"YES it is SO worth it, YES it gets easier and YES we thought it was impossible as well - its not 😊" A thread for those embracing an alcohol free existence.

[Drybird2020]

Thanks to @Ravenswick for the quote in the title 😊. We are back for thread 5, and if you are just joining us, or thinking about it, you might want to have a read through its predecessors, which are full of useful tips, sound advice, stories and cautionary tales. You will absolutely, definitely find much that resonates, and talking regularly on here is a great way to stay sane and keep yourself accountable.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

The only "rules" are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If you've been here for a while, you know what to do. Keep doing it! 😊

HAPPY 6 MONTHIVERSARY hangingover
You do indeed fucking rock my dear.

Enjoy the vegan cheesecake. They are always a thing of much delight!

I’m coming up to my 3rd sober Christmas.
I got excited the other day I have found a lovely Morrisons raspberry lemonade.
It’s changed my life (being sober, not the soft beverage 😊).

@Hangingover that sounds ace, maybe I should get a lodger😂😂😂

What holds a vegan cheese cake together? Is it something coconutty? DH and I are contemplating veganuary to try it out but I’m not sure I’m brave enough😬😬😬

@maddiemookinsmum16 the soft drink does sound rather special 😝
Congratulations on three years of sober living. I've a month to go until my soberversary, it feels good.

@Hangingover, nice one Pal! I'm so glad you are getting the accolades you deserve IRL as well as lots of back patting and virtual teacup clinking on here ☕

Wow congratulations @Hangingover that's a great achievement! Enjoy your treats tonight! And 3 years?

Thank you everyone. Really pleased

I have literally no idea what was in the vegan cheesecake (suspect was coconut cream!) but it was absolutely bloody delicious

Bunnies I'll have a check back at the recipe i used to make a vegan lemon cheescake for my anniversary in September. Lots of cashews i remember that. I do think coconut oil is used to set vegan things.
So come over to the vegan dark side in January. Its lke dry January. It gets easier each time. And even if you do go back to not being vegan then you might find some alternatives that you really like and are happy to swap for regularly.

I hit the one month mark today. So that's four one month stretches off the wine this year (one was a two month stretch). And as I said, I am keeping going this time but drawing on all the support I can as my brain tells me sure you're grand moderating why stop but my heart tells me stop, new chapter, embrace, drop the baggage.

Cartooner 1 month is amazing. Well done.

And even better when you look back at the amount of time you have spent AF this year.

I understand the thought process of thinking- "See !!? I can moderate! So... maybe one or two wouldn't make a difference?"

I am coming up to 4 months and I can hear that voice creeping in.

So, I thought back to some of the things I have done in my past that I feel really ashamed about that I have done while drinking. And it reminded me that I am better away from it. Its time to let that person go.

Then, just so I wasn't left in a place of shame, I then thought about how proud I am of myself for doing something about it.
And patted myself on the back for letting go of the habit that caused me to act in that shameful way.

I have so many (too many) incidences that I could recall that would make me feel ashamed. I can't change them, but I can make sure that I don't add anymore to my list. That feels so good to be able to say that. All I have to do is to keep dry and I will never do something I am completely ashamed of due to being drunk. (Might still make an arse of myself in life, but not because I am drunk)

I was thinking of the word 'celebrate' the other day. I have always 'celebrated' any achievements in life with food and alcohol. If we drink, we drink fancier booze, more expensive booze or even just with MORE booze. If we celebrate with food then it's rich food- cakes- treats, chocolate!

I feel the need to reclaim the word celebrate.

Yes that's a good approach Breathmiller.

My version of that I guess is remembering the wine witch sitting on my shoulder when I am 'moderating' with rules such as only at the weekend, then on a thursday night I have that voice start up. Or when I decided after two months off and all the quit lit that I was going to only ever drink occasionally, as in when wearing sequin dress in a fancy bar type of occasion. But lo and behold, Friday night starts to feel like an occasion and so on.

@Breathmiller I agree with so much of your post. I am just past the 4 month point and also starting to have those thoughts of 'maybe I can just have the odd drink over Christmas, I am doing so well.' But I also still cringe at memories of being drunk and having blackouts which I beat myself up over. So many of my memories in the last year especially, seem to be of me either getting too drunk and blacking out or of being hungover the next day.
I can't go back to drinking again but I am starting to have those thoughts now in the run up to Christmas.
This thread is helping though so I know I am not alone.

Well done on one month! That's an awesome milestone to get under your belt. Catherine Grey says loads of drinkers find linking together periods of sobriety is the way they eventually manage to give up.

I relistening to ALL my quit lit this month. I too feel it creeping in. I've just done Prof. Nutts book, Blackout and nearly finished Unexpected Joy. No time to get complacent!

Oh hello Sparkling! Have you been away or have I not been keeping up?

Hi everyone. @Hangingover, congratulations on 6 months!! That’s so brilliant.

I’m having an ok week so far following a really hard weekend. Thanks for the podcast recommendations. I can’t afford to buy anymore quit lit until payday so I needed something to listen to. I only have to wait until Monday and I will buy Annie grace. I find listening more beneficial to reading, it seems to click into place better for me.

I’ve told my best friend what’s been going on yesterday and she was great. She said she had known there was something wrong with me for a long time but didn’t know how to approach it.

We lived together with my mum when we were at art collage so she knew what my mum was like(alcoholic) so it was good to talk to someone who knew her. She died when I was 25, of a non related brain tumour. It was actually a blessing in disguise as when she was diagnosed when I was 19 she completely stopped drinking and for the next 7 years I had an amazing mum. We had such a lovely relationship and I have many happy memories from those years.. I think that’s why I try block out the bad years as I feel bad even remembering them as she more than made up for it once she was sober. If she hadn’t gotten ill i doubt we would have had a relationship as she wasn’t a very nice person then. I see now why she was like she was, as I definitely have some of her depressive traits. I’m lucky I have a wonderful support system. Unfortunately for my mum she had no one and she really had a tough life. I love and miss her lots. Especially this time of year and now I have my two little girls. Sorry for the long post

Checking in to join you. This is my day one!

My husband has asked if I want to get some counselling as he can get through work but I’m a little scared

I think it's a good idea needsomething

I've had grief counseling and drugs counseling and it really helped knowing you can unburden and it's their job to listen. I'm another one who's relationship with DM actually improved after they got sick. By the time she died we were unbelievably close....I feel for you xxx

@littlemissgrinchy

Checking in to join you. This is my day one!

Welcome and good luck, you will be very happy with yourself in a month! Two months! Three....

@Needsomethingtoread I think if you even just got one thing from a couple of sessions with a counsellor it would be worth it. I had grief counselling years ago and was validated in finding it all very hard and got a tip on boundaries I have used in the 19 years since.

Evening! I'm back to mark the spot so to speak. I'd normally be pouring my first glass about now but I'm absolutely not going to. I've bought a fancy bottle of lime and soda to sip with my dinner. I plan to listen to the Alan Carr audiobook whilst pounding the treadmill ☺️ win win I'm hoping!! I've successfully stopped before for well over a month and did dry Jan and Feb this year. Things have just spiralled from a cheeky glass to a bottle to not knowing when I went to bed or what I've said. I've actually scared myself recently as I just don't know how it's got to this stage. Anyway, enough already.. day one of the reset button. 🛑

Welcome @littlemissgrinchy

Great plan - keeping yourself busy, especially that 1st 48hrs.

I'm reading everything I can get my hands on, with Christmas approaching - just to keep this determined mindset.

Definitely keep checking in 💪

Thanks @Hangingover and @Cartooner I’m going to call today and get some sessions arranged. I think I just need help processing the memories and letting them go.

I actually didn’t expect for all my past memories to come flooding back now I’m sober. I guess I did really drown them out with the booze. It’s actually not the wine at all, I don’t want it, the thought of it makes me sick and I don’t look at it in the same way. It’s the oblivion I want. The memories are painful but I need to feel them and process it all before I can move on. I’ve never ever done it in my life.

On a positive note there are also some lovely memories with my grandparents that I’m remembering now and some happy times (rare, but a few) with my parents when they were still together. This is what I want to remember. We all have shit times in our life I need to let it go and move on to a new happy chapter of my life.

I look at my two beautiful little girls each morning now and feel joy not anxiety, regret with a stinking hangover.

Thanks for being there everyone. It’s definitely helps knowing I can come here and chat to you ladies

Back again! The lime and soda was a hit last night. It also gave me no headache in the morning! Day 2 self check in. 🙌

Lads! I just did my first Zoom SMART meeting! I even spoke a bit. I enjoyed it. Very pragmatic approach. If anyone wants to do one I'll do it with you. They hold them every day.

Oh well done you @Hangingover.
I’m in a bit of a weird space at the moment. On the one hand loving not drinking, on the other hand thinking what’s the point? I’m a very sociable person and I’m just missing having a bit of a buzz I guess. I don’t really know why, the times I have gone out AF have been hilarious! I haven’t needed alcohol. I guess at the moment I can’t have those kind of social interactions (Tier 3) but I could still have the booze if I chose to.

Ugh I’m not explaining myself very well. Just coming to the end of a long year. So proud of everything I have achieved but feeling a bit messed up too.