"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

[Drybird2020]

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

yoga/oreos?! 🤷‍♀️ all made to make you feel better. I am gluten intolerant so can't even enjoy the accidental vegan that oroes are.

Welcome basedonyourthread 👋

hangingover what are you going to have on your picnic to the lookout?

Sorry not to have checked in over the weekend - lots of sh*t going down here, but no drinking so all good in the AF stakes.
@Hangingover, like your plan, but what a pain in the butt that they are somewhere lovely instead of the dustbowl - that's just thoughtless and careless of them...
On haircuts, one of the great silver linings of the Pandemic has been the reimagining of my OH as Vidal Sassoon - he is now Covid Cut Cowboy extraordinaire and does a fab job on my hair whenever I want, so I am not only saving ££ but no need to go weeks without a haircut, I can get them on demand. Admittedly my haircuts are not exactly complicated, but its a result :-)

Want to talk about it @Ravenswick?

I cannot believe your DH can cut hair! I let DP shave my undercut but that's all.

@Breathmiller I'm loving coronation chickpea sandwiches at the moment. The lookout is super lovely.

The Oreos are called delta creams and they're vegan and come in packs of about six hundred.

The hair colour is SO much better, it was orange tinged before.

ravenswick sorry you've had crap to deal with. Well done at dealing with it AF. I hope it eases for you soon.

I have kind of managed to avoid the whole hairdresser lockdown dilemma most people have had by having a whole heap of dreads which don't need much maintenance. Twice yearly or less to the Dread Doctor to tighten them and my dh does my undercut. Don't know what the bugger is doing these days to it though but there is a lot more grey than there used to be. Must be the clippers.

Coronation chickpea sounds good, you got a recipe?

Now I have a swishy new bathroom I am going to have a pamper few hours in it. After I have gone bathroom accessories shopping online to pretty it up a bit.

Love the hair @Hangingover!!!

Thanks @Hangingover and LOVE the hair. The crappy stuff is not my sh*t so had best not spill on here but divorce and burglary feature, however no-one is ill or injured so we carry on but appreciate you all being here.

I'd forgotten about coronation chickpeas, but LOVE that - basically as for coronation chicken but with chickpeas and its amazing. God, starving now...

I love your hair @Hangingover. It looks super shiny and healthy too. I'm thinking of going brunette for the first time in forever. I hope you're doing ok.

Hey @Ravenswick. Sorry things have been tricky

I forgot it was my 6 month milestone yesterday because I don't check my app every day anymore. Can't believe the positive changes the last 6 months have brought. A family member recently said "are you going to let yourself have a drink soon?" And I tried to explain that I don't feel like I'm having to stop myself drinking at all - I just don't want to anymore. And I couldn't be happier!

Have a great day everyone

Teetotallyimperfect
6 months!!! That's amazing. And even better that it makes you feel so good. Funny how other people see it when you are choosing this. Why would you choose to let yourself feel crap again? When you can let yourself feel this good all the time.

How you doing today hangingover ?

ravenswick that sounds a nigtmare for whoever is going through that and the knock on effect for those around.

We are still all settling down here and feeling less on alert.

Last night we went out to look at a new car an hour away and all went together which was nice to get out of the house. And had a chippy on the way home. Kind of felt like normal after our very not normal week last week. I did come home and fall into a vat of sugar treats, almost like a relief kind of thing. I realised that in the past I would have done that with wine. But it didn't even cross my mind.

Yippee well done Teetotallyimperfect what an awesome milestone!!

Well done @Teetotallyimperfect!!!

Hi all. I haven’t checked in for ages. Today I am day 111 AF. But, I think I’m about to crack and lose my streak. It’s half term, I’m off work and really (finally after vomiting all day with my last drink) fancy a glass of wine. I’ve found it easy to abstain up to now, and have found just not having easier to constantly making decisions about how much to have. But that seems to be changing....

@Spudina, step back from the wine!

I had a similar wobble about four months in. Thought that one glass wouldn't hurt (family event, pre-covid). And then I had a stern word with myself. I'm so glad I didn't give in.

That one drink will lead to a second, third, fourth. And before you know it, you'll be kicking yourself, that you've broken that amazing streak.

Remember the freedom that not drinking gives you. The mindspace that alcohol used to occupy. Don't let those thoughts back in.

Pour yourself a posh cordial or a lovely cuppa.

@ElsaCragg thank you. Putting the kettle on!!

Lads can I tell you something without judgement

Not content with just exhibiting the usual schmorgesborg of self-centred, immature and irrational feelings that come with addiction tonight I felt a bit sad that DP has had a few drinks with his friends on his trip.

I have no idea why I feel this way...I would never have asked him to stop drinking at all, let alone permanently, he volunteered to stop at the same time as me and he never said he was going to stop forever - but he wanted to support me and agreed with a lot of the stuff in the quit lit, even though he's one of those really annoying people that is genuinely take it or leave it about alcohol. He's literally only had two so not even drunk or anything. My rational brain is telling me he's entitled to do exactly as he likes and it was bloody lovely of him to stop with me at all along with generally putting up with all of my bullshit

...but my selfish little addict brain is feeling sad (definitely not angry, just a tiny bit sad). I guess it's a reminder that while he's always been super supportive he and I aren't on the same page with booze - it simply isn't a risk for him in the way it is for me and he can therefore have some whenever he wants. I guess I also a bit jealous - my brain is telling me he'll always have access to a certain type of fun that I won't be able to share with him any more

Do you guys understand? I know IABU but I can't help it.

Spudina keep with it. The thought will pass. And as always talked about on here..play the video to the end. Imagine feeling sick again. You can do this.

hangingover yes, that's understandable. When my dh was doing it with me I kind of hoped he would keep on doing AF to help me. But its not his thing, it's mine. Him drinking or not drinking doesn't change my journey through this. Rather than feeling weaker because he can drink sensibly and I cant so easily, I reworded it stepping into my own powe. I took back the control of this. It is my relationship with sobriety. That gave me confidence and I could feel even more powerful because of that.

@Hangingover, it's tough, especially if you feel you are missing out.

The only way to turn this around, I've found, is to tell yourself that all the good things about not drinking (clear head, being in control, better sleep, more time and energy etc) far outweigh the fleeting 'benefits' - fitting in, rewarding yourself, helping you to unwind and relax. In fact, they aren't 'benefits' at all. You can have as much fun without alcohol; no one thinks any less of you for being sober. Alcohol isn't relaxing; it makes you more anxious and depressed.

The lies that we are told about alcohol prop up these misplaced feelings that drinking is a fun activity. It really isn't.

Congratulations Breathmiller. 6 months is amazing. Congratulations to others hitting their milestones and I hope this week picks up for you @Ravenswick.
Hangingover, it is truly crap your OH can drink occasionally without issue and you can’t. But remember you are doing great and (as everyone says) it will get easier. And....you have Fabulous hair!

I'm not sure if I posted on the other thread but I haven't drunk since January and feel great .. I found the urge just went away and hasn't come back ..I must work out the days !

I was inspired by a post on here about cutting down and the alcohol experiment was recommended. It’s now be 86 days and there have been some hard days mostly around boredom. Drinking for something to do. Previously I wouldn’t of caught that association. Like now. On October break with kids and husband- husband is driving me mad and I know I’d be more relaxed with a drink, not as snippy and it would give me something to ‘do’. But I’ve retreated to bed. I can’t seem to force myself to have fun.... I feel flat. I know I’m a more consistent parent without alcohol but I think I’m a more fun wife with. Urgh. Still figuring out who I am if I’m not drinking.

I felt like that @Hangingover when my husband had a Guinness but now he's fasting and on keto and I eat cakes etc at home so I guess individual journeys and all that? I like how the others put it; this is our sobriety not our partners but we can all walk alongside you instead! Xx also fab hair! Love the colour and cut. I'm sporting a lockdown cut but I've been doing my own for a few years now, my OH neatens the back and if I go to short shaves the back of my neck for me... there's been some dodgy ones, not drinking has most definitely helped! Re your sponsor definitely call! That's what they are there for.

Congrats on 6 months @Breathmiller; I love the wisdom in your posts, thanks for sharing with us.

Sorry to all having tough times atm, may they pass fast.

100 days for me tomorrow, can't believe it's gone so fast, treating myself to sun and mon night yoga as a treat for getting there!

Well done @spudina for having a cuppa instead, you'll be so glad you did. When I feel like this I crack out another quit lit book or revisit a good un, currently re reading Quit like a Woman by Holly Whittaker, resonating even more further in! And I love Catherine Grey.

Sorry @EchidnasPhone, life sounds a bit tough atm, sending you a hug. Could you maybe make yourself a sober survival toolbox? Things like yoga, meditation, hot chocolate, cake, running- lovely things that will lift you and enrich your experience. I know yoga has seen me through and hot chocolate! Xx

Happy 100 days @NeedAUserNameAllTaken - many, many congratulations to you and to @Teetotallyimperfect on your 6 months - fantastic!

Thanks for all the good wishes, I think things are improving but keeping my head down is helping!

Well done @Spudina - I have heard so many people say they got to xx months and then thought they could have just one and its spiralled really quickly back out of control, so I think you made the right decision.

Apparently it takes 2 years before your brain fully resets after stopping alcohol (mad how badly it screws with your body) and up till then its quite normal to have spells when you still want to drink again, but they should get shorter and weaker so hang in there!

@Hangingover I'm another with a DH who can drink moderately and isn't interested in stopping. It annoys the heck out of me, but I know that there are different rules for him and for me, that is just the way we are made. He can stop, I can't. It sucks but I just have to accept it...

Thanks everyone

No words of advice, @Hangingover, but I do understand. Dont be hard on yourself. You're allowed to feel that way.

@Spudina, how are you doing? I find 'playing it forward' really helps me. I try and focus on how I'll feel in a few hours, or in the morning. Not drinking always wins.

Well done on 100 days, @NeedAUserNameAllTaken.

@EchidnasPhone, this will pass.

That's interesting about the 2 years @Ravenswick. It really highlights how significant the impact of alcohol is on our bodies. Scary really.

@NeedAUserNameAllTaken thanks. I like the sound of a survival pack. I feel like my routine is gone and it’s mostly covids fault but I can feel myself wallowing and going into hibernation mode. I think one of the reasons I found the AE easy was because it was structured and I’m kind of goal-less if that makes sense....

Thanks guys, I knew you'd understand. Happy 6 months and 100 days Teetotallyimperfect and NeedAUserNameAllTaken amazing work!!

I've been out cycling again for two hours. Definitely getting that hang of indicating but still not gears. I can't work out what the low gears are for??

DP still in beautiful lovely town and sounds like he's having fun with his mates. I feel lonely and didn't get to sleep til 4am (woke up doing a weird coughing/choking thing - wtf?) but actually this is quite a nice way to quietly say goodbye to this little town that's been home for most of the year. I cycled down the the osprey nest...the male was high up on the nest but the female was pearched on a bush near the beach and she let me get really close! Seems bonkers that I used to thnking working all hours at my stupid job was cool. Celebs are dicks, Ospreys are awesome