Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

@Kindtomyself thank you.

It has made a huge difference to me I think, although the changes have been gradual and it's more with hindsight that I can look back and see them.

I am bipolar and I don't need any additional help to be either too low or too manic. And perhaps the main benefit I've noticed is that I am much less concerned that I won't be able to control myself in a social situation. I have more confidence that I will behave appropriately. I don't know if that makes sense

Vilt that makes complete sense. I also like the fact I can trust myself more. I don't have that fear that I'm going to make an arse of myself. And afterwards don't go over the night with shame about what I might or might not have said or done.

@Vilt congratulations good to know this is achievable 🎉

I am always wary of joining established threads, everyone seems to know each other and their back stories :-) but I think it is now time to throw myself into this. Long term drinker, highly functioning as so many people are. I drink to relieve boredom, deal with stress, celebrate, commiserate etc etc. I have had periods of sobriety and periods of moderation - these tend to go hand in hand with going to the gym regularly.

The 1st lockdown caused the wheels to fall off completely and I started drinking an immense amount. I was drinking daily and in all in all I reckon I was doing around 120 units a week.

Obviously this has to stop. I am worried that I am in some stage of liver disease - bizarrely it was when folk commented that I looked like I had 'caught the sun' that made me think I may be in trouble... so I have ordered some online blood tests and I am booking a fibroscan.

I am on day 2 and according to my app I have saved £22 and haven't drank 32 units. Thankfully I don't seem to be experiencing any physical withdrawal symptons though I am aware that this can change suddenly.. so I am on my guard.

This needs to stick this time, I am 52 years old and really too young to die. Thanks if you have read this far.

Following!

@Lesina
Like you, I drank loads in the lockdowns. I began to sneak extra alcoholic drinks. One time I got back from a meal where I had been drinking & downed 3 more beers ( secretly ) & still didn't feel ' drunk enough'. I realised then that I needed to stop drinking.
It has been a good thing actually because I have now read a lot of ' quit lit ', ( e.g. This Naked Mind ) and understand the dangers of alcohol. I didn't before.
I thought there was absolutely no way I could stop drinking but I have done 2 months.
You can do it.

@Lesina Welcome to the group, it's the first time I've ever joined something like this but I've found every one really friendly and supportive. I, too, have a fear of what damage I've done to my liver (I'm 53). I was so scared to go to my GP, but I was forced to in the end. I also keep getting told I "look well" and look like I've "caught the sun". I'm constantly scrutinising my face in the mirror and asking my dh if I look yellow. I hope your tests and scan come back OK. You are doing the right thing going AF, it really hits home when you think you may have damaged your health but I've been told the liver is usually capable of healing itself and the main thing is to give up drinking now to stop the damage.

lesina welcome. When I joined a year ago the thread was already established but everyone was so welcoming. You will get to recognise some of the names especially those that are a similarl time scale to you. It's good to have a sober buddy snd this whole thread is full of them 😊

Obviously it's not everyone on the thread, but I think there are a few of us around your age. I'm 51. And, like you I want to make sure I'm not doing any more damage to my liver as I age.

Welcome and good luck. Read back if you want to hear some of the earlier stories, they can be useful but don't worry if you don't 'know' everyone's story. We do share a lot on here but each present day is the most important.

I am 'stuck' at home with my two boys who have covid ( thankfully not too ill with it) And it's made me realise how burnt out I have been.

So I have cancelled everything and enjoying some forced home time. Cooking and catching up on house stuff. Dh just came down and said it's so good to see me relaxed and pottering about. I seem to have spent the last year either going at full tilt or in collapse. It made me remember that in the first lockdown I was the same. There was a part of me that was almost glad of being forced to stay at home. But of course there were many stresses then, some global and some personal (my mum went into a nursing home just after lockdown which wasn't expected and my step dad fell apart). But the first time, what did I do? Like a lot of people I took it as an excuse to drink. To let go of all my responsibilities and just get pissed. Earlier and earlier in the day. I know it was a reaction to everything, not just the whole covid lockdown but a reaction to having been going at top speed for years and looking after generations below me and above!

I have to say, I much prefer this way of being. Instead of poisoning myself I am nourishing myself with good healthy food and rest. It feels good.

It is great to find this support network, really useful! I am on a 100-day challenge and actually using meditation and exercise to help me. Separately, I have been helping gather resources in one place for people. What are your thoughts on this site - strytum.com/products/? If anyone has feedback, let me know and I will pass it on to the developers.

@Lesina - congratulations, every new day is a new life! Keep us updated on your progress and always know there are people out there you can reach out to. What app are you using?

29 days today. My husband said my skin looked really good this morning and that it made me look younger. Marvellous, I will take that compliment and run with it. I have no doubt it’s purely to do with becoming AF.

Welcome @Lesina I too found lockdowns had such a bad impact on my drinking, a horrible combination of stress and inescapable boredom of having too much of the same thing to do day after day after day!

@Breathmiller it sounds like some time well spent pottering is much needed. I have seen a couple of articles and have seen it first hand that the impact of lockdowns/pandemic is still being felt or becoming evident only now, particular with parents of school age kids. I think we as mothers we just get on with so much without stopping that we desperately need some downtime sometimes. It will be even more restorative without alcohol.
How has your mum settled in her home? Hopefully your step dad has been able to come to terms with it? My dad went into a home after the first lockdown too, I also dealt with this through the mirage of (a lot of) alcohol. The sandwich parenting is hard and relentless. I found that my dad going into a home was a bit of a relief after a while as it took a huge burden of responsibility from me, I knew he was well looked after. I hope you enjoy your well deserved pottering!

Checking in and welcome to the new people . .

I’m newish to this thread but find it incredibly supportive and welcoming .

Day 23 and feeling better day by day . Keep going everyone xx

Kittinminion I'm sorry that you went through that with your dad too.

I think, for me, it was the shock of my mum. It wasn't really expected. She went in to hospital at the end of January, we thought for a night or two then never went home again. Telling her that at a meeting was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

We were in the middle of finding her a home when lockdown hit. She was one of these people who were moved from the hospital without being tested. Due to the social worker being (wrongly( adamant that she was eligible for a care home and not a nursing home we missed out on getting to choose a home before everything shut down. We went into lockdown and they moved her into the only place that would take her. (It just failed its care commission report.) She went in with none of us there with her. She has Parkinsons and Parkinsons related dementia and no longer can walk or hold a conversation. She was scared amd confused.

It's been terrible for all of us but especially my step dad. He hasn't really recovered and has now sold the house and moving to a flat nearer his son. It's all been so awful for him. I've gone from thinking no wonder I drank at the time to thank god I don't anymore. Nothing about it was made easier with me drinking at the time.

I do think I am still processing it in many ways

Hi all, sorry for ignoring comments, I use a throwaway email address for this and don’t check it!

Thank you for being so welcoming, I really appreciate it. It’s nice to have somewhere to come and chat. I recently moved and don’t know anyone here, one if my friends says she will visit me soon but when I told her I was off the drink she asked if I would make an exception for our weekend and I said no. I’m worried she won’t feel the same about hanging out, our thing was always drinking and chatting. I hope I’m wrong but I know how I used to be when I drank, I couldn’t imagine life without and things seemed so hard and boring when sober. So we shall see.

To those saying their minds feel too busy, I felt like that last time I quit, this time I’ve made a concious decision to cut right back on caffeine and it seems to be helping.

Sorry Breathmiller, cross post. That sounds really hard, it’s a lot to cope with at the best of times but COVID must add a whole other layer of stress. I hope you have support x

Evening all, went out to lunch with a friend today and stayed completely AF. Normally, id now be thinking "oh no, what did I tell her that for etc etc" and feel bad for over sharing, but I remember clearly everything we talked about and we had a lovely time. I told her I was now 5 weeks+ AF, she doesn't drink and always drives so I can have a drink and my heart sank when she started to say "don't take this the wrong way but....." then she said I looked the best she had seen me in ages. That (and the massive slice of strawberry and white chocolate cheesecake I polished off) made my day!

Thank you Goldshelfie I do have a great support system with my friends and close family.

I should have been clear as well, this was January-March 2020. Not this year.

I think what you said kittenminion is right. We just get on with these things at the time, especially in the midst of these situations that the sandwich generation brings, mostly because there is no one else to take it. The buck stops with me. So, it's way down the line at some point when you stop that it all hits.

That, and my son had a severe health crisis last year so its been a lot to process. (Everyone on here was so supportive while I was going through that sober) .

But, I will say it again and again and again. All these crap things that life throws at us, and they get thrown at everyone, I'm not unique in having painful things going on- having gone through one of them in the last year and a half pissed and/or hungover and the other completely sober. I know which one was easier to navigate from a fog point of view. The situation with my son was scary and awful and it would not have been made any easier if I had fallen into a vat of booze every night.

Congratulations @Vilt, 2 years is an amazingly long time!
Hi @InconstantMoon. The Allen Carr book is Easyway to stop drinking for women, or something very similar. It can be very effective but you really need to absolutely want to stop drinking in the first place.
Welcome @Lesina. You will find lots of support on here and it should be really helpful for you. I come on a lot as I have nobody in RL I feel I can make sober chat with. How long will it take for you to get your test results? It must playing on your mind a lot.
@Breathmiller, that’s good you are getting some downtime, recharging with some quiet time at home. I hope too that your mum settled in the home. I’ve seen a colleague go through similar and she was in pieces. One of the hardest things, especially if they want to stay at home, but you have to think of their safety and well-being and those of all the close family too. How many of us here are the squeezed family middle generation eh?!
Good on you @Nosilayak & @Kittenminion with the comments on how well you are looking. I am not going to wait for those comments. I think I could come home with my head shaved and a tattoo on my nose and DH would fail to notice. Don’t remember a single past comment when I gave up booze all of last summer or even when I lost 1.5stone for turning 40, but never mind. I guess in his defense he never really mentioned it when I put it all back on either. Maybe he is just focused on my beauty within 😂.
Thanks for the tip @Goldshelfie. I am one of those with a buzzing head. I have coffee in the morning and tea in the afternoon and herbal tea at night, but might try reducing on the caffeine further and see hit goes.
Dull day working here, won’t bore any of you with the details. Day 28 and keeping plodding on.

Can I join please? I was drinking far far dark too much. At least 2 bottles of wine a night for years. Horrendous. I was functioning but only just.

Day 10 AF now. The thought of even taking a sip makes me feel ill but I find going to sleep scary almost and the evenings and straight after work are the hardest.

However, I love love my mornings now. I used to hate them. Waking up with heart pounding, knackered, foggy. Now I get up, have coffee, do yoga. The house is so much tidier and everything gets done as I have sooo much more energy.

Hi everyone. It's been a couple of days since my last post - day 23 for me. I've been finding it a little too easy for the last few days, I'm feeling good, really productive at work and at home so it hit me quite hard tonight when I caught myself reaching for a bottle of wine to celebrate how easy I've found it all - how bloody stupid?
I didn't drink, I had a cup of tea and played out the evening and tomorrow morning. So glad that the bottle stayed, unopened in the fridge.
I'm going to check in daily for a bit to keep me reminding myself of the reasons why I have had to go AF.
Thanks again everyone for sharing your stories, it's so helpful to have kind and patient people who 'get it'. I am too embarrassed to really open up to people I know IRL and tell them how much I was drinking so it's amazing to have this thread and you all

@Sunflowersinthewind with a name like that of course you can join!
Hope you find it useful and supportive, many wise heads here. The evening are much easier for me now - have a read through the posts and you are sure to pick up tips.
Just checking in on day 64
Night all

sobersept21 well done. It's amazing what is habit , like a mechanical, this is what I do. Very impressed that you are doing this while having wine in the fridge! You'll have to change your name soon. To SoberSept&Oct21

Well done on day 64 allthetime

Welcome sunflowersinthewind great to hear that you have a spring in your step in the mornings.

Hello I'm Touty. I'm on day 15 of not drinking. I have had an alcohol problem since my early 20's and I'm 48 now.

I gave up alcohol once for 2 years, my partner doesn't drink at all and hates alcohol, this really shone a light on my drinking. no idea how or why I went back to it but it happened slowly, I thought a few shandys wouldn't hurt, then onto the light lager and before you know it the wine monster is out again.

Then I moved to Spain where there is a bar culture, I decided wine made me too hung over, switched to gin and tonic, but ended up drinking a liter every week.

Now I feel I'm out of control again so I stopped. I'm also taking antidepressants and I just found the medication wasn't as effective with booze.

So the last 15 days have been hard in the evenings. I read Alan Carr's book. Now want to read the one by William porter.