On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Can't believe the last thread has already filled up!

Thank you to all of you for the incredible support shown in the last thread especially @amdone123.

Everyone is welcome! This is a safe, non judgmental space.

Sorry about my inability to tag everyone but if others can that would be great!

Unfortunately I failed spectacularly at the weekend so today is my day one.

Again.

It's ok @Needtokickthehabit you are still here still trying ! Are you still taking the Librium?
@Nowstrong brisk walk and a nice cuppa tea? And eat all the chocolate you want it's better than wine or whisky! And as you say you are allergic!

I didnt over the weekend as I was drinking so back on them today.

Ok well that's grand and you have been doing really well whilst taking them! @Needtokickthehabit you got this!

Thank you for asking @Determineddoris - I'm struggling a bit to be honest but not directly with alcohol.

I had a couple of drinks whilst out on Friday night (fine, and planned) but I then had 3 glasses of wine on Saturday night at home (so my first red dot on the planner). I didn't have any Sun and Mon night so feel I am back to the rules now. I've also got my sleep back on track (being out late on Friday caused a two day slip) now.

The problem is everything else...and that is indirectly related to alcohol. I feel that if I can't get the rest of my house in order then I am going to end up taking solace in the booze again. Now I am back at work I've let eating healthily & keeping my steps up slip for a start. The housework. I blamed it on the heat initially but now what? I also know I am utterly rubbish at keeping up with this thread and repaying some of the support that I have gratefully received on on here.

I've got a day off tomorrow so I am hoping I can get myself back to making progress! The life I want seems very within my reach...but there is work to be done.

AF day one (again) has been done. Off to bed soon and hope I can sleep.

Day 16 done. I’m a bit nervous about this weekend as we are travelling to another city on Saturday and doing two activities separated by several hours in the pub. I’ve said I’ll drive back but I’ve said that before then begged DH to drive on the day. Really want to see it through this time.

Things not going well here. I had three alcohol free nights the first week I reappeared here but only one the following week and none since. That’s four AF nights this month so far which is not good. Works been really stressful which shouldn’t be an excuse, I know…

I read something yesterday which struck a chord as I think sums it up

”Part of us wants to not drink. Part of us wants to keep drinking. This means we are at war with ourselves. This hurts us”

I will aim for another AF night tomorrow.

Hope everyone else is doing better x

Had a waver earlier, was driving past tesco, could easily have called in to get a bottle. Knowing I have commited here to you guys AF Mon to Thurs got through it.

Very true quote that @EnuffEnuffNow . Hope @Amdone123 is on holiday having a nice time.

@Coppergate6 although I’m an almost obsessively organised person, when it comes to matters of me (mind, body, soul) I’m chaotic too. I think we all just have a massive list and we all know what we are MEANT to do, but you can’t prioritise all that stuff and keep all the plates in the air all the time. 10,000 steps, 2 litres of water, 8 hours of sleep, 5 portions of fruit and veg, mental health time, work time, parenting time, etc etc. 14 units of booze a week is just another bloody target and stick to self flagellate with. I can never manage to be good at it all. Can anyone? My house and job are neat as a pin. My head frankly is mostly in the shed.

Anyway. Decided to ‘go out’ after work today. As in, in the car, which I wouldn’t normally do as wine permission time is 4.20 exactly. Off we went to do a bit of shopping. And since when did f-ing TKMaxx start to sell wine? I honestly thought I was hallucinating. And then I got cross because I should be able to buy it and look forward to the weekend, but I get all belligerent and pious and martyr-ish and was then in a grump.

Lucky Saint beer is saving me. I have a can during ‘meal prep’ time and I stick some shit on the iPad to watch. Then I say ‘only X hours until bed’ but what a waste of a life to be doing that. I hope it’s temporary thinking.

Hi all, @Coppergate6 I hear you completely! My house, I clean and tidy but it's always a flipping mess! My kids are older now so can't use that as an excuse, there are boxes everywhere, wrapping paper randomly on top of a sofa, literally garbage. I try cleaning one area and then leave it to the next and then give up altogether! My H gets annoyed but then he leaves shite lying around all the time. As @Mykittensmittens said it's a constant battle to do THINGS in our daily life where we sleep hopefully for 8 of those hours so when do we have time ???? I think time to ourselves is very very important here but actually not cleaning when we have a spare few mins but reading something, sewing, knitting, watching Netflix just not drinking ! Otherwise we feel we haven't done anything for ourselves. A lot on the alcohol circuit say abor meditation and how that helps too...I can't say I've really tried it but have been taking deep breaths when I'm stressed! I have been smoking naughty me but I'm trying to stop from today now. Day 104 for me! Feels like it should be a 1000 days! Hope everyone is ok!

I got a solid uninterupted 8 hours sleep last night. I think there might be something in that lirbrium and i only took yesterday.

Morning all! Well I have brushed my ashamed self off and am, again, dedicated to stay AF. On day 2. Prefer to start again. Seems more truthful. Plus I think that @Needtokickthehabit is starting again, so we can keep each other company.

I've been reading through the thread and just wanted to say that I agree with the fact that abstaining just adds more to our mental load, which seems never ending.

Had dental appointment this morning and feeling very yuckish, waiting for the anesthesia to wear off...
Hope you all have a good, strong day.

@Needtokickthehabit Well done on the AF day and the amazing sleep!
@afaloren Good luck at the weekend- hopefully your 16 days AF stint will help with the resolve
@EnuffEnuffNow It is so hard to step away from the booze when work is stressful and booze is our go-to stress reliever. Hope you can find something to distract you tonight.
@Hohofortherobbers well done for driving past!
@Mykittensmittens So true! It is just like spinning plates. I'm hoping though that some of these plates I struggle with now won't be such a big deal if I just keep setting them back up again, and again...Some people do seem to manage it! I'm known for being super organised at work - I feel like an utter fraud when people say that to me though. I think I use up 95% of my organisation capacity at work...but then I think of some of the things that used to cause me stress but now don't at all (laundry, very basic housework/tidying) because I finally found a system that works. I've just got to keep trying with the rest. I guess you don't notice so much the things that are going well.
TK Maxx selling wine - nope didn't know they did that either!
@Determineddoris 104 days - amazing!! Yeah I feel like I clean and tidy a lot too but I rarely seem to get beyond 'the perpetuals'. So things that would ideally be done weekly get done every 6 weeks or so and not all together. I think it has been years since I felt the house was properly clean at the same time. It is good exercise too! I've definitely got the time (I only work approx. 32-35 hours a week and no young children at home) but the energy is a different matter. I'm in my head too much I think.

This just about sums it up: I set up an Ocado order (trying online shopping in an attempt to get more organised, accepting that it would take a few weeks to sort out) for the start of my day off (so today) and it has just arrived. I completely forgot to add stuff to it last night. So DH has a pack of Heineken, the dog has four packs of treats, there is a mint chocolate 'orange' to try...a few other random things that won't make a meal. Bit of a fail!!

I would like to come back here this evening and report that I've actually made some progress on my day off and not just sat at my desk wallowing in my laziness.

@Nowstrong I did 3 days last week , I am planning at least 4 this week if not 5. I am not sure i am strong enough to go a weekend without a glass of wine but one glass or even one bottle over the weekend is seriously less than i was drinking. Day 2 for me too. We got this!

Had a wobble. Went to a shop on way home from work and bought heineken zero so seeing this as a win for today. I have gotten my shower over, pjs on, kids doing homework and will organise dinner soon. Not too hungry today but then I started thinking of the ex and got a bit teary etc so to be expected but hey, I will not be drinking so that is the main thing.

Well done @Needtokickthehabit

Day 17 done and dusted. Hope everyone else is doing ok x

Well, it’s been a difficult week, last night I fell off the wagon, had to go to the bar with houseguest, walked home in the dark, tripped and cut my knee, had a blazing row with houseguest over the predicament. I am too old for this shit!!

Hi, hola, everyone !
Not had time to read / catch up - but I will do.
I'm having a strange holiday - not my usual type, so all good !!
I haven't been drunk once. I've drank, obviously, but I'm so intent on making sure my husband has the best time, which he is - I'm here with his family ( for those of you who don't know - they're super lovely, and know all about me / my issues, and are nothing but lovely).

Oh my, a revelation - I thought I was the one who drank - they don't stop. I might drink 2 bottles in a sitting ( only done that once - Monday), but they drink alsorts, non stop - everything - I'm feeling quite sober !
Even my husband is amazed ! He said, Oh my, we thought you had a problem!
So, all good. I haven't shown myself up yet, quite the opposite. I've been the voice of reason.
@Touty , just glanced your post - I'm so past it. Hope you're ok,and everyone else, too.

I am not entirely sure 00beer does me any good. Decided to drink all six in the pack and my god I have lived in the bathroom ever since. It cant be anything I ate as I was good with a smoothie for breakfast, cheese and tomato sandwich for lunch and dinner was pizza and salad. My stomach is still rumbling and I have to be up for work at 6.

Hope you managed to get some rest @Needtokickthehabit ! That's the thing with zero per cent it doesn't do that much and in your instance you wanted more and more but at least it wasn't the proper booze!!
@Nowstrong well done on day 2 woohoo. You mentioned that abstaining adds more to the mental load but it definitely doesn't for me. Now I don't drink at all I don't have the mental gymnastics of how many shall I, when shall I, what time shall I! That was all I was doing thinking about drinking but now I don't as I don't have to! 107 days (just checked the app) I have lost a lot of weight but eating a lot of ice creams and crisps! But will need to start exercising and eating healthy soon!
@Touty argh I hope you are ok and your injuries when does the house guest go?
@Amdone123 wow really proud of you you haven't got drunk! It's funny isn't it seeing others around you getting sloshed when you are the voice of reason , you are lovely thinking about your husband happy birthday to him !
@Coppergate6 hope you are ok you will.laugh as we also forgot to add to shop and just ended up with loads of ice cream and diet coke!!!!! Haha

😂 the ice cream and diet coke @Determineddoris - my colleague did it with two bottles of gin once. I guess the delivery drivers have seen this kind of thing a few times.

Yesterday was very unproductive. The rain didn't help. It is a very common theme with my day off to the point I'm starting to not really like them. I could get so much done...I'm going to have to have a think about how to sort this out. The good news is that I had my piano lesson in the evening so that got me out and I went to a very quiet supermarket on the way home (great time to go!).

Oh that's brilliant piano lessons I've always wanted to do this! Do you have a piano at home? We could make.the space if we wanted to but also they are rather costly! Nice supermarket shopping in the quiet don't think I've ever done that! What are your.plans drink wise ? Are you AF in week and weekends drinking moderately?

Hello all it’s been lovely to catch up on everyone’s news and experiences. I went out last night with a friend - it was my intention to have a drink as I am attempting to moderate rather than abstain. We shared a bottle of wine then friend suggested another but I said let’s just have another glass each. So a little win even though before I went out my plan was to just share the bottle. I feel ok today but crappy sleep as per usual if I’ve had some wine.

@Needtokickthehabit good luck for this week. 4 days would be great! Is there someone who doesn’t drink who you could go away for the weekend with and try to have an AF weekend maybe a few weeks in the future? Don’t bring any alcohol and hire a cottage in the middle of nowhere with a supportive friend or family member - just to show yourself you can do it! But as you say, you’ve cut down so much, you’re doing so well!

Yes I have a piano at home @Determineddoris (well a digital piano - so weighted keys etc). They don't make the model I have (in the UK anyway) anymore but a similar model costs around £1K so cheaper than a true Piano. I will probably get a silent piano at some point but I want to get better first and make sure I don't give up - that will cost at least £5K and probably more, so I've got to earn it!

My alcohol rules are 1. no alcohol at home (the most important rule for me) and 2. Moderate when out (this is subjective - it just means question I really want another one and definitely avoid a hangover). That's it. I've got no plans to go out this weekend so no plans to drink...

I've been trying to think about how I can start making some other progress elsewhere and it may well be having some rules that limit my screen time (TV/ipad/desktop) so 'I force myself to do something less boring instead' (who remembers that show!) are needed. I definitely need to develop some new habits around how I spend my time/what I eat when I get in from work!