Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

Morning everyone and happy belated birthday to breath! Your day sounds perfect. I'm very much looking forward to my AF shindig in Edi later this week. DH asked if I would have a drink while we are away and I said probably not (I am the definition of non-commital!)

Hello to all the newcomers and long-stayers. I'm so glad we are in this together to lay down new neural pathways and take the path less travelled (thanks hanging!).

Hello.

Could I ask, did you all admit to family & friends that you were going AF?
Or was it more of a gradual thing?

Quite anxious about the whole thing!

Thank you!

CH79 I just told my DH, no particular reason, it just hasn’t come up with anyone else. My friends have no idea I was worried about drinking too much. I am 53 and drank at home with DH rather than with a circle of friends out and about. I have tried a few times to give up, but that’s pretty normal before one day you crack it.

Sorry I’ve been quiet. Day 15 for me. They weekend was dreadful, everything that could go wrong did. Car trouble, laptop broke, both teens have bad head colds it just went on and on. The most important thing is I didn’t drink, I wasn’t even tempted as I was juggling so many things. I have a list of things to do today as a result but at least I have a clear head. The only serious thing is my lovely BIL is having an emergency operation on his spine this morning, he fell off a ladder at home. I’m not normally like this but I just have a bad feeling.

Thanks for replying @bluefishing.
It's helpful to hear others experiences.
I'm nervous to actually 'come clean' as it were to people. So I suspect I'll just try go it alone for now & probably avoid drinking occasions. Not too hard with the current situation!
Sorry to hear you had a rubbish weekend. I hope all goes well for your BIL.

Could I ask, did you all admit to family & friends that you were going AF?

I told everyone that I used to get pissed with within the first two weeks of quitting while I still had the impetus. I needed to burn all my bridges back to drink before my addict brain started telling me to just keep a friend or two in the dark in case I need someone to go on the lash with at a later date. They can't unknow what I've told them now therefore getting blasted with them isn't an option any more. Safer that way.

Evening everyone. Lovely you got to the beach Drybird2020 I hope it wasn’t that crowded one in Blackpool...lol .

My goodness Bluefishing that’s a truly dreadful weekend. I hope your BIL makes a full and fast recovery and well done yourself for staying AF through it all - one more success notched up!
I have started a very phased return to work today (from home), worked AM and napped PM. All good and my dad has apparently settled well in hospital and will start his dialysis too whilst he is in. I know he is sad about that but it’s for the best. I am in a calmer place tonight.

CH79: Could I ask, did you all admit to family & friends that you were going AF?

Certainly, I have told family & friends I have quit, but there haven’t been any deep discussions, no probing questions from anyone as to exactly why or timescales! . That disappoints me a bit as I’m starting to feel really good about it most of the time and quite evangelical but need to bite my lip and not bring it up. I think everyone except DH just thinks I started a bit of a lockdown health kick. My DH secretly (I can tell!) thinks I’ve taken it too far now and would dearly like be back as his partner in crime. I find this a tough one as we had 20 plus years quietly boozing together, and I feel sad about it as times, but try my best with AF beer and fizz.

Quickie - BIL ok so far, long operation, fingers crossed, but it went to plan.

Just getting into bed. I get tired so much earlier without the alcohol.

Glad your bro inlaw is ok @Bluefishing, sorry re your dad @iamyourequal. Sending hugs x

Hope everyone else is okay. Quick scan as I'm about to come off screens to wind down for bed.

@CH79, I told my OH, my daughter and work colleagues/friends - kind of wanted to tell enough people to make it a proper commitment; think I was a month or so in. Have yet to tell my mum, who is a BIG drinker.... that may be harder!

Day 70 here! Which is cool. I can see my body is becoming healthier when I go to my yoga class; it's so much easier, my progress has just accelerated since going AF and that's 2 years in to a standard yoga routine!Was also was very glad to be hangover free this weekend when I had an intense yoga course! That on a hangover would have sucked!! Definitely liking this AF life more day by day and drinking lots of tea

Have an amazing week all!

Hey guys. Just checking in. Still sober, coming up to 6 months now (in October). Struggling with work and kids right now so not had time to respond to all your posts, but just wanted to say hi to all the oldies and newbies.

Pissed off today that I’m sober but not feeling many benefits today (though there are plenty of days when I do feel the benefits, and of course things would only be worse if I was still drinking).

Anyway, I struggle on😅☕️☕️☕️

Congrats @NeedAUserNameAllTaken, great work on getting to 70! @BunniesBunniesBunnies, I remember October feeling like a long way off when I first came on this thread and my aim was to get to Halloween and you said your 6 months would be then - here we are now with the goals in sight - I'm feeling flat too, though really glad not to be drinking - we deserve a celebration, we are smashing it really!
@Hangingover, hope all is well in Oz, are you still planning your return in October?
@Bluefishing hope you are still doing ok as well?
@CH79 I've just told people as it has come up - so when I met friends who were big drinkers I took my own AF beer and said I was off booze for a while, they didn't ask any more and so the moment passed. My OH and immediate family know and are happy for me - in fact one or two are following suit :-) Up to you how you play it, but most people don't care or are admiring.

Well, I’ve fucked up so I’m back.

Great to see people achieving so much.

Ravenswick yes thanks I am doing fine. Lots of little problems here, going to try and go for a walk in the countryside with DH and regroup, his work is full on at the moment so may not be possible. I think we could do with some uplifting fresh air. BIL will take 6 months to recover (broken discs/pins in back etc) but grateful it’s not worse.

SparklingLime welcome back, I am on a second try too on this thread (I feebly namechanged). Don’t worry about it. People who succeed at overcoming habits/addiction have usually tried multiple times before it sticks. Day 17 for me, and it’s definitely getting easier. I drink Becks Blue from a wine glass and have a bar of chocolate in the evenings. Crucially I also don’t have my tipple in the house or garage.

HELLO SparklingLime where the bloody hell have you been. Sit down and tell us what happened, I'll make you a hot chocolate.

Ravenswick as it happens flights home are now booked should be back just in time for peak second wave. I went swimming today at the bottom of a waterfall in a huge sunhat. DP made a video which I expected to be Instagram perfect but in fact just looks like a creepy disembodied hat floating across the water. And craving wine and being eat to death by mosquitoes.

Oh Hanging your time in Oz sounds such fun you must be sick at the thought of coming home. You will remember your trip forever!
Sparkling Lime how are you doing? It’s great you are back here now whatever has been going on.
Thanks for your wellwishing NeedAUserNameAllTaken my dad started his dialysis yesterday and it apparently went well and he coped fine so I am very positive about that. Been for a short walk this morning and did some cooking. Going to chill in the afternoon. Have a good day all and keep in their Bunnies!

Hi
Please can I join? Fairly new to posting threads on Mumsnet so apologies if I get this wrong and can't find thread again. I think Lockdown has been heavy on each one of us globally and we are all tempted to fallback on our previous coping strategies, and I'm one of those that hasn't coped so well and tripped over WFH. It's not WFH that is the problem in my case - I changed jobs last year to work this way which was a big change in itself...but travelling was also a big part of that job, so as a result combined with 'normal' life, WFH was not a problem and was good. Since lockdown, it's been coping with the rest of the family WFH and studying in the same very small terraced house space...we don't run a car and it all went a little too claustrophobic for us here in a city in the north. I'm in no way trying to make excuses, but have thought ...why am I here, drinking too much - that and having not been able to visit my Mum since February in the south...tried, and on day two of not touching 2 large glasses of red at all and feeling awful next day. Obviously I've noticed no changes yet, but I'm sure it will happen soon. If anything at all, hoping I will sleep better, and my ANXIETY levels will be under control. Having read this thread...ladies I aspire to your life changing experiences - wow!

Welcome blownout. Great to hear your story. I totally relate to your WFH stresses. DH and I have both worked from home since March and it’s pretty challenging. Not just the work bit, but the being under the same roof all the time. I can tell DH is delighted if I go out anywhere and I’m the same with him! I hope your 2nd evening has gone ok? If gets easier, honest, little bit by little bit....

blownout welcome. My main reason for giving up alcohol is anxiety, not usually an anxious person but was waking up at 2 am with awful anxiety and pounding heart. On day 18 now, anxiety gone, I feel much calmer.

Welcome, @blownout. Hope today is going OK for you.

Thanks for the welcome back, ladies. If that hot chocolate is still on offer, @Hangingover, then I’ll spill my very dull and predictable last month or so...
I hadn’t had cravings for alcohol as such, but just for something to take the edge off. So in my complacency, that meant an occasional glass of wine seemed OK, once or twice a week, so I came off this thread.

A couple of days ago my anxiety was so bad (sobbing in the street level) that I thought FUCK IT, this can‘t get much worse, I may as well have a glass of wine, at 3pm ish. After half a glass my anxiety was utterly gone (this has been my undoing for years, it works too well for me, in moderation haha). But some time later I was opening a second bottle. (Was drinking with my mum but she doesn’t drink much so ‘twas me.) The next day that scared me as I had been drinking excessively and without full control. Haven’t been there since last year. I had anxiety the next day but no worse than my AF anxiety so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I need a therapist, and I think I might have found one. 🤞🏽

Thinking of you returning to the good ole UK, hanging 😬

I started with Dry January, @CH79 so it was easy to say “No, thanks, not drinking as I’m doing Dry Jan”. Any day now you could go with Sober October! Somehow it avoids further prying and these planned group months off booze are socially acceptable even for those without any kind of issue with alcohol. Hope you’re doing OK.

Booooooooo bad luck @SparklingLime up back on the wagon with ya. Sort of thing could happen to anyone. Drinking to deal with anxiety is such a bitch but it's about as effective as buying booze to forget how broke you are.

Don't bother watching "The Truth about Alcohol" on Netflix btw...it's an old Beeb doc fronted by an actual doctor which is basically an hour of cutesy music and dumb "experiments" like how to avoid a hangover etc. Get this...IT DOESN'T MENTION ADDICTION. At all. Just goes to show how warped our attitude is to booze in this country!

Hi everyone
Thank you all for the birthday wishes. I have had an amazing birthday and holiday (even if the change of guidelines meant plans had to change a bit.) Last day today, it has been so lovely to be on holiday. Very relaxing and so pleased that i did it all AF! I just feel in the zone now.
7 weeks this weekend.

SlantyBaws when is your Edinburgh trip? Will it still be going ahead as planned?

CH79 i have told people in different degrees. I started by saying I'm not drinking for a little while, I can always blame it on being a yoga commitment or just having a health kick. But as the weeks have gone on I have admitted to more people that I am just better without any alcohol so may be doing it permanently. I have had support from most people and certainly the ones who matter. Some people have said "oh surely you can just have a drink on your birthday " but I've just smiled. I don't feel the need to explain fully to everyone. Just do what feels right for each person.

bluefishing sorry you had a rubbish weekend last weekend. Well done on the days flying by. The reduction in anxiety is a major factor for me. Especially menopausal anxiety which I hadn't realised was such a big thing. Hope your BIL keeps recovering.

Iamyourequal sorry to hear your dad is poorly. So hard to see our parents unwell. Sending you a big hug.

sparklinglime welcome back. I was on the dry Jan thread and had the same as you. Difficult times in February and felt a glass or two wouldn't do any harm. But it crept up again so here I am again. And it definitely gets easier each time.

Welcome blowout this really is a great support thread. And your days will roll into weeks and you will notice changes soon I bet.

I'm going to enjoy this last day of my holiday and then when we get home we have been inspired to do our house up. It's a bit of a hovel and we want to live in a nice place. I have felt so calm with less stuff around me and the self catering house we are staying in is so beautifully done, it made me realise that it makes for a much less muddled mind.

Hi everyone
Don't say I didn't warn you all that a social media dinosaur like me would find it hard to locate the same talk thread again...I've done it and found you all again :)

Thanks for the welcome everyone. @Bluefishing, your reason is perhaps the chief reason I need to quit drinking wine (occasionally G&T). I'm aware anxiety is something I've had before as unpleasant and miserable as its ugly head is, but lately it's ruling me. Like you, I'm sick of the way I feel (I wake at 4am, and have the worst anxiety levels and panics about starting working in the morning etc.). These are irrational fears that should not be there.

Whilst I understand alcohol isn't purely the source of all anxiety, reading this thread quitting makes a real difference for many of you from what you say - I'll give it a real go based on knowing this, and the fact there are mentions you may sleep better. I'm not convinced abstinence is the cure-all for me but we are all wired differently - this many of you can't be wrong. Any difference will be the best plus for me right now.

TBH I just can't see the point of drinking anymore right now - bad dreams, poor concentration, highly strung etc. not to mention the health risks...there are tens of millions of people in this world that don't drink alcohol and live in extreme poverty yet still manage to get through the day. I can't help but think if I didn't drink as much, I cold donate to more charities to even the balance a little - and it may improve my health.

Well done at finding us again blownout
I hear you about realising that many people in the world get by for many different reasons without alcohol.

Earlier in the thread we were having a discussions about sometimes not feeling 'normal' because we don't drink. Then we started saying that normalising drinking is actually a bit shit.

Well, I've been thinking about that idea again and realising that actually it was MY normal and is for many many people...but it's also normal for loads of people in the world NOT to drink. It's more common than I thought. I hear people now when they say they don't drink. Whereas before I didn't really think it was much of a thing. But like you say, many people in the world go through their lives without drinking and the world doesn't implode

That thought has kind of helped me. I don't feel such a freak. Hate to steal a saying that's being bandied about at the moment....but not drinking is my new normal. And I kind of like how it feels.

I hear you @Breathmiller. Four of my friends are not drinking at the moment. That would have been unheard of a few years ago. It’s nice that it’s more normal now and that I don’t feel so alone in it.