The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife birthday girl just cancelled as she did her knee in running the brighton marathon. but yes, planning will be key. big trigger on wednesday as am visiting my mum which is a while other post. v tricky relationship usually lunricated by alcohol.

hsve to say i don't feel great physically today - sluggish and nauseous - but mentally i feel relieved and determined x thanks for the support ladies.

Congratulations!

You might feel a bit grim for a while as your body adjusts to things, but remind yourself that that's what's happening and it's actually a good sign?

Planning is good, and it might be easier to stick to the same story for everyone, so health reasons or not sleeping or whatever. That way you won't get mixed up, and you can keep using the story going forward. You could take a bottle of something to your mum's (alcohol free, obviously) so there's less pressure to accept a glass of wine or whatever you'd usually have.

Supermarket own brand fizz isn't bad if you like prosecco, and some of the AF gins are ok too (although stupidly expensive for what they are). Alcohol free wine is grim in my experience, but if anyone finds a decent one I'd love to hear about it. I think the best fakes are in the beer/lager ranges, but other than at a barbecue or on a summer night in the garden I'm not really a beer drinker. Again, it's horses for courses though. I like plain soda water with a wedge of lime or lemon in it. I cut unused lemons into wedges and freeze them to use as ice cubes.

thanks @ShyMaryEllen

have had both the af beer and gin on previous dry attempts / sober months and. not hugely impressed. might just go for fizzy water tbh.

i e done dry jan and sober october before but only managed a month and always intended to drink again. this time i want it to be permanent.
i really do feel wobbly and grim today.

my mum lives alone since my dad died two years ago and doesn't really drink. it's me who takes the booze to get through the constant attacks from her!

frozen lemon ice cubes sound fun / will try those 😍

Welcome @ponzusoup and congratulations on making the decision to stop drinking. Solidarity re toxic mothers. I find it helpful to get myself little treats with the saved booze money - things that make my body and mind feel nice - it's a change of mindset, when your mother, the person who ought to help you feel good about yourself, makes you feel like shit. I want it to be permanent too this time. What's keeping me going at the hardest moments is that Clare Pooley aka sober mummy had her 9 year anniversary of being sober recently and my first (or maybe second) attempt to stop was around the same time as her. All those wasted evenings. Do keep posting here. I'll be on this evening to help myself get through the early evening moment when DH opens a bottle of wine.

Interesting @ShyMaryEllen about not psychologising too much and just getting on with it, especially to start with. I am definitely an overthinker and I am struck by the idea of not thinking too much, at least for a while, and simply being a non-drinker.
I'm glad your procedure went well @WendyWagon and I hope that it leaves you in less discomfort.

thanks @livingalivelife i'm here for the long term i hope!
are you in the early days of another attempt? i'll be posting later too. will look up claire pooley

Hi @ponzusoup just over a month! of many many attempts but this is the one.
CP's book is called the sober diaries and beloved by many on here. I used to read her original blog, mummywasasecretdrinker.
i'll be stopping by just after 6pm to check in.

how you doing @livingalivelife ?

i've bought new jeans and green juice and ready for evening 3

Hey@ponzusoup ! Congrats on the jeans and green tea. I have developed quite the Vinted habit over the last few weeks but who cares - new clothes better than drinking and I have a whole new wardrobe too! Still at work here so no temptation so far this evening. Enjoy the green tea and play the tape forward to how fab you will feel tomorrow morning.

Does anyone else feel they need to do something new to be "naughty" now they don't have wine/ gin / whatever?
I feel like I need to be rebellious in new ways now. Which is pretty crazy really since drinking isn't really rebelling.against anything except health! I seem to remember feeling similar when I gave up smoking years ago. Or it could just be a mid-life crisis I guess. I am 46.

Oh absolutely @Itsrainingten . “Alternate rebellion” is a thing in dialectical behaviour therapy - non destructive ways to express rebellion.

@Itsrainingten i don't think i've had anywhere near enough sober time to need any more rebellion right now but i know what you mean ! day 3 done. who knows what is ahead?

Good things are ahead 😎. Waking up sober, knowing what you said and did the night before. More money in your purse. Being able to face your kids. Not getting That Look from your husband. Not worrying that you've damaged your body. Will that do for now?

@ShyMaryEllen good list thank you. i feel weirdly determined for the first time ever really but a bit afraid of too much big talk and very aware of the need for humility if i'm going to crack this. night ladies, and thank you

Morning lads.
A bit poorly today.

Well done @ponzusoup@ponzusoup. Athletes use the three days, weeks, months to break a goal or habit.

No need for humility or fear of ‘big talk’. You have only given up one thing, which is alcohol. No big deal. For doing that, you get to keep countless things. Your dignity, your health, your family, your career, your reputation, your looks, the list goes on. It’s a long list, but all you have to do is give up one thing to have everything on it.

Or you can keep that one thing, and one by one you will lose everything on the list. It’s your choice.

What’s it going to be?

hope you feel better soon @WendyWagon

just checking out claire pooley's blog...😍

@ShyMaryEllen reputation is really making me think. i used to be known as the fun party girl. occurs to me now i'm the sad fat boozer with the dodgy teeth.

Welll done @ponzusoup and on to day 4!
Great list @ShyMaryEllen - thanks. I'm focussing on doing sobriety not thinking about it too much right now!

Hope your op went well @WendyWagon and you are recovering well.

Welcome @ponzusoup you are in wonderful company here. I am early days 5 weeks and a day this space has been invaluable!

@Itsrainingten I got a piercing at the weekend - my first bloody one and I'm in my 40s!!! Not a lobe. I absolutely wanted to rebel in a far better way than wine. Which let's face it wine isn't very rebellious...

I managed a sober weekend where everone was drinking apart from me. They are people I really like and... I actually had fun!

Hope everyone is keeping well x

@Womanshour ha! Amazing! What did you get pierced if you don't mind me asking?
I am.getting a tattoo done on Saturday. It's actually a cover up. I'm not sure I'd be brave enough for a totally new one at the age of 46 but because I have a shit one that I hate (a stupid tramp stamp from the 90s) I feel a bit more justified getting it covered with something I actually like.
I want to get my nostril pierced at some point. That feels really rebellious to me 😂

I think you should @Itsrainingten ! It was the tragus. I think we are the same generation I also have a 90s tramp stamp as well. I quite like it though... I mean its awful but its part of my teenage rebellion!

Apparently tramp stamps are coming back into style so you're the height of fashion. I still hate mine though. It's all stretched from pregnancy and it looks slutty anyway.
Hope your tragus is healing ok. I got mine done a while back and it took AGES. I love it though.

Its not too bad at the moment! So fingers crossed as its early days. I think this should be a good part if this finding ways to express ourselves which isn't as predictable and bloody boring and damaging as wine! X

Hii, can I join please?

Day 16 for me and determined to give up for good!

I'm not a heavy or daily drinker so I've not missed it too much yet.. I'm a bit of a binger who can't moderate .. so once I've decided to have that one drink .. the rest will inevitably follow ..

Im a shy and quiet person naturally so I find having a drink(drinks) socially helps me to relax and be more chatty ... Which results in the anxiety the next day as I'm not sure what I've "chatted" about .. I'm a very reserved and private person and dread that I've disclosed something I wouldn't normally have done.

I'm done with the hangovers.. wasted days and feeling guilty and anxious after drinking

I also smoke when I drink so I'd actually be stopping 2 bad things as I have no desire to smoke sober!