On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Can't believe the last thread has already filled up!

Thank you to all of you for the incredible support shown in the last thread especially @amdone123.

Everyone is welcome! This is a safe, non judgmental space.

Sorry about my inability to tag everyone but if others can that would be great!

Hello all, bit later today, been busy. Still AF. Am really determined again. Still walking and swimming and have got myself into a dance lesson. Once a week. Not the world's best dancer but worked up a good sweat. Zumba!
@Coppergate6 I make myself rules as well. Don't always keep them and often change them (to suit me) but I'm a list and rules person. I do have drinks in the house though, too many guests. Plus I really need to be able to resist.
As for Rule No.2 I'm going out on Saturday but have offered to drive everyone. So good excuse that I can't get out of.
@Bigbus well done. Small steps, but good ones. I'm with you on crappy sleep though, that also encourages me to stay AF. I hate getting a bad night's sleep.
@Determineddoris you are inspirational. I think that I'm going to try your method. Just no drink. End of. No more thinking about it.
@Needtokickthehabit 6 0% beers! I'm not sure that I could drink that much AF liquid. I hate to think how my intestines would deal with that. Would most probably spend the night peeing too.
Encouragements to all. Nearly the weekend. Has started raining here

@Nowstrong - ah yes I do have an exception to the no drinking at home - I can drink at home if we have guests (we just so rarely have them I forgot to mention it!). There is always lots of alcohol in the house (DH is a daily drinker for a start), we've got two cases of wine in the shed, loads of lager and a very full cocktail cabinet. I've just banned myself from drinking it unless we have guests!

Pleased to say I've made a start on rekindling my new emerging habits. I played the piano when I got in from work and whilst doing that I had a text from a friend asking if I fancied a walk - so 20 mins later I was doing that, and I've now hit 11K steps (target 10K+ a day and I haven't done that in nearly a week). Hopefully, it will be more good choices this evening if I don't allow myself to get sucked into excessive screentime...

Day 18 in the bag. Just updated my app. It gives me great satisfaction and not a little horror to see the pounds and units saved based on what I was drinking before. Of course I’m spending all the money on iced tea and cake

Hope all doing ok. Something interesting I find about the 0% Kylie is that I just can’t drink as much of it as I would wine. I don’t know if that’s because it’s carbonated or because it doesn’t give that dopamine hit that you end up chasing but whatever works! I like it much better than Nosecco which I found too sweet. I did try the ‘Not Guilty’ AF Pinot Grigio but it just tasted like it had gone off.

@Determineddoris house guest goes Saturday 🙏

Morning all. Still going strong. I've reset my sober app and it says that I'm on day 4. So I'm a happy and determined (for the moment) bunny. Had an excellent night's sleep. So I'm feeling really positive about life in general, plus pretty energetic.

Did reflect quite a bit on the fact that making a decision and sticking to it will prevent having to worry about choices and lighten the mental load. Thank you @Determineddoris.

I did chuckle at PP who mentioned the money saved but spent on other goodies. I'm trying to steer clear of too much bread and cheese, and the cookie tin. Have put big notes everywhere. I can do this. All money hypothetically saved is being invested in my holidays. I've decided to really concentrate on my now fast approaching trips. Won't go into too much detail as really outing, even though the only person I know who would eventually be on MN is my sibling. Don't want her reading about my personal battles, not really sure that she would understand and would most likely make a bit of a mockery of them.

Anyhow, I am travelling most of October and November. Trying to sort small trips for December. Definitively visiting a friend in January. Nothing planned yet for February but going away most of March and April. The joy of being retired and single. My GF as he's too old to be a BF, is actively encouraging me to travel as I want to, saying that life is too short and that I should go for it while I'm fit and financially able to do so. Some of my travelling is with my DGCC (1 at a time), some with friends and also solo. Re my DGCC , I don't buy them birthday or Xmas presents anymore (they are getting older) but try to take them each away on holiday somewhere nice, being in Europe often makes this easier. Creating memories together and getting to know them on a one to one basis instead of in the family clan.

As I mentioned in another post, I'm a list maker. I need a plan. Being organised in my home and mind makes me feel relaxed and more positive about life.

Enough about me, I do tend to rattle on sometimes. Hope that everyone is feeling as positive as me. Today is Friday and I'm quite looking forward to the weekend and seeing friends. Have plans. Will stick to AF mind frame. I also think that I'm determined to prove to myself that I can really do this. It's incredible how I'm opening up about myself to total strangers and that reading about your struggles and successes are really helping me in my AF battle. Thank you to everyone. See I'm rattling off again...

Sending everyone positive vibes.

I've got no idea why but at 11 am I became aware of a desire to have wine tonight. That hasn't happened in a while. Hopefully it won't come back more powerfully later...

Hi all. Day 19 here.

@Coppergate6 I’m struggling today too. A week until I go on holiday and I really want to stay off the booze until then but I’ve been very tempted today. DH asked me to go to the shop for something on the way home and it was really hard to leave without any wine.

However, I’m currently drinking a zero percent Thatchers cider and determined not to go back out. One of DH’s friends is blocking me in on the drive (this is fine) so I’d have to go and ask to be let out and I’d have to say what I was going out for which is probably a good thing so I’ll stay here and sullenly sip my non alcoholic drink!

@Nowstrong you're not rattling on, I loved reading that - so positive, looking forward to lots of different experiences without alcohol to help you along.
@afaloren day 19 is brilliant and @Touty not long now ! There's a lot to be said for getting back to normality. @Coppergate6 hope you've managed to steer clear of the ww. That happens to me, exactly as you described it. Very difficult to ignore. @Determineddoris hope everything is OK. You're still doing so well.

Last night here. Dh has gone out and I'm sat drinking tea. I have drank everyday on holiday but I haven't gone mad. The other night I stayed in and had a bottle of wine, just 1, gawd, the hangover the next day.
One thing I will take is that wine is not for me, it just doesn't agree with me. I've had long drinks, spirits, and I find I stop after 2 or 3, I don't smoke and I eat !!
Looking forward to getting home, getting back in a routine and to feeling healthier.

@Amdone123 yes not long, house guest seems to have disappeared to a bar, should be in bed now for early flight!
I know what you mean about wine it used to give me the worst hangover.

Hi everyone. Glad you’re enjoying your holiday @Amdone123 and well done on being the sober one :)

Well done @Determineddoris Thats phenomenal. I can’t manage two days in a row!

What are you playing on the piano @Coppergate6? I have a piano and a digital piano and have just joined another band where I’m feeling a bit out of my depth so it’s one of the reasons why I want more AF nights so I can get into a practice routine.

This weeks been better. I had one and a half drinks on Wednesday - chucked half of the second one down the sink. Thursday was AF. OH did it with me which was good as he’s a nightly drinker. Last night I had one more than my decided allowance but that was okay. I’ll moderate tonight (Sat - I’m in Oz so it’s Saturday morning for me) and then try to get back to Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday AF and 3-4 drinks maximum on the other nights. I was drinking 12-15 standard drinks a night, every night, at one point so having 3 drinks is sadly a major achievement

I just wish I could stick to my own rules. Even though I never drink before 5pm and usually aim for six, I’ll often find myself at work not actually wanting a drink but dreading the AF night ahead already!

Hope everyone has a great weekend :)

Morning all, @EnuffEnuffNow oh trust me I couldn't do two days in a row to start with, I couldn't even do one!!!! So my help and support I got was from @Amdone123 and that was to get on that treadmill and keep going as long as you want to! And for me I'm still on it!
@Nowstrong love the positive vibes and all the travel plans! Sounds amazing! I like lists too however I keep buying diaries and notebooks that look pretty so I'm forever writing stuff in one and writing other stuff in the other haha I'm not consistent that's for sure!
@Touty I'm glad houseguest went by themselves to the bar! Well done and I hope you will get back to routine soon. @Amdone123 really glad you had a different kind of holiday and yes wine was definitely my poison yuck even thinking about it making me a bit wierd.
@Coppergate6 also used to happen to me upon waking and that was that, seed had been planted ...hope you are ok!
@afaloren amazing day 19 well done!!!! And we'll done for not buying it either. I had a Corona zero yesterday with lemon (didn't have lime) didn't like it that much but have 8 bottles or so bought...
108 days I think today!

Thank you @afaloren @Amdone123 - I hope the urge passed for you @afaloren and the car blocking helped?

DS decided that we were all having mojitos last night (his new girlfriend was coming over & we were having a takeaway) and prepped early - so I walked into the kitchen to find all the glasses, mint, lime et al all neatly laid out...ready for later. It crossed my mind that I may as well have a wine now then but distracted myself.

When the time came I surprised myself by requesting a virgin mojito (very nice) - it seemed my desire to have a good night's sleep and keep with 'the plan' and the hope of nudging further towards the lifestyle I want this weekend was stronger. It didn't even feel like a hard decision just a decision. A little victory!

@EnuffEnuffNow There is motivation! How great to be in a band! I'm mainly playing classical. Recently I've learnt or started to learn at least: the first movement of the moonlight sonata, lots of pieces off the current grade 5 list, three of Schumann scenes from childhood (well Gluckes Genug got shelved quite quickly - too hard for me right now I think), a Satie Gnoissienne, one of the themes from the Amelie film (comptine d'un autre été). Just started vals poetica 6 from the grade 6 list and impromptu in B minor (an easier piece from the grade 8 list that I love so hoping that love will get me through). Longer term project is 'Don't stop me now (Queen - Parrino cover version)' but I've shelved if or a bit after just the first page, definitely one to come back to though.

What are you playing?

Thank you @Determineddoris and congratulations on the 108 days!

Good morning everybody. It’s so good to read all your thoughts and plans. I have been ok, perhaps one drink more than necessary on Wednesday night but only one glass last night. I have an event tonight that I need to be AF for. I like that not being hungover is the norm now and I can plan for weekend days knowing I won’t feel like rubbish whereas before I knew I’d feel pretty crappy all day until about 5.30 when I could drink again! The good thing about moderating is that I can have a beer on a Saturday afternoon if I feel like it and know that’s ok without it being a gateway to a whole
night of excess and rubbish sleep and hours of regret at 5am! It makes me wonder what I thought was fun about getting so drunk?

Anyway, good Saturday vibes to you all! Thank you @Amdone123 for starting the original thread and @Determineddoris fro keeping up with us all and to all the rest of you for your honesty and encouragement.

Morning all! So glad to read everyone this morning, there seems to be a really good vibe on this thread. Everyone looking out for and encouraging each other. If only other aspects in life could be so positive, perhaps no-one would need to resort to drinking alcohol (or any other substance) to manage to survive or just not get so depressed by all our different and individual hardships.
Well done to all and everyone, either for staying AF or for seriously moderating their consommation. Personally can't seem to moderate so it's AF for me.

Sleep is improving tremendously being AF. I can remember, a long time ago, before my divorce, I would go to bed on a Sunday evening at 19h00, so as to get as much sleep as possible. But as all through the weekend my alcohol intake had been so high, it used to be hours of sleep, but of such poor quality, that I'd get up on a Monday already exhausted. So blessed getting up in the morning now and being ready to attack and enjoy the day ahead. Also so much easier to deal with any problems, that inevitably in life, arise.
Got to go. Haven't been able to mention anyone, but thinking of you all. Keep going. Stay strong. Stay positive. Enjoy the weekend.

A very loooooong Day 20 done and dusted. Today drove two hours to another city, attended two events separated by several hours in the pub/at dinner, and drove home again. I’m exhausted but sober and happy. So much better than getting sleepy and grumpy while we’re out because I’ve had too much wine, and nice for DH to be driven for once.

It’ll be three weeks tomorrow! Well today I guess, but I wanted to hop on and update before going to sleep. Hope everyone else is doing well.

@afaloren you're doing really well. Well done. I'm reading all the posts and as @Nowstrong stated, the vibe is really positive, but not only that, it seems like so many of us are turning a corner ? Seems that we all prefer the benefits of an af lifestyle and @Determineddoris won't mind me saying, but I know you really struggled, but look at you now - 106 days ! It gives us all hope.
Flew home yesterday, I didn't drink on the flight. I was tempted but was sat next to the most beautiful baby, so thought best not. Honestly, the way my mind works !
Woke up about an hour ago, so happy to be in my own bed.
It's one day at a time, I know, but I'm going to try af for the foreseeable. No moderating and definitely no wine.

Aw @Amdone123 I love gorgeous little babies too ! So I would have felt a bit odd drinking in front of them. Glad you are home in your own bed! Hope your husband had a good time too? I like your plan going forward. My H was swigging wine last night being a slight fool and I was getting annoyed with him but let it go ..some things I have to let go. I do need to stop smoking though but I always think at least I can smoke and drive not drink an drive! But smoking is a bad habit I know but as I'm doing so well AF front I will give up the fags when I am ready. I hate the smell etc and it's obviously affecting my lungs and teeth etc so I will get there !!! And yes you are right I struggled so so much for many years I've been on here and always went back to it but somehow things are different now..
Well done @afl
@afaloren !!! 3 weeeks is amazing, I would be exhausted driving around too but you did it without booze!
@Nowstrong love the vibes too we are all trying so hard and it's great! Hope everyone else is ok x

I broke my rules last night but came to exactly the same conclusion I did exactly a week ago when I did the same - that the reality was a disappointment and it wasn't worth it. It was two glasses of Champagne (we had been given a bottle) - then I stopped and had an options drink.

The irony is that I felt drawn to do it as I was in almost a celebratory mood about getting back on track - 14K steps, good sleep, good chats with friends, the virgin mojito last night, piano practice going well, nice weather, ordered some new clothes. I did suggest that we went out for a meal (drinking ok then) but we couldn't come up with where we wanted to go and then realised we would rather stay home...but I now had it in my head that I was having a drink. I knew from the very first sip that the anticipation was better than the reality. I had a second glass hoping to get what I was looking for from that but...nope. Hopefully, this means I won't be drawn to break the not drinking at home (without guests) rule in the future!

Congratulations on three weeks @afaloren !

@Amdone123 A new chapter awaits - you sound so sure and determined this is the right path for the foreseeable. ❤

@Coppergate6 I think you've hit the nail on the head about the Anticipation. That is a very big thing for me. I used to plan my Saturday say, drinks, cooking, chilling - the planning was always better than the outcome, 💯.
And yes, once you know you're doing it, it's very hard to not do it !
And the celebratory mood - feeling great, so I go back to the thing that makes me feel rubbish 😩

I just realised actually that I have many af weekends and really enjoy them. I put it in my head that I'm not drinking at the weekend - that's what I'm doing for this weekend.

I feel like we're really starting to get the message now @Amdone123 about this! I've done this experiment so many times...all mind games.

My clothes came. I think sometimes I delude myself that I'm not 'that fat' and then days like this come and I think WTF happened?! I think I'm sending them all back...they are the right size but they just don't look good at all in this size😪.Not sure what percentage of this excess fat came from excess alcohol calories over the last 5 years but it has got to be at least half of it. Thankfully, I've started tracking with ZOE again today. Definitely not in a celebratory mood now and do not want to drink!

Thanks @Coppergate6 @Determineddoris @Amdone123 anyone else I’ve forgotten!

21 days today! Officially three weeks I’m in for the night now so won’t go out to buy wine. We are watching a film and eating leftover chilli.

This is such a lovely positive thread, people so pleased for each other and supportive when there’s a wobble. Although I didn’t sleep until one this morning because we were out, I still woke up easily at seven for a work call which would have been awful with a hangover. I’ll be interested to see how my sleep is affected on holiday if I choose to
drink.

@afaloren so interesting you say about sleep. I know we talk about it being one of the main benefits of an af lifestyle but it reminded me of one night on holiday when I stayed in with 1 bottle of wine ( I shared wine at meals, but this was my binge time, if you like). I woke up about 3am, so tired / fed up and wanting to go home. Unbelievable.
Yesterday I had to go food shopping. I didn't think to buy wine so that was good. I made tea, had a gin n tonic, decided I was definitely hungry, so ate. I wouldn't have done this with wine.
I'm so glad this morning, too. I've got a busy day, 8am til 8pm, and I've slept enough to be able to conquer it.
The thought of being hungover....enough to send a shiver down my spine.

@afaloren and 3 weeks is brilliant, well done. @Bigbus I thought that on holiday, too - why did I ever think it was a good idea to get so drunk and waste days being hungover. Too much to unpick there, I think. Hours of therapy.
@Determineddoris hi ! Hope things are getting better at home. My dh had a great time thanks. I'm glad the year of celebrations is over. For my 60th, I'm escaping somewhere on my own !

Morning all! Had a great weekend. Very busy. Full of friends and family. Went out with my friends on Saturday, drove everyone, so AF. Got to bed way past midnight, but slept OK and made big family Sunday lunch. Ate much too much yesterday, so going very light today, can't even think about food for the moment.

Long walk this morning, then I have my DGD for lunch (she's such a picky eater and hates the canteen), will be walking back and forth to school. Her mum will pick her up this evening. So busy day ahead for me again.

Must start getting my packing organised, as I'm leaving next weekend and I have friends staying with me tomorrow evening, who I'm then taking to the airport. We'll meet up somewhere exotic next Monday. They are pretty cool, so we will spend time together but not be in each others pockets too much. A good week away, walking on the beaches. Fresh air, good food, good company, no alcohol. Seems like a plan.

My mindset is so positive at the moment, it's bliss. I'm sure that it's being AF, with a few mishaps, but no heavy drinking. No hangovers. Sleep getting better. Feeling more energetic. Alcohol definitively is a depressant and getting out of its grips is liberating in so many ways. Also no longer worrying about my alcohol intake is a relief.

Wishing you all a lovely day. Bon courage for those back to work this Monday morning. Still enjoying the good vibes of this thread. We can do this. One day at a time. On day 7 here, yeah!!!