The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

I’m also caning the sugar at the moment, and not bothered about addressing that until I’m further into sobriety.

Also managed to not drink today, despite having family around again and everyone else drinking. Felt really good and I really didn’t feel I was missing out. Not naive enough to think I’m over the cravings though - think it was just a good day / night.

Hope everyone else is feeling ok tonight

Welcome @Beeth0ven well done realising that alcohol doesn’t help these situations at all but tends to worsen them. You're certainly on the right track and in great company here.
@Persephoned Nosecco with a splash of fentimans pink lemonade is lovely too. Someone on here suggested it and they’re not wrong!
This last week has been a bit tricky for me as there’s been cause for celebrations - Tuesday was DD1’s A level results, Thursday DD2s GCSE results and Friday DD1s 18th birthday. Some of you may know that DD1 has missed a lot of school due to her MH and multiple suicide attempts this last 8 months, so her getting any grades at A level is a miracle. It felt like it should be a huge celebration. Bizarrely fizz is the first thing that comes to mind. How ridiculous is that? We are on hols so I’d booked nice restaurants to celebrate each occasion but DH did suggest getting fizz for the Alevels & 18th. Neither DDs drink (DD3 way too young) so it was quickly quashed thankfully as for some bizarre reason I think I would have struggled. It just felt so fitting and I’m annoyed with myself that I thought this. I believe I’d have thought just one would be ok. Instead us females had mocktails and all was well. But it has given me a bit of a wobble. Definitely need to use my username!
DH has now gone home with DD1 and DD3. Im staying on with DD2 and decided that I’m going to have this last week of our holiday with no AF alternatives. I’m wondering if drinking AF beer is making me fancy alcohol. I don’t know tbh. Does anyone else find that? I’m 8 months sober in a couple of days so I’m finding this feeling that I could moderate a tadge unsettling. I couldn’t and I won’t but I’ve no idea where this wobble is coming from.

Morning all!!! Been offline for a while as on holiday🤩 I love sober holidays🤩🤩🤩 I’m so much more present and they are so much more enjoyable☺️

@Breathmiller huge congratulations on your one year milestone🤩🤩🤩 You are truly amazing and I always enjoy reading your posts and updates. I love your motivation and positivity, and after a gluttonous holiday I should probably follow your lead and eat some more veggies too😂😂😂

@HangingOver sorry to hear about your bunny. We do get so attached to furry little beings, I hope your bunny is a bit better now!

To those in the early days/weeks struggling through a rollercoaster of emotions, it is so normal, so recognisable and so necessary. After numbing our feelings with alcohol for so long things do come to the surface when we quit. I can be really painful but you just have to get through it. The early days were full of highs and lows for me, but one way or another I got through it and now (at 16 months) I feel so much more stable and calm. It’s a wonderful feeling not to be at the mercy of my crazy mood swings anymore (well, most of the time😂).

I’ve been feeling a bit low on energy lately (probably just the trauma of holidaying with several small children😂😂😂), I have been sleeping LOTS which helps but over the next few weeks I will be focussing on:

• religiously taking my multi vits (thanks for reminding me @Drybird2020!)
• drinking lots of water (why is this so hard?!? If only I could drink water as easily as I used to drink wine😂😂😂)
• eating more fruit and veg (@Breatmiller please keep me on the straight and narrow😂)

Sorry for the massive post! I guess I missed you all whilst on holiday😂😂😂

Off to work soon - today is number 20 so tomorrow will mark three weeks.

I’m so very grateful to have found you all as it helps so much being able to ‘drop in’ and post and read your stories and advice. When I get home I’m going to do my list having been inspired by all the fruit, water and exercise lists!
Have a good day all

@StayingVigilant huge congrats to your girls, and to you for managing understandable temptation. Your name always reminds me to be on my guard, even though I feel.like I've got this, I can't ever be complacent about it.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies, missed you too! I'm glad you had a good holiday. I've been tired too. Summer holidays are full on anyway but we have had zero childcare and a lot of trips and things to do. I welcome the return to routine next week.

We are going to need a new thread soon, any suggestions for the title or requests for the opening post? I'm going to put the dry nature of the thread first this time as I'm keen for that not to be diluted.

@AlloftheTime well done on (almost) three weeks, that’s amazing!

@StayingVigilant congrats on your daughters, you must be so proud!

@Drybird2020 I hear ya, summer holidays can be exhausting! When we’re not away on actual holiday it’s just a mad balance of (lack of) childcare and work. Ugh!

Yes! Nearly time for a new thread! I agree it would be good to emphasise it is a Dry thread, and to reiterate this in the opening post. It’s such a tough balance to strike because it’s absolutely important to be welcoming to people who are considering going Dry, and I’m always so happy to answer any questions (and I love newbies! I’ve been massively inspired by all the newbies on this thread!🤩) but at the same time it should also be a safe place for people who might find talk of booze triggering.

stayingvigilant well done you for recognising your thoughts on it all but still not drinking. Its so easy to do it when there is no temptation or desire but when we get through these trickier times that's when we know we are really cracking it. They come along so much more infrequently (newbies will be glad to hear) but we do live in a drinking culture so I will also have your user name as a reminder. Huge congratulations to your daughters. It is so good to hear that your dd is in a better place. My ds too. Things are so much more positive for him now after a really shitty year last year. Onwards and upwards for these lovely young people.

So good to hear from you bunnies and thanks for your congrats and your kind words, they mean a lot. I just read them out to dh in a kind of 'shucks - who me?' way. Feeling all smiley. You have been a massive support and inspiration. Come find the veg and fruit thread, it has been so helpful. I have made my 10 a day most days except yesterday. But it was a celebration day so I forgive myself. It's a really supportive thread like this one. For those mainlining sugar, just let the worry around that go as much as you can just now. It's taken me a year but I finally feel I am getting a hold on it. I don't need or can't even drink so many sugary alternatives now. But i needed it at the beginning. And whatever got me through sober was fine. You can address the sugar thing later when the alcohol bit feels more manageable.

It was my anniversary yesterday. 19 years. And it dawned on me that I celebrated my 18th dry last year with only a week under my belt. What a difference a year makes! It didn't even enter my head yesterday to drink. I had an AF cider which i do most weekends. And I celebrated with an over the top, all the trimmings takeaway from my favourite thai restaurant with my lovely dh and my boys. Then a bar of a treat vegan chocolate. So, lots of lovely things. And a nice celebration. No alcohol needed for any of that. In fact I might try to go back and read how different my thoughts were a year ago. It just feels so lovely to not have alcohol as an issue (most of the time) . No hangover today so it's a win-win.

Looking forward to the next thread. I agree to the first post gently reinforcing the non- moderation theme. Thank you drybird for keeping these going. An invaluable set of threads that have truly changed my life.

I’m wondering for that first post on the shiny new thread if we mention some of the quit lit, the Smart recovery program, Annie Grace’s Alcohol Experiment (and that there’s a free version if you scroll). It may be useful to sign post support straight off?

@Drybird2020 agree with others about the emphasis on this being a dry thread, lapses happen of course , but I mean it not being a moderation thread.

Some really inspiring and beautiful posts on here, @Breathmiller this especially moved me

Thank you drybird for keeping these going. An invaluable set of threads that have truly changed my life

Un-mumsnetty hugs to all on a sober, but still super, Sunday 💜

@AlloftheTime 🙌 day twenty 🙌. I'm starting to look forward to how I might be feeling once I hit the 3/4 month point, I've never done that long unless I've been pregnant so there's all the pregnancy grimm-ness detracting from the sobriety and pure body and mind!. It's actually very exciting, I just need to not get complacent and stick with this thread and my sober literature podcasts. I need to check in with smart Monday too for one of their zoom meetings because I haven't done it for nearly a week

I've just had my BIL and SIL staying for 3 days (4 nights). BIL likes a drink, and in the olden times DH and I would have joined him in far too much booze. Well, we managed it! BIL drank up most of DH's old beer stocks, which was all to the good as they were out of date.

I must admit though, that when they told me all about the lovely fizz tasting they joined when they popped into our local vineyard, I found it really, really tough. It's my drink of choice, and my drinking of choice.

But we got through it. We weren't as entertaining as usual, we went to bed early, we watched more films than we would have and BIL thought we were more boring as non-drinkers, but we managed it and we didn't have a drink.

Not posted on here in forever but I do still pop in to catch up now and then. Just wanted to say hi and let you know I'm still with you. Day 484 here. Not that I bother counting anymore because this is just me now. Still smoking though so I'm not smug. But also still running and have two medals to show for it this year.

@drybird2020, you are so right about the benefits that keep on coming. I almost struggle to see the appeal of drinking at all now. Although I still get the very occasional half hearted wistful pang. Glad to see all the familiar names and to any one who I just starting - keep going. I can promise you won't regret it

Just catching up on everyone's posts - really helpful to hear from people who are much further down the line too. @Stayingvigilant can totally understand the draw of fizz by way of celebration after what sounds like an incredibly tough period. Well done on resisting, there's so much conditioning to unpick isn't there...

I'm on day 15 - been here before (and had longer dry stints) but this time feels different, my motivation is coming from a different place. Still have big cravings in the evening or at times like yesterday when we had friends round for what, for everyone else, was a boozy Sunday lunch. But have to keep reminding myself that once I'm past that initial urge, I have a perfectly good time without all the unpleasant side effects. But I definitely still have a weakness for romanticising alcohol.

Hi everyone, just catching up with everyone's posts. I'm a month in now (woo hoo!) and still feeling strong. This thread really helps. I had a wobble last Friday as the sun was out and we walked to a seaside restaurant for a drink. I had that awful "one would be fine" thought going around my head but I had an elderflower pressé and within 10 minutes or so I was happy that I wouldn't be agonising about having another. So it was all good. Definitely getting better at not thinking about alcohol so much now though, it's becoming my normal not to think about having a drink. Love reading the posts from you who have been doing this for much longer, it gives me strength knowing that things only get better

Oh @Teetotallyimperfect it's so nice to see you!

@CardiganOfDoom well done surviving your relatives' visit. You are not boring. Actually, I find most people boring after their second drink, and absolutely everyone after their third.

Well my lovelies, I've made us a nice new fred to play on. See you over there.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

Ahhh a new thread! Thanks @Drybird2020!
I will head there now but not before saying well done @CardiganOfDoom for not drinking!!! Personally I find drunk people much more boring than sober people🤩

@freesolo a month is amazing, well done!

Hello @Teetotallyimperfect!!! My are almost sober twins!!! (I’m about 16 months in now too!). Plus I am also a runner (and occasionally a smoker😳 though I’ve been doing much more of the former (got a couple of shiny medals too!) and much less of the latter lately. Took me a looong time to get a grip on the smoking, I’m still not perfect but it’s a very rare occasion that I smoke now. Nicotine replacements have been my saviour!!!

Anyway, see you all on the new thread!

Can I please join? I hope this thread can help.

I have been thinking of quitting for a long while but I’ve really hit rock bottom. I have had a drink every single day for the past few months. I drink much more than I used to and alcohol seems to be my main motivator when I go out.

I did the Alcohol Experiment and I’ve listened to a lot of Annie Grace’s podcast but it doesn’t seem to have got through to me.

I’m the common denominator with all my friends: everyone meets me for their one big blow-out. Meanwhile, I’m having regular blow-outs with many different people. I vomited uncontrollably on the way home last night (and I don’t vomit easily). I felt ashamed and I cannot sleep.

I’ve had enough.

I really want to quit for good this time.

I read Allen Carr's book and it's literally changed my life. I've drank heavily all my adult life and I'm 53 now and after reading this book I really don't miss booze. I'm taking ever day as it comes though. I hope this sense of euphoria lasts I'm feeling so positive. It's early days coming up a month but if I continue to feel this good I don't ever want to pick up another drink. Could never see myself not drinking before I read this book it just felt too hard. However reading this book daily made me stronger and I could see a glimmer of a better life without drink. Obviously feeling a little apprehensive with a group holiday coming up and Xmas but I'm determined to stay strong and I think if I can just refuse that one drink my resolve will not crumble. Thanks for giving me this platform to open up as I've never done anything like this before

Hi @blondystrying welcome and well done! I’m on a similar path to you. I’m on day 30 of giving up and feeling quietly content that I have definitely made the right decision this time, after years of failing to moderate. I’ve been reading Allen Carr too, and listening to Annie Grace’s many podcasts on sobriety. If you check the forum here you will see another similar titled thread with more up to date posts. This is actually a slightly old version of a sobriety thread that keeps running. It will be nothing personal that people haven’t responded to you, they are all just on the other thread!

@iamyourequal

Hi *@blondystrying* welcome and well done! I’m on a similar path to you. I’m on day 30 of giving up and feeling quietly content that I have definitely made the right decision this time, after years of failing to moderate. I’ve been reading Allen Carr too, and listening to Annie Grace’s many podcasts on sobriety. If you check the forum here you will see another similar titled thread with more up to date posts. This is actually a slightly old version of a sobriety thread that keeps running. It will be nothing personal that people haven’t responded to you, they are all just on the other thread!

Hi there it's taken me all night to figure out how to reply. I'm totally new to anything like this and I'm just getting to grips with the site. Thanks so much for responding it's really encouraging. I'm getting lots of tips on useful books to read and I think I'll try a podcast. All keeping me motivated and I hope you feel the same x

Hi @blondystrying. Glad you are going strong. I find forums are great for issues its hard to talk about with people in real life. I also love the sober podcasts. I listen to them when out for a walk early evening or driving home from work. (All the times I am feeling a little weak). The This Naked Mind ones (that’s Annie Grace) are very positive and have really helped me change my mind-set about drinking.
I’m starting month 2 today so quite positive about that. I hope you’ve found the next thread on here by now, it’s Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol freepeople.. This one will disappear soon I think as that’s what happens when they reach 1000 posts. Have a good day.

@iamyourequal

Hi *@blondystrying*. Glad you are going strong. I find forums are great for issues its hard to talk about with people in real life. I also love the sober podcasts. I listen to them when out for a walk early evening or driving home from work. (All the times I am feeling a little weak). The This Naked Mind ones (that’s Annie Grace) are very positive and have really helped me change my mind-set about drinking. I’m starting month 2 today so quite positive about that. I hope you’ve found the next thread on here by now, it’s Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol freepeople.. This one will disappear soon I think as that’s what happens when they reach 1000 posts. Have a good day.

Thanks so much for responding it's lovely to have feedback on how others are coping and it's great that you're going into your second month - well done! I've started the Naked Mind and I will try and get to listen to a podcast. I will go over to the other thread. The more I use the site I'm sure I'll get used to how it works. Keep strong and motivated. I never thought I'd come off the booze it was just a lovely daydream but I'm actually doing it now and I've never felt happier 😀

MIFLAW here! New account because, after about 10 years away from mumsnet, I can’t remember my old log in details!

Just rejoined because of secondary places.

Still sober and hope the same is true for everyone else.