On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@EnoughEnoughnow , hi, again.
Welcome back !
What's the plan ?

Welcome @EnoughEnoughnow ! It's early because it's so damn light at 430am these days !
How are you? Thanks for finding us again! Did you over do it at the festival or were you actually ok ? Do you plan on AF for a stint or just during the week etc? It's going to be another hot one!

@Determineddoris @Amdone123 @Bigbus @texy you are all doing so well, keep going!

Welcome @Needtokickthehabit and nice to have you back @EnoughEnoughnow

It's a morning of regret here at the Manyrivers house. Last night featured a bottle of wine and a tube of pringles and i don't feel good for it.

I'm sitting with my coffee feeling sorry for myself and reflecting on all the fresh mornings I've enjoyed recently, hangover free. Anyway I can't let this derail me. This was a bump in the road but I'm determined to continue on my AF quest. I'm not going to punish myself with more rubbish food and certainly no more alcohol this evening. I'm treating my body to some excerise tonight and some healthy food today. This will not beat me!

Have a great day everyone 💟

Hello lovely @Manyrivers ! You have so much positivity already this morning in regards to what you are going to do today well done! The last is the past! If that was me I would definitely be saying I'm not drinking and then proceed to go ahead and drink again by the time I've 'felt better' plus I would have eaten so badly too so your plans for exercise and healthy eating is brilliant !

I'm on day 8 I can't really believe it tbh. I wrote down in my diary yesterday on @Amdone123 advice (just a normal 2023 diary) about all the positives and I wrote
Better sleep
Better health
Better relationships
Better skin
All the betters!

I have an appt with the school SEN this week about my eldest - first time I've done something about it and I'm not scared about it now. I just want to get help for my son.

*past is in the past

Thanks for your kind words @Determineddoris I've walked the path of the SEN parent, dealing with schools and professionals. If you ever need a bit of morale support with that feel free to message me. Good luck with the appointment.

I'm turning this on its head. I deserve to be healthy, I deserve to be happy, I deserve to look fresh and glowing! I've just written that in my journal. I'm not going to mentally beat myself up over last night I've done that for years and it's been no help to me.

Your doing amazing, you've come so far from where you were a few weeks ago, keep moving forward 😊

I hate that I'm the opposite of this!

When I drink I'm incredibly productive when it comes to cleaning and do so much, normally I procrastinate or it just doesn't get done without a drink in me :(

I would like to join. Feel it’s a sliding doors moment. Need to take the right path

@Theskyoutsideisblue , hi and welcome on-board. You've made a good choice today so be proud of yourself for that.
What's your plan ? What do you want to do, abstain for a while ?
Day 1 today - can you do your best today or have you a set date to start ?

@intherough , I'm similar.
Sometimes I need to drink to motivate myself and yes, I do my best cleaning when half cut. Having said that, I've done so much this week without a drop, so it's that inner motivation and determination for me. And, unfortunately, the hangover day often means I can't move, so nothing gets done.

@Manyrivers , put it behind you like you are doing. You have been doing really well the past few months - look after yourself today. If you can exercise and eat healthily, I think that will be great for your confidence. I know you can do it.

@Determineddoris , Day 8 and your 'Betters' -honestly, I'm emotional. And knowing that it's going to help your son - you would help him anyway I know. Us mothers would crawl over deserts of broken glass for them, but you sound so determined to get the best for him.

Day 6 here for me. I've lost a pound, my jobs are almost done - yesterday was a killer but all good !
I slept better, skin clear and I'm feeling really positive.
Got to go food shopping - no inclination to buy wine. This is good for me because often the seed is planted in the morning and I kind of know it's going to happen.
Not Today.

@Determineddoris you are amazing! Congratulations 🎉 that’s so good and I bet you are feeling so good. Hang on to that feeling - it’s one alcohol can never give you.

@Manyrivers each morning is a new start. Tomorrow is a fresh new day to look forward to and a new beginning. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you have been doing really well and this is just a bump in the road.

@EnoughEnoughnow how are you going? Have you got a plan for cutting back? I think I would worry about cold turkey at this point, and perhaps just try to halve what you’re drinking each day?

@Theskyoutsideisblue welcome! I have been where you are and I can tell you that things can definitely be better. There is only hope and optimism from this point onward!

@Amdone123 also amazing! Congrats, you sound bright and happy.

I'm planning for an upcoming night out with friends. Normally we would all drink heavily but I really don’t want to. So am thinking about how to handle it.

@Starlia , thanks, I am happy today !

Regarding your night out, are you eating too ?
Is it a pub crawl or a club or something?

I think if you don't want to drink, then make it your Mission. I have done this and I've become almost stubborn about it ( not with others, with myself).
One thing I don't do, is tell anyone. It just leads to an open forum discussion of how 'you're not that bad', etc etc. So I just pretend I'm drinking!
I also look at the food and drink menus of destination so I'm prepared.
And I think of all the positives - the main one, No Hangover and all its related anxieties.

@Amdone123 I will definitely eat as much as possible, not great for the old weight but it’s the lesser of two evils 😩
I would dearly love to just enjoy moderate drinking on a night out. It would be hard not to drink at all, but my plan so far is to start with cider and not have wine at all.

@Starlia , yes, cider is a good shout.

Cider is my go to drink but it is full of sugar and quite high in alcohol content.

@bookworm44 , yeah, it is.
I've never drank cider to be honest, probably for that reason. Plus, I remember the days of Snakebites - yuck!!
I think when I next go out, I'm going to opt for kopperberg af strawberry and lime. I've had it before and as I don't drink cider, I have no expectations. Same with lager. I'm going to buy some af perroni. I've found with af drinks, I stop after 2.
Errmmm 🤔 wonder why that might be...

Well I am disgusted with myself. I got absolutely blotto last night and I am hanging out of my arse today. I am in work too so feigning hayfever for my bloodshot eyes. Far from cutting back i drank 2 beers, 6 ciders AND a whiskey and coke. On a wednesday. There is half a bottle of wine in the house and 2 cans of cider and i know I will drink them tonight. I have no self control :(

It's so awful to feel like that, especially in this heat. Did anything happen to make you want to drink so much or is it just habit then once you start you can't stop?

Ongoing family argument about something and it keeps going round and around in my head. I think when sober to just forget about it all and move on but we all know when the booze comes into play emotions are heightened so last night I had the booze and a sobfest for myself. Even dp commented I had not been chatty with him on whatsapp when usually I am of an evening. I just need to get off this rollercoaster. Booze solves NOTHING.

@Needtokickthehabit , don't be too hard on yourself.
It's how you were feeling and you dealt with it in a way that's become a habit.
Just get through today and when you get home, could you pour the wine, etc down the plug hole?
I know it seems like a waste but it's either in you or down the drain?
Could you plan a start date to maybe abstain for a bit ? That will give you some hope, and hopefully stop the feeling that you can't do it. You can do it - and we'll help you ❤💯

I totally understand that and freuently cry over things long gone when drinking! I agree, pour the booze away then get a shower and an early night. You will feel so much better tomorrow. Come back on here for support.

Hi @Needtokickthehabit sorry you are finding things so hard at the moment. I had a chat with my friend last week when I drank on a Weds because I'd had a bad day and I was cross with myself. I said "I was just struggling so much not to drink" and she said "you were just struggling and that's ok". It hit deep. Sometimes we're much kinder to others than we are to ourselves. What would you say to a friend today if they had had your yesterday evening? Would you say "you're so rubbish and useless and you have no willpower"? Or would you say "do you know what, you've got a shitty thing going on and you've dealt with it using your current coping strategy"? I think what you're becoming conscious of is that the coping strategy actually isn't helping long term and that's the first step.

Look at your evening routine - can you just go out somewhere until after the witching hour has passed? Can you tip the wine away and just drink the lager? Take one tiny step tonight for you. Be kind to yourself, a bath, a chocolate gateau, a magazine, paint your nails, go to bed at 7.30pm - any or all of the above. You deserve to feel well

Thank you all for your kindness it really does mean a lot to me.

I know I need to get my shit sorted but I keep putting it off. The wine is an actual half bottle so not open but I know I will drink it. That said only half bottle is nothing compared to what I have been consuming so that in itself is a big thing.

Plan is to leave work a bit later than normal, go straight home and keep busy. I have kids just not with me this week so will walk the dog then shower and apply every lotion I can and once I have that done I know I will not leave the house again so I wont have the option of going to the shop for more. Terrible the things I have to do but I got myself into this mess.

@Needtokickthehabit the guilt and shame are terrible and in the end just make you feel like drinking more 😭. I agree with all the PPs about being kind to yourself. We are all doing the best that we can with the tools we have… I think Annie Grace said that, who I love!

Ok well I have a night out planned Sat night and the kids are back Sunday so that is my day. I will probably drink too much sat night but sunday I will just buy a quarter bottle of wine and sip it in bed Sunday night when the kids are in bed and go from there.

I will need a lot of luck and support ladies. I just feel like I have used alcohol as a crutch for so long that I do not know what else to do or what else to turn to.

The only reason i have decided to try & reduce my drinking habits is because i am terrified of the damage i am doing to my body, not because i want to stop drinking.