well done for getting yourself a treat.
@ShyMaryEllen I hope my children never drink like I have. I terrifying to think they might. My dad has always been a heavy drinker and mum consistant moderate drinker who couldn't imagine a day without booze. Where as I just had no off switch at all. The situations I've been in due to booze... hopefully they won't be like 'old me....'

@ponzusoup The liver is in the upper right quadrant, so any pain might be in the pancreas or gall bladder? If it's intermittent it's unlikely to be permanent damage though. I think, anyway. I didn't get pain like that, and still don't.

Day 4 is still in the detox stage. You could feel grotty for a couple of weeks until it's all out of your system and your body has stopped waiting for its daily dose. Be patient and see how you feel in a few weeks. If you feel no better you can think about getting checked out. I've just googled, and you can buy DIY liver function tests. Would doing one of those put your mind at rest? Obviously you'd have to see a doctor if they show damage, but if not you can relax.

I used to be hypervigilant about looking for yellow tinges😀. I didn't have jaundice, even at my worst.

@ShyMaryEllen thanks. will consider diy test. very grateful for your responses.

@ponzusoup I'm sure you'll feel a lot better once you've got the first couple of sober weeks out of the way. Hang in there
Also is HRT heavy on the liver? I hadn't heard that.

No problem. I can see so much of how I used to feel in your posts. There used to be a site called Bright Eye where people at different stages of sobriety could chat. I found it really useful when I was giving up, but there was a software problem or something and it folded before I got the chance to pay it back, so if I can help now, I'm happy to do so.

@ShyMaryEllen you don't know how helpful and kind that is. i haven't discussed this with anyone else yet for fear of screwing up and because 4 days is pretty pathetic to most people except for you lot. so glad i found this thread. day 4 done. am in bed. up to see my mum in the north tomorrow. will be a challenge to do it sober she is something else for making me feel small and angry. let's see how that goes sober. will be a first!

checking in for day 5