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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
iamyourequal · 26/09/2021 20:12

Evening everyone. Welcome new members, good to have you with us. I hope you find the support here you seek! @Goldshelfie: So I read Allan Carrs book last year and i quit for about 3 months, then decided I would try and cut down, I couldn’t imagine life without a drink, not really. Christmas, dinner out etc. But soon I was back to drinking almost every night, and I found myself looking at the clock earlier and earlier, hoping it was time
Eerie spooky. I did the exact same as you! (You can check my old posts on here as spooky proof…lol) : quit June to Sept last year after reading Allen Carr and other quit lit, was doing great but convinced myself I was going overboard with the sobriety by not joining in with a tipple for celebrations, so did that, then ending up trying and failing to moderate. I do have a ‘stop’ button, but I was ending up drinking 5 nights a week so it was all far too many units even with the stop button!

@Breathmiller. (Glad no offense caused with my clumsy posting! ) & @Kindtomyself. It’s interesting, and I’m sure it’s come up before on this thread, that so many of us have a tortuous past with food too. I am wondering if it’s a personality trait (self-critical people pleaser with low self esteem anyone? 😆).

Perhaps alcohol was also a way of letting us relax enough to eat what we fancied and enjoy it. I’m actually using some of the CBT techniques I was taught for food and applying them to the not-drinking, as a coping mechanism.

To be honest, (don’t know if others can relate to this) but I feel a bit exhausted now from the not-drinking. My mind is buzzing all the time as I don’t have any new effective relief /relax valves yet. Also, I felt so pleased when I stopped I was running around like mad being productive and keeping busy,so I’m also pretty worn out. Im looking forward to better sleep but am having mad vivid dreams waking me early in the morning and then I struggle to get back to sleep. Im day 26.
@Adm1010. I hope you’ve found something absorbing to fill your evening.

Nosilayak · 26/09/2021 20:14

@Adm1010 yes, Sunday evenings are dull. Usually, I'd have cooked a big roast dinner and knocked back a few wines and gins and be vegging out watching some rubbish TV, half comotose, but I'm wide awake and stone cold sober and dull Sunday night is stretching ahead of me. I'm going to have to do something different during weekend evenings to mark it as "weekend" rather than just feeling the same as week nights. I only ever drank at weekends and popping open a bottle of something alcoholic really signalled it was weekend for me.

InconstantMoon · 26/09/2021 20:19

Hi all, which Alan Carr book would you recommend?

Newmum29 · 26/09/2021 22:21

Thanks all for your kind words. Good to know it’s not just me. I’m on week 4 now and so proud of myself. Apart from 2 wobbles I haven’t missed drinking at all. Starting my new job tomorrow and I’m terrified. Baby did her first practice with her grandparents and I was so proud of her.

For the pp who mentioned all or nothing thinking. I’ve exactly the same. Been seeing a CBT perinatal psychologist and she’s great at getting me to challenge this. It’s such a classic cognitive distortion x

Kindtomyself · 27/09/2021 06:02

Morning all. Day 23.

Welcome @Goldshelfie.

@iamyourequal yep self critical people pleaser with low self esteem here. This is something I’m exploring in therapy, it’s so complex.
@InconstantMoon I think the Allen Carr book is called The Easy Way to Control Alcohol. I’ve not read it recently but have in the past. I have read The Naked Mind which is similar in a lot of ways to Allen Carr’s approach. I’ve also read Sober Diaries which I enjoyed but is very different to my life and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober which I found a little more relatable. I found all the books useful in their own way to enable me to reflect on my own drinking. I will be reading the Jason Vale book too.

Have a good day and I’ll see you later

AlloftheTime · 27/09/2021 06:30

Good luck with new job @Newmum29 - you will be ace!
Welcome @Goldshelfie wise choice on joining
@Kindtomyself day 23 👍pat on the back
Thanks again to everyone who shares and supports here, we may all be at various stages on a journey with differing starting points but the destination is a shared one.
Can’t remember who asked sorry here are some positives for me so far;
Skin is improving & not so dry
Clear head to start the day
Face no longer puffy
£££’s saved!
Food tastes better
A few hours in the evening to be productive or just chill out without a wine glass to be filled
Anxiety has dropped to nearly zero
Decision making is becoming easier

9 weeks today for me 👏

Adm1010 · 27/09/2021 06:42

@Nosilayak it’s really strange as the big roast dinner and vegging in front of the telly still happens … it’s the same “ event” we are just not having our senses dulled . How does it feel like a “ treat “ or an “ event “ just because alcohol is in there ? It’s still watching telly with a beef dinner! Our thinking is skewed!

@iamyourequal I literally just watched telly and ate crisp butties . Need to work on the “ dullness “ this week , it’s getting to me

@Newmum29 good luck with the job Daffodil

Up early AGAIN , it’s been all of my days off, wide awake between 5 and 6am . Pushing me right off tbh . BUT when I am asleep I’m sleeping really well . Sleeping right through the night , no lying there panicking at 3 in the morning anymore!

Adm1010 · 27/09/2021 06:43

@AlloftheTime Thankyou for those positives . Great start to the day reading them x

littlemiss93 · 27/09/2021 06:46

Morning all, fresh new week ahead. @BunniesBunniesBunnies mentioned this thread to me, hope it's ok for me to join you all in the AF zone.

AlloftheTime · 27/09/2021 07:03

@littlemiss93

Morning all, fresh new week ahead. *@BunniesBunniesBunnies* mentioned this thread to me, hope it's ok for me to join you all in the AF zone.
Absolutely!! It’s a big bus with plenty of seats 😂
AlloftheTime · 27/09/2021 07:06

[quote Adm1010]@AlloftheTime Thankyou for those positives . Great start to the day reading them x[/quote]
I was just thinking about you saying that you wake early EVERY morning and I do too now!
I try not to go to bed too early but it doesn’t seem make a difference. Are you eating more sweet stuff? I know I am and just wondering if it could be a factor.

Keep up the good work & chin up x

Adm1010 · 27/09/2021 07:15

@AlloftheTime not to much of the sweet stuff but I don’t have a sweet tooth at all in general . I never seem to crave sugar as such when I don’t drink but I crave things like bread and cheese etc .

Kindtomyself · 27/09/2021 08:16

@AlloftheTime congratulations on 9 weeks that’s great and thanks for the positives, really good to hear about them. I’m poorly at the moment so difficult to measure the positives with headache and snotty nose but I’m definitely less anxious and irritable and no horrible hangovers. Also not worrying about what I said/might have said. I also like not being obsessed with alcohol ie thinking when I can have a drink - ie saying I’m not drinking til Friday and then wishing my week away or whilst having a drink thinking about my next one Confused

Ooh actually loads of positives there.

Kindtomyself · 27/09/2021 08:22

@Newmum29 good luck with the job.

Hello @littlemiss93 nice to see you. How’s things with you? Very nice bunch of people here. I tend to post quite a bit as it helps me process things. I’m on Day 23 alcohol free and feeling really positive Grin

@Adm1010 I’m waking early too. At least it’s not 3am with terrible anxiety (hope you’re the same). I’m going to get back into yoga when this cold subsides that helps me sleep well.

Adm1010 · 27/09/2021 09:28

@Kindtomyself yeah I do not miss that middle of the night anxiety .

I’ve just had a memory I wanted to share . A few weeks ago I was drunk and going to bed . I was brushing my teeth and looked in the mirror . My reflection showed a red faced puffy looking blood shot eyed middle aged woman … I started crying . Just stood looking in the mirror and crying . Awful

Kindtomyself · 27/09/2021 09:52

@Adm1010 oh bless you what a sad memory. I never looked in a mirror because I didn’t like the reflection. What do you see now when you look in the mirror? An improvement? Less puffy perhaps, less red faced, whiter eyes?

Adm1010 · 27/09/2021 10:17

@Kindtomyself yeah it’s a bad one . I’m definitely less puffy , I look fresher in general .

AlloftheTime · 27/09/2021 21:37

Hope the new job went well newmum
Kindtomyself hope you feel better this evening
Night all I'm off for an early turn in 💤

Kindtomyself · 28/09/2021 08:00

Morning. Day 24 for me. Head cold’s loads better and so feeling more ‘normal’ whatever that is Grin.

Had weird dreams last night and therefore woke feeling strange- dreams something to do with some vicious dogs attacking my nice dog. I don’t have a dog! Make what you want of that dream!

Off to get ready for work (think I have a very slight spring in my step Grin).

Kindtomyself · 28/09/2021 08:09

Oh I also dreamt that I had a glass of wine and was really upset. So pleased that it’s not true.

Drybird2020 · 28/09/2021 08:53

I still get dreams that I am drinking! It's always such a relief to wake up sober 😁

OP posts:
Vilt · 28/09/2021 08:55

2 years sober today. I can't really believe it. I never thought I was capable of it but here I am. Really feel quite proud of myself.

I also dream quite often that I've been drinking and wake up devastated. The relief when I realise it was a dream!!

Kindtomyself · 28/09/2021 09:04

Hello @Drybird2020 hope all good with you? (Thank god they’re just dreams eh?). Thanks for starting the original thread they’re all inspirational. I’m also reading the old JWN thread from 2010 which is about conquering the booze! I find them all so helpful to keep me focused on why I have stopped.

Congratulations on two years @Vilt that’s fabulous. Tell me how it’s changed your life (if it has obviously!). Are you doing anything to celebrate?

Right I’m off to work, catch up later

Breathmiller · 28/09/2021 09:07

Vilt 2 years!! That's amazing. Massive well done to you.

Vilt · 28/09/2021 09:19

@Breathmiller thank you