On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@Bigbus , yes, I thought I could go 1 of 2 ways !

I could either drink, do what I want ( not that I can't when he's here!) or stay af, eat properly, etc and have a productive week, hence the list of jobs I'm ploughing through.
I know which option will make me happier, long term.

He's gone for a week so after 7 days, I hope to have achieved my mini targets of staying af, eating properly, sorting the house and being positive in all aspects of my life!
Hopefully, I'll have dropped a few pounds ( how did you get on ?).

Even though I'm tackling this on a day to day basis, I realised yesterday I was thinking too far ahead ( some big events coming up), but I'm trying to change my mindset / vision - what do these events look like without drinking ?

They don't look too bad - the biggest positive is by not getting drunk like I normally do, I won't be making a tit of myself !

I feel pretty determined. I also noticed I'm not thinking how many days I can do before I cave. I'm not interested in caving.

@bookworm44 and @Amdone123 thanks for asking about the weigh in - I lost 1lb over two weeks! It would have been a lot more if I’d been weighed before the weekend 😂. I’ve lost 13lbs so far so hoping for the shiny sticker next week! I won’t turn this into a weight loss thread but it’s really helping with the moderation and vice versa. Time for a change, a healthier me for the summer! However I’ve been here before and around now when things slow down is when I can lose the mood, so thanks to you guys for keeping it going.

I like the boat and rock idea but instead of hauling the big rock back in I seem to load it back in small pebble by small pebble until I suddenly realise I’ve got the whole rock back in again!

Literally wrote a post probably same time as @Bigbus and it got deleted!

Good morning all! How is everyone doing @texy @Starlia @Manyrivers @bookworm44 @turnaroundtouchtheground sorry if I have missed anyone else!

@Bigbus thats a great weight loss! well done and sure we an talk about weight loss here too as it is part of the empty cals of wine that we over consume causing weight gain! I have not weighed myself maybe I should have bt I didnt know how this AF streak was going to go for me this time but onto day 7 jesus wouldnt believe it to be honest! I too prefer drinking alone, dH also moderates in terms of weekend only -good for him! doesnt work for me. I know I am doing ok but I know something is going to trigger me soon (hopefully not im trying to think positive) but its then what happens is the real thing whether ill succumb or not. last time nothing tragic happened i just broke it because i felt like a drink! I always say this time its different but its my mindset that probably says ah you havent got a problem you have had a few weeks off go for it its summer etc! I always notice its summer time I have AF stints lol
@Amdone123 def me too thinking too far ahead about big events, I am also imagining what it would be like AF, like Wimbledon -each year we have got pissed and left the kids somewhere-not going to happen this year! xx

Morning @Determineddoris that's so great that you're on day 7 and going strong. You're doing so well and have already overcome hurdles like socialising that you didn't originally think you could do.

@Amdone123 you sound content pottering around doing jobs, you'll be really satisfied at the end of the week when you've achieved so much with your time.
@Manyrivers you're doing really well with your streak and your plans for this week too. Having the substitutes ready is such a smart plan.

I can't remember who said it up thread about the focusing on the positives, but that's definitely something that's helped me. William Porter's podcasts talk about things being 'inherently pleasurable' and then we drink which dulls the pleasure of it all. So when I've got antsy I've made lists of all of the 'inherently pleasurable' bits about that moment - sun, time to read, time with my family etc. It really helped me especially on holiday @Amdone123 because it allowed me to really unpick the question - what would alcohol really give me now that I don't actually have in all of these lovely things that I've just listed. Almost 100% time the answer has been nothing.

I had wine last night. MIL came for dinner and she is not the easiest and I had made a dinner we've not had for ages (cut out carbs) and always drank with. I didn't drink loads by any means but am definitely feeling more tired and jaded today. I am off it again now though until at least Saturday, maybe the whole weekend.

I also have my first personal trainer meeting today and am so nervous about it. Has to be done though. I have so far lost zero weight despite drinking about a quarter of what I was so am a bit fuming about it. Well done @Bigbus and those who are losing weight. @Bigbus thinking about it, I'm also the collecting pebbles person rather than big rocks, I'm moderating the amount fine but in honesty still struggling a bit with the frequency - my tendency would be to go back to drinking regularly and then the amount creeps up too. Slippery slope!

@Determineddoris , day 7 - so pleased for you. Don't worry about what that trigger might be - says she !
I'm hoping that by the time my next trigger arrives, I'll be able to think about how well I'm doing without it. Can you write a list of positives to read when moment arises ?
@Bigbus - you've done well losing 13lbs, a pound is still good. Better off than on. I'm the same weight as Sunday but I'm ok so long as it's not going on. It'll come off.
@texy , omg, I love that 'inherently pleasurable' - I can do that I'm sure.
In fact I only realised this morning that yesterday I watched tennis - I usually drink ( not always), but most of the time. Wimbledon, bring it on !
Drinking would have made little or no difference. But I'd be feeling rubbish today.

I didn't sleep great. Awake at 2.30am, thinking of my next job, the dreaded cupboard under the stairs. Gave up the ghost at 4.30am and did it.
After 2 black bin bags of rubbish, it looks no different, but ✅

Have a great day, folks. All your posts are so supportive, motivating and such food for thought - it's brilliant ❤️

Hi everyone

Its so good to hear how you are all doing. I agree the posts and motivating and inspiring! So thank you.

last night I didn’t drink. I retreated to the bedroom early with my book and that was lovely. I’m also fasting 8pm-12pm which really helps with the moderating and abstaining. Like a few of you the drink has been playing havoc with my weight and part of this plan is to lose some.. I have noticed that wine and beer just stop any loses and lead to almost instantly a regain 😩

I live by the sea and it is tempting to go down to the beach bars etc and do what everyone else is seeming to be merrily doing but I can’t live every day like I’m on holiday…. I know what that is like because I did it and it ends with me being depressed, anxious and fat!!

@texy hope it goes well with the PT! Accountability and individual support might make all the difference

@turnaroundtouchtheground , that's a good idea fasting during the witching hours.
I tell everyone I do intermittent fasting ( brunch at 10am, tea 5pm ish. Snack during the day), 16 :8. And I do, except for when I'm drinking, and all of a sudden, I'm not fasting.

Yes, it's so easy on days like this to go out and do what everyone else is doing. I've made that mistake a few times ! I have a romantic notion of taking my dog to the lake / beach - it doesn't work. He gets all hot and bothered and would rather be at home. And not long ago, I suggested to dh we drive to the coast - we sat in traffic for 2 hours each way !! Waste of time.
@texy , a pt is a great idea. I'd like to do that.

I've been doing my jobs, omg, just dismantled furniture in the spare room.
I'm now drinking ice cold, cloudy lemonade , cheers 🥂

Name changed to come in here. I am really embarassed about how bad my drinking has gotten. I need to kick it but I just do not know how. I literally do not remember the last day I did not have any alcohol. It has been years so I am afraid to go cold turkey. I do not want to get my doctor involved so have to do this myself and wean myself off. I promise myself every sunday that I am just going to cut out the booze but I seem to drink more, have a hangover and then need hair of the dog.

@Needtokickthehabit , hi there and welcome. It's so hard, isn't it. I compare it to being on a treadmill that I can't get off.
Can you devise a plan if you understandably don't want to go cold turkey?
Say, 3 days a week af to start with....how does that sound?
What do you drink ?

I think that is great and I know that when I did used to do this I would not drink Mon-Thurs and then just the weekend but then covid hit and it became really just any time and I never got back out of that habit. I have a good career, wonderful partner (does not live with me so sees none of the empties) and a great life and I think if I could cut out the booze all else would fall into place but it is getting to that starting point.

Yesterday I was not going to drink so I had a full bottle of wine and 6 bottles of beer so I wake this morning and say not tonight but I have just been to tesco and bought a bottle of wine for this evening... My good intentions just leave me once the afternoon kicks in.

@Needtokickthehabit , ooh, strange you say that.
I couldn't sleep last night so got up early to go to tesco, 7am ish. I was thinking how I often start the day saying Today I won't Drink, then pm comes round, and same as you, I'm off to the shops.
So, shopping first thing might help ? It's done then.
Also, when I'm walking the dog in the evening, I take no money, no cards. Just in case I accidentally fall into the local shop.

Unfortunately I have found myself never bringing a purse but my card is on my phone so I always have it with me. I often am driving home from work and think nope that is it I will not go into a shop and then the littlest thing will annoy me (a call from work, a call from one of my siblings as we dont get on or another driver might piss me off) and I am right into the shop for the bottle. I was not too bad pre covid, I have never been able to moderate but will not drink and drive so it is always intentional drinking. I will go and buy a bottle of wine and swear i will drink half but never do or i will buy two bottles of wine and a box of beers and tell myself they last me the week but if I am working from home then everything gets drank. I have no cut off and each time I do it which seems to be weeekly now, I con myself into thinking I will not drink it all.

I have just found two beers in the shed which somehow got forgotten about and are currently in the freezer chilling...

Good afternoon everyone! Great to see a lot of positive thoughts and motivation here! @texy thank you so much for your words, you are right I would have normally drank a few glasses at my in laws and not said no to a top up in the past! I was working today which helps my mindset, I have spoken to a few people at work in the past about drinking and my manager stopped drinking recently too (converted to Islam) so she is a good one to chat to! It is surprising how many people just do not drink! I grew up around alcohol, my dad used to drink those tinnies and say to me have a sip have a sip-why he did that god knows and thats something I will work on in the future my childhood and what made me go overboard on drinking...'inherently pleasurable' is a damn good saying and one I will be thinking about daily now in my AF journey. I have always wanted a PT how did it go?

@Amdone123 I will write a list of positives when the trigger if it arrives, arrives thank you for that I will do it right now! Cannot believe you cleaned the cupboard at 430am amazing -you should treat yourself! You must be tired too so early night will help everything too...I think we are on the same journey.

@turnaroundtouchtheground well bloody done for AF last night!!! omg if I lived by the sea and beach I dont know how I would be but I have always found the sea calming and relaxing. It is true about the empty calories and all your hard work then gone to shot in 1 round. One step at a time, I cannot stop eating crisps!

Welcome @Needtokickthehabit ! How are you feeling today? I was in your position a week ago and now I am on day 7-you can do this! Just get some tools to help you along the way like this thread, other threads one had something about alcohol alternatives, quit lit, pod casts, websites, instagram! Try doing something with your hands too at the witching hour. How would you feel instead of the beers to have ice cold water/juice/fizzy? I hear you though about going out to get it even without a purse we have our phones ive done that too many times and my triggers were similar -annoying siblings/family/kids anything it was always some excuse!

@Amdone123 I was drinking loads and finishing early as I could and pushing through fasting whilst feeling hung over… I thought what the hell am I doing to myself here??? Fasting is a lifestyle so in that sense it fits with moderation as a lifestyle… no point doing it on and off!!

Good luck @Needtokickthehabit and check in with us for support. We can all relate.

What are the drinks of choice tonight? I’ve got some alcohol free becks in the fridge but I’m thinking I might stick with icy tonic and lime because it’s refreshing and lower carb

I'm drinking tea or cloudy lemonade. After the day I've had, I do need a reward, but strangely I don't want wine.
I've got crisps and chocolate.

Mine was water and lime with a dash of squash(no tonic) which I promptly dropped all over the floor...

My go to drink when not drinking was always ginger beer. It has a nice kick to it and I always felt it was a more 'special' drink than anything else. I need to get back to that. The issue is I am away this weekend with the girls so I know I will drink so of course the mindset is to drink less this week, have the weekend and then on Sunday down tools on the alcohol but I have said it to myself so many weeks and months in a row now and I am totally annoyed with myself.

Thanks for the welcome to the thread. It is the first time I have ever head on dealt with this but it is an issue that I need to deal with and soon.

Almost 2 stone, well done!! That's good going. Keep it up.

I didn't drink again last night - my booze is still very hot in the boot of my car. It will probably explode soon in this heat. I have had an awful day at work and still haven't used it as an excuse to drink tonight so am presently feeling strong and virtuous. (Hope it lasts)!

Well done @bookworm44 !!!! You have avoided the temptation even after a crappy day honestly reward yourself with a nice bath or book or whatever it is you need to do to relax (think about the old times before booze was required!)

Thank you, just about to jump in the shower then read for a bit. So much easier reading sober!

@bookworm44 - so true about reading sober! I enjoy it and need to get into a habit of reading in the evenings.

Welcome @Needtokickthehabit don't put any pressure on yourself to make future plans. Just take each day as it comes and just focus on that one day. I highly recommend the Alcohol Explained book, Fb group or William Porter's podcasts for helping you to start to think about alcohol slightly differently. His principles have really helped things 'click' for me. Read back on these moderation threads and get a sense of people's journeys to this point. It's definitely not been linear! Maybe stock up on some nice cold ginger beer for tomorrow evening and just see it as a bit of an experiment for one day only to see how you feel and go from there.

Well I went to the PT induction. It was mostly chat but then we did about 10mins of trial exercise. I finished that and promptly threw up!!!! 🙈 despite that, they'll have me back (!) so have signed up for a month to see how I get on. It was such a friendly and non-judgmental place, which really helped me. My next session is 9am on Saturday so definitely no drinking Friday night now!!!!!

PS not drank tonight so hopefully am back in the zone

@texy , that's great that it went well ( bar the throwing up ! ). It could be the weather. I haven't been to zumba - I'm not jumping around in this heat 🤣
@bookworm44 , that's brilliant not succumbing. It's so easy to do but when you think about it, it's not going to change the day, it will still have been a bad day. If anything, it just makes tomorrow worse.
Hope you're still doing OK @Determineddoris . Another day ✅

I've had about 800 calories extra ( ice lollies, crisps, chocolate), but I'm not too bothered. I'll try harder tomorrow though to be a bit healthier, but atm I'm focusing on the no alcohol.

Hello! Just found the new thread. I’ve been away at a music festival but am back and need to get back into healthier habits again. Hope everyone is good x