Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

@TowelStripes - the just one inner voice on day 5 is such a cruel deciever. I have fallen for that one before. Don't let it win. Think of a lovely clear headed Sunday morning.

One is too many...a thousand is not enough.

Not sure if I've got it exactly right but someone quoted that on here once and it resonated with me. If I start, I won't stop. So I just don't start. 🙂

Towelstripes welcome
5 days is great and your first week is within striking distance!
Stayingvigilant and breathmiller I love reading your messages - so much wisdom 👍
@ChampooPapi yay! Good to see you checking in 👏

Drybird hope you realise how grateful we are to have this space - pretty sure I wouldn’t be sitting here sober on a Saturday next get without this safe place - thank you

Hi everyone, just checking in - end of week 4 tomorrow yey.

Thank you for all of the inspiration on here - it’s helping no end.

Keep tripping on x

*trooping on 🤦🏻‍♀️😆

Can I please join? I hope this thread can help.

I have been thinking of quitting for a long while but I’ve really hit rock bottom. I have had a drink every single day for the past few months. I drink much more than I used to and alcohol seems to be my main motivator when I go out.

I did the Alcohol Experiment twice and I’ve listened to a lot of Annie Grace’s Naked Mind podcast but it doesn’t seem to have got through to me.

I’m the common denominator with all my friends: everyone meets me for their one big blow-out. Meanwhile, I’m having regular blow-outs with many different people. I vomited uncontrollably on the way home last night (and I don’t vomit easily). I felt ashamed and I cannot sleep.

I’ve had enough.

I really want to quit for good this time.

Hi @StayingVigilant don't really belong on this thread anymore as I am ''moderating'' but we gave up the booze at a similar time and I have followed your progress. Just wanted to say Well done xx

I remember you @Horlicks4me pleased the moderation is going well and thanks for popping on!

@Clouds78 well done - hope you feel proud of yourself!
@Perriwinkles hope you got some sleep, today could be the first day on a journey to get your life back. I’m new here just coming up to four weeks and feel so much better for it. There are many knowledgeable and wise posters here who can help.
One day at a time is how I started……

Welcome @Perriwinkles you’re in the right place. You say Annie Grace hasn’t got through to you and may be she hasn’t but you’re here so you’ve recognised a problem. That’s a huge step in the right direction. But now what? what’s your plan? How are you actually going to do this? Are you drinking at home or only when out? How are you going to manage those situations? AF substitutes, avoid for a while? You need to think various scenarios through and how you’ll manage them. I’d suggest starting with some easy ones! It was easier for me as although it was December (a usually a party month) we were level 4 lockdown so no one was going anywhere. So only home drinking to deal with. Ok, DH drinks and there's still booze in the house but dealing with the indoor habit/triggers first before dealing with socialising helped. I was pretty strong/adamant/determined in my no booze conviction. Can you pull away from socialising for a couple of weeks and deal with any home drinking first? Are your friends purely drinking buddies with not much in common other than booze? Really reflect. And keep posting!

@Perriwinkles what’s great about this thread are the different approaches. I’m a planner, like to think ahead and knew when I stopped drinking it wasn’t going to be for a week or for moderation it was forever. That forever element was important to me. So what I’ve posted works for me. It may not resonate with you and maybe way too scary to think far ahead. A lot more posters, like time has suggested, cope better thinking step by step with ‘One day at a time’ where the thought of forever is perhaps daunting. Focusing on not drinking today. Bringing it down into manageable chunks. Some will do a mixture of both. A lot have ‘toolboxes’ their go to activities when there’s a craving or when we know a trigger is on its way and before we get a craving. Whatever gets us through, right? You can try on different approaches to see which ones work for you.

Please can I join?
Due to start the alcohol experiment tomorrow and am half way through reading ‘alcohol explained’ and I have had enough of drinking.
I never ever thought I would feel this way as booze was me, but I hate the way it makes me feel now.

@StayingVigilant and @AlloftheTime

Thank you for the welcome messages. Today is Day 1 for me. I feel a cocktail of negative emotions but I want to feel better and I want to quit. I can admit that it has got out of hand.

But now what? what’s your plan? How are you actually going to do this? Are you drinking at home or only when out?
I drink at home and when I’m out.

How are you going to manage those situations? AF substitutes, avoid for a while?
I will drink non-alcoholic beer & nice alcohol-free drinks but I have three very social occasions coming up in September and October. Initially I thought, ‘I have to drink at them’ but now I’m thinking that I won’t. I want to prove to myself that I can do this.

Welcome periwinkles
Just take today as it comes. You will be physically processing thr alcohol from yesterday so be gentle with yourself and your thoughts. We've all been on day 1 too and know how it feels. You can do this!! Keep posting and asking for support.

@StayingVigilant

I hear what you’re saying. I think forever seems daunting but I think I’ve proven myself thoroughly sick of the stranglehold booze has over me. I hate that it’s the main thing I look forward to. Forever would be amazing. Good for you!

@AlloftheTime
Are your friends purely drinking buddies with not much in common other than booze?
Almost All of my friends drink heavily but I know a lot of them separately … we have lots else in common to be honest though, so I don’t want to lose them. But I think people see me as Perriwinkles=Wine=Massive Knees-up

Thanks @Breathmiller
I need all the support I can get. I can’t believe that what could have been a lovely time with a friend ended on my knees vomiting in the loo. Never again. It’s been brewing for a while and I’ve tried before but this time I’m determined.

Try not to ruminate over last night. It is what it is. Don't catastrophise it.
The good thing about getting some time between your non drinking self and the times you're not so happy with is the lack of anxiety about them. I don't feel so much shame now about some of my past behaviours. I see that they aren't how I am behaving now. I have made changes so that I don't do them again. There's a reframing of pride over that.

@Breathmiller

Thank you. I told my friend I was quitting and she laughed … but I’m deadly serious.

I can highly recommend "the unexpected joy of being sober" @Perriwinkles. It's really helped me frame my giving up alcohol as something I've chosen. "I don't drink" rather than "I can't". Just like you'd say "I don't eat meat or I don't smoke" and don't get judged for it.

Thank you @TowelStripes
I never want to feel this way again. I’m so tired of prioritising booze and giving in with my supposedly easygoing attitude!

I’ll order that book.

Thanks @AlloftheTime, that gave me a boost reading that from you. I'm going to celebrate my 4 week milestone today by drinking an alcohol free beer, I feel stupidly nervous about it right now. You don't think it'll be a trigger do you? I am feeling strong and resolute not to drink still moving forward, but wanted to try these 'substitutes' . Opinions from the group also welcome

Hello @Perriwinkles , you've nearly completed day 1, no looking back now, just look ahead to a sober future. Well done you!

@BigButtons welcome and good for you x

@Clouds78 tripping on .... Yes keep away from the alcohol but keep on taking those hallucinogenics folks 😂

@ChampooPapi

Thank you! I’m so excited about a sober future! Today is the last day I take painkillers for a hangover.

Enjoy your non-alcoholic beer. For me they’re never a trigger but rather satisfy a craving but I know it’s different for everyone - follow your intuition and well done on 4 weeks! That’s great!