The Freedom Thread; for those embracing a life without alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Welcome to the 7th thread in this series, which has helped me and many others find the way to a life free of and free from alcohol.

Anyone is welcome! Newbies, you will find emotional support, tips for handling cravings, strategies for handling social occasions and plenty of first-hand experiences to mirror your own. An alcohol problem makes you feel lonely and isolated, but you are not alone.

Please be aware that this is an abstinence thread – it can be difficult and triggering in the early stages to be around alcohol related chat (however, it might help to know that one of the gifts of long-term sobriety is not being at all bothered by people drinking or talking about drinking in your presence!) So, if you feel that moderation is for you, or if you feel you need to cut down before stopping, there are other threads in Alcohol Support that can help, or you can start one for the specific support you need.

Oldies, come and share milestones, enjoy the chat, and pay forward the kindness and non-judgemental support we have all benefitted from. And when you have the time, do yourselves a favour by finding where you started and reading through all your posts, it will show you how far you have come and what you have achieved! (I'll add links to previous threads in my next post).

Still battling on here. Have really enjoyed the last few days walking the dog and just enjoying being with my family. Still feel a bit exhausted but its starting to lift and i am starting to sleep better.

Everyone on here is amazing.

I have tried to cut down so many times. Probably hundreds of times. And I think that's where my failings lie, thinking I can moderate. I just can't. The sense of freedom I have now is because I'm no longer grappling with that notion, wondering if I can have a few drinks next time I go out or just every Saturday or whatever. Having made my decision that I'm not drinking takes all that angst away for me. It's a wonderful feeling.
My mum has a great attitude to alcohol, she has 1 or 2 small glasses of wine a couple of times a week, and she's happy with that. Never wants more, and she said to me the other day 'why can't you just train yourself '. I explained to her that it's impossible for me, I'll never want just 1 drink. There's no enjoyment for me in that, because when I'm drinking that 1 drink I'm thinking about the next, eyeing up how fast others are drinking and wondering if anyone will notice if I top myself up first. It's exhausting. I'm still feeling strong and when I see others drinking, it doesn't appeal to me at all at the moment ( I know this can change and I'm not letting myself get complacent) all I think is how I would feel within an hour and a half of drinking that drink; I'd be getting drunker, then id be waking up in the middle of the night feeling horrendous and anxious, then the next day I'd be hungover with bloodshot eyes and a puffy face, and my day would be wasted.
I joined my local gym a few days ago and it costs about half of what I was spending on wine a month, and I am so enjoying my new free time

I will have been dry for 5 years in November. I just wanted to say keep on keeping on. I've never for one minute regretted giving it up. It gave me my life back and I still feel so free. Alcohol terrified me in the end and the stress of trying to moderate just wasn't worth it. You have all got this!

Popping in for a handhold because I feel less insane unburdening to you lovely lot than people IRL. I'm stuck at the other end of the country a one of my pets had got ill. DP started new scary high power job this week but because he is amazing has taken her for her medicine and will take her in for admission after work today if the medication hasn't worked.

This is my OCDs favourite scenario which it shows me every time I go away from home.

I've always worried that this particular pet dying would trigger a drinking relapse and subsequent spiral.

In case you're worried for my sanity, I am fully aware that what I'm about to say sounds insane but she feels like a part of me. You know like in the Phillip Pullman books. Knowing she's in pain makes me ache down to my bones. Knowing she might die makes me hate myself for every minute i didn't spent starting at her. She's very, very old and has seen me through 5 house moves, breaking off my engagement in horrendous circumstances, rehab, losing my mother and god knows what else.

I think that thing they say about addicts who start young having no coping skills is true. It cannot be normal to get this upset over a pet can it? I've been crying on and off all morning.

@HangingOver any news. Hope the medication is working

@HangingOver the only way to stay strong for her and for yourself is to stay sober. You can do it!

@HangingOver oh no that’s so very difficult. It’s not at all surprising you feel like you do when your pet has been there through thick and thin with you. I hope she makes a very speedy recovery. Stay strong and stay away from the booze. I know you do an online support thing (SMART?), would that help at all with the worry of consuming something you shouldn’t?

Thanks so much everyone. Still here, still sober. Opened the medicine cabinet earlier to get a paracetamol and found myself face to face with my late mother's Haldol stash but stayed strong. Dad had several glasses of wine at dinner...I had fizzy water. I'm amazed how much it smells to me now? I must have STANK when I was a drunk!

She's doing better, DP said eating and grooming. I feel bonkers for writing all that now!

Just checking in from a holiday park - thanks everyone, I’m sorry that some are having a tough time but feel buoyed up by the sharing in this safe space.
@ChampooPapi hold firm and thanks for being positive.
I think it’s day 11 but not been seriously tempted - mum tried to pass me wine as we were setting off yesterday but I thanked her and refused - that felt a big step.

Will continue to check in if at all possible as it’s one way of me feeling accountable.
Waking up fresh has become the new normal 😊

@HangingOver a strong attachment to an animal seems to me a totally sane reaction to trauma and loss but I am a crazy animal lady so my opinion doesn't carry much weight.
I'm glad she's eating and grooming (cat? Rabbit?) I've got a weird hybrid pictured.
And it's good good hear from you. Nowadays I just assume you're living your sober life happily when you are quiet, I never worry that you've had a slip up! I'm glad you come back here for support when you need it.

Hello all, I’d like to join you. I gave up alcohol for about three months last year in first lockdown and since then bad habits have slowly crept back in. This weekend I drank and have engaged in behaviour I’m deeply ashamed of and very anxious about. I need to take control and be accountable, and today is Day 1 for me.

Aside from this thread, which has already been so helpful, I’d be really grateful if anyone has any suggestions of online forums or apps that can help support being AF.

Checking in on this rainy Saturday 😊

Hi everyone just checking in too and have just caught up with the thread - honestly everyone on here are absolute troopers. It’s still helping so much to read all the posts. Keep going everyone. I’m on day 13 today. I read @freesolo ‘s post recently and I thought - ‘yes this!’ It was about the confident kid who used to embrace hobbies etc. Hoping this new clear head will open the way to start doing more of what I love.

It’s good to not let those old triggers take over too. A worry, health concern, any external issue basically, would spark the ‘ok this evening, let’s have a glass of …’ with my DH. I’m not feeling like this anymore. However, my sugar intake has increased (fizzy drinks) but I’m thinking that’s ok for now, one step at a time!

Also reading Alan Carr’s book which id recommend. Keep going folks! X

Thanks @Clouds78, that post was inspiring and really helped me this evening where though I wasn't going to drink, I was thinking about it, which is one step closer to it. That is dangerous territory as far as I'm concerned but I'm bang on the 2 week point now so makes sense I will start to have the occasional craving. It's the first one though so took me by surprise, I don not want to drink for months and months and months..... So I am like this 🤦 to having a craving at 2 weeks.

Reading your post gave me so much strength, I just loved every word of it. Thank you.

Today I am grateful to you.

I am also grateful for the biscuits in my cupboard I will consume instead. I wish I could reward myself with kale and watermelon every night but sometimes only refined white sugar will do!

Drybird2020 you're a sweetie. She's a rabbit, I just felt embarrassed saying so because people have a hard time understanding why I'm so attached to something quite so stupid and useless. What do you have?

Aww thanks for the kind words @ChampooPapi I totally understand not wanting to give in to the cravings/triggers. It’s amazing what sets it off - for me today it was that we’d decided on a roast as it was raining. Roast is usually on a Sunday at about 4pm. Roast = glass of red. Yikes. But I stuck to a fizzy drink instead but the thought was still there. I just chose to let it pass - not sure how I’m managing it tbh but being on here is helping.

Stressful situations are difficult including pets getting unwell @hangingover I’d be feeling the same if any of mine was ill. We form a massive bond with our animals. Just in bed writing this next to my cat (now that felt quite sad writing that haha). Wishing you all well x

4 weeks since my last drink. Awful cravings today, but thought of the ‘play it forward’ advice I’ve read here (thank you) and imagined how I’ll feel tomorrow. Already glad I didn’t drink this evening.

@FieldGuide
Well done you 👍

Hello, just checking in! I’m now a week in!! I’ve been hiding because I didn’t want this to be the only thing I thought of, but tonight, out at dinner the thought of you all - and the pay it forward that fieldguide mentions really helped a lot. Thank you, what an amazing thread!

@FieldGuide well done you ! Well done everyone 🙌

Another weekend ticked off, Fridays and Saturdays are the hardest arnt they? I'm back to determined sobriety this morning. Being woken at 5am by one of my 9 month old twins certainly made me feel VERY grateful I didn't have even a small glass of wine last night!

F you poison !

Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday and a later start then me!

👏🏻 Lots of great work here! Welcome @Persephoned - I highly recommend Annie Grace’s ‘The Alcohol Experiment’. It’s a FREE online month long course. You’re sent links to videos every day and are invited to consider various aspects of drinking and alcohol. You can do a paid version where you can get more support but the free one is very good. I’ll post a link. She also has YouTube videos and various Facebook groups that maybe helpful. There’s also ‘smart’ that some people do on here. A bit like online AA but with zero religion and a different ethos generally, I think.
I’m definitely getting stronger. We are doing a lot of eating out on holidays and DH has alcohol every single time. Even had a whole bottle of wine to himself whilst I stuck to AF beer. I’ve been really impressed that every restaurant has had one AF beer option too. It’s really helpful albeit I do need to find something less calorific.
Happy Sunday everyone!

@Persephoned
learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration you may need to scroll down to find the free link. I’ve also seen an app advertised but I’ve no idea what it’s like

www.smartrecovery.org/alcohol-abuse/
This is the online support group @Persephoned Ive not done this but I know others highly recommend it. I think you can dip in and out as required too.

@Persephoned we have all been there . I have done some awful things when drunk that I am ashamed of . Which has definitely led me down the path to where I am now .
Don't beat yourself up. I would never have done those things sober . It all fuels our desire to become AF so a greater good in the end . I like listening to podcasts my current favourite is bee sober as it resonates with me , I also have read al lot Annie grace this naked mind and alcohol lied to me are my particular favourites. Take care of yourself.
Well don't to everyone clocking up the days keep going .

I have just booked an event festival type thing that I would definitely normally drink at and am definitely going AF. I have weirdly had a little voice creep in trying to tell me to drink. I really don't want to . I have told myself I will not drink this time so I can see how it goes , I need to experience things sober to prove that I can still enjoy myself . I feel I am still having to train my brain in spite of not having had a drink for so long now.
I have even had a nightmare / dream this week that I was out drinking . I woke up and thought thank god that was just a dream.
I used to have nightmares about drinking before I decided to give up alcohol. It used to give me such bad hangovers I would be so anxious about it.
Well done @FieldGuide the play it forward really works for me . Alcohol takes much more than it gives .