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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Kids taking all my money out of my bank account

150 replies

Momtrac83 · 23/05/2023 22:31

Every month when I get paid my universal credit and pip. The adult take all my money out of my bank account without my permission.yes buy food with most of it but it leaves with nothing to pay bills. I admit I'm an alcoholic I do buy alcohol with some of it but i don't let them go hungry or without the things they need. Do they have a right to take the money?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 24/05/2023 01:15

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/05/2023 22:58

Get the three year put under a Special Guardianship Order in the care of the adult child, they get housing away from you and benefits of their own, you get to buy all the alcohol you want on a single person's UC and PIP and your toddler gets looked after and fed?

Or you could put the little one into care, but it already sounds as though their sibling is doing all the parenting.

This.

It sounds like the adult children are doing their very best to keep the family together and make sure everyone has what they need.

OP, have you considered treatment?

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 24/05/2023 02:30

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/05/2023 22:38

Change your passwords on the bank account?

Really? Instead of OP working on being sober so she can make better choices your advice is for her to change her password and spend all the money drinking, smart.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 24/05/2023 03:24

It sounds as though the children have done this to try and protect themselves.

How old are they OP? I think you need to refer yourself to Children's Services in order for your children to access thd support they need.

Poopgal · 24/05/2023 03:53

I’m sure there is more to the story here and it likely has to do with your alcoholism. Have there been times where collagen haven’t been fed for to the addiction? Strongly suspect yes.

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/05/2023 04:17

@Momtrac83 Do you mean they take your money and buy food to eat there and then, takeaways, stuff from the garage/corner shop for themselves, and not for the youngest child/you?

Or are they buying shopping at a supermarket to stock the cupboards to feed the entire family?

The two situations are very different - I went through a phase of having to do the latter to ensure the bills were paid and there was basic food in the cupboards, as left to her own devices my Mother was just buying vodka, sherry, cigarettes and boiled sweets (she couldn't tolerate real food). She managed to get the phone cut off and the gas and electricity were on the verge of changing it to a pre-paid meter.

She of course told all and sundry that I was stealing from her and was such an incredibly good liar that several people believed her and confronted me about how 'badly' i was treating her... until I showed them the letters and bank statements. Then suddenly they didn't want to fucking know and disappeared.

If they are just taking the money to take care of themselves and are not doing it to keep the family fed etc, speak to the police and speak to your GP for help. Call adult social services, they can help you get yourself out of a mess if you want that help.

Redebs · 24/05/2023 04:48

There's no point changing your username, if you immediately post outrageous things like this.

OP the people in your life are trying to hold things together for you. Your children should not have to go through this.

Please focus on being healthy.

Effieswig · 24/05/2023 05:03

So who is paying the bills?

Brisland · 24/05/2023 05:09

Agree with all posting above, and am relieved the 3 year old at least has someone looking after them and ensuring they are fed.

Also (I know it isn’t important in the grand scheme of things, but I’m curious) wondered why you can’t have a sandwich without butter?

Brisland · 24/05/2023 05:10

Redebs · 24/05/2023 04:48

There's no point changing your username, if you immediately post outrageous things like this.

OP the people in your life are trying to hold things together for you. Your children should not have to go through this.

Please focus on being healthy.

Oh…. Is OP known from another thread/username?

Redebs · 24/05/2023 05:16

Yes.

momonpurpose · 24/05/2023 05:20

If you aren't going to get some help to stop drinking please give your children to someone who can give them a stable home.

user1492757084 · 24/05/2023 05:30

It is a good thing that the older children are living there, especially with you an alcoholic and you having a three year old in the mix.
I'm glad they take charge and buy food.
You need to talk with them about adding a couple of items to the list every now and again, like butter, and you need to thank them for keeping you living with your family..

1AngelicFruitCake · 24/05/2023 05:58

What has happened to your older child for them to do this? Do you work?

Thoughtful2355 · 24/05/2023 06:17

Why don't you instead try and fix your issues, people have. I know someone who was a wreck and went to get help. They actually have they're family back now and can live a normal life .

Don't lose your family over this, you'll end up very lonely

Perfect28 · 24/05/2023 06:21

How do they have access to your bank account op? Order a new card, change pin and passwords?

JennyJenny8675309 · 24/05/2023 06:24

I had first hand experience with an alcoholic who drank himself to death in his forties. If you are/were so out of control that they have taken over your parenting and finances and need to check your bag when you return home, then you have a serious problem. I don’t think anyone here is able to advise you, as there is obviously much more to this situation than you’re letting on.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 24/05/2023 06:29

Redebs · 24/05/2023 04:48

There's no point changing your username, if you immediately post outrageous things like this.

OP the people in your life are trying to hold things together for you. Your children should not have to go through this.

Please focus on being healthy.

Oh, so it is the same person. She did ask for help in changing her username.

OP, why do you post on here? It's a genuine question, not facetious or rhetorical. What do you want us to tell you?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/05/2023 06:33

Such flash backs to my father- he was utterly selfish, and left us with little to no food but always bought his vodka- we were well off too so he just didn’t give a crap about anyone but himself

MILLYmo0se · 24/05/2023 06:38

So once the food is bought theres no money left to pay the household bills? Or is the adult child keeping the rest of the momey? Is the rent/mortgage being paid?

Motnight · 24/05/2023 06:38

I recognise you, Op.

You have received good advice on this thread.

It is almost impossible for a drinking alcoholic to do this, but could you consider putting your children first and take the action necessary to protect them?

I grew up with an alcoholic mother and the fear and the shame and the sadness are difficult to shake off many, many years later.

Custardslices · 24/05/2023 06:44

I'm stumbled at how benefits can actually pay bills and get you drunk every day.

Flopsythebunny · 24/05/2023 06:49

Custardslices · 24/05/2023 06:44

I'm stumbled at how benefits can actually pay bills and get you drunk every day.

They can't

Zarataralara · 24/05/2023 06:52

Custardslices · 24/05/2023 06:44

I'm stumbled at how benefits can actually pay bills and get you drunk every day.

They don’t. It’s one or the other and you can guess what an alcoholic will choose.
OP there is lots of help for you. Your GP, Social Services, Alcoholics Anonymous. You know alcoholism will kill you eventually and you need to either stop drinking or arrange proper care for your children. Your choice.

Maray1967 · 24/05/2023 06:52

Ponderingwindow · 24/05/2023 00:05

It’s possible you adult offspring is abusive and controlling, but it’s much more likely that these measures are a desperate attempt to provide a safe home for your youngest child. Your eldest are trying to protect your youngest from what you put them through.

all of you might be better off with children’s services intervention. The burden this must be placing on your older children, even if they are young adults, is enormous.

Exactly this. Your posts suggest that you prioritise buying alcohol. Stop.

Your older DC are buying food so your three year old is fed. And you are still buying alcohol. You would have the money for the calpol if you did not buy drink.

If this is not the case, and you are being financially abused, then go to the police. But it sounds as though your older DC are going what they can to protect your three year old.

CrystalCoco · 24/05/2023 06:53

It sounds like 'the other side of the story' would be very different.

Bills and food are a priority, if only food is being bought then are all of your bills in arrears?
Have you had a conversation to this effect?

If you have an adult child who is trying to 'save you from yourself' you need to communicate about your needs ie bills paid, what food/meds are bought