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Alcohol support

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The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

994 replies

WendyWagon · 03/04/2023 18:33

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

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18
stilldumdedumming · 14/04/2023 07:42

Hello @BunniesBunniesBunnies and @WendyWagon - thank you. I will be back

Onewildandpreciouslife · 14/04/2023 08:18

Well done @Adsy1988 - it was dealing with my mother that pushed my drinking from bad to catastrophic, so you have my sympathy!

2023forme · 14/04/2023 09:49

Morning all. Day 3 for me. Feeling physically about 95% normal but mentally still a wreck. Have probably slept about 10 hours max since Monday - I am an insomniac anyway but this is off the scale and I think my DD thought I’d been drinking as I looked so bad this morning!

@rothbury I think I drink ironically when I’m happy. When me and DH have something nice planned, especially with friends, I get so excited internally. Because of my alcohol abuse, I’m only “allowed” say two drinks when we go out - this is DH’s way of helping me to moderate. He’d never actually stop me having a few more but I know it would make him and our friends uncomfortable so instead, I buy a bottle of vodka and take it with me in all sorts of “secret” ways - in water bottles, washed out hair products bottles etc. I drink the whole bottle over about 24 hours then feel so rough, I need more to straighten me out and so starts a 3 day bender. I get so bad my family then take my keys, bank cards etc off me and have even locked me in my room. It is that bad.

So it’s AF all the way for me now. Am just looking forward to a month, 100 days, a year etc. But I know I need to do ODAAT. 🙏🤞❤️

2023forme · 14/04/2023 09:51

@Onewildandpreciouslife @Adsy1988 ironically my mother was an alcoholic (as it my sister) and I always vowed to never be like them. I think I am actually worse as I’ve done things they never did/have but clearly drinking is somehow ingrained in me and that is why I need to be AF.

Crunchymum · 14/04/2023 09:59

@TheOtherHotstepper

I hope yesterday went as okay as it could? Such a horrible and difficult time. 😪

REP22 · 14/04/2023 11:11

@Onewildandpreciouslife I sympathise. My (deeply religious, often inappropriately so) mother is a key trigger for me. When I was in SMART recovery, mediation was suggested - only for it to turn into a cruel and dismissive haranguing with no respite until HER support worker literally told her to "stop speaking now; this is cruel." and privately apologised to me afterwards in stunned tones. It wasn't repeated.

I still get slapped in front of people on occasion if I "am cheeky". I am 48.

I hit up the chocolate milkshake a bit much last night (extremely stressful day at work as well as the above) so will have to get some more today. Pricking my Slimming World conscience, but at least it's AF. I put videos or podcasts on to run in a loop at night, to help with trouble sleeping. Last night I started with two episodes of Motorway Cops/Traffic Cops specials on drunk drivers. That helped to ground me a lot. Then off into the arms of Somnus with Saturday Kitchen on the iPlayer and the soporific snores of the dog. I do it for him because he deserves better.

Keep going. Strength and love. x

REP22 · 14/04/2023 11:14

@2023forme Three days is brilliant. Very hard, especially with the self-loathing on top of it all. Much kudos to you. x

rothbury · 14/04/2023 11:43

@2023forme The way you have framed this raises alarms for me - you "are allowed two drinks" so you are still thinking of it as something nice, something you treat yourself to.

You need to change your mindset so you see that drinking this poison is something you would only do if someone held a gun to your head and had you chained to a radiator. It isn't nice and it doesn't do anything for you - it's all a myth.

The great time you have is because you are out socialising with people whose company you enjoy and doing something fun. The alcohol is an irrelevance, and actually is poisoning you.

Have you read any of the good quit lit? Alcohol Explained is my favourite (William Porter)

2023forme · 14/04/2023 14:31

@rothbury - indeed. It is definitely something I am working towards - this change in mindset. but I’m sadly not there yet. I still miss having a few drinks but I for sure don’t miss the 3 day benders. I do know I cannot have “a few drinks” and I need to be completely AF.

I have read alcohol Explained and listened to several of his podcasts and I plan to go back and read it again.

REP22 · 14/04/2023 14:41

2023forme · 14/04/2023 14:31

@rothbury - indeed. It is definitely something I am working towards - this change in mindset. but I’m sadly not there yet. I still miss having a few drinks but I for sure don’t miss the 3 day benders. I do know I cannot have “a few drinks” and I need to be completely AF.

I have read alcohol Explained and listened to several of his podcasts and I plan to go back and read it again.

I've found SoberDave's "One for the Road" podcasts to be quite helpful and well-presented. Nice, non-preachy and quite entertaining. x

2023forme · 14/04/2023 14:43

@REP22 thanks. I’ll give it a go!

TheOtherHotstepper · 14/04/2023 14:53

Crunchymum · 14/04/2023 09:59

@TheOtherHotstepper

I hope yesterday went as okay as it could? Such a horrible and difficult time. 😪

It was all a bit odd. Three of us went together - all friends who met about ten years ago through our local music scene. We'd never been to a service in a natural burial ground before and I think we expected it to be very organic and lovely and peaceful. It wasn't. it should have been because we were outside, among the trees and the flowers, but it wasn't.

Our friend who died, like her brother before her, died ultimately because she could not control her drinking. We were therefore a bit surprised to find that her family had turned up with an endless supply of cans of Skol Extra, which they were passing round and drinking throughout the service. At one point, during the music for reflection, which to be fair was a bit long, the chap standing in front of me lit up a spliff!

I have to be a bit careful that I am not imposing high standards on others from the moral high ground of my sobriety, but when we got back in the car, the other two, occasional drinkers only both, were just as disgusted as I was.

Fair play to the deceased though, her coffin went into the grave to the tune of Going Underground, by the Jam.

Adsy1988 · 14/04/2023 15:18

@WendyWagon the AF was OK. At £4 a bottle though I doubt I’ll be buying it most nights!

@2023forme well done on Day 3. I found the first 5 days the most difficult, I think maybe because your body is used to having a constant stream of alcohol in it? Keep on keeping on though, you’re smashing it.

WendyWagon · 14/04/2023 16:58

@TheOtherHotstepper going under ground is bloody hilarious 😂
I love black humour. My mother wanted 'ding dong the witch is dead'. I am having Bye Bye Baby in a lipstick casket. My dad had a wheelbarrow on his casket full of allotment produce and someone pinched the fruit!

I did the breakfast and survived the two school gate mums. I didn't even feel like getting supplies in which was what I use to do after being picked apart. Isn't it funny how no hangover stops means you ooze 'don't mess with me' shitack.

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REP22 · 14/04/2023 17:19

WendyWagon · 14/04/2023 16:58

@TheOtherHotstepper going under ground is bloody hilarious 😂
I love black humour. My mother wanted 'ding dong the witch is dead'. I am having Bye Bye Baby in a lipstick casket. My dad had a wheelbarrow on his casket full of allotment produce and someone pinched the fruit!

I did the breakfast and survived the two school gate mums. I didn't even feel like getting supplies in which was what I use to do after being picked apart. Isn't it funny how no hangover stops means you ooze 'don't mess with me' shitack.

I had a friend (lovely feisty elderly lady, lived an amazing life) who chose "Come Fly With Me" as her 'going behind the curtains' song. Another one chose "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes". Bless 'em both.

Not sure what I'd pick for me - "Disco Inferno" or "Don't Fear the Reaper" spring to mind. Or "Another One Bites the Dust". At least it's a bit of a lie-down.

WendyWagon · 14/04/2023 17:38

@REP22 i love the thought of disco inferno. I want to break free?
A friend had 'more than a woman'. Lady Marmellade is also a good one. If I had any aunts left they would be fainting.

My mums best friend from university was a vicar. He had something very 'modern'. Think meatloaf. 😁

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Onewildandpreciouslife · 14/04/2023 18:07

Away on a weekend with friends. Typically a very boozy affair. Third time I’ve done it sober, so less stressed this time round. Found a good run for tomorrow morning.

Sorry about the funeral @TheOtherHotstepper. I have a vicar friend who hates My Way at funerals - he says the people who choose it usually die before their time because of their life choices

Crunchymum · 14/04/2023 18:42

I am pretty liberal (and of the mindset 'whatever gets you through' when you are grieving a loved one) but cans of lager and a spliff at the funeral. Fuck that!!! You don't need to be AF to know that's just not on.

My mum had songs she loved at her funeral. She'd have hated any traditional death songs (we had Dolly Parton, Diana Ross and Rod Stewart). I thought hearing the funeral songs would always make me sad..... it doesn't, it makes me sing. Like my mum always did.

Not sure what I'd have. Don't even think I want a funeral (controversial but I'd be inclined to opt for one of those cremations no-one attends / no service etc. But a party afterwards of course and always a mention to me on special occasions!!)

Adsy1988 · 15/04/2023 07:23

Morning everyone! Day 18 here, can’t believe I’m now into my third weekend sober. I turn 35 in a couple of months, I genuinely have never went three weekends in a row sober since I was underage. Not to mention also being sober during the week too!

Wish I could figure what has finally clicked in my brain this time, but I’m also not getting ahead of myself and I know that I’m likely to face challenges.

I have to work today, never normally work at the weekend but just have so much to do. So happy to be doing it after a great sleep and with no fuzzy head.

I hope you all have a brilliant sober weekend lined up.

WendyWagon · 15/04/2023 08:09

Morning all. Capt Wendy reporting for duty.
Long chat yesterday with business friend back from her hols. She is still keen to complete the bath and body company purchase which fell apart during due diligence. Just need to brace myself for the current owners temper!
Quiet weekend planned here. Must start the packing.
@Adsy1988 well done. My DS has a theory from sport re a three week success. He believes it to be the gateway to achievement.
Good luck today all ye sober sisters.

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2023forme · 15/04/2023 09:59

Quick Day 4 accountability post - starting a 12 hour shift on 3 minutes! I will not drink today.

Happy sober Saturday everyone. For those struggling- play the tape forward and imagine waking up feeling like shit tomorrow or waking up fresh as a daisy. We all know what is better! 💐❤️

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 15/04/2023 10:08

Well done @Adsy1988 and @2023forme!

Sending strength to anyone who needs it today.

It’s sunny here today☺️

WendyWagon · 15/04/2023 10:38

@2023forme oh well done. I would be looking forward to getting home and going to bed. Get the DH to put clean sheets on. I remember my 8.30 bed times in the first few months. It was bliss. X

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KateOopNorth · 15/04/2023 11:54

Hi everyone,

Hope it's ok to join - I really enjoy reading these threads and have followed for a while.

I'm a 40 something mum and have drank far too much for the last 12 years (pregnancy aside). Had many attempts at getting dry, some lasting mere hours, 😄 but have had a couple of stints of 50ish days since the pandemic.

I'm on Day 6 and this time feels different. I'm not white-knuckling it on willpower alone - I tell myself I can have a drink whenever I want one. The difference this time is that I see booze for what it is - poison in a glass, robbing me of my motivation, my sleep, my mental health, my cash, hours of my time every evening... plus the nice slim body I used to have! What used to feel like 'me time' and a comforting ritual now feels like a toxic friend and it's held me back for far too long.

Already seeing so many changes in my life. Looking forward to the new life ahead.

rothbury · 15/04/2023 13:21

Welcome @KateOopNorth

I am a repeat quitter like you, but this (no booze since NYE) is the longest I’ve been sober for over 20 years. It does feel different for me this time too.

I just don’t have any inclination to drink, any more than I would to have a cigarette. I’m over it. It holds no interest or value to me. If anything I feel sorry for people who are still drinking the stuff, I certainly don’t envy them.

Off on a hen weekend next weekend which will be a real test I suppose. I’m already feeling a bit like I will be spoiling the vibe, but I have been for a few nights out and lasted the course no problem.

I guess I just sense that everyone would be relieved if I was drinking too. Easier to split the bills etc.

Have you read any of the quit lit? What has made a difference for you this time do you think?