Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

Your husband’s reaction is another matter. I know how horrible it is to be made to feel that your emotions and reactions are unacceptable and too much. Not sure if that’s what’s going on for you but it sounded a bit similar?

Ah @BunniesBunniesBunnies you poor thing, that’s totally rotten. Do you know what, in your shoes I would honestly move on from it and just keep moving forward AF as you were. You didn’t slip by giving into cravings, you stopped as soon as you were aware. Imagine being a vegetarian and being given some food with meat in without knowing - you’d be devastated but it wouldn’t stop you being a vegetarian. Don’t beat yourself up. Have something soothing, tea, a bath, a podcast and talk to your husband later or tomorrow to point out how upsetting it is when you’re achieving so much.

Doesn’t your reaction alone show you how far you’ve come?

Sending a huge hug @BunniesBunniesBunnies.
I think it's about intention right? You decided to go AF and you have been holding yourself to that intention for an incredible amount of time. You haven't actually made a choice to give up, you just drank by mistake. I'd let it go and carry on as you were and I certainly don't think you are a liar or a cheat!
But (and not saying it was) even if it was a deliberate choice you are still on the path, still doing amazingly, one slip up doesn't have to derail it all.

The long term goal is sobriety and you are still aiming for that, quite clearly, so you'll get there.
I'm sure on day 365 you'll look back and laugh and feel so proud that you kept going xx

@BunniesBunniesBunnies oh no you sound absolutely gutted, I would be too (and was when that waitress gave me alcoholic cocktails when I’d asked for virgin and it was only day 1!)

BUT you aren’t a liar and a cheat, you had no intention to drink the beer and it was an accident. To disregard a massive 98 day achievement over an honest mistake really doesn’t make sense (to me anyway). Plus, you sound so upset you clearly don’t want another which is the important thing. Please don’t feel down, that was a test that you passed

Thanks for your sweet replies. @Cyllie33 it’s a good comparison to being a vegetarian.

@SparklingLime more upsetting than the fucking beer is my husband’s response. Rather than comforting me or even apologising for putting the beers in the fridge without telling me, all he is concerned with is the children and “shielding” them from my emotions. It’s true that I was pretty upset and yes, ideally I wouldn’t want the children to see my like that. But at the same time, I don’t mind the kids (aged 4 to 9) knowing that mum is only human and gets sad sometimes.

I could have really done with his love and sympathy but instead I just got him trying to “protect” the children from me. Like I’m someone you need to be protected from!!! I can’t explain, it’s such a horrible feeling.

(And it’s not like he used to have to “shield” the children from my drunkenness. I wasn’t a rowdy sort of drunk, I mostly just drank too much wine when they were in bed).

Ugh. I know it seems ridiculous to get so upset over this but being sober was the only thing I’ve done right recently, and now I feel like I don’t even have that.

Thanks for being nice to me, no one else really gets it.

My husband just came in (I’m hiding in the bedroom) and he just basically told me to sort myself out, that I can’t break down in front of everyone like this.

I know he is right and I can’t let the children see me cry in this way, but at the same time I find that attitude quite unsupportive.

I agree completely with what everyone has said and @Cyllie33’s comparison is spot on. It’s a horrible thing but you need to forgive yourself and move on to days 99, 100 and beyond.

Your husband might not understand but we do. Dust yourself down and get back on the horse, it was a mistake, nothing more. You’re still where you were before it happened as far as we are concerned and as granny would say, worse things happen at sea.

Salutary reminder to read labels though, especially on beers. I would never be able to tell just from the taste that AF is AF.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies, exactly what @Cyllie33 and other have said - it was an honest mistake which in NO WAY negates the wonderful changes and progress you have made. Just keep on doing what you were doing. In the context of the whole of the alcohol-free rest of your life it is a teeny tiny thing and you will be able to put it in its place once the initial shock has subsided.

Sending you massive hugs Bunnies you have not cheated or failed in any way at all. Be kind to yourself you are doing an absolutely amazing job. You have friends on here who totally understand. Don’t start counting from zero again, it’s a little unintentional blip not to be counted. Imagine you had gone to a friends for dinner and you enjoyed the dessert then found out it was full of liquer or something- doesn’t count! I completely get your DH upsetting you more. He has acted badly. Sometimes I think they are just totally lacking in compassion and sympathy. They have no idea what a huge emotional journey giving up drink is and how important it is to us. Have an early night and put today behind you.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies sending you bug huge hugs. Completey get why you are so upset but like the others said, don't start back at day 1, this was unitentional and your husband reacting like that..Such an arse ( sorry) and if he doesn't get that his reaction makes it worse then more fool him. Also,and I say this gently, he sounds a bit like my husband, and that's not always good. Be kind to yourself tonight x

Thanks guys I feel lots calmer now. Onwards and upwards. I’m stressed out about the marriage though. My husband is generally a loving and understanding person but he just does not get some of my (mental health and addiction) struggles. I don’t blame him in some ways (I must be hard to live with, though I’m also a lot of fun😝🤣) but if he can’t accept me the way I am I fear for the future😢

Well, I guess at least I’m sober (still/again🙃).

Thanks so much guys, no one understands it like you all do. And I like the comparison of accidentally eating a liqueur drenched desert! I would not start counting at 0 after that, so I won’t on this occasion.

Thanks all again and good night

Is it ok to join you all. Today's my day 1.

I was previously sober for about 4 months back in 2017 and then for no particular reason I started drinking again.

My problem is not how often I drink, as it can be a couple of time's a month, but that when I do drink I have no stop button and end up fucking my life up. Last night was a prime example of that and so I need to stop for good this time and I want to.

Joining in the group hug/bundle for @BunniesBunniesBunnies I hope you can feel our love all squashed under there.

I would tell DH to get to shite tbh he clearly doesn't understand how hard you have worked. He should be hugging you not telling you off. I'd be totally gutted in your shoes - similar to the feeling I get when I accidentally eat something with animal products in...I feel angry and upset. But it can't be helped and it's in no way your fault and 100% doesn't count towards your number....keep plodding to day 100 you superhero!

Marking my place. Two nights in a row I’ve drunk a whole bottle of wine. Been drinking every night for a couple of months and it’s turning into a problem.

Hey everyone.

Hugs Bunnies. I agree you do not go back to Day 1. If you were walking up a flight of stairs and tripped and fell down one you woild not go to the bottom and start again would you?

Welcome cheezy.

Welcome newbies and thanks to my old friends on this thread for keeping me sane and sober. I had a good chat with my husband. As you may have noticed 😳 I have issues beyond my relationship with alcohol, and I’ve got to keep working on them. Meanwhile though, 99 days for me! (Yes I am still counting😬👍)

Oh Bunnies, I totally understand how you felt - I think we all would have been the same. I echo what everyone else has said, this does not change anything, you're still a sober superstar!

Welcome @TheOriginalNutty and @cheezy. You will find so much support here.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies so glad you’re feeling better and well done. Welcome @TheOriginalNutty and @cheezy, great you could join us.

Day 17 for me and still loving being alcohol free. If anyone has a Fitbit or similar, it’s fascinating to see how stats like heart rate and sleep patterns improve even after just a few days. It’s great motivation for the early stages :-)

Meant to add for @TheOriginalNutty and @cheezy, when you have a mo do go back through the old threads and have a read. There is loads of recommendations for books and podcasts which are really helpful and great tips on how to deal with struggles, cravings etc.

For me the quit lit has made ALL the difference, after trying to cut down and failing and having plenty of short times stopped in the past which didn’t stick. Changing mindset has been the key for me so far.

There is loads???? Sorry, should have been there are...

Hello, can I join?
I need to ditch alcohol as my drinking is out of control following a couple of very stressful life events -separatio, house move and a disastrous and damaging short relationship that has imploded.
Today is my day zero.

Welcome @Whathewhatnow!

I’m sorry things are so stressful, I think many of us have found that quitting booze has made dealing with stressful things sooo much easier. I certainly have.

After last nights disaster I went for an epic run this morning and now I’m tentatively feeling awesome again😊

Thanks @BunniesBunniesBunnies I'm hoping that's true. I'm not coping particularly well with those stressors at the moment. Well done on the run. I need to get back to it, it's such a positive thing to do for your mind as much as your body.

Welcome, @Whathewhatnow. Plenty of support and insight here 👍🏽
“Tentatively awesome” sounds great, Bunnies! 🎉🎉

Checking in on a chilly evening. Glad you're feeling a bit better @BunniesBunniesBunnies

Welcome newbies! Climb aboard.

Not too cravy today - eating early really seems to be the key to it. Did two hours surfing in teeny tiny waves today which was lovely. Full of vegan curry, MasterChef on and neighbours doggo (kelpie) popped over for about an hour - he's a sweetie. Keep cracking on soldiers!