The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

Thank you for your understanding and encouragement @Breathmiller . You are so right of course. It is a spin-cycle - "I drink because I'm anxious and I'm anxious because I drink..." I have to keep in minds that sober sleep is better sleep. That and, of course, there are only so many bullets that I can keep dodging. I will get better at saying "expelliarmus" to the cravings!

@REP22 feeling much less anxious is one of the best bits about sobriety for me. I was an anxious wrecked just before I stopped drinking😭 This did stay for a while (a few weeks?), I don’t know how long sober you are. The fucked up thing about alcohol is that it does sometimes relax you, temporarily, and so it’s really tempting to drink when you’re anxious. But in the long term I only found alcohol increased my anxiety and massively destroyed my ability to cope with the tough bits in life. Sending strength and sympathy!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies just dropping in with a congrats message 👏 🎖️
well done you !!
as has already been said most eloquently by others you have been a support, inspiration and friend to many here. Solid advice and being consistently wise are your trademarks!
💐

Hi everyone- sadly I fell off the wagon again and really fucked up. I am bored listening to myself saying “this has to be the last time” etc etc and some of you may have seen a thread I started when I was still intoxicated.

I attended my first AA meeting - it was online and I’ve always been sceptical about AA but I’m at the stage of being willing to try anything to get me sober.

Today is day 2 for me and I’m still recovering/hangxiety but am going to post for accountability.

Hi @2023forme . So sorry you had a blip.

Can you think about why this happened? What was going through your mind when you made the decision to drink?

Was it because you were stressed and convinced yourself that alcohol would help?

Did you think you could moderate?

Peer pressure?

Identify the cause so you can equip yourself with armour to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

Be gentle with yourself today.

Glad you came back @2023forme x

Morning all.
Captin Wendy here.
The sun is shining and I have woken up feeling a bit better.
Thank God for this thread because people are not great at support IRL If I get another bloody 'heart you' shit on my social media I shall scream! A phone call would be nice.
@2023forme welcome back.
I think AA is a useful tool. Nobody is there to extract your cash like a cult or insist you become a God botherer. I've been and I would go again. If I remember correctly you have a professional job and that needed education to achieve. Think of AA in the same way. It is a learning programme. Not every training course do we whole heartedly agree with but we take something away.
The DD needs picking up today. Short weeks this term. She is very caring so she will be a help. She comes into my room asking if she should bring tea and 'the good biscuits'. Makes me laugh. When she is in a mood I sing 'tomorrow' from Annie off key 'a la Les Dawson'. Makes the dog hide!

I'm glad you're feeling better @WendyWagon . Long may it continue.

@2023forme I think of you often and wish you well. I think it's a good idea to try as much support as you can, be it AA or whatever. Maybe it will be AA that sticks.

I had a blip while on holiday. We went to a steak restaurant and I thought, 'Ehy not?' I only had one glass but it made me feel bloody awful the next day and I swear I could still tell three days later. I think I must have that menopausal thing that makes you react to sulfites. The 'advice' is to swap to vodka but I won't be trying that one as I don't like it much. I'm happier being alcohol free than trying to find some kind of poison that doesn't hurt me too much.

Have a great day everyone.

@MerylSqueak spot on re the three day withdrawal. Some of us are without blips but the few I have had over the last 15 months have been bloody awful. I also don't get the booze pushers who say such and such doesn't cause such a hangover, it still effects your liver!
We have had limited space in the flat so I can't wait for our freezer back to have plenty of ice. It really hits the spot even if it is a fruit juice. I am looking forward to all the summer fruit and veg. I shall start anew on the diet. Five months to get in shape for our big industry show. Three weeks to removal vans, hoorah.

Good morning.

My friend's funeral this afternoon. I think I would probably prefer to be almost anywhere else on the planet. I am under the wing of another friend, who never drinks anyway, so I will be safe. Sober funerals are still difficult.

@WendyWagon, this will be the first outing for my new MAC foundation. Thank you so much for the recommendation - I love it!

@TheOtherHotstepper i am sorry it is a difficult day. My brother's service is next week. These things are awful. No words of wisdom.

Thanks for the replies guys - I'm in a bit of a rush so just a quick acknowlegement of your support. I've had something to eat for the first time since Monday - I need to lose a bit of weight but this is not the best way to go about it. But my trousers do feel a bit slacker - I feel this is spurring me on to eat more healthily and hopefully lose the weight. My joints are killing me and the two stone extra I'm carrying doesn't help - I'm taking brufen like smarties and aware that won't be helping my insides either. I'll keep posting regularly for accountability.

I'm sorry @TheOtherHotstepper . Friends are so hard to lose. When I was younger, I thought I would make friends all the time at the same rate as I did when I was younger. I realise now that they are few and far between and very precious.

Oh bugger. I needed to pop to the shop last night, so a bottle of wine ended up in the basket. FFS. Totally unnecessary and it was only day frigging two, too.

Its because I’m off work, but that’s such a lame excuse. I was also in the company of a big drinker, even though we were parting ways at the shop and hadn’t been drinking together.

Right. Pick myself up again, try not to hate myself again.

On the anxiety cycle - I once heard someone describe drinking as ‘stealing happiness from tomorrow’. A phrase I should get printed on my bank card to remind me.

welcome back @2023forme no judgement just gentle support, same for @Findyourneutralspace. Maybe plan some short term and medium term goals, then head for a long term one.

day 1 - bath
day 3 - coffee and cake meet up
day 7 get your nails done or massage, buy a new book
day 30 join a group
day 100 book a holiday?

Whatever works for you?

Thanks @Fortheloveofgodwhy. My first goal is to get through the weekend. Once I’m back at work on Monday it will be easier during the week.
I don’t generally drink on a work night, but that’s all gone to pot a bit this last month with some stressy work stuff, annual leave and a bit of sick leave thrown in.

He I’m seeing friends tonight but driving, so that’s an easy win. I need to plan the weekend so I have stuff to get up for in the morning. A nails appointment sounds like a good plan.

Sending hugs theOtherHotStepper and c'ptnWendy grief is so all encompassing. I'm sorry you are both going through this.

To those having or had blips, the great thing is they don't define you. And those of us who look like we're not having blips on here, I can say that it took me many, many attempts to get here. I'm always so impressed by those that come straight back and get on the wagon. Each time you do that it strengthens your resolve that sobriety is really what you want.

When i look back at my many ( some long, some short but extreme) blips, I believe that, each and every time I learned a lesson that I didn't want to drink, that I didn't want to moderate or do any of these other things that may suit other people. So, dont be hard on yourselves, be as gentle as you would with a loved one or even those on here. You CAN do this! I am sure all of us didn't believe it was possible at one point I knoe I didn't think I had itnin me, , but it is possible It can just take a few attempts for your head to catch up with your hearts desire. Habits are so ingrained and none more so that something like alcohol. One day at a time.

@2023forme and @Findyourneutralspace sending strength. I've recently had a blip after over a year AF and was slipping back hard and fast, which is why I found my way to this lovely thread. Please don't beat yourselves up. I absolutely hate myself, the evenings are grim, but must just try and dust myself down and keep going. Be nice to yourselves, put what happened in the past and keep going. You are worth it all and more. It won't always be this bad.

@TheOtherHotstepper I'm really sorry about your friend. Hope all goes as well as it can.

@WendyWagon Hope you have a lovely time with your daughter Cap'n and the Les Dawson howl-along is fun! I used to love Les Dawson, especially the sketches he did with Roy Barraclough.

Strength and love to everyone. xx

Hello all - I was on the 2020 thread and I'm back here courtesy of @BunniesBunniesBunnies resurrecting her zombie thread on which I directed her to you lovely people. Then I fell off the wagon. Unbelievably I started drinking again to support dp who was recovering from a brain haemorrhage and after some time started drinking very small amounts...which inevitably grew. I realise I really wasn't helping him. I realise it sounds messed up. It kind of made a little sense at the time- maybe it was getting a little of our old life back when so much has changed. I'm not about to get all maudlin about that. There's really not much point!

I'm going to lurk and read for a bit. I'm not 100% sure when exactly I'll be back. But I'm pretty sure it won't be long.

Also @BunniesBunniesBunnies I bloody posted this on the wrong thread. I've reported my post so mn should take it down asap. My apologies - second time this week. I'm not sure how it happened. Sorry

@stilldumdedumming so nice to see you here. I do remember you of course and also the difficulties your dp was having, you have/had such a lot on your plate. Don’t feel you have to take the post down! Many of us have had blips and challenges.

What you are saying does not sound messed up at all. Please don’t be hard on yourself. You were always kind on the thread, you deserve the same kindness in return (from us and from yourself).

Hope to see you here soon☺️

@stilldumdedumming Everyone is welcome here. The only thing we ask is that you are trying for a alcohol free life. Some folks are on day one, some 3 years plus. There is an absolute need for a safe space and I personally think female alcohol dependancy is different. That's just my opinion and is no way discriminatory. It's about social norms. Women don't drink (yeah right) and if they do they are not a mumsnet norm. We do have a few fellas on here. That's OK.
For me walking into a AA meeting and finding 90% male it put me off. Now I have this thread to support me with life's difficulties.

Morning all.
Up early as the DH has a cold and was coughing.
I am off out for a breakfast. Two old friends who are OK separately but very competitive when together (think Goodness Gracious Me when the two women are talking about their sons). I don't do lunch with them anymore. A breakfast works so I can limit the time and ear bashing. No risk of booze either.
Still waiting for work contracts but have finished the new book. I colleague suggested I read as a form of meditation. I can't hear anything if I am reading so perhaps that's what I do. An interesting theory. It was very useful at the start of my AF journey.
Have a lovely sober Friday people.

Hope you have a nice, and hopefully peaceful breakfast @WendyWagon.

Day 17 here. Last night was a bit of a nightmare here. Not to bore everyone but to say my relationship with my lovely, but at times batshit mental parents, can be testing, would be the understatement of the century. Their antics started up again last night, they can see no wrong in anything that they do, and I did end up phoning them to ask WTF was going on now, try to eloquently put my point across to their latest fiasco, but of course no way could they see how it was affecting anyone other than themselves.

Stupidly on the way home after calling them I stopped at the shop. Most tempted I’ve been since beginning this journey. I picked up a bottle of AF Shiraz, which although wasn’t wine, it let me have a glass and sit and chill after all the drama.

Ultimately I can’t be responsible for anyone’s actions but my own, even if they are hurtful. So whilst I was upset, I’m so glad this morning to wake up guilt free and hangover free.

Happy Friday!

@Adsy1988 well done on the AF wine. Twas it any good?