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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
StayingVigilant · 22/08/2021 16:16

Welcome @BigButtons good to have you on board the sober bus!
I’m back from holidays and didn’t find it too tricky at all but I did consume twice my body weight in AF beer and ice cream. I’m quite partial to the substitutes but do wonder if I should limit them to social occasions only. @ChampooPapi
I was going to say there’s certainly no harm in having AF to celebrate your milestone but I’m now wondering if maybe there is. If you’re feeling nervous about it maybe it’s not such a great idea. I really don’t know tbh. You’re doing so well!!!!

Perriwinkles · 22/08/2021 16:30

I just want to say that this thread is wonderful and I’m so grateful it exists as I start a very new sober lifestyle.

Breathmiller · 22/08/2021 16:47

Read back as well periwinkles
I did when I started. There are so many good bits of advice.

How wre you feeling now?

Perriwinkles · 22/08/2021 16:54

@Breathmiller

Thanks. I’ll do that. I have a bad hangover tbh but I keep telling myself it’s the last one. I know this isn’t going to be easy all the time but enough is enough. I’ve ordered The Sober Diaries and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. I can’t wait for days not to be wasted and to feel better. I feel so groggy and fuzzy-headed. I know I’ll miss the feeling I get from booze but there’s so much ahead that I want more than I want that feeling.

BigButtons · 22/08/2021 17:01

Thank you for the welcome.
I am very curious as to how my relationships and take on life will change once I am sober. I am hoping things will seem brighter. At the moment everything feels grey and boring. I feel kicked in the lead most of the time and am not able to appreciate anything.

Perriwinkles · 22/08/2021 17:04

@BigButtons
I can relate. Me too! My senses have been dulled & the only time I feel great is when I’m drinking. I never thought I’d feel that way! Time for a change. I do feel good when I’m exercising too but a lot of that has fallen by the wayside of late.

Breathmiller · 22/08/2021 18:20

Celebrating the small wins...

I've just come back from a weekend away. Great fun was had with no alcohol and I just realised that normally when I would have totally overdone the booze over the weekend the drive home would be a struggle. Then I'd dump all the bags and go lie down.

Not this time...home- bags are unpacked, washing on, washing that was hanging up away. And ready to settle down in a tidy house and have some food.

All these little things make such a difference and I hadn't realised how much it affected me. Now the chaos that would have been left won't eat into my Monday like it would have done.

deathbyprocrastination · 22/08/2021 18:26

@breathmiller - well done, that's a really big win. I think I'd still really struggle with a weekend away AF if others were drinking and would feel I was missing out. So it's reassuring to know that it can be done!

Day 22 for me today. Yesterday felt like a bit of a struggle, met one of my DBs who I've had many big nights with over the years. Settling down with him with a glass of wine for a catch-up always felt comfy and familiar and so it was hard to turn down yesterday. But I did. And on the whole I'm still feeling good about being AF.

But, and this is one for the longer term non-drinker I guess, can you remember when you started to look forward to social events again? At the moment, it just feels a bit of an ordeal and I don't look forward to it knowing that I won't drink. I know it's ridiculous and that the 'fun' that comes from alcohol is an illusion and also not worth all the other downsides, hangovers and whatnot but I haven't managed to ditch that association between booze and a good night out with friends / family.

Breathmiller · 22/08/2021 18:31

I was with a group who most of the adults were drinking but it didn't bother me at all. But it was all close family and I've been with them before so it wasn't new.

I think once you get a few social situations over and done with you start to realise that you enjoy them without alcohol. Dare I say it that you even start to realise that you enjoy them more without alcohol. I know that feels impossible at the start but I feel it now. My weekend was amazing. Alcohol would not have added anything to it, in fact it would have depleted it in so many ways.

Perriwinkles · 22/08/2021 19:04

Good for you @Breathmiller it must feel so great to come back from a weekend away restored instead of hungover! Good for you.

Perriwinkles · 22/08/2021 19:06

@deathbyprocrastination
I admire that you didn’t cave when you met your friend. Congratulations.

ChampooPapi · 22/08/2021 20:53

Just checking back in to report that Dr Jekyll did not turn into Mr Hyde tonight.

Enjoyed the bottle and a half of Alcohol free beer, refreshing and satisfying an itch I felt like scratching.

The nerves were a good thing in the end to keep me present and in check to what I wanted to gain from it and what I didn't want.

Double satisfaction as it hasn't compromised me to want to drink alcohol either.

It makes me feel relieved I won't suffer any ill effects and relieved that when I occasionally feel like that is the flavour and vibe I need I can now get this substitute.

Night everyone, off to listen to a podcast now in bed 😊

Breathmiller · 22/08/2021 20:57

That's brilliant ChampooPapi

Perriwinkles · 22/08/2021 21:05

Yay! That’s great @ChampooPapi

Considering I’m only on Day 1, I’m thinking ahead: I have a social occasion in September and two in October. I’m thinking of the advantages of not drinking at those occasions as well as the pitfalls

VivianK · 22/08/2021 22:28

Lovely day of nostalgia visiting old friends and a BBQ. Getting up early for brunch date tomorrow. I have finally managed a whole week on my drink free app. Yo!

Rupertpenrysmistress · 22/08/2021 22:33

Hi all. I may have previously been on this thread 🥺 but am hoping to stay this time. I tried moderating, it never works for me, I need to quit once and for all.

I have read and listened to lot of quit lit, all the well known ones, just downloaded one called another love, not a self help book, it's a fiction about quitting. I am also going to give the 30 day experiment a go.

almahart · 23/08/2021 08:39

Hi, I'm on day 5. The first days were easy but yesterday evening I really started to crave a drink. I don't have any alcohol in the house, and I do feel much better for it. I would like to have the occasional glass with a meal out though. Don't know if that is compatible with this thread.

Breathmiller · 23/08/2021 09:05

Hi almahart . Well done on day 5. That's great. A lot of people on this thread will have been where you are at this stage. It can feel like of you can do 5 days easily then you have no problem and moderation seems possible. I know I've been there (a few times)

Have a think back to why you wanted to stop and unpick your thoughts that you're having. Are you being honest with yourself? Do you really want to go back to how you were drinking before? Do you want to moderate? Is that possible? (For me it's not) . Are you just thinking that because you want a drink?

There is a lot to unpick. It may be that you can moderate or it may be that 'moderating' turns back into overdrinking either in a fortnight or in 6 months. Only you can decide if you want to try it.

If you do decide to moderate though then there are other threads that will of more support to you. This is a fully abstinence thread. Not, by any means because we judge drinking or moderating, but because it can be a trigger for many of us and make our decision harder. Its a dry zone if you like, a safe space from talking about 'one every few weeks'.

Wishing you well whatever you choose. Of course, if you decide to leave the thread then change your mind that moderation is not for you, whether that's next week or in a year then we will be here.

TowelStripes · 23/08/2021 09:09

I opened a bottle of wine last night, so annoyed at myself. I pretty much downed a glass and then thought 'what the fuck am I doing' and poured the rest away. Missed my gym class. Start again at day 1 😔

ChampooPapi · 23/08/2021 09:18

@TowelStripes well done for throwing the rest down the sink, the nasty bloody stuff is gone now. Obviously your feeling crap about being on day one again, you will be stronger this time, and you did something powerful that you'll have learnt a lot from. Ditching the rest is the first step but I've been there before top and gone back to drinking too much several times post so I would advise maybe a smart meeting tonight? They are on zoom and you can keep your camera off, really helped me at the beginning , though I'm only 4 weeks in!. But it also felt like it made things more serious which is good I think. You can't brush it off so easily if you've had to go to a drug and alcohol meeting!

Even though I, we ect are far from being alcoholics, we are addicted to this drug in one way or another so give it a go. They are 7pm every night except Saturday 😊

ChampooPapi · 23/08/2021 09:19

smartrecovery.org.uk/online-meetings/

ChampooPapi · 23/08/2021 09:20

Actually there's two Monday, one at 8pm and one at 7pm. Going to do the 8pm myself

Perriwinkles · 23/08/2021 09:20

@TowelStripes

So you’re on Day 1. There’s no shame in it. You’re human.

Perriwinkles · 23/08/2021 09:21

I’m on Day 2. I can’t believe it’s only Day 2. I still feel hungover to be honest. I didn’t sleep until 5am. My body is out of whack. I can’t wait to look and feel better.

ChampooPapi · 23/08/2021 09:21

Oh it's actually at 8am 🤦 but the 7pm one is still on and is very good, very positive speakers