Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Alcohol support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Kids taking all my money out of my bank account

150 replies

Momtrac83 · 23/05/2023 22:31

Every month when I get paid my universal credit and pip. The adult take all my money out of my bank account without my permission.yes buy food with most of it but it leaves with nothing to pay bills. I admit I'm an alcoholic I do buy alcohol with some of it but i don't let them go hungry or without the things they need. Do they have a right to take the money?

OP posts:
jannier · 23/05/2023 22:37

Do they then pay your bills?
Sounds like they are trying to save your life if you've got bills to pay I'd talk to them otherwise they are trying to help you

Wolfiefan · 23/05/2023 22:37

I don’t understand. Are your children adults and emptying your bank account each month? Do they live with you?

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/05/2023 22:38

Change your passwords on the bank account?

CombatBarbie · 23/05/2023 22:39

Well of course it's not legal to take your money without permission. Is it a reasonable amount to be spending on food? How many and how old are DC. Are they aware how much needs to be left for bills.... Can you be trusted to not touch the bill money?

Whilst you admit alcoholism, do your kids think they have gone without?

Original poster
Momtrac83 · 23/05/2023 22:46

They don't pay my bills my they take the money buy food. Don't ask if need or want anything from the supermarket. I havnt chosen what I to cook for lunch or dinner for months. I could even get my 3 year or any calpol from the shop today or bin bags. I had to ask for change and give him the receipt of proof of what I brought. They didn't buy any butter so I couldn't have a sandwich tonight and the refused to go and get some. They also check my bag when I've been out. Yes they live with me my eldest works a full time job. I feel totally out of control and it's making me very depressed

OP posts:
Xrays · 23/05/2023 22:48

How old are your children that are in control of your money? Are you able to prioritise buying food / what you need or would you spend money on alcohol? My mum was an alcoholic and she prioritised buying alcohol over things we needed as a family.

Littledogball · 23/05/2023 22:50

Who is paying the bills then?

PaigeMatthews · 23/05/2023 22:52

No it isnt legal. It is financial abuse. Of it was for your own good they would be payjng the bills and ensuring the baby has medicine. Who pays the bills then? Ade they just not being paid?

Wolfiefan · 23/05/2023 22:56

Sounds like they are trying to control your drinking. I wonder how they would describe the situation.
Who pays bills? Do you want them living with you?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/05/2023 22:58

Get the three year put under a Special Guardianship Order in the care of the adult child, they get housing away from you and benefits of their own, you get to buy all the alcohol you want on a single person's UC and PIP and your toddler gets looked after and fed?

Or you could put the little one into care, but it already sounds as though their sibling is doing all the parenting.

MichelleScarn · 23/05/2023 22:59

Who looks after your 3yo when you drink?

TheHandmaiden · 23/05/2023 23:00

I wonder what happened between you for this situation to occur?

Either you gave permission for this arrangement or you didn't? I think you did, otherwise you'd be at the police station saying this.

MichelleScarn · 23/05/2023 23:01

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/05/2023 22:58

Get the three year put under a Special Guardianship Order in the care of the adult child, they get housing away from you and benefits of their own, you get to buy all the alcohol you want on a single person's UC and PIP and your toddler gets looked after and fed?

Or you could put the little one into care, but it already sounds as though their sibling is doing all the parenting.

This absolutely!

Bunce1 · 23/05/2023 23:03

Kindly, your posts don’t make much sense.

who looks after the toddler?

OrangeSatsumas · 23/05/2023 23:03

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/05/2023 22:58

Get the three year put under a Special Guardianship Order in the care of the adult child, they get housing away from you and benefits of their own, you get to buy all the alcohol you want on a single person's UC and PIP and your toddler gets looked after and fed?

Or you could put the little one into care, but it already sounds as though their sibling is doing all the parenting.

I agree with this.

Don’t play the victim here OP, you’re an alcoholic and your eldest children are protecting the 3 year old.

ladydimitrescu · 23/05/2023 23:05

I wonder what their side of this would be?
They're looking after your 3 year old I assume when you're drinking? How about don't buy alcohol with any of it, then you could have bought Calpol?
Shame on you for coming here to slate your children who are parenting your youngest child whilst you choose to be drunk instead.

OrangeSatsumas · 23/05/2023 23:07

Bunce1 · 23/05/2023 23:03

Kindly, your posts don’t make much sense.

who looks after the toddler?

Probably because the OP is under the influence of alcohol.

OrangeSatsumas · 23/05/2023 23:11

Bunce1 · 23/05/2023 23:03

Kindly, your posts don’t make much sense.

who looks after the toddler?

Apologies, English isn’t my first language. The older children appear to be looking after the younger child and taking control of the OP’s finances to make sure there is enough to eat in the house.

NotStayingIn · 23/05/2023 23:11

It sounds like your older children have staged some sort of intervention and are trying to get you to stop drinking?

I think your best move will be to contact your GP and try and get help for the drinking.

There is probably loads going on here, but I imagine no longer being reliant on alcohol will help when tackling the other issues.

Good luck OP, I hope you can get your life back on track.

Bagpuss2022 · 23/05/2023 23:39

Obviously it not legal what that are doing but it’s for your own benefit it’s really worrying that you have a 3 year old.
contact your local drug and alcohol service

misssunshine4040 · 23/05/2023 23:52

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/05/2023 22:58

Get the three year put under a Special Guardianship Order in the care of the adult child, they get housing away from you and benefits of their own, you get to buy all the alcohol you want on a single person's UC and PIP and your toddler gets looked after and fed?

Or you could put the little one into care, but it already sounds as though their sibling is doing all the parenting.

Exactly this well said

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 23/05/2023 23:56

ladydimitrescu · 23/05/2023 23:05

I wonder what their side of this would be?
They're looking after your 3 year old I assume when you're drinking? How about don't buy alcohol with any of it, then you could have bought Calpol?
Shame on you for coming here to slate your children who are parenting your youngest child whilst you choose to be drunk instead.

This. And I normally sympathise with people with addictions. But I cannot believe you're crying victim whilst admitting to buying alcohol and having no money for Calpol for a 3 year old.

Ponderingwindow · 24/05/2023 00:05

It’s possible you adult offspring is abusive and controlling, but it’s much more likely that these measures are a desperate attempt to provide a safe home for your youngest child. Your eldest are trying to protect your youngest from what you put them through.

all of you might be better off with children’s services intervention. The burden this must be placing on your older children, even if they are young adults, is enormous.

FrostieBoabby · 24/05/2023 00:08

Are your adult children or Social Servies officially appointed to manage your finances to ensure the 3 year old is cared for? If not, how are they getting your money?

Thepossibility · 24/05/2023 01:07

The money should be used for food and not alcohol.
Have you made them go without food to get your fix?
You remind me of my mum when she was an addict, ever the victim.
I didn't have older siblings to take control and make sure I was fed though. The money went to her addiction.
I'm worried for your 3 yo.