Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

well done wickelfish. You have rocked Day 1.

What's happening tomorrow? What are the likely triggers going to be? (For me it is after work until after dinner). What are you planning on doing or drinking that is different?

I love posh cordials mixed with tonic water and alcohol free beers.

Tonight's drink du jour is ginger cordial mixed with tonic with crushed mint leaves and a dash of lime juice.

Wow this thread has gotten so busy, which is so lovely! Great to see so many new people wondering whether they might be happier without alcohol in their life😊

@Drybird2020 thanks for the new thread and glad to see you are still running!

I’ve been running a bit less but swimming in the sea loads which makes me feel amazing🤩

I’ve been great without booze (day 91 today!) but still struggle with the occasional cigarette. Ugh. I really want to quit that habit.

My family have gone to stay with in-laws for a couple of days so it’s just me, which usually is a trigger. If I can get through the next few days without booze and cigarettes I will be so pleased.

Good luck and good night!

Bateshotel if you are working from home and stopping work is your trigger then shake it up. When you stop work go and have a shower / take a quick walk / go food shopping - anything to shake it up and shake the habit of reaching for a glass out of your brain. You are changing habits and re-wiring your brain.

Bunnies I hope you enjoy your few days to youjrself!

Oh I am dreading work. I agree with DH at the weekend that although I am still looking for other work, if I still hate it as much as I do by Christmas then I can give it away. I have had discussions with another colleague about going part time. She is 3 and a half days but usually works 5 days plus- but for less money. That is what I would end up doing too... because you do not want to let anyone down.

Good morning everyone

Hello @Bateshotel well done for your first step and posting your story... I'm right with you as yesterday was my day 1 too. I'm sorry to hear about your mum and how much you have been struggling. We both made it through day 1 though, which is fantastic! How do you feel this morning? I woke up feeling so tired but relieved and happy with myself. I genuinely can't remember the last Monday morning without a hangover. What's your plan for tackling the trigger time today?

@ColdGreenTeaMug Sorry to hear you are feeling like that about work. There's nothing worse than hating work, especially if it's full time every day. Considering that, you are doing incredibly well to have quit drinking!

My plan for this evening is to take my dog for a walk right after dinner, listening to music on my earphones. I'm really lucky to live right next to fields and forests. When I get back I will read a story with my kids and then settle down with my herbal tea and a book. Bed early. I am just finishing a book so will get a new one on my kindle... That always makes me happy!!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies being alone is a huge trigger for me too. Losing myself in a movie or TV with wine and my dog for company with nobody watching. But when you break that down and ask yourself what is alcohol going to actually add to my oasis of peace and quiet, it doesn't make that much sense. It just leaves you unable to enjoy what is left of your peace and quiet the next day. Think of some other lovely treats for yourself. A nice pastry or cake from a bakery to enjoy with your morning coffee? A posh hot chocolate and a good movie in the evening??

Happy Monday all!!

Morning all and hello to the newbies. @wickelfish hope you are feeling really proud of yourself this morning and ready for a new week? By this time next week you will be feeling so much better, if you are anything like me.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies - day 91 - what an achievement! You must be on top of the world.

I’m another one not really looking forward to work today particularly but looking for the positives anyway!

@ColdGreenTeaMug, can you get back into riding or is that just not possible? Horses are a great waste of time and energy (and money of course!) and a great way of taking your mind elsewhere when you need to.

Good morning all! I was on the previous threads but dropped off for a while.

I stopped drinking New Years Day, thinking I would just do dry January, but then I had a kind of “spontaneous sobriety” and never went back

For full disclosure: I had a drink on my birthday in late June. It was planned, I wanted to see what would happen and what I would make of it. I had a couple of glasses of my previously third-favourite champagne, and it was a total bust. It tasted sour and as I drank it, I could quite literally feel my spirits sinking. It added absolutely nothing to my day, and actually took the shine off it.

So I re-quit, and am happily pootling along with no plans to drink again any time soon.

Hope it’s OK to share this story, as I am definitely AF for the long term. I found my experiment quite helpful in cementing my understanding that drinking can’t make a happy situation happier, or a stressful situation less so. It just doesn’t have those powers. It’s a depressant, why would it?!

Thanks @Ravenswick @ColdGreenTeaMug and @wickelfish

@SophocIestheFox it’s really interesting to read your experience and I’m so glad you found the alcohol added nothing and you have re-quit!

@wickelfish I am planning a lovely treat for myself! I’ve had my eye on a beautiful necklace for a while, I put it on my phone screensaver just this morning and if I make it through to Wednesday without drinking and smoking (mainly the latter - I’m not so much struggling with the former at the moment) I am going to buy it for myself😊

(Sorry, I know it’s not a quit smoking thread, but for me the reason behind all my addictions are strikingly similar!)

Thanks help!

Thanks for starting the new thread Drybird The 4th - that’s amazing and well done on your stats. Welcome all newbies and good to see you back SophocIestheFox your post was dead helpful as I catch myself thinking that way myself, ie. ‘’a little champagne at birthdays and weddings won’t hurt’’..but I know it’s too risky.
Have a nice few days peace Bunnies.
I’d best dash as working today....have a great day all.

Hey everyone... Day 2 here

Perhaps I'm not typical with my alcohol struggles. Could quite happily go a night out without drinking, could even go all evening at home without drinking.

My issue was I was worried about going to sleep. So what I would do was neck half bottle of spirits.. Anything... Neat! Yuk. So I would basically pass out (after raiding the fridge and going on a massive binge) and then wake up pissed as a fart, full of self loathing.

So finally confessed all to my husband... I managed to hide it very well because this had escalated over a few years and he had no clue.

But my weight has crept up and up and I'm just sick of it.

Feel so positive this morning... I went straight to sleep last night... I think a month of no drinking and I'll feel confident that I can sleep without the booze.

It feels good to be posting this, feel like I am on the start of a positive journey.

Hi @SophocIestheFox it’s good to hear from you, I remember you from the other thread. I appreciate you sharing your story and it really helps with my mindset, especially with the prospect of increased socialising and going out where my normal would be to have a couple of glasses of wine with a meal.

We are away for a couple of days this week so will be eating out then. I always looked forward to the wine more than the meal so this will be quite novel.

Thanks iamyourequal. For me, it wasn’t that it was risky- it was just...nothing at all. Mildly unpleasant. I’d no urge to have any more (though I should say that my issue with my drinking has never been going on benders, it was the habitual thurs-Sunday half bottle/whole bottle drinking that was the issue for me. I always could put the cork back in and stop. So what I found to be true for me won’t be what’s true for others).

Thanks Ulysses, I remember you from the last threads too, hope you’re doing well?

Hi @reenon

I have been using alcohol to sleep also and I'm on medication for sleeping on top of that. It's a hellish situation that is hard to understand unless you have been through it. Also on day 2. I woke up this morning so relieved that I slept without alcohol. If we repeat it we will teach our brains that we are safer without alcohol at night. Meditation is what helps me the most. I'm here if you need to talk.

Day 5 ✔️

Hi everyone, feeling good here, again very calm.

In the evenings I am drinking schloer (it’s ok) and have started going to bed earlier with books. DH is v happy to do this too. I used to be a bookworm as a child so trying to get back into the habit. I am dipping in and out of easy read books from my teenagers bookshelves and Dr Chatergees (sp?) Four Pillars which is a lovely common-sense book on over all health. I think having a plan for when you normally reach for wine is vital. I am also considering buying some adult colouring in books, the kids will find this hilarious.

I am reading thread 1 and finding it very helpful, thanks for all the support and keep going everyone especially newbies, it’s just not worth it, it’s that simple for me but I am 53 and I think the body just screams it doesn’t want it as you get older.

Wow. Brand new thread. Thanks @Drybird2020

Great to see old and new people on here.

Day 194 for me. I'm not an avid poster but I check back most days for support. I can honestly say it's got me through this.

I too haven't had the pink clouds and it's made me face up to a few things that alcohol blotted out. This has been difficult but I'm doing it!!!!

@SophocIestheFox well done for being honest. My wedding is in the next few weeks and I've had moments where I've thought 'oh I'll just have a couple' but your post has cemented my decision to not go there. I think booze used to give me confidence in social situations and make me feel more extrovert and funny. I don't need it - I can just be myself not falling over, slurring my words and being a loud dick head!

We can all do this .... it's freedom!

Sorry to rant so soon on a new thread.

We are "home" after our three weeks camping in the north (context for any new posters - DP and we were on very belated gap yah in Aus when Covid shut everything down and we've decided to stay a bit longer) ... have gone from 31 degress to absolutely pissing it down here. Stopped at the pub to get some takeaway as poor DP drove for 7 hours today.

Standing in the pub waiting was EXCRUCIATING; everyone around drinking pints and wine. Was waiting about half an hour and one woman with her children took one measley sip of her wine in half an hour. ONE SIP. HOW DO THESE SUPERHEROES DO IT. Immediately went down the thought spiral that I'm never going to be able to keep this up and wanted to immediately chug a huge glass of red and buy some fags out the machine and chain smoke them. Luckily DP was off buying me a case of AF beer and an apple pie (love him) while I was waiting so have scoffed the food and pie is heating and I'm eating the whole bloody thing. DP reported that, as usual, man in bottleshop was drunk at work (he's always drunk, even during the day) sad reminder we're all doing the right thing by stopping. Keep on keeping on troopers!

Good for you and your DP @Hangingover and lovely to hear from fellow newbies @Mustardpot, @reenon and @Bateshotel. Amazing day counts from @SophocIestheFox and @aprilfoolsbaby - you are smashing this!

If anyone is looking for inspiring but not directly quit lit, I‘ve been reading Annie Lamott (she has also done a TED talk which I think I first heard about on Clare Pooley’s blog) and it’s quietly inspiring. She stopped drinking thirty odd years ago so can definitely talk the talk :-)

Hang in their Hanging you can do this. If you had been traveling 7 hours straight and were also starving hungry and then plonked in a pub it’s no wonder you had cravings! Most of us would in those conditions.

SophocIestheFox I’m a very similar drinker to you it seems, not a binger at all. I would rarely drink more than 3-4 small drinks of an evening. My problem is if I have a drink one night I 100% want one the next night, so I would keep putting off being good until the next night. It ended up I was drinking every night except Tuesdays!

Thanks; I didn't think of it that way - was probably hungry! Am now full of veggie burger and pie

@Hangingover you smashed it, spending time in the pub in challenging circs and getting out again sober, well done 😊

I walked past a pub yesterday, with its nice new outdoor seating, and had a moment of "I'd love a nice cold pint." of course, I wouldn't, I'd feel like @SophocIestheFox and have a slump, a headache and a grump immediately. It's a fact that the first drink after a long break tastes and feels crappy, when I have re started in the last I've always overridden those feelings and carried on until I like it again. This time the thought of how unpleasant the first one would be is helping me not to do it.

Nice to see you again, sophocles 😊

@aprilfoolsbaby WEDDING!! That seems to have come along quickly although I am sure it's months and months since you first mentioned it. ❤️😊 How lovely.

@Ravenswick thank you for the recommendation, always very welcome.
I hope all you other newbies are doing OK at the start of a new week. Getting though the first tough days and weeks is such a huge part of the battle.

I think we're going back tomorrow. I really don't want to spend much time in pubs atm BUT it's Chase the Ace and the jackpot is nearly 10k. Given how broke this experience has left us we've got to go get two tickets. Will stay for the draw and then leave - if by some miracle we won I'd stick $500 behind the bar and then leg it! A big challenge 😬

Absolutely pounding headache over here on day 5.

Poor you LittleDonk, water, paracetamol, fresh air and then a lie down if possible? I am day 5 too and I have to say doing very little, there is lots I could be doing housework wise but I am taking the view my body is healing and that’s my priority. It will be worth it.