On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Can't believe the last thread has already filled up!

Thank you to all of you for the incredible support shown in the last thread especially @amdone123.

Everyone is welcome! This is a safe, non judgmental space.

Sorry about my inability to tag everyone but if others can that would be great!

thanks @TruthRevolution and @Amdone123

musings over mental gymnastics - don’t abstainers who have to abstain because they drink too much STILL have a mental load from
this? I mean, the ‘I want to but I can’t/won’t’ as a constant dialogue? I just don’t want ANY dialogue - none. When I’m in a ‘stuff it’ mode, and the bottle is open, i finally have no guilt and feel relaxed. Then it cycles over again. I’m sick of all this being such hard work.

I know, it blows my mind that there are so many people out there who NEVER have the mental booze gymnastics! 😱

Morning all. @Mykittensmittens definitely don't get the mental gymnastics now as much as when I tried to moderate. The beginning was tough but the more days I clocked up the more he wine witch and other triggers didn't come knocking. It's so far at the back of my mind now. I was having trouble with my son last night and my husband had got his usual Friday night wine out and I said I wish I could have that while crying about my son and the torment but knew it would make everything worse! So drank Dr pepper and some skinny tonic with fake gin. It was ok but I did smoke cigs when I was able to hide without kids seeing and H! So I guess the mental gymnastics gets much better when I have completely abstained as I'm doing now. Moderating for me was too much of a mind fuck! But everyone is so different! Well done to everyone for coming on here and speaking their truths and always trying to be better!

For me, the mental gymnastics would be solved if you were driving ( or in my case, if I get the tablet antabuse), because there's no more going back n forth. You can't drink - simple 🤔

2 large glasses of red for me last night. I slept OK but feel edgy and anxious this morning, could be all manner of things buzzing round in my head but I am beginning to think drinking causes this nervous feeling in me.

well im still on the wagon despite having a houseguest here on holiday. I have made it clear that I am not interested in going to the bar every night.

So all going well, I just need to keep reminding myself that vodka tastes like petrol. I am content with the zero alcohol lagers.

Hello everyone

I've not posted in ages, I'm sorry I've not read this whole thread.

I was staying with my PILs (no urge to drink then at all) and then I've had uni this week (no urge to drink then either) but tonight I've had my bottle of white and I'm nearing the end of a glass from my DH's bottle of red.

All I can think about is the bottle of fizz under the sink.

I'm ridiculous I know. I've not been that bothered about booze at all while I stayed at my PIL or while they've been here, but now everyone has gone to bed and all I can think about is that bottle of fizz, even though I've had a bottle of white and a large glass of my husband's red

I've noticed the problem is at home.

I know my drinking ranked up when we went through infertility and multiple miscarriages. But now I can see my drinking problem is still at home, even though we've since had a healthy child.

I feel like it make me more connected to my husband, which is not a good thing. Any advice from anyone?

I'm at the stage when I should really go TF to bed, but I've still got a bit left in my glass, everyone has gone to bed and I'm just still thinking about the fizz under the sink. I'm a disgrace

@enoughisenough4 you're not a disgrace. You're just finding ways to tackle this problem and sometimes we have to get through the rough bit to feel smooth.
You've done really well not drinking with your PILs and being back at university so you know you can abstain.
Maybe you're just relaxing the one way you know?
I'd be the same once I got a taste for it and if we had fizz in, it'd be calling my name too.
@Touty that's brilliant well done. I think once we have a plan, especially if we're determined to stick with it, it can go relatively smoothly.
@Hohofortherobbers I definitely get like that, even after a couple. Awful feeling.
I only had 1 bottle Friday night and yesterday felt a bit rough. Got more tired ( and snappy) as the day went on. Did no housework, nothing. We did go holiday shopping but not for long as I started to miss the dog - anxiety - and just wanted to go home 😩

Morning all,
Day 10! Made it to double figures! So pleased. Not sure how, because yesterday I was hit with a bad case of the wobbles. It started out OK, family walk in the woods. Back for a coffee. Had lunch. Afternoon started OK. Then I had this urge to eat or drink something. So I ate nearly a whole tablet of chocolate. I'm not really a chocolate fan and felt a bit sick afterwards. But it was the guilt that hit me. I felt as guilty as if I had had nearly a bottle of wine. Where did that come from?
I know that one chocolate bar isn't going to make me put on the weight that I've lost. It's the guilty feeling that I'm questioning. Why did that make me feel like I was falling off the wagon?
Was my subconscious worried that I'd start with the chocolate, then say "to hell with this!" and break open the wine? Being frightened of getting my fingers smacked? I'm going to have to think about this for a bit. Sort my feelings out. The guilty/anxious feeling has gone. Just left me with a big question mark.

@Determineddoris, @Touty, @Needtokickthehabit, @Amdone123,@Mykittensmittens,@TruthRevolution, @afaloren and everyone else, I hope that you are doing well. Will reread the thread properly later. I'm in a strange state of mind here. Too much going through my brain. Will try to analyse and digest it all. Hope you all have a good day.

@enoughisenough4 no disgrace please, you are just being lured like we’ve all clearly struggled with otherwise we wouldn’t be here. Hopefully you got to bed and feel okay today.

@Nowstrong better the chocolate than wine i think and when it comes to weight loss you were just feeling guilty about doing something ‘prohibited’ or perceived to be bad in the same way booze is? Could that be it?

@Amdone123 its such a waste of a day when you feel like that - I’ve had so so many days where I just can’t apply myself because I’ve had wine the day before. Am hoping I can cut down on them massively.

today will be one for me. I didn’t drive and I drank more than I should and clearly cutting down is affecting my tolerance as I felt quite pissed frankly. I had one at home, one with my meal, one before we went into the theatre, one at the interval. And that’s about 3 more than I needed. What a tit. And I could feel myself wondering if I could pop to the loo and get another one. So bloody sneaky. And today I am sluggish and not even out of bed yet.

but I am climbing back on the wagon and refuse to jump off till we are out next Friday night. And again, I am considering driving…but the friend I am out with will probably give me hell!

Morning everyone. Day 14 for me, two weeks, woohoo! Well don’t to everyone who made it through the weekend sober and big hugs to those climbing back on the wagon - you can do it!

I went to the cinema last night and had a huge Coke Zero so it took me a long time to get to sleep. When I’ve had wine I can get to sleep fine but I usually wake up at 3 a.m. feeling thirsty and anxious with my heart pounding. I don’t miss that.

Going to a friend for Sunday lunch and she’s having a break from the booze too so that will be good. Need to think what to take instead of the customary bottle!

Well done @Touty
@enoughisenough4 dust yourself off and start again. We have all been there, it's why we are all here. You are not a disgrace 💐

@Nowstrong chocolate better than the wine. I do understand though.
@Amdone123 it's the guilt and anxiety that is most difficult. It's good at the time, then really not worth it the next day. How many times have we all said never again

@Mykittensmittens why don't you tell your friend you're trying to reduce your alcohol, I think lots of us are but we just don't tell others. She might surprise you.

@afaloren maybe the caffeine in the coke zero stopping you getting to sleep?
Take a bottle of AF wine and some flowers next week?

Sending solidarity to everyone and positive vibes to stay off the booze this week. Sorry if I've missed anyone, I'm still getting to grips with replying on this wee screen and scrolling up and down to read😂

Oh definitely the caffeine @TruthRevolution I don’t normally drink it. I even have decaf tea! But I had a wee nap today and I’m sure I’ll sleep tonight.

Had a bit of a serious chat with DH. He thinks I’m being very quiet and not my usual self. I didn’t know what to say really. Perhaps this is my ‘usual’ self without the booze to loosen my tongue. He’s also a bit anxious about us going away as last time we did I drank heavily most days and he didn’t enjoy it. So need to keep that in mind when we go.

Gah - massive ‘hangxiety’ this PM. I’m sure due to drinking last 2 days. Cycling of very negative thoughts - that I have damaged myself irreparably - and googling stupid stuff about liver failure. And then cycling back to thinking ‘this anxiety is horrendous - a drink would calm the mind’ which considering I have a hangover of sorts is ludicrous. But I am so worried I’ve done myself harm.

I keep reminding myself that the vast vast vast majority of adults in the U.K. won’t be having a drink tonight. But it’s everywhere, in books, on TV, and I know damn well my DM will be, my bestie will be, my DH is (he’s out tonight with a friend).

Oh no @Mykittensmittens I’m sorry you’re feeling rotten. Can you have a chamomile tea or something else soothing? It’s so easy to think a drink will help but do you think you might feel worse tomorrow if you have one?

Thanks @afaloren - I won’t have any, but the illogical argument is there. I’ve said before but the media presentation of booze is really noticeable when you open your eyes… I’ve been watching LOTS of crap TV when sober, and of note, every soap normalises life centring around a pub and everyone goes to that pub on a seemingly daily basis and drinks. Every drama seems to feature people drinking constantly, every kitchen scene has wine in it, reality TV stuff like ‘married at first sight’ is drinking every day, I even noticed on ‘location’ they have a drink in the bit where they discuss putting offers in. So if the statistics are true, that on average the U.K. of the adult females only 40% drink on a weekly basis or more frequently, that means 60% are drinking less than once a week? And 20% apparently don’t drink at all?
I keep going over this stuff to try and stick in my head that this isn’t normal at all, by now on a Sunday I’d have downed a bottle and probably a g&t as a warm up.

I just can’t go on with this turmoil. Maybe I do need to be one of the 20% and stop altogether.

Hello everybody, it’s so helpful to read all your posts. I’ve been moderating ok. I went out last night and had two glasses of wine and then didn’t drink when I came home Eve though I planned to - I just didn’t fancy it, or the hangover! Unlike @Amdone123 i do not get things done when I’ve had a drink so I am aware that there’s a lot on in my life at the moment and being drunk or hungover won’t help me. I was having one of those days the other day when all the awful things I’ve done come back into my head and I realised they all involve alcohol. I’m not going to lie, I’ve had some super fun times too (mostly when younger) but I think m maybe the bad outweighs the good. But you know that first glass of wine does feel nice. It’s the rest that are unnecessary.

@Needtokickthehabit how was your weekend?

Morning all, am getting over myself and my chocolate feast. Was a strange moment.
Otherwise still AF, which is getting easier. Drinking silly amounts of rose tea and fizzy water. So spend a lot of my time on the loo. Didn't sleep too well last night, I must be going through some sort of "mental crisis". Perhaps my body and brain are getting used to not getting any poison fed to them on a regular basis. Or perhaps I'm just having a couple of off days. As long as I keep the WW switched off, I'll be alright.

@Bigbus I honestly don't think I could cope with a hangover at the moment either. So stay strong. What happened when drunk, happened. You can't undo things, or unsay them. You're doing fine. Totally agree about the 1st glass of wine. Just can't stop there though either.

@afaloren I hope your holiday goes well, certainly more silent myself when sober.

Thank you @TruthRevolution and @Mykittensmittens. Yes chocolate is better than wine and I suppose I do really understand where the guilt is coming from. Just felt strange as I was resisting the wicked WW, but just had to indulge in something. Makes us stronger in a way. Resisting the worst, but being indulgent and offering ourselves something nice as a reward. Also @Mykittensmittens stay strong! You can do this. It's true that on TV, drinks are everywhere. They aren't allowed to smoke on TV here, but the amount of drinking is incredible. Doesn't help when you're trying to stop, diminish.
Keep going strong everyone. It's hard but it does get easier. As I'm learning, you get good days and bad days. But then, everyone gets those. Drinkers or teetotalers. That's life. It's our coping strategies that are different. We have to adapt to different ways to cope with the difficulties that arise.
Hope you all have a good day. P*ssing down with rain here, if that helps anyone 😉

conscious I’m endlessly posting. Tell me to be quiet if you want!

didn’t drink. But OH the dreams! When I drink I don’t dream, and you kind of forget what dreams are like and how they can change your mood the next day.

I had a dinner function to go to and I’d forgotten (I think a subconscious worry for me is that I forget conversations etc that take place after wine). All my posh frocks were in the loft, and I had to go up there to locate one with about 10 minutes to spare. I knew I had a gold dress but I couldn’t find it. Then I found an alternative but worried it wouldn’t fit. Found another and couldn’t remember that I’d even owned it. Then I looked for shoes and in the process lost the dress. And everything in the loft was chaos and mess, piles of stuff and everything all jumbled up and I was so so so stressed. Wouldn’t take a dream genius to unravel that would it?

in real life I like order and neatness, it makes me feel calm. I don’t like last minute changes. I allow myself to drink if the other things are tidy and it’s often my reward for having done a good days work or achieving/completing things.

and also today last minute school closure so that’s stuffed my routine too. I’m feeling really edgy. Normally I’d just be preoccupied with feeling shit from last night but that’s not there to deal with at least. So I’ll probably sit in my tidy world and worry about the state of my liver instead - 🙄🙄🙄

Hey there, good to catch up with your weekends. Well done the AF of you, those of you who drank don't beat yourself up. Today is a new day. Checking in to commit to Mon to Thurs again. Am invited out Thursday, but have work early Friday so wouldn't have been a big one even if I was drinking. Haven't decided if I'll go yet, feel right now I could go briefly, stay AF and leave early, but may swerve it altogether.

Hi everyone, day 15 for me here. I am sleeping so much at the moment, think I’m catching up on broken sleep due to drinking. It’s nice to not feel groggy in the mornings though and I find I am getting up after my first alarm instead of dozing blearily until my second.

How’s everyone doing?

Morning all,
@afaloren not too good. Fell off the proverbial wagon last night. Could feel it coming in a way. Consequently had a dreadful night's sleep. Also had a very red allergic flush. First time for everything. Now determined to start again and go further than 11 days. I apparently needed to prove to myself that my body isn't made to process alcohol.

@Mykittensmittens keep posting, no need to be quiet. This is your noisy place.

Hope you are all going strong. Have a good day.

Morning all, well done @afaloren for 15 days! How are you feeling ? You should be proud of yourself! Soooo nice to not feel groggy in the morning ! I used to kid myself saying oh I'm fine look at me I can drink a bottle of wine every evening and wake up feeling brilliant and go to work etc but I clearly was feeling groggy and shite!
@Nowstrong well done for your 11 days! I think you should erase last night and carry on the days! Sorry to hear about allergic flush was it anything new you drank/ate? The sleep is what I wanted so so much which really spurred me on to quit full time. I'm now on 103 days lol feeling ok not mentally wonderful but I know I would be feeling a lot lot worse had I still drank.
@Mykittensmittens keep posting that's what we are here for!
@Touty @Amdone123 @Needtokickthehabit @Bigbus @Coppergate6 @Hohofortherobbers and anyone else I've missed hope you are all ok. Did you get to your holiday ok @Amdone123 ? How's it going, it's rainy and windy here so I hope you are getting some sunshine!

@Determineddoris am tempted to un count this slip-up and carry on, but can't help but feel like I'm cheating. It was whisky. Not a new drink for me, but haven't had it ages and it seemed easier to have a quick couple of drinks without having to open a bottle of wine. So now I can at least refuse any whisky by saying that I'm allergic to it.

This has in fact taught me a lesson about myself. I could feel it coming with my chocolate eating urges. I'm not a chocolate fan. It was my brain that was craving for something. Some sort of a dopamine surge. Will just have to find other ways of contenting my dopamine needs. Probably a brisk walk around the clock. A piece of fruit. Any ideas welcome.
Keep going everyone and enjoy your day, it has stopped raining here. Off for a swim this afternoon.