On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@Needtokickthehabit , that's OK.
You've had an easy day, no kids at home and no work tomorrow.
Don't worry about it just yet. You're going to sort it, but, honestly, we all do it in our own time.

If you read back @@Needtokickthehabit you will see we were in the same boat 100 per cent. I don't know what it's taken me there's no rock bottom but just had ENOUGH! you will get there in ypur own time. Your post hasn't triggered me so I'm hoping it never does - my mindset is different. On the other completely sober boards you not even allowed to mention drink or moderation and they come down on you like a ton of bricks! I'm my own person on my own path and so are you. Don't stress tomorrow is a new day.

@Needtokickthehabit . Try to throw some away. Even if just a glass.

@Needtokickthehabit taking one day at a time means just that. It's great you still checked in here and feel free to do that tomorrow as you continue to process your feelings around it all. No judgement here as we've all been there and taken different bits of learning from it. It's like a series of experiments.

Just checking-in myself to say I was given the option not to drive tonight but decided to anyway and I'm actually really glad. I was then offered "just one" glass of wine which I refused. I've noticed how tired I am now but realised how often I would stay up really late drinking into the night, sometimes on my own, as some sort of 'treat' to myself but in the process sacrificing both my sleep duration and it's quality. No wonder I was so exhausted all of the time. This is already a few hours past my usual bedtime so I know I'll be tired in the morning but at least I won't be tired AND hungover which I would just have associated as tiredness before anyway.

@texy well done you should be so super proud of yourself!!!! That probably would have triggered me slightly if someone said don't drive and have some drinks not sure I would have been as strong as you (in the past) so well done and the 'just one' thing drives me a bit nuts but I guess they don't know truly what we want to achieve out of no drink at all! You would have definitely had better quality sleep last night. You should be very happy!
How's everyone else doing? It's Friday and hopefully going to be second AF weekend in a row since last year I got this! I bought some limes, and I really find satisfaction (probably because it's hot) but icy icy water with squash and a dash of lime or something. I know squash has the calories but right now even tho I'm pretty sure I've put on weight it's better than drinking!
Hope you are feeling ok today @Needtokickthehabit well don't for posting when I used to drink I was too ashamed to post so at least you are still aware to post here and please do carry on!
@Amdone123 day 8 for you? How are you?
What are everyone's weekend plans?
Day 10 here!

Done*

Ps the meeting yesterday went well in terms of I didn't know there were so many resources out there regarding special needs ! There's occupation therapists, family support workers everything! I did get tearful in the meeting but only because I know I shouldn't have left it so long to seek help (bit of a running theme here leaving it so long knowing I had a problem drinking too!) Thank you to all of you esp @Manyrivers for taking time to advise. How are you @Starlia ? X

@Determineddoris I'm glad it went well, I hope you feel a sense of relief and hope.

@Needtokickthehabit we are all with you, we all stumble and fall along the way, your making progress by being accountable and reaching out in this group. Its not easy and we all understand, making improvements doesn't always mean 100% success with everything.

My own boat is a bit shaky this week. I've drank a bottle of wine and had 2 large bottles of beer this week. Now that's a massive improvement from where I was but not where I want to be. I'm going out tonight and I planned to drive. I've been wobbling, thinking I'm just going to drink but I know I want an AF weekend. @Amdone123 @texy I need to take a leaf from you guys this week, your doing so well.

I will let you all know how it goes @Needtokickthehabit hope your not feeling too bad today.

Why can’t I go out and drink 2 drinks and stop???? Another night out ending in me feeling a bit rubbish the next day. I really want to moderate and I’m doing that at home so why do night outs never go to play? I should have stopped 2 drinks earlier.

@Bigbus , to be honest, I think I'm going to struggle when I go out. Not for a meal with dh, but with my ex - colleagues who no doubt I'll meet in the 6 weeks holiday. I'd rather stay in but I can't stay in forever.
I was thinking about it yesterday though and I know I want to go out and not drink, so again, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

@Determineddoris , so glad the meeting went well. So much help out there, yes.
Well done on Day 10, and here's to the weekend!
I'm day 8, yes, though I just had to check.

My cleaning is coming to an end, thank god. Just the bedding and cushion covers to wash.
I've had a great week. Popping to the bank / shop later, but absolutely no urge to buy wine. Cloudy lemonade and ginger beer....now we're talking.

@Bigbus that's my fear for tonight. I've been working long hours all week and I want to enjoy my Saturday, not spend it hungover. I think on nights out you can get swept away with everyone else's drinking and drink more than you intended.

@Manyrivers , that's exactly it.
Unfortunately, on the times I have met up with ex colleagues and not drank, it was very difficult, hard work really. But I guess it's not going to be easy to start with.
I long for the day when it all comes naturally.
' No, thanks, I don't drink.'
I'd love to say that.

@Manyrivers and @Amdone123 sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can’t. Yesterday was just me and one friend who is a big drinker so if I wasn’t drinking it would definitely change the dynamic. The place we went was super expensive - a G&T would have been about £12! Cheapest option was rose so that’s what I had but I don’t have a very good off switch with wine. At least it wasn’t red wine (my favourite) because then I would be much worse today! It’s just a bit annoying - I have so much to do today and I had gotten used to feeling ok, now I’m not my worst but everything it going to be a bit harder. I don’t really want to not drink when I go out but maybe I need to do that a few times until I can safely control my intake!

@Bigbus , gawd. My best friend is a very big drinker. And we often meet just the 2 of us ( and go on road trips).
I cannot imagine meeting him and not drinking.

I hear you @Bigbus @Manyrivers it's the off switch that's the problem that's why I can't moderate! I'm not saying you guys can't but I know I've tried for many years now so unfortunately this is the road for me for now, I say unfortunately what I mean is it's unfortunate I can't moderate and be 'normal' but since abstaining again and getting more help and support esp from online community I am definitely not alone, none of us are we are just all so different. One follower when I asked why can some take it or leave it she said it's like the analogy of caffeine so some people can have one cup of coffee and they can't sleep at night but some can drink coffee at midnight and still sleep etc evergone is wired different! Not a bad thing we are all unique hey?

Good morning everyone 😊 i have now managed 5 nights without a drop but am wobbling with the w/e looming. My husband used to be quite a drinker but he gave up for health reasons. I am amazed he has found it so easy when instead of giving up with him i sit upstairs drinking alone and delight in the fact that if we do go out he offers to drive.

@Determineddoris , we're definitely in the same place. I love the caffeine example. Sometimes I think of it as an allergy. Some people can't eat seafood, etc - I can't drink wine. It always ends in tears, usually mine.

Strange, I'm so happy today - house is looking lovely, bank sorted ( my balance yay !! ), but still walking to the shop, the wine witch was there. I wasn't interested in buying today, definitely not - more of a self - doubt thing.
As in, Can I really do this ?

@bookworm44 , well done on 5 nights - that's absolutely brilliant.
There's nothing wrong with having a wobble it being weekend. There are tens of thousands of people nationwide thinking the same today.

Can you have a plan for this weekend?

@bookworm44 well done for day 5 whoooohooo. And yes it's weekend thoughts, wine witch is ready to rumble! Have you got any events this weekend? I also used to drink alone upstairs even if my H was drinking downstairs.

@Amdone123 💯 on the same path, well done for not getting it from the shops and look how productive your week has been!!! When is H back? And YES YOU CAN REALLY DO THIS!!!!!

I have plans during both days at the w/e but not the evenings. I have purposefully left my cider in the car boot still but am now thinking i could stick it in the freezer at work snd maybe just have 2 pints each night instead of 4, would still be an improvement but not sure i'd stick to it once i got the taste.

Well done @bookworm44 - 5 days is a great block. See how you feel later. Is there an AF cider alternative that'll give you the taste you're looking for or is it the feeling you're missing? I don't drink cider so not sure what the AF options are like.

@Amdone123's phrase play the tape forward might be a good one to have in mind. But equally, like @Manyrivers said the other day - you're an adult and you have choices. And if that choice is to have a drink tonight then that's ok and shouldn't come with guilt if it's a conscious decision. Maybe just consider the for and againsts and weigh them up to see which one wins consciously.

The Sober Awkward episode with William Porter on Cravings is absolutely excellent for this so might be worth a listen before deciding.

@bookworm44 , well, that's a start. You can only try.
I was going to say alternate so cider, soft drink etc but remembered how annoying that is when people say it to me.
Unless you can do that ?!

@Determineddoris , thanks.
Dh is back Sunday morning.
I'm missing him now. Mainly because I had to put the bins out this morning 🤣

@texy , thanks - you always give me something to think about.
And funnily enough, when I was walking to the shops, I did play it forward.
It was then I realised to beat this bitch, I need to draw on all my artillery.
Playing it forward really works for me.

I am not long up. I have a really bad hangover but want to cure it with hair of the dog. The chances of it happening thankfully are nil as I promised a friend I would cook lunch today and she is a non drinker so a glass of wine with lunch would not work with her so I should be thankful. Today is Friday. I know for a fact I will drink tonight and I am going out tomorrow night but Sunday is my day to mentally prep myself. I will buy a half bottle of wine Sunday night but the kids will be back so I will wait till they are in bed and go up to bed with it and then Monday is to be my day one.

I feel like a selfish bitch drinking the way I do. I want to stop. I am so glad I came across this thread and appreciate all who are supportive. I will be a bit more supportive to you all once I have my first 'dry' day but right now I am out of focus so I cant even support my flipping self.

@Needtokickthehabit , don't worry about us.

I actually think when you have an addiction, it's ok to be 'selfish', to look after yourself. We are our own best advocates.
You've got your weekend planned and you've got a day 1 starting point. That's good.
To me, you honestly sound like you've had enough.
The best is yet to come for you ❤️

Thank you so so much for your support. I genuinely appreciate this. I do not want to die this young from liver damage or kidney damage and I do not want to be this person anymore. Every single week this year I have told myself I am quitting but never had anyone to share it with so I think posting on here is going to keep me accountable. I am looking forward to sobriety I really am. I feel like I am in a prison cell sometimes because of booze but it is a mental cell that I need to help myself escape from. Monday is my day to escape.