Kids taking all my money out of my bank account

[Momtrac83]

Every month when I get paid my universal credit and pip. The adult take all my money out of my bank account without my permission.yes buy food with most of it but it leaves with nothing to pay bills. I admit I'm an alcoholic I do buy alcohol with some of it but i don't let them go hungry or without the things they need. Do they have a right to take the money?

So they take money out and ensure there is food in the house for your 3 year old, you’re an alcoholic and they’re ensuring you don’t go and get pissed on a daily basis while in charge of said 3 year old? As far as I’m concerned they’re doing the right thing and you should get some help for your alcoholism.

It sounds like your adult children have taken over to prevent you from drinking. They wouldn't be doing that unless it was affecting your small child. Stop drinking and tell them that there's bills to pay, before spending it all on food. You have to sober up and step up. I'm not surprised they don't trust you with money right now. Find an AA support group and start going to it, show them you're improving.

They can't they are enough for either/or not both

I am very concerned about your 3 year old. How often are you drinking? If your child needs Calpol and isn't able to get it straight away this is also very worrying. Are social services involved?

I thought she is saying her children have all the money so she doesn't buy alcohol now but they didn't buy the right things like butter and that she can't get calpol because they have the money????

What a heartbreaking thread.

OP, I really dont think your children should be around you whilst you are battling this addiction.

Please get help.

I agree with pp that your children are doing this to keep the family together, to care for you and to protect the 3 year old.

I think that it’ll work better if you are kind and appreciative with them, and try to support them to get better at it rather than fighting them.

One practical suggestion is to stick a piece of paper on the fridge and write a list on it of things you need like coupol and butter. I’m sure that if you do this regularly and respectfully they’ll start buying the things on the list.

Secondly if you Google your area and young carers you’ll hopefully find a charity which will be able to support them with the skills they need to manage the money and look after their sibling in a non judgemental way.

If you do struggle with decision making around money because of your addiction a young caters charity would be able to support them to manage the other bills too which might make all of your lives less stressful.

My mum was an alcoholic. It fucking sucks. It ruined my life, truly. She took no responsibility for what mattered. OP. Regardless of whether people are taking your money, the main problem is your hideous and all encompassing addiction. OP I really hope you can overcome it. Seek lots and lots and lots of help. Stop blaming other people for you feeling down. The reason you feel down is because alcohol makes you feel fucking shit. The reason people are treating you in an “unfair” way is because you get drunk and it’s horrible. OP alcohol does this to people. It’s not you, not your fault. It’s the fucking shit alcohol.

This is so sad. The OP has admitted alcoholism, which is an illness - and everyone is jumping on them for prioritising alcohol. For an addict it's not as simple as just "not buying alcohol", otherwise she wouldn't be an addict. She needs help.
OP have you have a conversation with your children about what does need to be paid, other than food? Can you make them aware of other bills and the consequences of them not being paid? Have you highlighted not being able to buy Medication needed for the 3 year old?
You need to have all these conversations if you've given them control over your money, which you must have done at some point and I assume to try to help / manage the problems you have with using it to buy alcohol?
Please, please call your GP and get help, get a referral to your local addiction service, and involve social services to ensure your 3 year old is protected. If you genuinely do feel they are abusing your finances, social services will work to protect both you and your children whatever the circumstances.

There have been plenty of opportunities to get help if she wanted it - if you want to feel sorry for someone, feel sorry for the poor kids involved in this mess, the ones taking care of their 3 year old sibling because their mother is too concerned with being drunk.
Alcoholism is an addiction, not a disease. It's incoherently selfish when you have children to subject them to this.

I suspect that your alcohol use is worse than you are letting on and you would spend good money on alcohol.

@Bluebirds1987 OP have you have a conversation with your children about what does need to be paid, other than food? Can you make them aware of other bills and the consequences of them not being paid? Have you highlighted not being able to buy Medication needed for the 3 year old?
Oh come on! This whole situation is because op doesn't give a shit about consequences and just wants to drink. Are you honestly saying any of the responsibility for this should be laid on the children who are keeing a toddler safe because their mum wont?!

@ladydimitrescu alcoholism is a disease. A fucking cruel one. Its possible to feel sorry for everyone in a situation.
OP it sounds like you need help. You're ahead of lots of people by recognising and admitting you are an alcoholic. The next step is finding a way to stop drinking.
Your drinking is harming you and your children.

The Op isn’t recognising anything. Bills obviously are being paid, or they would be homeless.

I have a lot of experience with alcoholic. I feel saying ‘oh it’s a disease’ just takes responsibility from them and in most cases gives them an excuse to continue. And, in this case, continue the abuse of a toddler.

i Woolf bet money the bills are paid. Ops is simply angry she can’t access money for booze. And while someone is lying on the internet trying to get sympathy and strangers to help her access that money, she isn’t really engaged in recovery or doing what’s best for the small child.

You have a three year old and you’re an alcoholic? That doesn’t sound good at all. Are you at all concerned about that? What are you more concerned about - access to money for drink or the safety and well-being of your child? Who is protecting your child? This sounds very worrying for that poor kid 🙁

OP have you have a conversation with your children about what does need to be paid, other than food? Can you make them aware of other bills and the consequences of them not being paid?

It's pretty obvious that the adult children are paying the bills, otherwise those meals wouldn't be getting cooked and they wouldn't have a house.

Ask dc to set up a delivery saver like at tesco. Then you can online shop and dc pays for it so you can choose and have the food you want?

The fact that they ask for receipts and check your bag, means they're absolutely desperate to prevent you drinking your benefits away.

Have you done anything to indicate to them that you're addressing your alcohol issues? Who looks after your three year old?

What bills are not being paid? If you set up direct debits then they'll go from your account and the money can't be spent on anything else.

There’s another thread about alcohol being or not being a disease. We really need to stop enabling alcoholics by making them think they can’t help it they have a disease (no one would tell a cancer patient to get over it). It’s not really a disease, it’s more a mental illness (or becomes one) and it causes disease. It makes people so selfish that they care more about their next drink than their child. You can only feel sorry for an alcoholic for so long before sympathy runs out. The child in this is who people need to be worried about it, the poor little thing.

The reply with bells on. Absolutely @Effieswig , also as a daughter of an alcoholic. Op please please seek help for your addiction. Yes it’s hard. But it’s much easier being sober. You are not just ruining your life but those around you. When I say you, I mean your addiction. Alcohol fucking sucks. It’s dangerous. Anyone can fall foul of it, especially perhaps those already predisposed to depression, or those with trauma. But it can get anyone hooked.

I feel most sympathy for the 3 yo in this situation, they have no power and cannot extract themselves from it. Thank fuck the elder dc have better caring skills than their mother.
Alcoholism may be classed as a 'disease' but it's a CHOICE despite what some may say. And op is completely manipulative saying its the older children's fault there's no calpol for the 3 year old because of her other children when she'd happily spend it on herself for Alcohol.

@MichelleScarn Agree it’s not a disease, but I wouldn’t say it’s a choice, it’s a COMPULSION. ie an addiction. She’s in the grip of it. She needs now to get help, and that’s her CHOICE. Please op, go to your GP.

Are you the OP?

@Momtrac83 OP, are you ok? If you need to chat, hmu.