The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Adm1010]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life

Thankyou to bunnies for hosting the last thread.
And here’s to the next 40 pages

I agree about the blip. Beating yourself up won’t help.

Checking in on Day 4. Particularly craving a glass of wine today as work was very stressful. I wish I had someone to even talk to about it all. I guess wine is not the answer.

@Nouveaunew you can talk to us if it helps. I know we’re only strangers on the internet but I have turned to this thread many times over the last 22 months when no one in real life would have understood me. There is always someone around and willing to listen on this thread. Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks so much BunniesBunniesBunnies that’s very kind. Does that mean you’re AF for 22 months? If so, I salute you! I’m on Day 4 and already thinking ‘oh maybe I could just try to drink at the weekends…’

@Nouveaunew keep talking on here . Your brain is telling you to drink as that’s what it knows . That’s the pattern you’ve set . You can fight this by understanding what’s happening .
You can be stronger than the urge . No good will come from drinking alcohol tonight . After the first buzz will come regret . It’s NOT worth it

Checking in 🙌

How are you doing now @Nouveaunew? Remember how you felt at the start of the week when you joined the thread? You are saying maybe moderating at weekends will work, but I bet you tried that many times before your 60 day dry stint and after it? If just drinking at the weekend was for you, you wouldn’t be here now on this thread as you’d already have cracked it.
I hope you don’t mind me saying this. I just felt I should as I’ve been through the same drinking/AF pattern myself.

Welcome back in the wagon @SavBbunny. I hope your family had a calmer day today.

@Nouveaunew

I woke up this morning with a headache and a feeling of loathing.
I have managed to eat well today and not run to the supermarket. When I decided to stop drinking alcohol I had tried just to drink champers (so basically occasion drinking). That went wrong when i went to work for a lady who cracked a bottle most days! (how they other half lives hay!). A free bar was available to me too.
I started to dread the business dinners because they could drink so much. I had too much on more than one occasion. It worried me I was being judged for not holding my drink or talking rubbish.
A couple of times I skipped events. I had a fall (not drinking) but it gave me time to re evaluate my drinking.
I am proud of myself for all the days I haven't drank a bottle of wine. Be proud too. X

Welcome @sunshineforest. Good on you stopping for 2 weeks so far. I do remember that’s when my face lightened on me a bit! Your post resonates. I think it’s often reflecting on our relationships with others that throws a light on our drinking habits, especially the children sometimes. I’ve had many ‘stressed mum’ situations where I inappropriately ordering a large wine instead of a coffee as if there was no difference. I feel a bit sad looking back on it. Keep embracing the change!

Hello, I’m on day 27 and struggling tbh with cravings. I’m starting to think maybe I can have a drink on the odd upcoming special occasion but don’t think it’s wise obviously! This was not what I set out to do in early January when I fell over drunk and hurt myself.

Thank you @iamyourequal.

I really am horrified now that the scales have dropped from my eyes. I always told myself that all my friends drank as much as me and I'll be interested to see how many really do. I think now I'm not drinking I'll find that it's not many.

@Adm1010

Morning *@Touty* it’s those feelings again isn’t it . I so relate to this . Being sober shines a big shiny light on us and our relationships . I hope you can quietly and honestly figure what you need . Life is short . We need to be happy xx For my part the relationships I’m looking at through sober eyes are my “ friendships “ I’m beginning to see I have no actual friends . It’s hurting me a lot and “ sitting with it “ isn’t easy . Whilst I’m dealing with the feelings though I’m trying to focus on the people in my life who are “ real “ . This isn’t easy

I reckon you’ve got friends here, *@Adm1010*.

Also, send your brother a message saying ‘Your test payment came through to my bank account for the party, thanks. Let me know when you send your actual contribution.’

Thank you @BunniesBunniesBunnies and @Adm1010! I’ve passed the 90 days, the 3 calendar months, and counting down to my 100 now (5 days to go). They all feel quite significant, actually. Never thought I’d be here.

I actually had two accidental sips of champagne on my day 90, because DD kept putting her glass of champagne down beside my glass of AF fizz (we were at a wedding). It didn’t taste very nice … and I always loved champagne! I did have words with her and she was more careful after that (as was I). My mum, who’s been very proud of me giving up drinking, said in the morning
‘But you’ll be able to have a glass of champagne, won’t you?’
‘Er… no!!’
‘What - not even one?!’.
Bless her, she means well.

Oh I’ve just realised that there are 150+ more posts to read and you’ll have had the party now - so my suggested riposte will be redundant. I shall read on and catch up.

Well done on the 90 days @PromisesMeanNothingSue!
@Nouveaunew trust me it’s much more of a struggle at day for than at month 22! I was a bloody mess at Day 4, but it gets so much better. Hang in there, the future is bright🤩

@Bestlife19

Thanks for setting this up so pleased I found you all!

A slight tangent on the discussion but really bothering me! Do you find you don’t go out because you don’t drink? I used to be the life and soul; always last to leave, etc. Stopped drinking as since I had kids (9 yrs ago) I have an autoimmune condition and alcohol flares it up so I’m in pain for weeks, as does gluten, sugar, egg etc so eating out is hard too. I feel like I’ve gone from being fun, go with the flow, to the teetotal health freak person. So I find I don’t like eating out as I’m generally in pain afterwards and nervous what will be on the menu, feel awkward as the whats app chats are always about the booze involved, cozy bottle of red, boozy fun night etc etc, so I feel just like I already am kind of outside the booze part of the gathering, it’s really hard to explain! I actually feel just as chatty as when I drank & the rare occasion we go somewhere with a dance floor I am happy to be the first on the dance floor- I think people find that strange when you’re not drinking! But yet I find I’m mostly not invited to stuff since not drinking, which I feel a bit sad about, but yet when I am invited I feel like I worry about the food and being out of the booze scene and feel like I’d rather curl up with a book, save the time and meet a friend for coffee or go for a country walk with my kids / a friend / hubby / do something on my never ending to do list. Am I really boring?! Should I force myself to go out and not be so boring. I do want to keep in touch with people too. I work from home alone but meet normally friends (diff groups) for a coffee once a wk & couple of kids friends family gatherings a month, so not a complete hermit but not loads going on either. Hubby is v sociable and out for drinks with work / school dads twice a week so think that makes me feel more aware that I’m not doing the same. Also aware he probably misses out date nights / cocktails together etc so happy he goes out so he gets his social fix. Such a first world problem
But really getting to me. Is anyone else bothered by all of this? Help!

@Bestlife19 that’s tricky if they don’t invite you out. Personally I mich prefer socialising one on one or in small groups, so don’t miss large group socialising at all. I did avoid any social events I felt I’d struggle not to drink at to start with (although I feel ready for that now), but it sounds like the issue for you is more that a) you feel like you should be wanting to go out and paint the town red, still, and b) that you’re not being included in the big nights out? I think we enjoy different things at different life stages; do what makes you happy.

@JillyC2022 I found the free Annie Grace 30 day Alcohol Experiment really useful. Great daily videos - really thought provoking and get you to ‘do the work’ of journalling and digging into your feelings and preconceptions about alcohol. Supportive community on the app and FB group, too.

Morning all,

Day 27. Feeling better this morning.

@sunshineforest I thought all my friends were huge boozers too. Turns out only one of the 'magnificent seven' are. Bottle of wine a day and very touchy about it!
The others have a big night then don't drink like that for weeks.

Off to see a very swish house today. Too much money but no work and we are both knackered so just move in.
Friday was wine night for me so will need a book.
Have a good day my friends.

Hello, please can I get some advice?

Day 35 here. I did dry January (it wasn’t easy!) and think I need to make this a permanent thing. My plan was to give myself tiny goals to build up to 60 days and then see how I feel.

But I’m really struggling at the moment. I'm exhausted from early mornings (which I think is a combination of menopause and having a puppy - I’m speaking to my GP about HRT this weekend!), but the main problem is that I’ve been using exercise as an added motivation to stop drinking - been running 3 times a week, going down the gym and signed up for a 10k.

This worked well until yesterday when I had a minor op under local. Im not allowed to run for a week or exercise for 2 weeks

.So my main coping strategy has gone, I’ve got over the buzz from completing Dry January, and it’s a Friday. Help!

I almost crumbled last night - I was so tired and sore from the op that I poured a glass of DH’s wine. Took one sip and it was vile so gave it to him and went back to AF rose.

I’d hoped that a good night’s sleep would give me my oomph back, but I didn’t get one.

@Onewildandpreciouslife

Good morning, what about reading, box sets or clothes auditing?
I don't run as RA and obese but i use to be an athlete. It does clear your head, I get that.
Are you tidy? could you have a sort out, one room at a time.
Gardening too. Get some seeds in and put them under plastic/heat. Fat gardeners are quite rare plus it is company.

I had a blip as i was so upset but i have a vision to be slim and sober. I want to be proud of me.
Keep going. A day , week , month, year is not that long really. It goes in a heartbeat.
X

@PromisesMeanNothingSue I’m still quietly seething about the 5 pound. I’d literally rather he’d sent nothing .

@Shortkiwi moderation to put it lightly is a total head fuck . That one night would turn into two , then three , then four …. We know the score don’t we .

I’m on a busy stretch at work at the minute BUT every day I’m grateful I’m facing it clear eyed and clear headed . Gif knows how I did it hungover

Or even God

@Onewildandpreciouslife welcome . The exhaustion takes a while to lift a bit and stopping drinking isn’t a magic cure all . We still get tired we are human ! Sounds like you’ve gone in all guns blazing and getting exhausted . Scale back a bit and concentrate on not drinking . The rest will fall into place . Healing takes time . Months and years…. Not days .
Tonight is going to be a danger time . Be ready . Have your tools in place , whatever works for you . @SavBbunny has great suggestions . Good luck

Morning. I've done two weeks since I decided never to drink again . It's actually 17 days in total, as I hadn't drunk for a few days before that.

I have been very very tired but am now beginning to sleep better, I slept through the night last night and the night before.

I do feel a bit flat and down, but I'm not really surprised by that.

How long is it likely to be before I feel more energetic?!

Morning

@Onewildandpreciouslife hope you're feeling ok after the op. This is definitely a time to take it easy. I was (am) like you needing to replace booze with exercise or throwing myself into work however what I have found is that slowing down is the answer, being kind to yourself (hence my username). I've read/listened to some great books about personal growth. Not drinking alcohol has forced me to face emotions that I have been trying to repress so it's listening to yourself-nice baths, nice drink, good tv, film, book. All this sounded alien to me initially but I am so much more aware of me and who I am.

Day 28. I feel like I have a hole in my stomach that is missing the hit/kick of alcohol and I’m feeling it all the time. I only ever drank once the witching hour came around at 6pm. Is this usual and will it get easier? I’m clinging onto my AF drinks in the evening and chocolate for dear life!!.

@Shortkiwi you've been doing this longer than me but I have found hot milk wierdly good at filling that gap feeling. It's very comforting. Of course, I am amazed to find myself typing this sentence

Thanks @sunshineforest - that’s interesting! I will try that, quite like milky drinks!