Mindfulness, Moderating and Not Texting In The Kitchen !

[Amdone123]

Morning all..hope you're all ok. Well I had busy weekend. I didn't quite stick to my plans : I drank Friday evening ( didn't eat), and drank last night, too. I don't feel great today but I am looking forward to having a break. I know I want to get back to being af and all its benefits.
I was thinking that I am able to stay in and not drink. My next step will be going out and not going mad !

@Mj20 , wow ! 27 days is stunning. And all those benefits.
I think it's great to approach it like that - a treat, rather than just because.......
I also think the more time you spend off it, the more the habit fades.
I've had a good January ( I think I've had 5 days I've drank), but take today for example. I'm off work, I have to rest as my legs are sore, I'm watching horror films on Netflix, and it's not that long ago that I would have got wine to accompany me. It honestly didn't cross my mind this morning.

Hi all so of course I couldn't re send the long message I was sending to the group after I got the kids up as then I lost my phone and did not have it all day and went to work stressing as what if the school phoned etc but I managed to remember my DH number and rang him from work and told him to message people who try and contact me (without being too outing the whole family in laws etc were supposed to come to my work today lol but no way of contacting) anyway I felt quite liberated without a phone, no-one hassling me etc but I was a bit concerned in case of the kids but they had mt DH number but he was quite far away today anyway....my long message I cannot re do as I was inthe3 swing of things this morning and everything came out but the jist was..
Firstly good idea @Hohofortherobbers for continuing to make a bit of a dent in to Feb to justify the ring purchase you have done extremely well and should be very proud of yourself if you did drink every day and then you haven't all month- I wish I had your will and strength. I was also saying sorry if me drinking triggers anyone but it seems it hasn't so thank you for being non judgemental and an absolute supportive network on here its really quite amazing how a bunch of strangers all going through the same thing can help each other! so thank you! You are also completely correct about the we would not go outside in the rain for glass of wine! I also used to smoke, when I gave up drinking last time the long stint I did smoke for bit but thought what the hell am I doing swopping one for another but it is so true the associations. I also was speaking to someone today about if we are in a pub it is harder for me to not drink but in a restaurant I could easily order a coke (it would like some will though lol as I do like wine with certainfoods ) but again its that association....
I have a few Muslim friends im open about with my drinking, one suggested AA which I did do some years back and initially yes it stopped me drinking but then it felt very depressing everyone talking each time about their bad times how they nearly died or killed someone etc and my sponsor was a bit of a cow actually and made me feel like crap saying if i left i will be dead the next day from alcohol but i didnt die and i stayed dry for another 6 months. I do wonder whether I should just totally abstain instead of umming and aahing should i shouldnt i and limiting myself etc....
@Mj20 sounds amazing and 27 days wow and the fact that your skin feels so good is one thing I miss about being completely AF, I do notice my skin red burst capillaries etc after I have drank, ashen in fact not good also I was reading about the habit and it takes 66 days to form a new habit /break a bad one!
@indieray you are so good not giving in honestly amazing as I am stressed today and feel like f it but its not the answer but right now it seems like the answer....people talk about a book called alcohol explained I want to start reading but I cannot bring myself to, I even joined sober communities online but again don't read their stuff-I cannot force myself!!
@Amdone123 you are right I also read about the younger generation not wanting alcohol, there are sober bars popping up LOTS of AF drinks available these days too...I am just not into them!
Hope everyone else is doing well x

Sorry @Amdone123 didn't see your message there? How was the funeral is it today or tomorrow? Hope you will be ok and your sister won't mind you not having a few? And if you do you do? Amazing the thought didn't cross your mind while watching the horror movies...at the moment my mind is just switched on to drinking at the slightest bit of stress! Silly me..

Well done @mj20, that'll be a solid 4 weeks tomorrow!! Hope funeral went as well as these things can do @Amdone123. @Soberjan, you don't trigger me at all, it's good to see people doing a good job of moderating. How long were you in AA? What prompted you to attend? It's crossed my mind to join an anonymous meeting online, but I guess like every other would be member I end up thinking I'm not 'that bad'. I went to a shop at 7pm this evening, a shop I stop at and buy wine on the way home from the gym. I went in for hob nobs and came out with just the hob nobs, it's taken me 25 days to feel confident enough to do this. Go me!!

@Hohofortherobbers well done for just getting the biscuits ! It's v v difficult but with more wins I think your confidence will grow ! Is anyone partner or family big drinkers ??
My partner and I every social thing we do is involving drink his mum n dad aren't big drinkers but his friends are 🙄 we used to drink in the week but I've said it won't b in my house only on the one night a week it will be consumed. He's agreed but still if he wants it he can buy what he wants and good thing I don't like beer my poison is wine ! 😩
I'm nearly finished alcohol explained it isn't that bad, It's not preachy it's just stating the facts about what alcohol does do your body brain emotions etc it's really eye opening 🙃does it make me want tp straight away give up completely- no ! But it's a start in opening my mind to the realities of the trap I've been in!
I need to lose weight as I want tp TTC in the summer (I'm 35) and no I want to get healthier for it ! I also don't want to drink that much anymore as I have family history of alcoholism. My auntie died at 43 of organ failure caused by alcohol and my sister has been sober for 3 years (👏🏼) she's 33 as she used to drive around drunk the day after and it was ruining her relationships. She read a few books didn't go to any meetings and did pretty well to be sober 3 years. I don't myself in their category's (yet) but it scares the life out of me it's in my family history so I'm trying my hardest to keep on track with my moderation!!

Has anyone set themselves goals
/rules to moderate when they do drink etc
I want mine to be one night a week even if that !
Hope everyone is doing well! Sorry for the long essay! 🤣💕

Morning, folks.
@indieray , I think it's great that at only 35, you're reflecting on the role alcohol plays in your life. I'm 55 and I honestly wish I'd have been as astute at 35. I would have saved myself so much aggro had I abstained 20 years ago. I know you're not looking to abstain completely but if you get some moderation plans in place now, they'll become a habit.
I think moderating is not easy / not for everyone. For some people ( as seen on here), it's easier to just quit.
I do ok moderating. Not long ago, I was just having 1 bottle a week - unusual for me as when I drink, I drink 2 bottles. I last drank Sunday ( 2 bottles) and I'm out today ( funeral). I'll either not go to the wake ( and come home and drink tea) or I'll go to the wake and if I start drinking I'll end up drinking all day ( 2 bottles, possibly more).
I'm all or nothing.
Do you miss it when you don't drink ?
Could you just drink say on a Saturday?
Is wine the problem? ( I wish I could drink other drinks, but I just can't ! ).
If I drank gin n tonic for example, I would only have 2 or 3, so I can moderate with other drinks. Just not wine.

@Hohofortherobbers , well done for just buying the hobnobs ! I know it's very difficult to not just pick up the wine ; takes a lot of willpower.
Online groups I've been part of are Club Soda and Soberistas - both really good and have members at different stages. Also Hobnobs Anonymous 🤣
I went to an AA meeting just before Lockdown. It wasn't for me ; lovely people, very welcoming but they'd all been sober for an average of 95 years, it seemed, so I felt out of sorts. I know we all have to start somewhere and good for them etc, but it just wasn't for me.
I did take quite a lot from it though and still think about their messages from time to time.

Hope the funeral goes well today @Amdone123 if you end up going to the wake and drinking don't beat yourself up but coming home and drinking tea sounds fab! With the hobnobs!!!
I also think it's great you are thinking about it at 35 @indieray ! Sounds like you are being very sensible and I hope when you TTC it will happen straight away! My DH is a big drinker in the sense he has a wine fridge and some more if posh wines and he will only drink Friday to Sunday though. That started after our dry Jan we did couple of years back in lockdown. So if he's opening a wine I will be there but then I have been drinking in the week and he hasn't so can't really blame him! My family not so much but my dad has always been a 'drunk' not so much as he's got older
@Hohofortherobbers what prompted me to go to AA is I genuinely thought I was an alcoholic because I drank every day but there was a point I was drinking at say 2 pm and then getting the children from school and that's when I thought no this isn't right(I was not working as much back then so was at home on my own a lot ) anyway as I said i don't think it was a life long thing for me but I met some nice people and think of them to this day. I wanted to attend a smart recovery early this year but they need cameras on and I was was worried someone I know would see me I know it's daft. Well done so much for getting just the hobnobs you must be proud of yourself ! I am out tonight but already have a plan to pace it xxx

Morning all!!!
happy Friday!!! Although I’m hormonal and tired so do not have that Friday feeling!!!!!
@Amdone123 will be thinking of you today and as others have said don’t be hard on yourself if you decide to drink!!! You’re doing so well with all your A/f days!!!!!
@Hohofortherobbers great work on just buying the hobnobs! That’s a win!!! You’re doing so well!!!!
@indieray im also 35 and want to focus on my health (mental and physical) so feel the same as you!!!!
and @Soberjan good luck tonight, keep us posted on how you go!!!!

im still doing well, no intention to drink!!!!I think I’ve come too far now to give up dry jan!
interesting hearing you all discuss families. My parents had a terrible relationship with drink and I believe that’s where my anxiety around alcohol stems from!!!! Hence the anxiety hangovers!

ty to who ever looked up the habit thing…. 66 days is a long time!!!! I’m planning to have a couple of glasses on the 14th (not for Valentine’s Day but for an anniversary)! And then I’ll reset my goal. But special occasions it is going forward!!!

whoever asked if their behaviour is triggering please don’t worry. We are all trying our best and moderating in our own ways and value the sharing and the honesty!

have a good weekend all! Keep in touch xx

Happy Friday peeps! How are we doing? I had to beat off the wine witch earlier with a becks blue. We have a friend over tomorrow night and I've offered to drive him home, he's not a big drinker, but dh and him will have a couple of drinks together for once which will be nice for them, I'd normally drink and friend would have to drive. My app looks rather pretty, I'll attach some screen shots...

Dry days

Mood

Sleep!!! Aaah the joy of sober sleep!!

Cravings, very obviously ramp up at the weekend!!

@Hohofortherobbers , that does look good ! I'm more of a pen n paper type of gal, love seeing the ticks !
Well, yesterday......the church was packed to the brim which was lovely. Service ended at 11am , crematorium was for family only and the club didn't open til noon, so off we all went to Wetherspoons, where I had a bottle of wine. Had another at the actual wake and then, as there was a dj and a dance floor (my friend was a social butterfly), I was up dancing. I think I was quite embarrassing ( I was dancing with another friend, but I've never danced at a wake before) but my sister has just assured me I wasn't. She said I was having a good time.
Trying to not beat self up and put it behind me but there is a reason I don't go out 😒
I was home for 2pm and don't feel too hungover so there is that ! At least I didn't stay out, grasping for positives here.

Wow @Hohofortherobbers amazing pretty pictures ! You have done so bloody well you should be proud of yourself especially beating wine witch!
@Amdone123 well done for getting through your friends funeral! It must have been tough no body likes a funeral and I hope you are ok and good for enjoying yourself ! Don't beat yourself up at all you have done really well this month generally!
I am a bit worse for wear because of the night out....my friend had 2 glasses of wine and she said the wine was so crap she has a headache and I can't remember how many I had there was a group of us but the wine I don't know why every time we go there it's shit wine which gives headaches the next day! But we still drink it! It was all quite sobering the conversations we were having like serious not fun so sounds like you had more fun at the wake @Amdone123 !!! And then my problem is I start talking about emotional topics so I started talking about some mum's and their kids to a friend who knows the mum and kids so I've messaged saying I'm sure you won't say anything about anything but I hate that feeling of not knowing what I've said or done...it's so shit! And then I decided to get hot chips from the kebab shop after and burnt my mouth and slept biting my cheek so I am in pain today. I don't know why the f I do it to myself I just don't know what to do now maybe hypnosis??????

@Soberjan , awh, you sound a bit fed up ! Your post reminded me of @Mj20 's many moons ago when she felt so anxious after a night out. It doesn't sound like it was the best night and that's probably not helping. By that, I mean sometimes we do feel hungover the next day, but the night was 'worth it' - ( that's what we tell ourselves anyway - whether it was or not, I don't know), but it sounds like you didn't really enjoy yourself?
Don't worry about what you said to the friend - everyone knows that sometimes when we go out, we discuss things.
So, I was going to say how many af days have you had in January but I think we should start afresh today.
Do you have a plan for this week, can you make one if not ? Try to get a few af days under your belt, say 5 out of 7 ?
Try to forget last night - I already have. There's nothing I can do about it - all I can do is learn from it ( I knew deep down that I didn't want to go to the wake - I should have gone with my gut feeling - I will, next time).
Hope your day gets better ❤️

Afternoon ladies! xx I'm
Having trouble sleeping even thought I'm not drinking! I say every day I will be in bed by ten , my partner sometimes is falling asleep at 930 he is up at 530 🤢
But I just can't switch off ! So I'm awake til stupid o clock ! But not drinking 👏🏼
Quite proud of myself. I've not drank for 6 days now!
I will be drinking tonight as me n dp are having a few drinks out.
I've really felt the benefits of not drinking this week but I just feel like sometimes I'm wait if for the day on a wknd I can drink !
Does anyone else feel like this ?!
Hope everyone has a brill weekend whatever your doing 💕💕

Yay, well done - 6 days is great 👏
Do you mean you're looking forward to having a drink this weekend?
I think that's normal.
( granddaughter just arrived so I'll be back later)

Morning, folks.
@Soberjan , how are you today? @indieray , hope you enjoyed a good night out.
Hope everyone else is OK.
Well, we're nearing the end of January and even though we've all done it a little differently, I hope that however you've done it, you're proud of what you've achieved or just proud of yourself for trying.
Whilst I'm pleased that I've done over 20 days af in January, I'm a bit disappointed that on the days I drank, I 1) drank too much ( I think 2 bottles in 1 sitting is too much) and 2) I felt fed up the day after, so the hangxiety I suppose left me depressed. I was fed up yesterday. Physically, I was just tired but mentally, not good. So, I'm going to have a think about what to do from now on.
I go on holiday a week today so I won't drink this week - too much to do and I don't want to feel anymore depressed.
P.s Shall we start a new thread ? Suggestions welcome.
❤️

A new thread would be defo one I would benefit from !
I had a rubbish nights sleep ! We didn't end up going out, we
Stayed in and cooked and had a few drinks watched a movie and now I feel like absolute trash!
I have half a bottle of wine left and really shouldn't but I want to finish it tonight! 😩😩 how's everyone doing ?? Xx

Hi all! @Amdone123 thank you for asking but what you have said absolutely mimicked how I am feeling the hangexity depression etc I too have some thinking to do going forward. The treat thing sounds good but I too would then have 2 bottles in 1 sitting and yes it's too much but I still do it.... Holidays I would like to say I would want to drink on but I'm pretty sure I go overboard there too so I can't win.
@indieray I wanted to say yesterday well done for 6 days in a row ! Brilliant but I'm sorry you are feeling like trash now but did you have fun with your other half sounds like a good night but yes the next day feelings aren't great . I too see a nearly finished wine bottle with the cork in it every time I'm in the kitchen today. I spoke to myself in the mirror this morning said sort yourself out just don't drink today...I don't understand my mind imbalance with control. I was lecturing my brother via my mum as he was getting really drunk and fighting with my cousin's and all sorts kicking off at the moment and I said he's damaging his liver and mental health will get worse (he already has a lot of issues) but why aren't I taking my own bloody advice ? Hope everyone is ok @Mj20 you have done so so well so far!
A new thread would be awesome...what to name it though are we still trying moderation or abstaining ? I don't know what my goal is now but I do know this thread has been so supportive since the start. Oh and I'm going to have to change my name again seeing as I failed soberjan ...

@Soberjan , 🤣 - you didn't fail. You tried. Which is a lot more than some people do ! Good point regarding the abstaining or moderating - I was going to say shame there's nothing in between, but I guess that's what moderating is ! Duh.
@indieray , sorry your night out didn't happen. And that you're feeling rubbish. I know you were feeling good after your 6 days, so it's frustrating that we 'go back' to the very thing that makes us feel rubbish. I do it all the time.
Regarding the half bottle.......I often pour it away. The other week I had 1.5 bottles, and saw the half bottle in the fridge next morning, so without even thinking, I poured it away.
I knew from experience I'd just drink it ( even if I felt rough, though not always), and then I'd be back on it.

It's jus I think a Vicious Circle for me if I don't have it in my house I won't drink it or go out n buy it! I think 6 days is pretty
Good as I'm v v hard on myself and I loved the awake fresh feeling I had!
Im in two minds where's to pour away the rest of the wine or I will finish the last bit, I hate the way it makes me wrestle all bloody day it's exhausting!
I need to go on a diet
Too and I've signed and paid for the gym but I haven't even gone! I think In my mind if
I join the gym and diet it
Will deter
The want for drink!
Hope everyone has a great day xx

Oh @Soberjan you haven't failed either! The intention was
There which was the main thing and the determination to keep going u got this ! Xx