Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

@Killthewinewitchnow not a magic wand but I certainly found that Allen Carr's book and hypnosis track that you access from it has, changed my mindset in a way that I've never experienced before. I hit the one month mark on Sunday so it's not been long but much easier than I've found it before

@SoberSept21 thank you.

Just checking in. This time two weeks ago I took my last sip of alcohol. Had a rough day at work but not caved

Not a magic wand either but I find if I do the opposite of depravation it works kind of like a gratitude list. I treat myself in other ways instead and celebrate being NA instead of thinking I’m missing out.

Early days, I ate delicious things. Then I started spending the money I’d saved on other things I really wanted (handbag, magazine subscription). Now I find just having a fever tree in a nice glass feels like a “well done”.

My hubby also says the smugness of being NA is what keeps me on track and he’s probably right

Morning all. 32 days today.

I struggled yesterday. Went to a friends house. Happily had a AF beer to begin with. I struggled when the wine came out, the voice started ‘look how crisp and refreshing that looks, youve stopped for a month so you’ve proved you can do it, you don’t have to give up completely…’ but I resisted and ate more food instead! When a most delicious sounding cocktail was made I had such a strong pull to it, I started getting fidgety and uncomfortable, I wanted it so very much. Then there was talk about how good it was, arrrrgh.

Up to now I’ve found it relatively easy to resist that voice, I’ve shut it down and moved on quite quickly. I’ve found that a bit odd and wondered that maybe because I’ve approached being AF differently this time it’s easier (ha,ha) and also on the flip note wondered when it was going to get tough. Last night felt tough. In a way I’m kind of relieved to have felt that pull so, so strongly last night. I succeeded against it, I can be more prepared for it next time it comes, I know I am not some miraculous unicorn that can give up alcohol without a backwards
glance! I also need some delicious mocktail recipes.

But hurrah today I feel fresh, I have a nice weekend planned and Ive got to 32 days. Phew.

Have lovely AF weekends everyone!

@Kittenminion that’s amazing that you resisted . Well done

The voice is fascinating , it’s so primeval !! Understanding it is half the battle and knowing it can be beaten makes us strong !

We can do this!!

I’m in work all weekend but I’m facing it fresh and hangover free . Slowly but surely I’m feeling healthier and more human day by day .

Have a good day everyone , I’m hoping my days quiet so I can post

Morning. Well done @kittenminion that sounds tough. I've read before that us problem drinkers trying to stay sober should perhaps remove ourselves from these tricky situations if we're finding it difficult.

I had a wobble yesterday more of a silent tantrum of why can't I just have a drink? Just one? But I had to keep telling myself you'll be disappointed you've come this far. You won't be satisfied with one. I'm visiting family at the moment and am surrounded by so much booze it's incredible. Visited my Mum yesterday and observed how she kept trying to get me to have a glass of wine.

Another one here who can't deal with her emotions properly, my mum is a pain in the arse (never admitted that before) and says very odd and upsetting things to me. She did one yesterday and I was upset/angry but didn't know what to do. Normally I would box it off and then have a drink at the most acceptable time. 4pm on a Friday's ok isn't it

@adm1010 hope you're day at work goes well. So nice not to wake up with a hangover isn't it (although I've had a few cigarettes in the last day ffs - I've stopped smoking)

I just want to say you have a very calming wise approach on this thread which gives huge comfort to me and I'm sure to others. Thank you .

Have a great day all.

Ps will there be another thread and who will set it up?

Thanks @Adm1010 so primeval! I have some AF lit so need to make time to read and understand this a bit more. Hope you have a good day at work.

@Kindtomyself removal is probably the easiest way! It took me by surprise last night as I’ve been in other similar social situations and I’ve been ok up to now. I’m not sure why last night was different. I’m going to someone’s birthday in a pub next weekend, so now I’m feeling a bit wary. I don’t go in pubs much at all these days, having young children happily puts a stop to that most of the time. But I want to go, I haven’t seen this group of friends since before Covid. I don’t want to deny myself seeing them on top of denying the drink that goes with it!

Im going to think about a game plan. Last night I didn’t say I wasn’t drinking, not sure why, maybe that was part of the issue. So next weekend I will be up front straight away that I’m taking a break from drinking, low key, no big explanation needed. Much easier to say a break rather than I don’t ever want to drink again! I don’t think there will be pressure from anyone. I could drive, then I know I wouldn’t drink as that’s obviously an absolute no, no and always has been. But parking is a nightmare.

Well done everyone at staying strong through challenging moments.
I was watching the old Papillon last night and one character said to the other "the true test of a man is when they face temptation" . That felt relevant. It's fine to be happy to he sober on a Saturday morning hangover free but the real test is these moments of craving.

I agree with looking at the positives rather than thinking about what your missing out on. Wouldn't do any harm for us all to list what positives there are again.

For me, at nearly 1 yr 2 months there are so many positives but the main one continues to be the lack of contact annoying chatter in my head of whether I should have a drink today or not. The question comes up very very rarely these days but when it does it's a clear cut answer and that's the end of that. I can move on.

Would it help anyone to start the next new thread with a list of what we gain?

You're and constant

Absolutely @Breathmiller I think a list of positives is a brilliant idea.

@kittenminion I know what you mean of course you don't want to deny yourself. I've missed a few 'events' for genuine reasons other than being sober but I do have some nights out planned. I know that it's not a good idea to project and I'm trying to just focus on today.....
However, my next night out is in a couple of weeks and my friend is really looking forward to it, - already talking about cocktails etc. I'm going to have to tell her in advance that I'm not drinking.

However I do think your low key approach is a good idea. I'm not ready to go into detail (not sure if I ever will be

@Kindtomyself I appreciate you saying that . Thankyou x

Good idea, @Breathmiller. I've sent you a PM.

Thanks Drybird

New thread here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4364798-The-Freedom-Thread-Enjoying-the-positives-of-an-alcohol-free-life?watched=1

See you all there.

MIFLAW* here - it’s been a while …

Glad to be able to say that it has only been absence from MN, not from sobriety. Coming up for 19 years sober, one day at a time.

Hope everyone else is well.

*had to change my name as I can’t remember my old log in details!

H

H

G

G

G

G

H

Hi