The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

morning all, hope all our newbs are still on the sober trailer? Enjoy lunch Sav. I wholeheartedly agree with Bunnies up there, remind yourself of all the good things you have done for your daughter - even a teetotal parent who never ever drank isn't perfect and a perfect parent would teach their children little about autonomy and self reflection.

484 days here (quick nomo check). so ramping up to the big 500, 2 things people say which still entertain me.

1. 'are you STILL not drinking?...' yes still and forever, like smoking WHY would i start again when I have had 484 days of waking up proud of myself and present and able to cope with whatever life throws at me?

2. and this is usually people I have just met or see infrequently when I am put into a position where i explain i don't drink, their reply is inevitably.
   'oh I only drink at weekends, I'm not much of a drinker, I hardly drink at all...'

All three statements without so much as a breath between them. I just want to say to them there is no need to justify your drinking to me, I am not the booze police. This is MY choice.

Both of those make me eyeroll mainly because I WAS that person, I would also say behind their backs that I could never be proper friends or really trust someone who didn't drink, it is SO weird... karma got me on that one ;-)

Still loving sober life and making a concerted effort to do more with my evenings, go to more clubs/events/groups, get up and run in the mornings, and currently I am trying to slow myself down. To take the time to look around me and think what else can I do to make my life, easier, better and more fulfilled. Silly things like deadhead the plant in the downstairs WC when I am in there. My life has been so chaotic with 3 young children that now they are teens and life is a little calmer I am still working at a gazillion miles an hour but I don't need to. I wonder how long i will keep it up and if my natural state ever will change back to a more relaxed air.

Morning all. The app tells me I will hit 200 days on Friday. That is separated by a day from the previous 204 days, so I need to be on my guard.

In other news, counselling starts again this morning. I've had a two month break and Ive really missed it. Managing without has made me realise how screwed up my life really is.

Laterz

Day 5 here and I'm so impressed with myself - went to a get together at the weekend that was a very boozy affair and I felt great. Said I was driving, but was still offered 'just one' repeatedly and held firm. It was fun to enjoy an afternoon with friends and come home clear headed - it made me believe I can actually do this....

Seeing all these amazing days-sober check ins is so inspiring - I'm glad I found you!

Good session. New counsellor is on the ball. I have homework.

I know she hit the spot because I gave some consideration to having a drink afterwards, then had chocolate instead.

Onwards and upwards

@TheOtherHotstepper excellent news on the good counsellor front!

I'm on day 37 and I am off to women's camp this weekend. No booze at the camp - just us beauties having a good time, finding what we need in support of each other!

484 days is quite a number @Fortheloveofgodwhy ! Amazing stuff.

People’s reactions are so interesting. I’m heading into “social season” at work - lots of drinks parties and dinners. It will be much easier than last year, and I’m not really worried about the temptation to drink, but I’m not looking forward to the hunt for the AF alternatives and the conversations about not drinking.

I went to a team drink last week and a couple of colleagues found out I don’t drink, and it was like they’d discovered a unicorn had been working in the team. I mean, the awe was flattering at first, but soooo many questions! One said to me “I couldn’t do this job if I didn’t drink”, and he was only half joking.So sad.

Morning all.
Thanks to everyone who sent such nice messages. I can be a bit hard on myself re the old days. Maternal guilt!
More boxes to unpack today but on the home run before the next lot of storage comes out.
@Fortheloveofgodwhy wow.
@Onewildandpreciouslife people don't give up do they? Well done on sticking to your guns, slip some Marks tins in your bag. I did this and told one waiter to charge me for ice as I had a medical allergy to booze.

I think I was disappointed that only one friend or relative on SM (excluding this forum) offered any help re the new illness. If I hear of anyone being poorly I instantly become nurse Sav. Social media is great but I didn't even get a sodding 'heart babe'!

So great to see all these milestones here!!!
how are you feeling@stilldumdedumming? a month+ is fantastic!

We do funny things when we are no longer drinkers. I have a booze cupboard (antique) I hadn't even thought about where it was going in the dinning room. I was planning some new storage for the best china when DH said where are you putting the cupboard? The auctioneers probably.
Looking forward to the AF gin toninght as I have the right tonic.
Letter typing later. Much love to all.

Morning all.
Checking in and wishing everyone a happy Thursday.
Calm seas here.

Sorry I'm really behind but totally agree with this! In my hard moments I basically repeat this to myself - trust that Claire Pooley (sober diaries) and the lovely MN thread people are telling the truth, this gets easier and I will get to the field of bunnies eventually! It's already so much easier (day 38).

The wine witch was quite loud last night - I finished in my old job and spoke to someone who said (casually) I should go home and have a glass of wine to celebrate. I wrestled with it for a few minutes when I got home, thinking how lovely it would have been on a sunny evening to treat myself with some wine after a stressful few months. Why couldn't I be 'normal' and do this! (a big trigger for me when I feel like this).

With a few weeks of distance from drinking though I was able to think it through realistically:

• if I'd drank last night there would have been leftover wine today and I would've ended up drinking Weds, Thurs, Fri, Sat (we're going out for dinner Sat so no way I'd have resisted once I'd lapsed). Maybe even wrestled with myself over having a drink on Sunday if there was leftover wine, the night before I start my new job
• I'd be right back at the start, all those difficult days of the first few weeks would have been for nothing
• why do I need wine to treat myself when I was already happy
• I have a day off today before starting full time next week, what a shame to have been hungover

A small victory but I'm appreciating it getting easier to think critically about my cravings!

Hope you're all well, welcome to the new joiners, this is a great thread.

Sorry I meant to quote this in my last post, my Internet crashed mid post!

Hi, can I join you? I've moved over from the 'moderation' thread after waking up to the fact that I can't moderate.

I've been a moderate drinker for many years (more than I care to admit) but this year I'm definitely slipping to heavy drinker territory. I was drinking to numb my emotions. I've finally got free of an emotionally abusive, narcissistic husband following some shocking discoveries of what he was up to behind my back. He's gone, although still in my life as we have children together.

He drank too, and it was an almost nightly habit. I took it too far as a way of hiding from my feelings about being with him, and since I kicked him out the stress made me drink more.

I have been trying to cut down, but it's not worked. I woke up yesterday morning and I decided enough is enough. I thought, imagine if one of the kids took ill in the night and I couldn't drive? Or was so out of it I didn't hear them?

I want to enjoy every day, not think about drink or be recovering from a hangover.

So here I am, in Day 2.

Hello all. Still keeping on keeping on here. I have decided to engage someone to sort out my wasteland of a garden. She's lovely and she started today. So, hopefully that will help me feel a bit more like I am winning at life. AF, but not easy at nights. I have to keep in mind the wonderfulness of the sober morning feeling and all will be well. I'm not among the bunnies yet - but I can see the tips of their ears...

It's for the dog and he's worth it. Getting easier with every day.

Think I might treat us to a little holiday somewhere soon, not had one in ages!

Strength and love to all. xx

The lovely morning feeling is the best. No regret about the night before, and a boost to self esteem by feeling proud of that.

Hi @MumLass good morning and welcome to you! This is a great space, lots of common experience, friendliness and great kindness here.

In massive awe of your strength and courage in breaking free from your ExH. That takes great bravery. It's brave too to admit that we might have a problem with drinking and to face it while we can. Never underestimate how much of a positive achievement you have already made in getting this far.

It will be grim to start with, but I promise it will get better. It really will, even if it doesn't seem like it. Keep posting, keep going. You can do it and it will all be worth it.

Different things help for different people. Personally, I have found Clare Pooley's The Sober Diaries and Catherine Grey's The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober very helpful and the One for the Road podcasts by SoberDave particularly helpful for me.

Keep going. It will be alright. xx

Thank you! I will add those things to my quit lit list. I appreciate your words, I never thought I would have the courage to leave but he crossed a line and in doing so he did me a favour. I could never have stopped drinking while living with him so this is s bonus too.

@MumLass welcome.
Big changes take great strength. Well done you. Any questions ask away. Nothing is silly, we all have done daft things.
The first few weeks you can be really tired. Get to bed early with something sweet, some like hot chocolate.
I can moderate until the day I decide to drink whoever I am with under the table! I was an embarrassing drunk always apologising or being gossiped about.
I get far more done without the hangovers. Good luck Mumlass.

Hi @WendyWagon - thanks for the welcome. I'm excited to see what an AF life brings me.

Hi everyone, checking in.

Someone I was mentoring at work has died very suddenly. She was only mid thirties, it’s such a shock. Just as I arrived home I had that little thought - you could have a drink to console yourself about X dying.

But it wouldn’t console me and I would feel shit tomorrow. I’m broken hearted but still sober.

Oh no sorry to hear that @rothbury . It's weird how all kinds of moments from consolation to celebration bring out that little voice...

Day 6 here and I'm feeling so much better already - I slept like a log last night and had lost 1lb this morning so felt like I was winning before I'd had my cup of tea!

@rothbury i am so sorry. Life is so difficult at times.
You have achieved so much. Chocolate?

@rothbury Oh no. I am so, so sorry. I wish I had words that could help - but I know that none really can. My love and thoughts are very much with you and your colleagues, and the other families and friends involved. How desperately unfair.
💐xx

@rothbury that’s so sad, I’m sorry, do you want to tell us about her?

Thanks everyone. She did have underlying epilepsy but it was thought to be well controlled with medication and she hadn’t had a seizure for many years.

She was really inspirational, even though I was mentoring her, she didn’t really understand how impressive she was. She had left a physically and emotionally abusive husband and it had taken years to divorce him and get him out of their jointly owned house. She had just sold it (thankfully) a couple of months ago and was planning to move out of her parents and get her own flat and just move on with life.

It is just very sad that someone so beautiful inside and out would suffer so much shit. I guess that is life though. I regret not making more time for her, but I did often tell her she was great and should feel more confident.

Thanks for giving me a little space to waffle on. I’m in bed now and ready for an early night.