Day 1 again and time to get my life back...

[witchwoo]

Hello, all :))

NC for this as want a fresh start. I posted 2 or 3 times back in the spring and regularly read the board.

So today will be my Day 1 again. I did about 70 days totally alcohol-free earlier in the year, after years of drinking nightly at home.

Mum of 4, busy busy life. A bottle of wine was the thing that allowed my mind to 'switch off' at the end of the day (whilst ironically ramping it up again at 3am worse than ever).

I felt fabulous without the wine (sleep was amazing!) and I guess I got a bit complacent. After months without even a drop of alcohol I thought I could have a weekend drink and have the weekdays sober.

The 1st week was just that - a couple of glasses of wine on a Sat night, and didn't touch a drop until the next weekend. The following weekend I drank the Friday night AND the Saturday night. And within a couple of weeks (or less) I was back to nightly drinking. And drinking even more than before.

That was about 3 months ago that I started drinking again and I've had enough! The weight I had gradually lost has piled back on (rapidly), and my sleep is terrible. I'm anxious and grumpy, and it's taking away my evenings - leaving me tired, unmotivated, and cutting the evening short. I wake up depressed, panicked, and mentally counting down the hours until I can pour the wine.

I did it before by devouring 'sober' books (all the usuals mentioned on here!) and listening to sober podcasts every night in the bath. It wasn't a case of having willpower, as being alcohol-free became something that I wanted to do, rather than it feeling like I was depriving myself of something wonderful.

So, anyway - that's the story. Friday night, kettle is on, and I'm about to cook a fab meal and become a better person (I hope).

Thanks for reading.

*shouldn't not should Lol!!!

Thank you so much for replying very kind of you! And I shan't beat myself up! X

Day15!

Hi @Moonsbury Thanks for the info - will take a look at the app and the posts. That's what I like about the Annie Grace podcasts. On every one she interviews someone who was a drinker, and now sober, and it's fascinating hearing about their journey.

@Ynwa12345 Welcome aboard! Yes I'm enjoying the book, as it's a nice easy read. As I said before on the thread, it's a bit strangely written. But considering he was drinking 2 bottles of wine a night (and more) for 17 years, I'm accepting that he knows his stuff. Some interesting facts and ideas within.

My supplements arrived today - I'll give them a go. 👍

@Hiccupiscal That's amazing! Honestly, the thread is keeping me accountable too. Also the realisation that my brain isn't the same as other people's when dealing with alcohol. I've rarely drank until 'really drunk' in the past few years (high tolerance). In fact I could easily drink a bottle of wine and no one would even suspect, as I carry on quite normally. But when I'm drinking it has to be a nightly thing. Every night without fail. It takes up so much headspace.

15 days in and I'm not craving it now. People were talking about wine at work today though and I fleetingly thought, "Oh it'd be lovely to be grabbing a bottle on the way home from here!". But do I really want that? Really? No way. This sober path is just getting interesting 🌟

Oh, and I've also caught myself out and about thinking, "I'm dying for a cup of tea!" 👀

Usually I'm picking the kids up from school thinking, "I'm dying to crack open the wine" (as bad as that sounds 😆)

@witchwoo it doesn't sound bad at all! Glad your go to is dying for a cuppa now! I was always like that is it 4pm etc. It doesn't help that H opens wine at 4 430pm daily. He doesn't understand when I say can you not drink in front of me. He talks about bloody willpower oh do f off! Lol
Well done for 15 days! Amazing let us know how the supplements t.. I heard magnesium powder works wonders for the sleep I haven't tried it yet myself. As I'm in the 1st week again...

@Hiccupiscal Yes, see, I'm not sure I could do it so easily if my DH drank at home. Just remember this is something that you want to do for YOU, and YOUR life. Which will have the knock on effect of making everyone else's life around you better too (including the little one).

Yes, magnesium was on the list! Extremely high levels of vitamin D, B vitamins, omega oils etc. I'm going into it with an open mind and will see how I feel a couple of weeks down the line.

Any nice treats planned for this eve. DH not home yet and won't be for a couple of hours - the kids are driving me crazy 😅

Sorry, that last post was for @Ynwa12345 - I hit the wrong '@'!

Although let us know if you have anything nice planned to take the edge off, @Hiccupiscal :))

Thank you @witchwoo! Yeah I am struggling to be honest but have a million and one things happening around me as we type /speak... Just showered little one and I wish he understood what sponsored silence was! They've had a long week back shame no after school clubs or Saturday footie for eldest he is raging! Hope all well. And yes must get started on the book! Any plans for the weekend? X

Keep checking in @Ynwa12345 . It keeps you accountable, which seems to be working for us.

So I've just finished the book. It's.a quick and easy read, and quite a few bits make you really stop and think. But it does go a bit weird in places. I think I wanted a bit more 'science' and it all turned a bit 'Law of Attraction' 👀

I might re-read This Naked Mind next.

So, sparklers and warm bonfire night comfort food tomorrow (at home, obviously!).

In bed now, tucked up and sober on a Fri night - what a good feeling

Hiya guys,

Well, last night was an easy one for me tbh, I felt like utter crap all day - woke up and felt queasy, feeling didnt shake all day. I ended up back in bed, for some of the day. In the afternoon I managed to sort some of our garden, do some bits around the house, purge DC toys with him.

On the evening, we didn't cook (again! And I wonder why I'm getting fat again!!) And ordered an Indian (weve had 2 take aways this week, and been out to eat ) ...still felt rubbish, so it was off to bed for netflix and sleep.

Even if I had been offered a drink I wouldn't have had one, so that was a nice easy night!

I think I'm feeling better today. So im going to look up some bonfire night comfort food recipes and go shopping, prepare for tonight.
We didnt think fireworks were a good idea, animals/wildlife etc, but the sheer amount that are going off in our area this year, we brought some small low noise ones.

Im still getting lower back pain with I associate with alcohol, ive told DP & have told him under no circumstances am I to drink.

My chest is also sore and uncomfortable, lungs starting to heal from smoking, I guess.

Today is day 7.

@Ynwa12345 I understand totally what you mean about silence, I adore my DS but my god, he is a talking machine..hes not quiet for one second of the day. Even if you tell him to be quiet, he just think that means whisper at you. I adore him, but sometimes I could just cellophane his mouth closed

Sorry you didn't feel well yesterday @Hiccupiscal ! Hope you can enjoy tonight. I need to pop out and buy some marshmallows and cream for the hot chocolate but I've had a bit of a lazy start today.

So Day 16. I've worked out I've probably saved £80-£100 already. And that would have just been drinking at home, no pub visits. It's no small amount in 2 weeks, is it?

Which means I've been spending a minimum of 2k a year on booze. Imagine someone handing you 2k to spend on your family Christmas? Or for a summer break?

Or worse - over 10 years that's a shocking amount.

I genuinely think I'm going to start putting this money aside 👀🌟

Have a lovely Saturday, all

Also I've saved about 10,000 calories in that 16 days, which is wine alone!

It doesn't even take into consideration the junk I shovel into my mouth after a glass or 2. Wow 👀 #somehow still fat though!

219,000 liquid calories a year 😳

Hello everyone! So glad you had a lovely sober evening!
Sorry to hear about chest feeling sore and your back still having you grief @Hiccupiscal hopefully that will all start to get better very soon. I really want to stop smoking but as I've said I need to do 1 thing at a time
I have to maybe keep remembering about 18 months ago we were in Poland for a wedding where everyone was absolutely trollied from morning to 6am and I wasn't drinking or smoking the next day after the main event ppl were being sick hungover headaches and I wasn't and I felt fabulous my skin hair everything! When I started drinking and smoking again I had to Hve a tooth extraction I Hve 2 gaps now as well as numerous other root canals etc I put all Down to drinking and smoking. I don't know why I'm finding this time round harder. If I said to H make sure I don't drink he will still open wine but not offer but its like there!!!!
Hope you both got your shopping bits done and you have a lovely evening tonight. We've been at the park/playground all morning it was heaving! But it's sunny! The sun always makes me feel better and make me realise what I'm doing is for my own health etc. I tried AF stuff but not keen. Any other tips to stop you drinking?! Or thinking about drinking... X

Also well done on the days you have already racked up @witchwoo and @Hiccupiscal. And the money aspect is mind blowing however H has a whole bloody wine fridge specially for his nice wines so I never spent money on it but am on cigs...

Just popping on to have a little scream!
Ive messed up my chili con carne by going very OTT with the chili paste, with a house hold of people who hate spice, its all but ruined.

I am right now absolutely tearing my hair out for a glass of red wine and a cig!!!

You know what, I was thinking today - one of the reasons I used to like to drink making the evening meal (apart from the fact it's boring) is because I wouldn't care so much if I messed up 😅. Or if all the kids refused it.

Erm, doesn't sugar help? Add a can of tomatoes? You've done the hard bit (week 1! Your brain chemicals will be settling right down from now on). Play it forward x

Sorry for the rushed reply earlier - hope you pulled through it @Hiccupiscal ! 😘

We ate late, and I must admit I could have killed for a bottle of wine as I made dinner tonight (definitely because I was so bloody hungry). Although as soon as I was eating the meal it was the last thing on my mind thankfully..

Accountability post.....

First of all... I bunged another can of toms in the chilli, kidney beans, a shed load of choc, brown sugar... and somehow, it turned out OK.

Not until after I had thrown DC into the car. Brought all the ingredients again, and when DP came back from work, made a mild one together..
So now we have chili everywhere.

So the real question is did I have a drink?
Yes. And I thought of this thread the whole time.

I am not disappointed in myself one bit, I had one 1/2 glass of a red wine I enjoy, and about 6 ciggies... I have never, ever only had a glass and half of anything.
A very pretty bottle stop when into the bottle and returned to the wine rack. Ive never even used a bottle stopper.

Please remember, up until a month or so ago, I was a daily smoker and drinking BOTTLES of whisky, a few times a week, if not every other day. A chuffing 40+ cigs in one sitting. I could get through a bottle of wine, and 2+ bottles of whisky, latter shared with DP. I could drink until 4am and be back up for 8am.

Now the wine has been put away, as will the cigs. (I will likely give the remainder of wine away, or throw it)

So, I havent been able to stay totally tee-total, but with no other "events" until Christmas now, there's no reason to have a drink.

I was in bed last night (at 10:30am) thinking, my journey in to sobriety is mine alone, and it might look different from others on this thread, but this thread has kept me accountable, made me think about how much I have/had been consuming... and I shall continue my journey, and continue this thread, you guys are keeping me going on the right, better, more healthy road. Where if I do have a drink, at least its responsibly.

I now I think about you guys the whole time

Ps. Our bonfire night was amazing. We usually go to a organised event, we had home fireworks and screamed and laughed at them, loads of sparklers, had music playing, ate food, danced, had silly string wars... and it wasn't ruined by going crazy on the drink and I've woke up fresh today, for remembrance day events- even better no pubs open today, so no chance to drink (last year was horrendous when DP drank all day, and got into some bother!.. I shudder at the memory, although I told him last year that this year he wouldn't be repeating it, and I wouldnt have allowed it anyway,.and he was in agreement)

I brought the stuff to do a afternoon tea. Which we will do when DP gets home from work.

Have a lovely Sunday, everyone.

10:30pm

Just to say - you're bloody amazing! 💪

I wouldn't even Day 1 for that - I'd mentally tell myself "I'm on X amount of days, with a little blip". Annie Grace says on her podcast exactly that - if you do something, say, 95% of the time (e.g keeping up with your gym classes, or being sober), do you class yourself as a success, or a failure?! Definitely success!

Will reply properly later but couldn't read without replying. I was thinking about you last night and this morn 😅☺️

Oh and also to say, I didn't have wine in the house but I can't guarantee I wouldn't have done the same last night if we had any in. Really wanted a taste!

Hi @Hiccupiscal also an accountability post that I also shared a bottle with husband. But that was 2 glasses of red wine. Enjoyed it but it didn't then turn into 3 bottles plus beer plus trying to find vodka and smoking 20 cigs. So well done you!!!
I've had a few many trips recently to take off a day but you should just definitely call it a blip. I'm on day 1 today (again!) but again not beating myself up what's the point??! We are all doing best we can for our own selves. You are right it's your own sober journey and look how far you seem to have come... I am glad there are threads like this to not judge and just keep on going we are only human!!! Happy Sunday x

You're all doing so well. So much better than I am.

I need smaller targets I think and read some of the books and podcasts you're suggesting.

No wine tonight

@scryingeyes I've been wondering how you're getting on. Well done for getting back to it. 💪

@Ynwa12345 Thanks for checking in. You did really well to stop at half a bottle! It really is all part of the journey. The more you fall down, the more you learn about yourself. It's all about the 'getting curious' with it all.

Day 17 here. DH been at work all day, so I've been cooking a roast, washing clothes and entertaining children. It would have been really tough going after a few glasses of wine.

@Hiccupiscal hope you've had a nice day, and afternoon tea.

I'm turning over wine calories for a big sticky toffee pudding and cream tonight!