On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@Needtokickthehabit , well, that's a plan, it's a starting point.
Let's take it from there, and know we'll support you ❤

@Amdone123 thank you I really do appreciate this. I wish I had tackled things earlier but we all have regrets in life x

Good evening everyone! Hope everyone is ok!

Thank you so much for your wonderful kind words of support I'm so lucky to have you guys who knew it an anonymous forum and we are all in it together and feeling all the same things and are there for each other boosting one another! Let's carry it on!

@texy the first PT session I had years ago I also threw up ! I didn't know what hit me and clearly I'm so unfit !

@Needtokickthehabit don't be too hard on yourself as then the downward spiral begins again of I will just drink to forget these feelings and the circle continues you are completely correct it solves nothing and actually just causes more angst and problems ! I think once you get on the treadmill as @Amdone123 says it'll be much easier! I have had so many day 1s I can't tell you. But I'd had enough of how the drink was making me feel. It's the feelings right there I was trying to block out that was making me more depressed, anxious etc felt like I couldn't deal with life so the drink would help when it quite clearly didnt. You can do this.

Ok, so this is night 4 for me af but as we are rapidly approaching the weekend i am already thinking about drinking and would welcome your thoughts on my dilemma. I was only planning on drinking Saturday night but am now tempted by Friday night too. Honest opinions please?

@bookworm44 my honest opinion is if you can avoid Friday then do, you will feel better for it. If you associate the weekends with drinking then it's hard but stick with it. I drank religiously on Friday evenings for years, but the last couple of Fridays I've really enjoyed not drinking, I won't be drinking this Friday eventhough I'm going out for "drinks" after work. Its only Wednesday, and you are probably liking the thoughts of drinking on Friday more than you will enjoy the actual drinking. I'm getting clever with putting obstacles in my own way so I have no option but to be sober at weekends.

At the end of the day, do what feels right for you. I messed up last night and regretted it today so I'm feeling quite strong about not having another stumble! Let us know how you get on and we will support you whatever happens 💟

Thank you so much for replying. I think you told me what i already knew but needed to hear from someone else. I do agree the thought of it is better than the reality.

My thoughts and visions of me drinking are me as a professional lady sipping on a glass of wine and looking fabulous perched on my sofa or in a bar. The reality of my drinking is a 40 something slob guzzling wine and munching crisps laid out on the sofa with mismatched pajamas on! Yeah not so glam or appealing 😄 @bookworm44 how the mind plays tricks!

It might also be useful to make a few notes @bookworm44 - what you've enjoyed about the days you've not been drinking (and the next days), what you're imagining will happen on Friday if you drink or if you don't - walk it through step by step - and then how you will feel Saturday (physically, emotionally and 'pride') with both options too. Putting all of the options down on paper might just help to pierce the romantic bubble of a few glasses on a Friday night.

I definitely agree with @Manyrivers - planning ahead with the obstacles also help. I'm going for dinner on Thursday and have said I will drive, and going to a gig on Friday and I'm driving then too. Then even if I decide I fancy it on Friday and want to hit the F it switch, I won't be able to!

@bookworm44 ,
As I've got my cleaning head on, I recommend spending Friday evening doing all your housework.
Apologies for being boring, but this way, it will all be done, Saturday you'll feel great and Sunday you can have A Day Of Rest !

When do you all "allow" yourself to drink or don't you?

@bookworm44 for me the mindset I have is I'm allowed to anytime. I'm an adult, I have the means to buy alcohol and nobody to stop me drinking it, I can drink every night if I want to. That's how's its always been and I've chosen just that for the past 20 years. The change for me is Do I want to? I wanted to last night and gave into my urge. It wasn't great, made me feel lousy this morning and my mindset has shifted again. I don't want to this weekend so I'm planning ahead not to.

I've tried it all, the 2 AF days a week, only drinking at weekends, limited myself to 4 drinks, the list goes on. What works for some won't work for others. In the past when I've tried the above it's felt like dieting to me, all based around rules and restrictions which I clearly don't do well with. This approach I'm taking right now is new for me so can't say if it's a success or not. But I feel more relaxed about it and it feels more doable, so for now that's what I'm sticking with.

I have tried to do a mental switch @bookworm44 between being a 'default drinker' (which I had become) to being a 'default non-drinker'. So where before I just fell into the routine of assuming I would be drinking unless I had a (fairly rare) night off, I now try and assume I am not drinking unless I reason it through and decide I want to - because I want to rather than just habit. It doesn't always work out that way but it's helping me more often than not at the moment. Hence driving on Thursday and Friday - I'm a default non drinker so wouldn't be drinking unless I really wanted to (which I don't on these events). Hope that makes sense?!

@bookworm44 , I'm the same as @Manyrivers I can drink whenever I want. As much as I want.

At the moment, I've decided it's not worth it. I'm on day 7 tomorrow ( and I've got this far many times), but this time is different because I've had enough.
I'm not hanging on by the skin of my teeth. I'm doing it because I'm sick of it.
I suppose before I tried to limit myself to 1 day a week ( on a good week), but that 1 day, which involved 2 x bottles, smoking quite a bit led to awful hangovers which just set me back.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent, there.

You'll find your own way, what's best for you . I wanted to moderate, originally, and I can moderate, but I've realised I'm happier abstaining.

@bookworm44 we always have alcohol in the house so I have to rely on willpower and also my current plan to lose weight. I don’t work on Thursdays and only half day from home on Friday. As a result I would always treat myself when I got home on Wednesdays and end up feeling a bit jaded every single Thursday. I still like to celebrate Wednesday so today I had one small glass of Prosecco and a very small glass of red later. The red was the end of a bottle and I was determined not to open another which is a good thing because I could feel myself getting a taste for it. When I can separate out alcohol and celebrating/treating myself that will be a good thing. When people treat themselves to a bath or a fizzy water instead it just doesn’t feel like a treat to me. Waking up without a hangover is a big treat though so I’ll stick with that as my reward!

@Manyrivers lying in the sofa in PJs guzzling wine and munching crisps (and watching Bridget Jones!) sounds fun actually - I know that’s not the point!

@bookworm44 I try to limit myself to weekends only and be AF during the week. I purposely only buy enough for the weekend as I know full well that if I have it in the house I’ll drink it.
I'm not always successful but I have found over time that I have reduced my alcohol intake and I do feel better for it.

So I had the half bottle of wine last night and the few cans that were there. I went to bed early and feel better for it. I know I still drank but it was not to excess. I can drink a full bottle of wine incredibly fast at times so sipping the half bottle last night felt nice. I know why I drink and why I use alcohol as a crutch but there are so many other things I feel I am missing out on because my life seems to revolve around alcohol. Honestly nobody knows and if they do know they never say anything because my kids are normally in bed when I crack on, I work, I am studying a hard subject part time, I have a super clean home, kids have everything they need and want for nothing and I actually look really good for my age is what I get told all the time so I do not look like I drink too much but I know I do. It costs me a fortune too but all bills are paid etc so this is why I think I enable myself. If the kids were going without or I was not providing meals every day etc I would possibly have stopped years ago but I seem to be maintaining a great life AND drinking and I want to NOT do that.

Anyway I have woken up early this morning so going to get a bit of admin done before I hit the office. I know in my heart of hearts I will go to the same shop on the way home to that I go to every THursday and buy a bottle of wine but in recent months it has been a bottle of wine AND a couple of cans/bottles of something else or even 2 bottles so I am starting this off slowly. Sounds like an excuse even writing it here and this is the first time and place I have ever been honest about what I drink.

@Needtokickthehabit massive well done. It takes a few times of proof of concept to cut down/have a few nights off and note how it actually makes you feel so you've made a great start. Maybe when you go to the shop later you might buy another half bottle like last night to have with a couple of the beers - if you did it last night you could do it again tonight. Only if you want to though.

@Amdone123 it sounds like you're feeling really different about what alcohol is doing/not doing for you. Bet your house is a pristine palace now after this week of jobs!!!

@Determineddoris is this day 9 for you? You're doing so well, it's like a switch has flipped. Can't remember if it's today that you have your meeting about your son but good luck it so.

We have people staying at ours tonight and they are classic big drinkers who we normally over-drink with. I said I would drive for dinner so I have no choice but to be AF. I'm not regretting it as such but am noting a teeny bit of social anxiety (they're my partner's childhood friends but live quite far away) and realising that it's a big factor in why I drink with these particular people - I feel like the odd one out a bit. Helpful to notice. Can't do that tonight so have to see how that goes!!!!

Welcome back @EnoughEnoughnow hope the festival was brill and you're managing to ease yourself back into normal routine.

Morning all!

@texy yes thanks for remembering it is day 9 (I even nearly forgot!) The switch has definitely been flippity flipped big time and you know about all the angst from before when I just couldn't do it but my mindset has changed to I bloody well can do it!!! As @Amdone123 has said I am better off abstaining for the foreseeable but I'm not putting myself under any pressure because otherwise I know me and I'll cave. I definitely can't do this on my own but with you guys supporting it all seems worth it and I've also managed to find a massive community on Instagram that is really helping. I have the William porter book I need to buckle down and read but its only kindle on phone and I prefer a paperback! My husband probably can't believe I've not been putting away a bottle a day-no hiding it nothing the only thing is I'm smoking but not chain smoking but still so once I get I believe to 30 days (am really determined!) I will tackle the smoking definitely as it's disgusting and gross and really unhealthy but at this point in my life I need to get rid of the booze whatever it takes. @bookworm44 hope you are ok I used to try and 'allow' myself drinks made up all sorts of rules , one beer one wine, one wine one water literally one night I was out for a birthday thing and I was walking around whole night pissed with lots of gins N tonics in one hand and a glass of icy water in the other. I never finished the water the entire night ! It's bizarre how the mind things. I hear you @Needtokickthehabit you could just carry on with your life which sounds great btw I want a super clean house !!! But it's that niggling feeling back of your mind that says you do not want to do this anymore use it as a crutch or something. I think most of us have to actually start thinking why we drink in the first place the root and then we will realise but I am only half way there probably need counselling again! There is a lovely woman called @brightspice and she is a coach and she gives the most wonderful advice sometimes and really makes you think! @texy I too am creating obstacles so thank you for the suggestion and I also have social anxiety but honestly you will be fine let us know how you get on!!!! And I'll let you know how the meeting goes with the SEN!

@texy thats not a bad idea. I think it is because I know I am out Sat night that I will drink and there is no sense in cutting down now but that would be the sensible thing. God it is a weird thing this alcohol thing. Maybe I will just buy the half bottle. I actually enjoy always my first glass of wine as I sip it but then I seem to get this thirst on me and when other people seem to slow down as they go on I seem to speed up. If it is not here though I cannot do that. It really is all in the mindset.

@Determineddoris , day 9 - I'm super proud of you ! Keep going, one day at a time - we don't have to think too far ahead.

I've had a terrible night's sleep - bloody dog pestering me. He pesters me, I wake up at some stupid hour, make a cup of tea, and he's snoring away.
When dh is home, I'm taking myself away for an af night !

I'm feeling good. Already hoovered and made a few swaps / furnishings, etc. Woke up ( groggy) to a couple of online banking cock ups that I'll have to sort later. This sort of thing irritates me and previously I may well have pressed that f-it button. Not today.

I'm forcing myself to go to zumba. I need to get out of the house. I'll nip to the shop for cleaning stuff, but definitely no wine.

My reward for arriving at day 7 is all those af benefits - and perhaps some chocolate later.

Have a great day, everyone.

Well done for day 7 @Amdone123 ! I am proud of you too! And yes force yourself outta the house for Zumba and you are burning all the extra calories too! Hope the banking cock ups are resolved quickly !

@Needtokickthehabit I am excatly the same!!! I speed up as others enjoy!!!! I also used to enjoy the first glass and then it was downhill it's our brains 😭
@EnoughEnoughnow how are you doing ?

Also @coppergate @indieray, hope you're ok ?

@gadgetarms, @blackbird , hope you're ok ?

Thanks for tagging them @Amdone123 !

I have just uncorked a second botte of wine... I had an easy day in work but no kids to come home to as with their dad and i had nothing else to do. I was given a bottle of fizz in work today too which is chilling nicely and I am not in work tomorrow. I wont ask anyone to talk me down I just want to diary it for when I do quit and when I do stop this madness. I do not need this booze. I want it but I do not need it. I love my kids, my partner and my life and I need to be healthy again. Im not happy drinking. It does not make me happy it makes me sad and like a failure. Next week I will do this. I have to.