The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

Morning all. Morning Bunnies. The Guardian article is very on point. I had a tough decision to make yesterday and I did it with a clear head. It wouldn't have happened 16 months ago. It is very personal but my husband said are you OK about it? and tbh once I made a call I actually slept last night. It had been on my mind and in years gone by I would have drowned it in drink until it bit me on the arse!
I have an interview lads for the charity next week. Rubbish money but a very worthwhile cause. Part time gig so I can do the beauty project too. I always do better when I am busy.
Have a peaceful, sober day all.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies thank you - such a good article, thank you for sharing. That bit about being sober at parties is so true.

Well done @WendyWagon
waves at @Onewildandpreciouslife

hello all, hope you are on the mend Wendy.

Tis my 2nd sober birthday today, I mean there were probably sober ones before 15 but as an adult... out for a long lunch with DH at a kitchen garden restaurant so looking forwards to that.

Hope all the newbies are staying strong, the first week is the worst, followed by the first month and then it is a case of being vigilant as the wine bitch starts trying new tricks. DONT TRUST HER.

@Rothbury:Keep going. As time goes on, I have found that my resistance i strengthening. Being AF is part of me now. It doesn't define me that I'm an alcoholic and nor does it define me that I am alcohol free But being AF is a part of me and how I live and it's a precious part I don't want to let go. That's why I included my friends and family in my decision.

Some might be resistant to doing that because it might initially sound as if you're admitting to being a drunk and judge you, but that's not the case. Firstly, they will know already that you drink too much, secondly, if they are true to you as family or friend, they will admire what you are doing and will support you. I found nothing but good wishes and happiness at my turnaround.

I've read too much not to know that falling off the wagon - even after years - is possible, so I cannot let my guard down.

Happy birthday @Fortheloveofgodwhy
Day after my late father.
I had a good scoff yesterday at home but I am sporting baggy trousers. All that exercise. Prior to that I was living on crisps!
Have a great lunch my friend.

Happy second sober Birthday to you @Fortheloveofgodwhy

Hope it's as lovely where you are today as it is here.

@Fortheloveofgodwhy well done you!

hope you are feeling proud 💐

Morning shipmates. At the helm of the Good Ship Sober Sisters.
I managed a Marks faux G & T last night. Salmon pasta. I am not very mobile. A combination of grief and tiredness. It has started a flare in my RA. Lots of things coming out of boxes that have been stored for years however quite a few bits have mould damage. I am leaving those for the weekend when I can be outside.
Enjoy the sunshine my friends.

Sorry to hear about the RA flare Sav, and the mould...

Yes indeed WendyW sorry to hear you're flaring.

I've had a good period of wellness since my last flare (ironically my last flare was when I stopped the booze in Feb 2022!!) but I'm never how I was pre PsA diagnosis.

Keep well and take it easy.

@WendyWagon Sorry the waters are a bit choppy for you at the moment. It will be alright soon. Take care of yourself. Sending love xx

Thanks for the wise words @ITHead

Happy Belated Birthday @Fortheloveofgodwhy

Sorry you are in pain @WendyWagon I hope things improve soon.

I went to a friends house for drinks in the garden (it’s gorgeous here) but found it easy to refuse the Pimms and have tap water. Bizarrely though, as I walked home, I had this sudden thought that I could drink a whole bottle of wine when I got in.

It took me a while to analyse this, but I think it dates back to times when I couldn’t drink in public, maybe because I was driving. But then I would go home and drink a lot to sort of make up for it.

Gosh I am not sure this makes sense even to me!! I guess the important thing is that I didn’t drink. I am now tucked up in bed with hot chocolate and a book.

@rothbury I loved being sober all evening and then coming back to cane a bottle of wine. All mine and no danger of showing myself up. I don't think anyone in my work place has seen me drink!

Does anyone have thoughts on angastora bitters? It's alcoholic (which is actually news to me). Dp makes a cracking drink with lemon squash, tonic water and a few drops of bitters. It's a long drink. Apparently AF mock tails can use bitters and still be AF. I'm not sure about it.

Or is there a good AF available?

It makes sense to me @rothbury ! I saw alcohol as a reward, and drinking alone was more relaxing- just me and the wine. I was reminded of that this week when I came back home from a pub quiz - old me would have rewarded myself with a couple of large glasses on the sofa if I hadnt drunk too heavily when I was out (and often if I had). I don’t think we realise how toxic our relationship is with alcohol (pun intended) until we can put some distance between it.

@stilldumdedumming - there are grey areas where you need to decide what your own rules are, and this sounds like one of them! I know some people don’t approve of AF beers etc. I think the question is how you react to it. I had a sherry trifle once, on the basis the amount of alcohol would be minimal- it wasn’t! I won’t be having sherry trifle again, but I also don’t count that as having a drink.

Good luck going into another sober bank holiday weekend all - hold strong, it’s worth it! X

Morning all.
@stilldumdedumming personally I wouldn't worry about a drop of bitters.
I was advised that my AF Gordon's would see me seeking the real McCoy. I tried it once and it was nasty. I have always disliked gin, prosecco and beer. All of which I drink AF. I have no idea why they prove more palatable without the alcohol.

@rothbury I used to do the same re a dry lunch and picking up a bottle of wine on the way home for later. The dialogue in my head was always about drink. I would watch others drinking, smile and say I was fine but tbh I was waiting for my prize.
I am not really an evening person anyway. I hate night clubs or bars. I do like eating out but I stick to lunches or breakfasts.
I hadn't been invited to summer parties for years because of my behaviour (I found out we weren't invited at a later date, it was so hurtful). Whether that will change this year, I don't know. We are having a belated 60th for the DH at the new house. Hopefully people will bring plants not booze

@WendyWagon and @Onewildandpreciouslife

How fascinating that we have that sober-Ish front and then home to the prize as you say! That's odd.

I actually didn't know bitters were alcoholic. It tastes like a dupe for three spirits non alcoholic night cap but a fraction of the cost.

I agree about AF drinks - I don't like hoppy beers but I can drink AF versions happily mainly because it doesn't taste like the real thing.

I know what you mean, I'd sometimes do that too, like I'd missed out on something I was entitled to which wasn't fair so I was going to make up for it! Drinking alone was great (I thought), no need to worry about what other people were thinking or obsess over how much they were drinking compared to me.

Day 25 for me today and finding it much easier than the first few weeks. We've got quite a social weekend coming up but I've done quite a few of those now.

Hope you're all OK and feeling better soon @WendyWagon .

It’s so interesting to hear people talk about staying sober out and drinking at home. I’ve definitely done that, easily a whole bottle of wine, and if I’m doing it after I’ve got home from a night out it’s screwing with my sleep even more.

tho that said, it’s Day 5 for me (woohoo) and I am absolutely exhausted, can hardly keep my eyes open during the day. I hope that’s just the booze leaving my system and will pass soon?

@Cyllie33 very normal. Lasted a few weeks from memory. But did improve after a week. Well done on day 5

Hi all. Back from holiday and unfortunately going to have to confess that the combination of being on holiday/ sunny weather/ staying in a pub was my downfall.

I am really struggling with ambivalence at the moment and those thoughts of "just one will be ok". And have been through a whole week of wondering whether I could follow some "rules" or have a special dispensation for holidays.

I'm annoyed as although I didn't drink that much it was sufficient to rake up some dark thoughts, which added to the stress I am feeling about unresolved family situation meant that I didn't enjoy the break as much as I might have.

Hopefully being at home will help.

Enjoy the lovely weather over the weekend

Morning all.

@Cherrymix there are many of us who try and try again. We just ask that posters on the thread are seeking an alcohol free life. Moderation hasn't worked for the cohort here.
When we have a dependancy on alcohol it can take up such a lot of headspace. It's a bit like a diet club, I don't eat sweets but suddenly I want them because I have been told no. I shuffle around the supermarket looking at the Lindor!
It does get easier and the longer you are AF the cravings get less frequent. I can also tell you when I have fallen off the wagon the hangover and poor sleep remind me not to do it again! Two days to recover for some 'rotten fruit in water' isn't worth it my friend.
Put it behind you, drink tea and I always recommend Rachel's Holiday by Marion Keynes (it is the original one) for some light reading. It's not quit lit but has a few home truths about addiction. Makes me laugh out loud.

Welcome back @Cherrymix - that was a big challenge and I think you are in quite early days? It’s done now, so the big question is: what do you do with that experience? One of the problems with trying to moderate is even when you’re not drinking, you’re thinking about drinking, and it’s exhausting.

I’m away on holiday at the moment and have come back to a cottage we stayed in just over a year ago. I was staying here when I went to a pub, saw everyone drinking white wine, and I came back on this thread and said I couldn’t do it. I was firmly told it was a false narrative that I needed that wine to enjoy myself. It was tough, but I managed. Now when I go into a pub and see people drinking, I get an occasional flicker but that it. Your next holiday can be different, and it will get easier over time

Marian Keyes is a goddess!!

Yes, one of the quitlit books talks about that voice that asks “maybe I could just be someone who only drinks on holidays?

We have all been there @Cherrymix and it ends up with that little voice telling you that a BH weekend is a holiday, then every weekend is a little holiday really isn’t it, and before you know it, you’re back to a bottle of wine and a couple of vodka chasers every single night.

Abstaining takes away the need for willpower because you just don’t go there. You aren’t bargaining with yourself and negotiating, lying to yourself. It’s so much easier than drinking like a pro, or moderating.

I was just reading a story with a couple in it who are under stress who get drunk and have a fight. It was describing the morning after but it didn't mention the hangover or the remorse. I felt so sorry for the characters as the author had completely missed how bad they were feeling!

It is hard to resist alcohol as an escape or a lift but it is worth it.

FWIW I agree. Moderation is much harder than abstention. Give yourself a break @Cherrymix and hang on in there. I'm so grateful for this thread. Thank you all.