The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Adm1010]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life

Thankyou to bunnies for hosting the last thread.
And here’s to the next 40 pages

Welcome back @Nouveaunew! 60 days was great, I’m sure you could do that again and more!

Yes it absolutely does get easier, simply because the longer you don’t drink, the less time you spend thinking about it. You’ll develop better coping mechanisms over time too, and I found that many of the long term benefits of sobriety came later, so seeing my life improve over time helped me stay sober too.

Lots of us have had a few false starts and attempts at moderation so you’re certainly not alone. It’s great to have you back.

@SavBbunny I’m so sorry about the loss of your dad and also for how you lost him, that must be incredibly traumatic.

And sorry to hear you lost your dad to alcoholism @Dominicains.

Thank you so much @BunniesBunniesBunnies I had read about people on one of these threads who tried to moderate and failed but in my naïveté I actually thought I’d be able to do it! I envy friends of mine who can moderate. I wish I could go for dinner, have a few drinks and then forget about it until the next weekend. It’s the depression the next day that is starting to become a dealbreaker and I hate how drinking is the only thing I look forward to. It seems to have stripped the joy out of my life. Day 0 and Day 1 tomorrow. I’m relieved to hear it gets better over time.

I hope you don't mind me posting. I don't have issues with alcohol (hate the taste and I have a headache before I even finish a glass of wine) but my very best friend is in rehab for the 4th time. I try to be there, I have tried to listen, I have tried to encourage change in her life (as I feel she is drinking for a reason and if nothing changes then drinking won't change, but please correct me if I'm wrong as I don't want to be pushing her down a wrong path), I've encouraged counselling which she was only willing to try lately after losing her kids but was drinking while having counselling, I have tried being straight with her and telling her my thoughts, I have tried saying nothing. She really does think the world of me and I do think the world of her. I would love to help her get her life back on track but I just don't know how. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do as a friend? I've offered cinema trips, she doesn't like the cinema, she doesn't like walking etc etc. Her only likes was pubs and clubs which she doesn't feel she can go to anymore and to be honest are not my thing anymore either. Sorry if it is inappropriate for me to post here.

Also you are all an inspiration, giving up a dependancy is no easy task! You are all very strong, much stronger than I think I could ever be.

I apologise I don't remember names, but to the poster whose friend made the insensitive comment about sugar. Some people's mouths move before their brains. You do what works for you! Of course sugar is better than alcohol. It is not the best thing for your body but certainly doesn't do the harm alcohol does.

To the poster who meets with the toxic friend and meetings make you want to drink. You need to put you first. Learn to say no. Only do the things that make you happy, only see the friends that make you happy. When the toxicity is cut from your life you will feel a whole lot lighter. Please don't meet with people when you have to drink to do so. Where is the fun in that for you and what are you getting out of this.

Sorry those were two stories on here that really touched me. I hope you don't mind me giving my thoughts.

Can I join please? I’m on day 23 AF which is the longest dry stretch I’ve ever done. I tried dry Jan 2 years ago for the first time and lasted 14 days. I’m in my late 50s and was drinking approximately 30 units a week. However, every couple of months I had a real binge of a night for no reason, usually in the house with my husband or out at a social function. This usually resulted in me injuring or embarrassing myself. I don’t drink much in the week but more at weekends. Im pleased I’ve lasted this long AF and plan to carry on. I’m clinging on to substitutes like Becks Blue and Nosecco for dear life! I’m sleeping better and having no hangovers is fabulous. I still find it difficult to think too far ahead about remaining AF.

@Merriwicks it was me that posted about sugar! Thanks for the note. It has got to be in balance so I'm now checking the sugar content so I can be aware but making decisions based on the range of options like coke, wine etc. I'm pleased to say that last night my AF gin was sugar free and sweetener free. I also managed not to send her a photo of it as proof 😂

With your friend, I don't have much advice. My mum has a problem with alcohol and when she was at her worst, I tried all sorts of things. Ultimately though, the only person who could make the change was her so the best I could do was be there and try to help when I could. Your friend is very lucky to have you and I hope that for her sake, you have the strength and resolve to stick with her while she continues with her battle.

@Newmum738

I understand regarding sugar. During my last AF stint I developed a love of jellies. I was amazed at how many of them I was getting through as well as every sweet treat and AF drink I could find. I think Just as it was getting easier I went back drinking. I’m back to square one now again. Good luck with it and congrats on being AF. I’m on Day 0 here

@BunniesBunniesBunnies @Drybird2020 thanks, I'm going to try to start running tomorrow

Thanks for your support @iamyourequal

@Shortkiwi

I hear you re the embarrassing incidents. I used to drink 3-5 bottles of wine a week. I would then do the same as you and have a bindge with my boozy girlfriends. It often resulted in a call to the husband /son to rescue me. I remember most of my 'shows'. The last big booze up was my birthday in December. Champagne gate. I wasn't that pissed but we were over charged and too pissed to see the bill.
I am a big reflector and I always worry what people think of me. I had an incident at a trade event and fell over and I wasn't even pissed. As I liked a drink people thought I was legless. Very embarrassing. I keep on thinking it was a factor in my redundancy. My boss like to break out the drinks at 5pm, very Mad Men, very 1950s. She is a heavy drinker but twenty years younger than me . I think if I stayed I would be in serious trouble now.

Day 23 and I miss the cold glass. The headaches have gone. I am losing weight but I am dieting at 1500 calories a day. I don't want to do slimming world as I can't bear the 'confess my soul bit'

I have a best friend @Merrwicks who is supporting me. I was offered weight loss surgery. She had the guts to tell me it wouldn't work unless I quit the booze. I would have been quite happy to eat cheese and drink wine which would be poor nutrition for someone with only 20% of their stomach. Hard hitting but true.
I have a critically ill alcoholic brother. He is coming to live with us and I can't drink around him. A few glasses of wine given up to save his life ? I have to try. Find something your friend likes doing and do it with her. Painting, the gym, dressmaking, whatever. Good luck.

Checking in 🙌

Day....not sure! Over a month though 🙌

Welcome @Shortkiwi!

@Merriwicks that’s tough with your friend. I don’t think there is anything you can do. As they say, you did not cause this, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it. It is upto your friend to make changes to her life.

It sounds like you’ve been an amazing friend, and if you feel able to continue to support her by all means do. However do look after yourself, and if supporting her is starting to affect your mental health (what are you getting out of this friendship now?) it would be perfectly reasonable to withdraw from the friendship to protect yourself.

I hope your friend does recover but as I said, whether or not she does is really out of your control. It must be very hard to see her like this. Look after yourself.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies that you, that question was a bit hard hitting, and made me think, what am I getting out of friendship. Stress, running to pick her up when she has passed out in the street, abuse, phone calls at all hours and talking nonsensical rubbish. I also work full time with 2 young kids. My husband is constantly telling me she is not my responsibility. I do still hold out hope that she will come back to us. She has been a constant in my life since childhood, and we rarely agree on many things. But she is like a sister at this point where I just can't abandon her. When my kids where small and sick, she would drive to my house and hold one while I cared for the other. When I wanted to do swimming lessons with them she would take one so I could take the other. She is the kindest soul and I think that is what has gotten her to this point; as has been hurt to many times by fsmiky/relationships/friends (she has no other friends but me, they all left when she started drinking) and doesn't know how to process it. If roles were reversed she would be here for me.

Thanks for everyones responses, I guess I was hoping there was some magical thing I could do that would help but in reality knew there wasn't. Alcoholism is definitely not a disease that affects only the alcohlic, it has wide reaching consequences for everyone in their life. I am sorry for all of you who are also going through this with family/friends/yourself. It is not an easy thing to go through and almost a harder thing to watch. Let's just hope that this time rehab works.

She is an avid reader, I do wonder would it be helpful to get her any of those books I've seen you all mention. I will look them up. Thanks again and sorry for hijacking your thread.

I'm 10 days in now and feeling much more hopeful. My anxiety is dropping and I feel much more positive. Keeping on keeping on so far!

Hi everyone . Had a mad weekend but stayed sober with no issue really . ! Very pleasantly surprised and felt very much like a corner turned . I need to stay vigilant but drinking thoughts are not consuming me anymore . I feel like I’ve climbed the hill and I’m looking from the top now .

Welcome to the new posters !

My thoughts on moderation will never change , if you are alcohol dependant moderation is impossible . Not just difficult . Impossible ! You’re brain chemistry won’t allow it .

@Adm1010

So glad your party went well. How was the brother?

@SavBbunny He just came to my house sat on the sofa , drank my drink, ate my food , didnt bring anything, didn’t say Thankyou then went home .
My mum and dad loved everything . We decorated the house with banners bunting balloons enough food and booze to sink a ship . Lovely puddings and cake etc . A proper good day . They asked if brother contributed as they know we are on a budget presently with the uni years , so I told them he contributed the 5 pound . You can imagine their poor faces but I’ve told them not to worry at all and I genuinely do NOT begrudge a single penny spent . They are mortified about him .

@Adm1010

Glad it went well. I am having a shit day. Legsl issues with my ex employer. Have had to instruct solicitors. Now will get nasty. Not sure I have the strength. The wine is calling.

@SavBbunny you can fight it . The wine is calling because your brain is programmed to react this way . Long years of pathways and reactions being made . Bad day equals wine . That association is deeply ingrained . Your brain is screaming for dopamine. For its fix cause this is what you’ve taught it .
But you can fight it . You can tell it no . You can learn new patterns . You’re in charge .
Take it one minute at a time

Well good people i am drinking Warners pink 0%gin. Marks Tis ok and looks pretty.
Was very tempted as fuming. Scoffed a pie but counted it. Feeling better now.

Checking in on Day 1. I just finished a hard day in work and I thought WINE!!! So I bought a bag of jellies instead.

Lads, I need to have one of my swearing fits. Scroll by if you are of a sensitive disposition.

......can we just take a minute to appreciate how fucking amazing we all are for not only recognising that alcohol is one big fat fucking marketing lie but spending EVERY fucking day going "noooooooo I won't have that glass of Chablis or I'll ruin my life again"... Even when you're starving hungry at peak fucking craving o clock and your DM just came up on your Facebook memories and you cry because you miss her and see fucking normal people are just THERE in the supermarket just casually buying entire boxes of wine on a Monday like it's no fucking big deal the utter, utter bastards. Why is it so fucking difficult sometimes

@HangingOver

I hear you. Thanks for your honesty. You are not alone. It’s so hard. I’m on Day 1 and I have just taken an anti-depressant and I’m lying on my bed feeling down thinking about my broken marriage. I don’t know how it got to this.

@ChampooPapi 👍well done and hope the week will be good for you, are you able to manage meetings atm?
@Touty I hope you are okay today - really feel for all you have to deal with and hope you are taking care.

Hello to all newbies- this is a great place to get support and advice.

To everyone on the thread, wherever you are on your journey keep going and enjoy the changes along the way.
Checking in day 190