On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Can't believe the last thread has already filled up!

Thank you to all of you for the incredible support shown in the last thread especially @amdone123.

Everyone is welcome! This is a safe, non judgmental space.

Sorry about my inability to tag everyone but if others can that would be great!

Sadly today is my day one.
Again.

@Needtokickthehabit it doesn't matter. People who are now completely sober will tell you they've had a thousand day 1s.
What's been happening ? ❤️

Sober October stopped me drinking on Monday night. I was very, very close and then thought of sober October and it worked! Last night I went out though and ended up with an orange dot (I did moderate to some extent but not enough and there was regret this morning). Hopefully that will be enough to make me not want to drink for the rest of October...

Not doing sober October, but aiming to keep with at least three days in a row AF and sensible drinking days for now. I know if I set my aims too high and fail I will think eff it and go back to drinking far too much.

Anyway, two days in a row, done.

I've been reflecting on what went 'wrong' last night.

There is a definite mis-match between what DH and I consider to be a good night out now. I drank more than I wanted to bend to DH's idea...so pre-dinner drink in a pub (had a large glass of wine - I didn't particularly want to be there so the alcohol was 'needed') and two post-dinner drinks in a pub (long wait for train - mistimed it - had a large baileys (why?!!) and then a lemonade - in a pub full of blokes watching sport on TV). I would've happily skipped both of those.

Fine but he NEVER bends to what I would like to do now and again - namely go to the cinema, theatre, event without drinking in the evening.

Hi all, hope everyone ok.

Ive been feeling really down and rubbish lately, had strong urges to drink heavily, I’ve had a few drinks but no benders.

i will try to improve.

Still not back with dp but yesterday we had a breakthrough and discussed things like adults and while I take full responsibility for acting like a woman possessed while drinking too much when we were on holiday together he tells me he still is in love with me and we are going to meet up next week for lunch and a chat about things. I just feel like a limb has been cut off and I know it is all my own fault but if he is willing to give me a second chance then I have hope and that hope has given me a new lease of life.

Now I will say I did drink a full bottle of wine last night but compared to what I have been drinking (about 6 beers and a bottle or two bottles - even outdid myself recently and had three bottles in one night) that is moderating so with that in mind and the fact I will not see him this weekend anyway I am going to moderate till next week and then everything will get back on track. I have been putting off a professional exam for months so now I am going to concentrate on retaking the exam so this weekend is study study study but that will mean I need something to reward myself with in the evenings but the plan is not to even have more than one bottle in the house at any given time.

@Needtokickthehabit it sounds like things are working out for you. And it's a great idea to concentrate on your studying this weekend. And, I've had 3 bottles in 1 night before - not my finest moment.
@RocketRomanos well done for your af days. I hear you regarding making big plans. I'm on day 5 but pissed off because I want a drink on Saturday - I just won't look forward to the family gathering without a glass of wine. Now feeling like a failure because I probably won't succeed at soberoctober, though by Saturday, I'll have had 7 af days so cup half full and all that !
@Touty hope you're feeling better soon. I'm in a similar position - weather not helping.
I think my issue atm is that my job situation has changed so instead of doing not very much , I'm busy Mon to Friday ( I've decided I'm basically a lazy mare), so Saturday is reward day. Sunday chill out day.

Good morning everyone and thanks for the mention @Amdone123 . I’m still struggling when I go out. Home is ok, I’m enjoying a few glasses of wine 3-4 nights a week. It’s still this issue with going out. I tell myself to drink gin and tonic because it’s better for weight loss and also I won’t get drunk on it but I really prefer red wine so when I get to the bar I end up ordering that instead! I had just over a bottle yesterday and today I feel a bit rubbish. I did moderate ok in the pub - small glasses, drank slowly. But then when I got home there was a bit left in a bottle from a previous night so I drank it and ate a whole bag of pretzels! FFS - will I never learn just to have a glass of water and go to bed!!!

Massive fail again, feel so depressed all the time. It’s like there is nothing to stay sober for.

Sorry to hear that @Touty . I am also struggling a bit more - I am aware that a few more drinks are sneaking in and I’m starting to think earlier and earlier about when I can have that first drink. It’s ridiculous because I have a very dear friend who is in hospital dying of liver failure due to alcoholism so you’d think that would be enough to make me think.

@Touty do you think you might be actually depressed and might need to see your GP? Perhaps some CBT or even some antidepressants might help? I had 8 sessions of counselling a few years ago and it did help - I was feeling very low at the time, tearful, wishing I wasn’t around anymore. I also take 10-20mg of CBD daily and noticed my mood dipped when I stopped for a few days. Sometimes feeling low is not something we can just snap out of and we do need a bit of help. Sending you good wishes and I hope you don’t beat yourself up today. Take care.

@Bigbus im definitely depressed, I’ve been on medication for the last few years.
I just feel sometimes that I’m all alone in the World. I don’t see any hope for the future at the moment. Everything feels very dark.

im sorry to hear about your friend, that is so sad. Do you know how much she was drinking?

Morning, folks. @Bigbus sorry to hear about your friend. And @Touty sorry to hear you're feeling so low. It's awful depression, so difficult to face the day sometimes when all you want to do is hide under the duvet. Sending you strength and I hope it gets better. Have you thought anymore about moving back to the UK ?

Good and bad here.
Supposed to be doing soberoctober but fell off the wagon Thursday - 1 x wine, 2 beers, a few cigarettes. I was rough Friday, don't know how I got through the day.
Had family yesterday. Had 2 flutes of prosecco, then stopped. I wasn't even interested in that.
We have another family gathering today. I know I won't drink. I don't even want to go but my dh does, and he doesn't ask for much. We'll stay a couple of hours and I'll just eat.

I've changed doctors because I'm going to get the antabuse. I didn't want to go to my doctors as I used to work there. I didn't think I was bothered about them knowing, but deep down I must have been as I was stalling in making the appointment.
So, paperwork this week then I'll make an appointment.
It's a desperate measure but I'm feeling pretty desperate really - I don't want to drink anymore.

So sorry about your friend @Bigbus , big hug to you @Touty . I really wish we could all meet in person at times like this.

I've drank a fair amount of wine, at home, over the last two nights. I can trace the reasons why back to the Tuesday meal out. My sleep is now a bit off and to compound that I've gone back to taking the ipad to bed. Nothing good has come of it, that's for sure. The real question is can I get myself back on track quickly now?

@Amdone123 I hope the process goes smoothly for you ❤

Hi everyone, I’m back after my holiday which was definitely not alcohol free! We actually got back on Friday but went out last night and I knew I was planning to have a drink. I didn’t have any hangovers or anything on holiday but probably drank more than I’d planned. Nothing silly but sometimes felt like I was doing it for the sake of it, which is one thing I really want to stop.

Now planning on doing Sober October the rest of the month. Glad to be back on the thread. Going to have a read and catch up. To anyone suffering or struggling.

Thanks for the tagging @Amdone123 x
Not doing well at all here
I think for the first time ever I'm acknowledging I have a problem
I don't want to think about drink all the time anymore
Yesterday we had no wine in and it was the weekend

Weekly food delivery wasn't due until 7 ish
I was snappy to the point that DH was joking with me about being grumpy (we've only been married a few weeks)
I have absolutely nothing to be stressed or grumpy about or turning to the drink for
3 dc all grown ip with amazing careers in medicine
1 dd to be honest is a challenge (13 ASD)
Newly married
Great profession and career
No money worries
Beautiful home
Good friends
Got married recently which I never thought would happen (25 years married previously and spent 15 or more of those years trying to get out but I did and am grateful every day)
Bought my own house / car and raised 4 dc.
During the unhappy marriage time I think I formed the habit/ escape of the wine and now I don't actually need that prop but I do?
I'm afraid to stop
I did do Annie Grace 30 day AF last year amd was absolutely fine after the first day
Now a year later I'm too scared to do that first day
I can see a slippery slope as I'm snapping at my already vulnerable child
I'm married to the most amazing man amd don't want to let him down but I'm snappy amd grumpy as hell
I go off on one amd am ashamed
I can't concentrate on my job and it's really up there with decision making
I feel like my weekends are a haze of feeling tipsy and it's no good
Oh my days I've offloaded the lit sorry
I think having @Amdone123 tag me a couple of times recently actually got me thinking so thank you
Now I really don't want to fall any further
I don't think I can just stop tomorrow though
Anyone around to hand hold and help me reduce and be accountable and honest please?
And thank you for having me

@Coppergate7 you can get back on track - I have every faith in you.
@afaloren that's a good idea planning to be sober for the rest of the month. I hate drinking for the sake of it.

Went to the family gathering. Had half a beer ! My sister said there was wine in the fridge but the thought of hangover turned me off it. I wondered if I weren't working tomorrow, would I have drank...answer no. I'm done with hangovers whether I'm working or not. I was telling my sister I normally sleep when I have a hangover but that's not even happening nowadays. They're lasting longer.
It's like they wait til night time to torture me 🤣

@Easterdaffsx I can relate to what you've said. I think I started drinking to cope with the past - getting pregnant young, no job, no money, homeless !
When we finally got settled through a lot of hard work, I relaxed and started to either decompress or reward self - not sure which.
Now I don't need to drink, like you. No need whatsoever but it's ingrained.
I'll help you, either on here or directly.
Do you want to have a few days af, maybe drink at weekend ?
Think about your plan - whatever you want, then post on here.
We'll help. ❤️

@Amdone123 thanks, I still think about it but I still feel a bit indecisive - it would take a lot of mental energy and I don’t know whether I would in fact find what I’m looking for there. I keep watching videos about female long distance truckers, now that interest me

Ok so I’ve reached a point where I have to stop again. I’m back in the out of control stage with booze. I can’t seem to stay out of the bar lately. Twice in the last week DP has come to pick me up from the bar as I’ve been too smashed to walk home.

I don’t understand why this is getting worse. I’ve promised DP I will start back on the wagon, the thing is sometimes I’m drinking too much I can’t stop and then I injure myself.

@Touty honestly I have no idea why it happens the way it does. Maybe it's just the nature of addiction. We're stronger more times than others, more focussed, etc. Maybe it all gets too much to cope with - it's definitely hard work.
Are you planning on abstaining then ?

I'm having a weird few days. Obviously drank last Thursday - was 1 bottle of wine only, felt so bad Friday - never wanted a drink again.
Weekend was fine, 2 small glasses Saturday then half a beer Sunday. Busy this week so I'm hoping ww doesn't come knocking and weekend I'm hoping for an af one.

Morning all! I hope that you are all doing well, will do a catch up read later.

I'm back from holiday for a few days, before going off again.
My week away went well. Most days were AF. 4 meals we shared a bottle of wine between 5 of us. So that makes approximately 12 glasses of wine over 9 days. Not too bad. But could have been 0. I got tempted by the others (that's my excuse) but didn't over do it. No weight gain. So I'm pretty pleased. Drank gallons of water because of the heat.

I did notice that each time I had wine, even though not a great amount, my sleep wasn't very good. Also the dreaded bags under the eyes reappeared.
So I'm going AF (hopefully) until the end of this month and most probably until the end of November. At least I'm going to try. Back to day 1 it is.

I'm having to tell myself that even though I did have some wine, at least I'm no longer drinking daily. Before, I was getting very worried about the amount of daily alcohol I was absorbing. I was also thinking too much about when I could have my next drink. Funny thing is, now I almost thinking too much about how long I'm being able to manage without a drink. In a perfect world I'd be completely abstaining. I'm doing my best. I hope to be able to knock this addiction completely on it's head. Eventually.

Must admit that without this thread, I wouldn't have even managed to start. So a huge thank you to all for support and life experiences shared.

Wishing you all a great day. Stay strong.

Fell off my weekday wagon yesterday. I knew I would regret it and I do! No excuses, just me being an idiot. Anyway back on the weekday wagon now, determined to do my three days in a row.

@RocketRomanos yeah, get back on it. You can do your 3 af days. It's funny how we know we'll regret it, but do it anyway.

It is, isn't it? The brain is a strange thing. Are we maybe wired up slightly wrong? Is there a factory reset button we can push?!