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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
Breathmiller · 19/08/2021 07:04

Any advice anyone or another thread for healthy eating/dieting?

I have a thread running about eating our 10-a-day. Not a diet thread but a positive step to add more healthy foods to our diet. It was to wean me off sugar that had crept up when i stopped drinking. (Although, I think if you're in the early days of not drinking and your sugar levels go up then so be it - it was a case of whatever gets you through. You can always address the sugar when being alcohol free is more established)

StayingVigilant · 19/08/2021 08:43

8 months today!! 🥳
@Clouds78 since quitting the booze I’ve gained 10 pounds or so. I’m eating quite a bit of rubbish (sweet stuff) and the AF booze isn’t 0 calories. I drank a fair bit of diet tonic with my gins so it’s inevitable that I’ll be gaining weight. A couple of years ago I was heavier than I am now and over a year I lost 2 stones by eliminating pasta, bread, potatoes, rice and sugar. Sugar was impossible but it was greatly reduced. Adding extra veg rather than the carb element made a huge difference. I don’t run or anything so I think the carbs were surplus to requirements. Increasing the veg especially to ten portions daily like breathmiller won’t give us space for too much other crap. Maybe 🤔 But like she says if that’s what’s helping us through then so be it. I’ve now reached that point though where I need to rein it in.
I’ve enrolled in a pilates class starting in September (as I’m feeling stiff and tight) and am going to overhaul our eating habits then too.

Drybird2020 · 19/08/2021 09:10

I'm so enjoying reading everyone's updates, and the recommendations for reading and listening. I revisit quit lit every so often to keep myself focused and it helps to have new suggestions.

@Breathmiller I love your thoughtful posts, you are something of a guru! I'm in Scotland too and we certainly know how to drink here. It's one of the factors that normalised heavy drinking for me early on, it's not only accepted but encouraged in so many contexts.

@stayingvigilant congratulations on your milestone. You've been so determined from the start I just knew you'd be able to do it.

@ChampooPapi everyday thoughts about booze are normal to begin with. But as Annie Grace says (somewhere in her ginormous oeuvre), thinking about drinking isn't drinking. Of course you're going to think about it when you've been doing it so frequently for so long. I can't remember how long it took for the thoughts to fade away, but they did.

OP posts:
Breathmiller · 19/08/2021 09:27

stayingvigilant 🎊🎉🎈🎊

Fantastic news!! Congratulations!! I always love your posts, so intuitive and helpful.
It's great to hear you reaching these milestones.

StayingVigilant · 19/08/2021 09:28

Learnt a new word today, thank you drybird - not quite sure how to pronounce oeuvre though!

Breathmiller · 19/08/2021 11:49

drybird 🙏🏼❤

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 19/08/2021 18:05

I’m off on holiday shortly with a bunch of fairly heavy drinkers, in the early days I would have dreaded this… Now I am smugly looking forward to all my bright peaceful early mornings whilst the others are nursing hangovers😂😂😂🤩🥳

ChampooPapi · 19/08/2021 18:50

@BunniesBunniesBunnies go you! 🙌

ChampooPapi · 19/08/2021 20:16

Thank you so much @Drybird2020 for your response, it builds you up when someone is there giving you advise and strengthens the message and dialogue in my mind. I am very pleased to know it's normal to think about booze/drinking throughout the day at this stage. It's just every few hours my mind will suddenly trigger and flash to an image or memory of me draining a glass of wine or whatever. Even though i was never a knock it back kind of drinker more of a guzzler.... But my brain seems to be my own worse enemy even when I'm perfectly happy it decides to almost show me flash cards of scenes of alcohol times, good and bad. And everything in-between.

The mind is powerful!

StayingVigilant · 19/08/2021 22:37

The mind is indeed powerful! It won’t be long though until you start imagining very similar circumstance but with AF drinks/softies. When I think of a beach side restaurant now, I see a tall cut glass tumbler full of huge chunks of ice, lime and sparkling water. I can visualise the little bubbles pushing alongside the ice. The more I partake in these scenes both live and imagined the more the mind automatically leaps to this type of image. When bunnies mentioned her holiday that’s the image that entered my mind. Keep flexing that mind muscle with positive booze free images. As these are the ones that’ll eventually take over.
Enjoy your holiday bunnies! We fly home on Sat but it’s been blooming brilliant 🤿🐠🏖

ChampooPapi · 20/08/2021 16:17

Keep flexing that mind muscle with positive booze free images

@StayingVigilant thank you for this, I will start doing it, positive reinforcement

ChampooPapi · 20/08/2021 16:17

Also checking in 👋

AlloftheTime · 20/08/2021 17:41

@ChampooPapi

Also checking in 👋
And me!! Checking in that is…

25 days so that’s three and a half weeks 😊
It’s Friday afternoon and I’m doing okay, going to mark the weeks not days after 4weeks.

I’ve lost a little bit of weight, sleep better most nights, wake up alert and have saved some money too!
As others have mentioned I am consuming more sugar but I’m going with it.

Just wanted to say have a good weekend all and thank you for being here cos I’m not sure I would have stuck it out otherwise x

Usernameucreate · 20/08/2021 22:51

Hi Everyone,
Great reading all the posts. I moved house this week. Got so stressed I yelled at the top of my lungs. ( not in public. ) Have not touched alcohol though. 😁

VivianK · 21/08/2021 01:18

I joined this thread a while ago but didn't manage to keep it up so am having another go while on holiday. I thought maybe the change of scene would help as a chance to break away from bad routines and triggers.

Going quite well so far. Have also been listening to Love Sober podcasts which I have found very helpful. In particular because they speak about their experiences with multiple attempts and failures which has helped me feel a lot less useless about my own.

Breathmiller · 21/08/2021 06:43

The mind is powerful!

"Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

  • Viktor Frankl

Well done allofthetime and usernamecreate

Welcome back VivianK, I remember you. Lovely to see you back here. Each time you come back to this it gets a little easier.

Monkeytapper · 21/08/2021 06:58

Hiya, I’ve been sober 5 years now…..rehab 14 years ago and was abstinent for a few years than had a MASSIVE a relapse just over 5 years ago, managed to seek help again and now I have accepted I can not have 1 drink. Feel better now I have accepted that. My husband has been abstinent for 14 years too, we actually met in rehab (not advised to get into a relationship with another fellow alcoholic) but it works for us, he was my rock when I relapsed.
Taken a while to not ‘miss’ alcohol, most people close to me know why I can’t drink, I still go out eg, I was invited to a hen do, so I went for the meal part and told the hen that I would leave after the meal part before everyone got too pissed.
I dont miss the anxiety after a night now, feel fresh the next day.
I could write a book about all the situations I got myself into if I could remember half of them!
Life ain’t so bad without alcohol at all !

StayingVigilant · 21/08/2021 07:23

Well done on moving house username it just goes to show you don’t need booze to alleviate stress nor to celebrate a new hone. Well done on 25 days time! Like you say you’ll soon be racking up the weeks.
Amazing 5 years Monkey - and you DH at 14 years! always great to have posters with time under their belts.
Welcome back viviank so pleased it’s going well whilst on holiday. I find hols a little tricky tbh as there’s quite a lot of associations with alcohol. DH went home last week and it’s been just me and one of my DDs (16). Not having DH around drinking has made it so much easier.

VivianK · 21/08/2021 13:56

Yes was wondering if holiday was rather ambitious but actually it's going well as involves a lot of driving to different friends houses and I never drink if driving. Amazing how the mind works

VivianK · 21/08/2021 13:58

Plus is UK staycation so no sitting around at beach side bars Grin

TowelStripes · 21/08/2021 14:03

I'm five days in. It's tough. I'm determined

ChampooPapi · 21/08/2021 15:59

@TowelStripes keep going, stick with this thread and it will really help I think.

Checking in 🙌

TowelStripes · 21/08/2021 16:09

I've just finished reading the Unexpected Joy Of Being Sober and have some coping mechanism to try and put in my toolbox. My inner voice telling me I could ' probably just have one' and be fine is fairly strong right now but I know it's talking utter shit because I've genuinely never just had one in my life!

StayingVigilant · 21/08/2021 17:57

That’s it @TowelStripes just one is BS. Don’t be fooled. Like Champoo says- keep checking in. I think it really helps with staying accountable. Plus if there are any tricky times jump on here as there’s always someone around to give you a helping hand. Even on Xmas day in my case!