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Alcohol support

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Original poster

The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

968 replies

Blackberryblossom · 02/10/2023 08:34

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a Brew and come on in!

OP posts:
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7
helenahandcart78 · 03/10/2023 09:33

stilldumdedumming · 02/10/2023 22:35

@helenahandcart78 was it you who said that having one glass of wine should be some sort of crime (I am paraphrasing and being a bit silly!). I feel the same. They brought of having one glass of wine makes me irrationally angry!

Maybe not a crime exactly "what's that?? A gin and tonic?? Take her to the Tower!!" 😆 but definitely I get irrationally angry about it all. And I think that is helping. I don't feel defeatist this time, I feel outraged and indignant about the whole normalisation of alcohol in society. I am not the problem here - alcohol is the problem! I feel an urge to wave a placard 😁

REP22 · 03/10/2023 10:34

Morning all. Thank you so much for the good vibes, very much appreciated.

It wasn't as bad as it could have been. The dog came good in his unflinching support. He is the source of much succor (a dodgy word if ever there was one) in times like this.

Stayed AF, which is all I could hope for really.

Sending you all much love and strength. xx

helenahandcart78 · 03/10/2023 15:36

I feel utterly shattered today. Slept ok last night but was so tired I went for a lie down at lunchtime (working from home today), fell asleep and have only just woken up! And I could just close my eyes and doze off again now. Is this part of the physical recovery? A few days ago I felt so energised!

IVFfirsttimer91 · 03/10/2023 15:57

@helenahandcart78 its normal. I slept pretty much constantly on and off for the first 3 months. Alcohol contains a lot of sugar so your body is withdrawing from that too - chocolate is very much your friend xx

rothbury · 03/10/2023 16:03

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife I am OK. Very tired.

I am another of our number who never really had a childhood. NPD mother and absent (alcoholic) father. Emotional abuse was my normal.

I am completely NC with the bitch now, which has been so freeing and liberating. She will probably die soon and all I will feel is relief that she can no longer find ways to hurt me.

helenahandcart78 · 03/10/2023 16:21

IVFfirsttimer91 · 03/10/2023 15:57

@helenahandcart78 its normal. I slept pretty much constantly on and off for the first 3 months. Alcohol contains a lot of sugar so your body is withdrawing from that too - chocolate is very much your friend xx

3 months - yikes! I had hoped to maybe get back to a bit of Pilates this week but no way was I up for it today. And you're right, when I woke up I went and ate some chocolate - even though I don't usually have a sweet tooth. I am going to have an early dinner tonight and then take myself off to bed to read and snooze...

helenahandcart78 · 03/10/2023 16:28

@rothbury I'm sorry to hear about your childhood. That must have been so tough. And well done for going nc. I can't do that as I am really all my mum has nearby and she is now in her 70s and quite frail. But I do keep her at arm's length. I don't answer her calls - she loves to drop a drama (usually about nothing) on me and wait for my reaction. Instead I message her to say I'm busy and is it something urgent. That spoils her fun! And I go to see her once a week but always take her out to the shops or somewhere as it's much harder for her to pull me into her whole negative 'poor little old me, no one cares for me' narrative.

Parenting the parent is very much the case!

Eve334 · 03/10/2023 20:39

10 weeks & 4 days in for me, lurker until now … all going well but have been invited to a black tie awards dinner at the end of the month by a friend who doesn’t know I’m now AF… any tips or advice please

Onewildandpreciouslife · 03/10/2023 22:28

How do you feel about it @Eve334 ? If you’re keen to go, then accept, but if it seems too hard right now, it’s fine for you to turn it down. If you do go, then plan very carefully - the hardest part is probably getting through the door and being offered a drink straight away. My approach these days is to be really breezy about it with whoever is serving you. I find “hello! What are my soft options?” So much easier than trying to spot them, or ask for non-alcoholic / alcohol free choices. And it puts the burden on them if you assume there are af options.

You may also find it noisy and tiring, so have an escape plan - don’t be reliant on your friend to get you home.

On the plus side, you can have some really good conversations, not worry about embarrassing yourself, and finish the evening looking as great as you started.

stilldumdedumming · 04/10/2023 08:10

Also lots on here will have tips and stories of playing it forward. So you imagine the next morning, waking up, thinking that was a good/interesting/ weird night and getting on with your day. Rather than paying for it, tired and grumpy and reliving various parts of it.

MyBedIsMySpiritualHome · 04/10/2023 08:14

Morning all!
I was on drybird’s original thread - I think I was Trees back then!

Coming up to 4 years sober and in the past month have also kicked a co-codamol habit. Not a bad one, and was linked to chronic pain, but still feel a lot better without that monkey on my back.

Well done everyone here. One of the really fantastic benefits for me has been modelling relaxation and fun with my kids that doesn’t rely on alcohol.

Crunchymum · 04/10/2023 09:58

4 years @MyBedIsMySpiritualHome that is absolutely epic.

We don't see as many of the originals anymore, but lots of us are here blazing that trail. I am blown away by the sheer strength and determination and positivity on these threads.

I'm almost 600 days now and I'll never go back.

I am also finally tackling the sugar addiction, that seemed to traverse my alcohol issues. Am a month free of all refined sugar / junk food.

Crunchymum · 04/10/2023 10:01

Eve334 · 03/10/2023 20:39

10 weeks & 4 days in for me, lurker until now … all going well but have been invited to a black tie awards dinner at the end of the month by a friend who doesn’t know I’m now AF… any tips or advice please

well done on 10 weeks, this is fantastic and I hope you are starting the feel the true benefits now.

Is there any reason you haven't told this friend you are AF? Would telling them help you be able to attend the event?

I agree with posters who ask if you actually want to go? If not then give yourself permission to skip it. If you do want to go can you drive? Can you have an early exit plan?

excitedemmi · 04/10/2023 15:49

Oh no @IVFfirsttimer91 - the tiredness could last 3 months?! I'm definitely finding the tiredness a struggle. It is a reminder, though, how alcohol has been messing up my body. Want to get to the good times for my body! It's a reminder that I don't want to do a day 1 (the hard part) again and want healthiness in my life!

IVFfirsttimer91 · 04/10/2023 16:26

@excitedemmi hopefully it won’t last as long for you. I was in a really really bad state when I stopped drinking (literally nearly dead) so I think my whole body was just recovering and needed time to repair.

WendyWagon · 04/10/2023 16:59

Checking in

Onewildandpreciouslife · 04/10/2023 17:55

Good to see you @WendyWagon

helenahandcart78 · 04/10/2023 18:54

Signing in for Day 10. Double figures yay! Felt less tired today and did some Pilates. I felt brilliant afterwards - really stretched out. Going to try and do it every other day even for half an hour.

Off to have yet another decaf tea...

Cloudsclouds6 · 04/10/2023 19:08

Just checking into the new thread, almost at wk 5 here! Keep going everyone x

WendyWagon · 05/10/2023 07:17

Morning all.
On the train. Full of men. I am seriously thinking about buying a first class ticket so I don't get man spreading.
I have had the hair coloured. I am now Heidi from Sweden. The grey was aging. Mind you my friend who said this looks like Sharon Osborne. Cheeky mare.
No wobbles to report.
I always go for faux gin at events. Sleep is still difficult but that's the job. First three months I went to bed at 8.30. Sunday, 21 months.
Keep going lads. Lovely intro @Blackberryblossom

stilldumdedumming · 05/10/2023 07:34

@helenahandcart78 double figures! Well done. This is the hard bit for sure.

I'm annoyed at dp. He went on the rum last night. Not sure how much. The problem is he has quite significant brain damage from a haemorrhage- so alcohol really debilitates him. His right side is affected but normally he can walk. Of course alcohol gets to his right side very quickly so he falling all over the bathroom at 1am and I am having to move his foot for him while trying to hold him up. He is not supposed to have spirits for this reason and he can't see how this sets me on edge. If he falls and hits his head that would probably be it. And of course it's not his fault that he can't work but it's me that has to get up this morning to earn money to pay our rent. And my mobility is so bad. It all seems too much again.

This evening I am off to birmingham to see some poetry. If I can get from new street to the rep. I've given myself nearly 2 hours so I should be ok.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 05/10/2023 08:18

That sounds so frustrating @stilldumdedumming - I’m sorry. Going to see poetry sounds lovely.

well done on your milestones @helenahandcart78 and @Cloudsclouds6

Day 10 is (allegedly) the day our cortisol levels get back to normal after drinking. I often wonder if the tiredness in early sobriety is partly down to our bodies not having the cortisol levels and adrenaline spikes that we usually get from alcohol

helenahandcart78 · 05/10/2023 08:46

@stilldumdedumming that sounds really frustrating for you. I would find it hard to keep my patience and toleration. What does he say about it afterwards? Is he in denial or is he sheepish?

helenahandcart78 · 05/10/2023 08:48

@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you! I love hearing about "timelines" of recovery. It spurs me on no end. If anyone has any other info on when they started e.g. sleeping better, noticing better skin, noticing weight loss I would be very grateful. With a tacit disclaimer that NARALT (not all recoveries are like this)!

helenahandcart78 · 05/10/2023 08:56

Skeletor (AKA the Wine Witch) has wheeled out the old slide projector in order to persuade me that various enjoyable things are better - nay, only enjoyable - with a large helping of ethanol. Little does she know that I broke into her storage cupboard and tampered with her slides. So I have been watching a series of pictures of me:

Watching a film with a nice [cup of tea]
Enjoying a meal out with a satisfying [tonic with ice and lemon]
Laughing on a night out with my friends with a zingy [mocktail]

Seriously though, I am finding the visualisation technique very helpful. It reinforces the core truth that I can be happy and contented and do all the things I love AND live a healthy and sober life.

Off to the dental hygienist later for a clean and polish. And I haven't had to spend ages scraping the black wine residue off my tongue this morning! Sorry for the gross image 😆

Love and healing vibes to all xx