Freedom! An alcohol free thread, for alcohol free people.

[Drybird2020]

This is the latest in an established series of supportive and friendly threads, for anyone committing to a life without booze. If you have tried and failed to be a sensible, occasional or moderate drinker, and have come to the conclusion that you just can’t do it, you are in good company.

I won’t lie, the first part is tough. And it’s tougher for some than others. You will need to learn new ways of managing stress and negotiating social occasions. You will have to learn that alcohol and fun are not the same thing. Your relationships will change, often for the better, but some hard-drinking friends will turn away from the mirror your sobriety holds up to their own habits. You will find that the feelings you tried to drown in booze, come bubbling up to the surface and there’s no option but to face them. You will feel physically and emotionally low, as you relive and regret the stupid, painful and selfish things you did while drinking.

Here’s the good news: the first part will soon be over. It will be more worth it than you can possibly imagine. Life will still be messy, difficult and poignant, but so much sweeter, sharper, and more real.

This thread is a great place to ask for advice and tips, whinge and moan, check in for daily accountability, and run to when you have a craving that scares you. We also have quality chat about running, books, gardening, pets, and occasional meaningful conversations about our lives.

As should be obvious from the above, the thread is a DRY ZONE. Discussion of current drinking is extremely unhelpful to anyone in the early days, and people who have been alcohol-free for a long time benefit from a safe, dry space to talk. If you are looking to stop imminently and need to ask questions, go ahead, but leave your glass at the door. You wouldn’t take a drink to an AA meeting, so don’t do it here. You are welcome to post regularly from Day 1 onwards. If you suspect you have a physical dependency and need to cut down, seek medical help. If you want to be alcohol free except for a glass at Christmas and on your birthday, that’s moderation and you can talk about it on a moderation thread.

This is a rather long OP already so might I suggest that people use their first post to recommend their favourite quit-lit or other sources of help and support? Don't forget to say hello and a little bit abut your journey (if you want to). Many thanks.

[Usernameucreate]

Hello Drybird,
I've stopped drinking. 2 weeks so far, but it is different this time because I read ' This Quiet Mind.' 😀

[Usernameucreate]

I mean ' This Naked Mind.' I'm obviously zen from reading it!

[BillyAndTheSillies]

Hi! I had bariatric surgery in October 2020 and have been off alcohol since two weeks before surgery. In the space of two short weeks, all my crutches were taken away - alcohol, smoking and food.

But I haven't caved and 100% prefer the non drinking version of me. I've given up during pregnancies before, but this is the first time I've not even craved a drop.

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

Hello and welcome @Usernameucreate, two weeks is amazing🤩 I’d like a quiet mind too please😂😂😂

Thank you so much @Drybird2020 for starting another one of your life saving, comforting and warm threads. I love these threads and wouldn’t be 16 months sober without them. Life is sweeter, sharper and more real (as you say) indeed, and dare I say it, I actually like myself again (mostly😜) since quitting the booze.

Looking forward to catching up with old hands and getting to know more new people🙂

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

Wow @BillyAndTheSillies, all your coping mechanisms gone at once. That’s incredible, well done! Which one was the hardest to quit? And have you got any good new coping mechanisms?

[Itstheweekendyasssss]

Hi I have not had a drink for two plus weeks. I can go a long time(months) without drinking loads but still have the odd binge with friends and end up with no memory and am frankly done with the next day angst! Also health wise, the more I read the more convinced I am that it is the right thing.
I must say I used it more than a thought to “mark” a Friday night for example. But a fancy soft drink and a different wee ritual and it can be done. I am most scared of breaking it to everyone that I am off it, think will say it is a short break. I loved the Unexpected joy of Being Sober and the Sober Diaries, but the podcast Take a Break from Drinking is my absolute fave, I feel like she has read my diary!

[Northernsoullover]

Hello. I'm nearly 2.5 years AF. I recommend Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck at any opportunity I get!
Before my eyes were opened to the BS surrounding alcohol I was polishing off a bottle of wine daily and more when I went 'out out' .
But, if anyone looks at my prior consumption and thinks that in comparison they don't drink that much and are therefore its not a problem remember there is no safe limit where alcohol is confirmed . See? That book has done a number on me( and its great)

[MacavityTheDentistsCat]

Hello there,
I stopped drinking on 2 January after too many previous failed attempts to count. I plan never to restart.
Stopping has been interesting so far. I'd been drinking too much for many years so expected lots of ups and downs but that hasn't really happened - I think I'd totally exhausted myself with it.
The best bits so far have been losing my puffy face and aching liver, not having to deal with all the constant self-negotiation over what (not) to drink, and sleeping through the night without waking, which I hadn't managed for years. More recently I've also found myself using vocabulary when speaking that I haven't used for years. It's like my brain is beginning to reawaken.
I haven't read that much quit-lit but two other books which have struck a chord with me one way or the other have been Marion Keyes' Rachel's Holiday and John Grisham's The Testament.

[StayingVigilant]

Hello everyone! Thanks for the new thread Drybird2020 and already some lovely posts.
I’d recommend Allen Carrs (not the comedian btw) book on quitting alcohol plus Annie Grace’s ‘The alcohol experiment’ online programme. There’s a free version which I did and others have found helpful. I’ve not read ‘Alcohol Lied To Me’ but she mentions it quite a bit in her 30 day program and will start reading that soon.
I quit the booze in early December following my eldest daughter’s suicide attempt where some of her reasons suggested I wasn’t a nice drunk. She’s overdosed since then regardless of my abstinence so although I know I’m not entirely to blame for her mental health; I do know that I’m a much much better mother in so many ways without the alcohol. I’m also much more able to support not only her but all my daughters and it’s the best thing I could have done. Wish I stopped decades ago. I didn’t think I had a problem whatsoever as I often went a week without quite easily. But I’m one of those that can’t have just one. Once I begin… I’m so pleased my daughter was brave enough to shine a light on all that. Now around 8/9 months sober.

[deathbyprocrastination]

hello everyone, great to read all the recommendations, some new ones in there for me. So far I’ve read: the unexpected joy of being sober, sunshine warm sober, alcohol explained, we are the luckiest, the sober diaries, quit like a woman.

Haven’t been a super heavy drinker in recent years - I just find alcohol isn’t serving me one way or another and hate how it affects my anxiety levels - so I particularly like how lots of the books above don’t overly focus on rock bottom but on what you gain by taking alcohol out of the equation.

Day 17 today (one more than I thought actually, I miscounted yesterday) so very early days for me still. 23 hours of the day I’m very happy with the decision but around 6pm I start to romanticise alcohol and question how i’ll enjoy a sunny evening / holiday / celebratory dinner without any booze at all. So, am still trying to change my thinking on that front.

Looking forward to folllowing everyone’s journeys - and it’s always very inspiring to hear from people who are long-term sober and still reaping the benefits

[deathbyprocrastination]

StayingVigilant congratulations on all those months’ sobriety - what an incredibly difficult time you’ve had. I really hope things are a bit easier now and that your daughter’s mental health is steadily improving

[BillyAndTheSillies]

@BunniesBunniesBunnies food is still a massive obstacle for me but I'm working through that with some therapy.

I've realised that what I was over compensating for with drunk confidence I've made up for in genuine confidence. It took losing 7 stone to realise this. I've gone from a size 22 to an 8 and my coping mechanism is now exercise. It doesn't need to be crazy amounts, sometimes if it's all getting too much by the end of the day I just take myself for a walk.

Luckily I have a teetotal DH who gave up drinking 11 years ago after verging on dependency. I've lost friends - mainly NCT and new mum friends where we had nothing much in common that didn't involve sinking bottles of Prosecco, so no great loss.

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

Wow @BillyAndTheSillies to go from a size 22 to 8 is absolutely amazing. Just to think about what you have done for your own health and the amazing benefits that will have for your family too. It’s unbelievably impressive😱😱😱 Yes, sometimes we lose friends where the only thing we had in common was booze, though I suppose these were never our closest friends.

Exercise is an excellent coping mechanism, it works really well for me too.

Anyway just wanted to say I’m in awe of your progress, you must feel so proud.

[ChampooPapi]

Checking in 🙌 day 24 and feeling good. Inspired by everyone on here, you are all very brave and very amazing

[KittenKong]

So my newly-(self) outed person has not so much fallen the wagon but done a swan dive over the side.

What do I do (remotely and not wanting to drop the person who told me in it)?

[AlloftheTime]

@ChampooPapi

Checking in 🙌 day 24 and feeling good. Inspired by everyone on here, you are all very brave and very amazing

Well done you! My thoughts exactly it is inspiring isn’t it?
Day 22 and feeling good.
Thanks for the new thread, I haven’t done any reading and at present am relying on everyone here to keep me focused. I will look some of those books and references as I’m sure I will need a nudge at some point soon.
@KittenKong I’m not clear what you are asking here I’m sorry - are you asking how to support a friend who has confided in you?

[KittenKong]

Someone who has taken the step to admit they have a problem - then taken a sneaky drink (or rather several, so rather slury) but making a point to saying that they haven’t (but it’s obvious they have). Hard to know what to say.

[StayingVigilant]

@KittenKong I asked previously if your friend had professional support, such as GP etc? There’s nothing you can do to make someone else quit. You could sign post him/her to AA, Smart Recovery, quit lit and podcasts. They may need meds to help. They may take a few attempts. Encourage them to keep trying if they’ve told you that that’s what they want. I’ve no experience in helping someone else, only myself. You may get more specific help/advice starting a new thread.

[StayingVigilant]

Thank you @deathbyprocrastination she is slowly improving but I’m ‘StayingVigilant’ there too!

[Breathmiller]

Thanks for the new thread Drybird

Just checking in so I don't lose you all. I have been dry (this time) for just over a year with a few other dry periods and dry Januaries and suchlike under my belt. It's like I needed to try a few times falling OFF the wagon before I realised that life is soooo much better on it fully.

I haven't read any quit lit. For some reason I didn't want to, it felt somehow like it would make me think it was a bigger 'thing'. Strange, because I do read books about other similar self help situations. Hey ho. It's just how it worked for me. I do get how useful they must be though.

I used these threads mainly as my support. I found them invaluable. I would post every day to begin with. It helped to keep me accountable and I liked ticking off the days. There were a couple of times that I was close to giving in, Friday evenings mainly, but the thought of coming on here and admitting that put me off. It was like you were all there.

I feel like you are all my personal cheerleaders. Or that we are each others cheerleaders.

For any newbies, keep going, it does get easier. Not just easier but amazing. Life becomes so much more enjoyable.
And for any lurkers who are thinking about it, do it! Really, do!! It's such a great way to live life. Be present, be healthier, less anxiety on and on and on with all the positives.

I was watching the news in Scotland last night and one of the headlines was how deaths to do with alcohol has gone up. The expert on was interesting. He said that sadly lockdown just exacerbated heavy drinkers to drink more. And that, death by drinking is a creeper. Meaning that death by drugs tend to be things like overdosing and more in younger people, an instant reaction if you like. But death by alcohol is insidious, it creeps up ruining your liver each day. And the death toll is an older set of people, who have been slowly poisoning themselves over years or decades. Its not as noticeable until it's too late. How many of us know the state of our liver until it starts to cause us issues? So, I feel this last year has been kinder to my liver.

Taking hold of my disordered drinking wasn't easy at the beginning and like you all, i need to 'stay vigilant' but it really just is life now and I don't think about it 90-95+% of the time. It has also helped me to take a hold of other issues. Food and sugar for instance. I feel that if I can stop drinking and change my life then I'm kind of invincible now. I can do anything! Why not? If others can so can I.

[ChampooPapi]

@AlloftheTime I'm listening to Alcohol lied to me, on audible, I recommend it, it makes you think differently about what alcohol actually is. You need those facts when temptation strikes I find not just white knuckle willpower , that's a sure fire way to fail for me and a lot of people. Knowledge us power 💪

I'm looking forward to getting past my previous abstaining periods, the most I've achieved when not pregnant was 8 weeks so I feel the 'promised land' is beyond that point

[deathbyprocrastination]

breathmiller really encouraging to hear from someone further down the road about how going AF is working for you.

ChampooPapi I'm also looking forward to beating previous records. My longest was 50 days and I caved when DH took me out for my birthday. So I'm looking forward to getting to 50 days for that reason and then 60 and 100 days because those seem to be the periods that people cite as being when they felt they'd moved into a new phase.

Little victory tonight, went to my writing group and it had been moved to the pub. Felt very happy to drink my juice and soda rather than wine. End of day 18!

[ChampooPapi]

@deathbyprocrastination that must have been such a good feeling, you were resolute and it paid in dividends when you walked away I bet. We are at a similar point and I must admit I still think about booze every day, maybe that's also because it's on my mind to stay vigilant as well as being hyper aware of it at every turn when I go anywhere!

[ChampooPapi]

I'm going to listen to this next

www.amazon.co.uk/The-Sober-Experiment-Podcast/dp/B08JK31QFK/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=the%20sober%20experiment&qid=1629318187&sr=8-4&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

It's a podcast called 'The sober experiment' anyone listened? Do we rate it?!

[Clouds78]

Hey all, just checking in and reading all the amazing posts. Well done everyone. I’m cheerleading away for all of us. It will be the end of week 4 for me on Sunday. Roll on Sunday! New thread is great. So far I’m about 3/4 way through Alan carrs book which is amazing and would like to read the unexpected joy of being sober - or something like that - next. Really need to tackle my sugar intake though next and naughty foods consumption. Any advice anyone or another thread for healthy eating/dieting? Only want to get back to pre covid weight so lose about 3/4 stone.

Keep strong everyone.