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Alcohol support

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Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

999 replies

Drybird2020 · 16/08/2021 20:30

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives. Grin

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

Brew Cake Flowers

OP posts:
jelly79 · 23/08/2021 09:23

A lot of my thoughts go in to this. I am marking to come back to and quite probably joining you .

TowelStripes · 23/08/2021 09:30

@ChampooPapi brilliant, I am definitely going to do that. Thanks everyone x

TowelStripes · 23/08/2021 09:32

@Perriwinkles - the book I read said you'll feel like that for the first 72 hours. It's essentially a withdrawal when you've binged drunk. You can do this. Distract yourself.

Before my lapse yesterday, getting in the bath, having a cup of tea and putting my PJs on would put the idea of alcohol out of my mind for long enough to reconsider what I really wanted.

Perriwinkles · 23/08/2021 09:37

Thanks @TowelStripes
Will do. It certainly was a binge, never to be repeated hopefully.

Zacharysmommy · 23/08/2021 10:13

Hi guys,

Just stumbled across this thread and I LOVE it.

I am 18 months sober (few weeks over actually) I never drank everyday, I wasn't dependent on alcohol, I was only in my 20's so I definitely did NOT have a drink problem....
lol I did. One was never enough, I couldn't stop when I started. I was a mess, I was a horrible person when I was drunk. I got in trouble, I got in fights, I did stupid shit on the regular. I had anxiety all the time. My family and friends hated the person I was, I hated the person I was. I most definitely did have a problem.

I had an "incident" the last time I drunk. It could of ended up so much worse than it did. But it was still awful. And since that day I have not drank. I hit rock bottom but now everything has changed. Everything is amazing. I have turned my life around completely. I am a happy person.

I feel lonely though on this journey as I am 28 now, so there aren't many other people my age who are also AF. Or who understand. So I hope we can be friends?

All of your journeys are amazing and we should all be so proud of ourselves xox

Perriwinkles · 23/08/2021 10:21

@Zacharysmommy

I hit rock bottom but now everything has changed. Everything is amazing. I have turned my life around completely. I am a happy person
Congratulations! They are the most wonderful worlds to read on this thread. I am looking forward to the day when I can say that life has improved. I’m only on Day 2 AF; so a bit behind you!

I feel lonely though on this journey as I am 28 now, so there aren't many other people my age who are also AF. Or who understand. So I hope we can be friends?
Congratulations on doing it so young! You will never regret this decision and while it’s lonely, it’s lonely at every age and it’s a dignified loneliness, not the desperate on-your-knees-puking loneliness I felt the other night after my final time drinking. I’m over a decade older than you and have just decided to stop destroying my body and mind (after lots of previous attempts).

Chocaholic9 · 23/08/2021 10:27

Great to see this thread.

I've been alcohol free for several weeks. I read Allen Carr's book on giving up drinking and honestly haven't had a problem sticking to it.

The reason for giving up alcohol was because I went out on a night out and woke up in some man's hotel room having had sex and without having any memory of going there. I am guessing the sex was consensual but I have no memory of consenting so I do not know. Not something I ever want to repeat again. I am getting too old for that shit.

Perriwinkles · 23/08/2021 10:36

@Chocaholic9

Congratulations and well done on quitting.

Was Allan Carr’s book very good?

Zacharysmommy · 23/08/2021 10:38

[quote Perriwinkles]@Zacharysmommy

I hit rock bottom but now everything has changed. Everything is amazing. I have turned my life around completely. I am a happy person
Congratulations! They are the most wonderful worlds to read on this thread. I am looking forward to the day when I can say that life has improved. I’m only on Day 2 AF; so a bit behind you!

I feel lonely though on this journey as I am 28 now, so there aren't many other people my age who are also AF. Or who understand. So I hope we can be friends?
Congratulations on doing it so young! You will never regret this decision and while it’s lonely, it’s lonely at every age and it’s a dignified loneliness, not the desperate on-your-knees-puking loneliness I felt the other night after my final time drinking. I’m over a decade older than you and have just decided to stop destroying my body and mind (after lots of previous attempts).[/quote]
You really won't regret going AF. I only regret I didn't do it earlier ♥️ I 100% do not miss puking because I have drank that much... the last time I drank I woke up in a police cell with absolutely no recollection of why I was there- the lovely police man filled me in and then I was also puking... the toilets in a cell are minging so it was an all round minging experience lol.

2 days AF is a wonderful achievement, keep going it's so worth it. I hope you have a lovely day xox

Chocaholic9 · 23/08/2021 10:40

[quote Perriwinkles]@Chocaholic9

Congratulations and well done on quitting.

Was Allan Carr’s book very good?[/quote]
Thank you. Yes, it was a great book. I've also used his books to give up caffeine and sugar.

Perriwinkles · 23/08/2021 10:49

@Chocaholic9
Thanks. I’ll check it out. I read his quit smoking one years ago. It didn’t work for me at the time but I don’t think my addiction to cigarettes was more than just allowing myself to over indulge in smoking all the F-in time!

Perriwinkles · 23/08/2021 10:51

@Zacharysmommy

A night in a cell will do it (although, not always, let’s face it!).

I’m over indulging in junk food but I know it’s just a temporary measure. I plan to clean up my diet once I’ve ditched the booze.

Thanks. Enjoy your day too.

Zacharysmommy · 23/08/2021 11:01

[quote Perriwinkles]@Zacharysmommy

A night in a cell will do it (although, not always, let’s face it!).

I’m over indulging in junk food but I know it’s just a temporary measure. I plan to clean up my diet once I’ve ditched the booze.

Thanks. Enjoy your day too.[/quote]
Haha, it did the trick this time!

Try and substitute alcohol for exercise... it's what I have done and now I don't have drama from drink and I am also super fit! Win win win all day long. Doesn't happen over night though so don't beat yourself up, the important thing is not drinking xox

Perriwinkles · 23/08/2021 11:05

@Zacharysmommy
Yes! During a phase of not drinking too much and exercising more than usual, I felt and looked unbelievable. I allowed myself to spiral 🌀 out of control and found a different drinking buddy every few days … they’re everywhere! So, I do look forward to getting back into exercise when I feel less sick. Alcohol has been holding me back. The hard part is the taste and appearance of alcohol. A bottle of wine looks appealing, the first sip tastes amazing … but experience has taught me that I need to give up. I think my stomach is greatly inflamed judging by the amount of pain and discomfort I’m experiencing… and I look exhausted (but haven’t been sleeping). I just can’t wait to reset my whole system.

Breathmiller · 23/08/2021 11:14

Welcome all the new folks.

Zacharysmummy I do hear you on the loneliness of being younger. My daughter, who is just a few years older than you, also doesn't drink. Apart from a few years at uni she just doesn't like it. She's happy with her choice but often found that it was hard to hang out with her peers as it focused a lot on drinking.

I also have a younger friend who is massively into health and fitness and drinks hardly at all. She mentioned that it was hard to fit in with meeting people her own age because it felt like all they wanted to do was go out and party.

But it shows that there are others out there. I know in the yoga world there are a lot of younger people embracing a healthier culture. Or find someone like my daughter at work who is desperate for buddies who want to go out for dinner or afternoon tea or a coffee, or the cinema rather than the pub or a club.

They will be out there. I felt that everyone my age when I was younger were massively into drinking and drugs because that's the circles I moved in.

But, now I am older and part of a healthier community I am surprised at how many (mostly women) who say that they haven't ever really drank a lot. It's never been an issue.

And they have lived amazing lives. They got their kicks out of other things - travelling, climbing mountains, building up varied and interesting careers. Getting hammered or wasted wasn't their drug of choice.

I have massive respect for them. I wish I had found them when I was younger. But I was so blinded by the partying lifestyle that I thought it was the only option. And I embraced it and became part of that crew. Why? Probably a myriad of reasons, some genetic disposition, some due to upbringing and some due to being a bit of mess a lot of the time (again due to genetics and family history and problems at home)

It's not that I regret it, because that will get me nowhere and it wasn't all awful of course but it's interesting to see a whole other world existed. These people I now know who didn't go partying weren't boring or dull, they were living full and interesting lives.

Of course there are crossovers on both sides, not everyone who partied feel like I do and many of them also did the other exciting stuff but I find it fascinating now I look back on it from an older and clearer perspective.

I feel excited about getting my kicks in other ways now that alcohol (and drugs) are not the be all and end all. Youve got an extra few decades than me to enjoy and experience all that. Lucky you. 😊

deathbyprocrastination · 23/08/2021 12:47

hello everyone, day 23 here.
Zacharysmummy what an achievement - well done! Wish I'd given up in my 20s. Have you come across sober girl society? I follow Millie Gooch (who set it up and has just turned 30) on instagram and there are tonnes of young women in their twenties so might be worth a look? sobergirlsociety.com/

Drybird2020 · 23/08/2021 13:55

Welcome to the newbies. Just think, you never have to face day 1 again!

@Rupertpenrysmistress welcome back. What are you doing differently this time?

@Zacharysmommy how wonderful that you are only 28 and you have put all that shit behind you. My only regret about giving up booze is that I didn't do it earlier.

OP posts:
Zacharysmommy · 23/08/2021 14:26

Thank you everyone for being so welcoming 😊

I do follow Sober Girls Society and I have read the book (highly recommend) I loved what Millie did for her 30th birthday, I'm thinking of doing something similar.

I'm quite fortunate now that my boyfriend (who I would of never been able to be with if I still drank) rarely drinks (body builder, so very strict with pretty much everything) so we do lots of other stuff together that doesn't involve alcohol. For instance- my birthdays used to involve going out and getting sloshed but this year we went Zip Lining (zip world, South Wales. Again recommend) something I would of never done! It was amazing.

I hope everyone has had a good day. I have been so busy at work... I also got a promotion recently... again never would of achieved that if I still drank! Definitely a common theme here ;) xox

Perriwinkles · 23/08/2021 14:32

@Drybird2020

Great username. Thanks for the welcome. Yes, I’m on Day 2 and never again plan on doing Day 1. My friend said ‘don’t turn into a dry sh*e’ but I’m happy enough to be a dry sh*e for a while.

Surely we can still be fun & have fun without alcohol though …

TeeNoG · 23/08/2021 15:07

Hello, introducing myself here 🙂.

I am currently on day 9 of being sober. I was 2 weeks short of 2 years sober in July, but decided to have a glass of wine one night...... you know how it goes eh? Anyway, last weekend I stayed with friends and had more wine. Nothing awful happened, I did nothing regrettable, I didn't black out but CHRIST I felt awful for DAYS. It was like opening a door on a past version of me, one that was anxiety ridden most of the time, bloated, eating shite, no motivation..........

So, here I am again. I hope this time I can keep going and avoid any wine experimentation down the line.

Thank you for having me here Smile

Breathmiller · 23/08/2021 15:39

happy to be a dry she there's your next title drybird Grin

Well, we can be dry sh**es together.

Breathmiller · 23/08/2021 15:39

Ahh...to many stars mucked up my bold Grin

Perriwinkles · 23/08/2021 15:42

Thanks. That’ll be the title of my memoir ! I am happy to be a dry sh**e for a while as I said to my friend . F it! Being ‘the mad one’ hasn’t served me too well so far!

Breathmiller · 23/08/2021 16:07

Dry Sh**tes of the World Unite

Rupertpenrysmistress · 23/08/2021 16:30

Drybird2020 I really don't know what to do differently this time. I just need to avoid buying wine. I can go days at a time without, it's almost as soon as it is my mind I have to drink. I really want to start running again.

I need to re focus and plan strategies for when I think I want a drink.

I need a blood test before I start HRT but am worried about the results so, putting it off for a but.