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Alcohol support

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Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

988 replies

Drybird2020 · 12/07/2020 10:44

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

OP posts:
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Ravenswick · 16/09/2020 10:50

@Hangingover, tell us more....you can't just leave us hanging...

PS: Yes to the article, before I stopped I could have been RJ, for sure. Seems mad now - maybe the pandemic will also spark more debate around drinking?!

Hangingover · 16/09/2020 10:56

I went surfing at the beach that I've managed to brainwash myself into thinking is safe because the water is quite shallow and there were a bunch of other people surfing further down including someone I vaguely know who I don't care for much , Dimitri the Chancer...having a nice time, then DtC suddenly whistles and does the hand on head fin gesture and yells "shark!". And I turn around and he's pointing at me and all the other surfers have got out and are looking at me too. So I paddle back to shore like a bloody madwoman and a kite surfer who came in behind me goes, "fuck, big shark!" and I said where and he said "right next to you". I saw it later when I was walked up the beach. It was big. Woman I was chatting to after said it actually turned towards me. Thanked Dimitri the Hero profusely and now like him very much.

I think I need a lie down in the dark.

Ravenswick · 16/09/2020 12:59

Effing bloody bells @Hangingover....There are no words...!

Breathmiller · 16/09/2020 16:31

Jeezo hangingover
Hope you have managed to calm down a bit.

iamyourequal · 16/09/2020 20:00

Crikey Hangingover. I think you should just stay out the water- way too many scary things happening in it! A big Shark is surely the last straw!
I’ve had a nice day recovering from covid. Lovely box of cheese, crackers & wine arrived (fear not, it is red and I’m not even tempted- will be strictly for DH consumption) and then a bouquet of....chocolate bars! DC2 is very impressed with this, especially as they couldn’t fathom why we had been sent’CHEESE ’ as a gift earlier! All I need back is my sense of smell/taste to enjoy it all. People have been so kind sending things. I have had to reflect a lot during this and definitely vow to be a kinder/more thoughtful person from here on in. How is everyone else this week? Lots of posters not checked in for a while. I would love to hear all your updates!

Breathmiller · 17/09/2020 08:20

iamyourequal how are you feeling today? What a bugger to get all these lovely treats amd not be able to enjoy them. But so lovely to hear that you have people looking out for you and thinking about you.
Do you feel you are starting to turn a corner yet?

I know a few people who have had it and it can take time to build strength back up. Take your time and rest as much as you can.

I am on day 40 today which felt like a nice milestone to notice.

And 2 more days of work then I go on holiday. And my AF birthday on Saturday. Roll on the weekend.

Ravenswick · 17/09/2020 08:40

@iamyourequal glad things are improving but take it easy - a cousin of mine (v young, v fit, apparently had mild covid) is still struggling with post-viral stuff months down the line - not wanting to freak you out but just to say don't over do it.
@Breathmiller, fantastic work, well done you :-) Have a wonderful birthday and a relaxing holiday - hope you have some really exciting AF drinks to try for Saturday?

Bluefishing · 17/09/2020 11:14

Breathmiller day 40, well done, that’s a great achievement.Star

I am on day 11, been keeping busy here, feeling calm and happy. I do think I am lucky, no job stress, kids in teens and doing fine so far. I feel for those of you with small children and a job, that’s not easy. I am sleeping more, reading again, started to declutter our very messy house. I am eating chocolate in the evenings, I think I must miss the sugar from white wine. Weird for me as I haven’t eaten chocolate for decades, didn’t think I had a sweet tooth. For now as long as I’m not drinking alcohol there are no rules but at some point I will need to diet and exercise as I am just in the overweight category on the NHS bmi calculator.

iamyourequal glad you are ok, take it slow.

Hangingover · 17/09/2020 12:22

Sweeeeeeet 40 days, that's awesome breathmiller

That's a great resolution equal and I hope you get your taste back soon!

Went back in the water today in spite of yesterday's shark visitation. The only person who got their head bitten off was DP, when he had the absolute nerve to go, "why, what's wrong?" when I said I was feeling nervous as we paddled out. The bloody stupid bollocks. I howled at him "STOP PRETENDING YESTERDAY WASN'T TERRIFYING!" which must have made me look unhinged to those in earshot but sod it.

Did gym and dance and surf today so chip butties and tent and Netflix is in order.

Except tent is full of ants. Angry

Breathmiller · 17/09/2020 15:46

bluefishing well done on 11 days!! That's great. And so good to hear you feeling the benefits already. I think to begin with eating something that takes your mind off it is fine. Focus on one thing at a time. Once you get in the rhythm of not drinking then you can tackle health and fitness. I always think how much you are gaining in health from not drinking is so much just on its own.

Did gym and dance and surf today so chip butties and tent and Netflix is in order
Definitely hangingover life's all about the balance.

I got a beautiful bunch of flowers just delivered to my studio from one of my lovely students. And a bottle of bubbly from another that i have decided is NOT a birthday bottle of bubbly after all but bubbles for my daughter's partner to celebrate his new job after being made redundant at the beginning of lockdown.

My hurdle is going to have them drinking red wine on the holiday we are going to. It's my tipple of choice but it's never in the house as my husband doesn't drink it. That's going to be my challenge this weekend for sure. I might need to come on for some chearleading from the sides of the pitch.

iamyourequal · 17/09/2020 20:13

Evening everyone. Thanks again for all your well wishing, much appreciated 🙂. I am now well on the mend from covid. Still no sense of smell and tire easily but I can put up with that ok for a bit.
Have a lovely birthday when it comes Breathmiller I know you can manage it, and definitely enjoy it AF.
Glad to hear you got straight back on that horse (surf-board) Hanging you are super brave! It would seem brutally unfair if the shark was to pick you out of everyone on the beach anyway, with you being vegan. It would be better going for a tubby Lard-eater like me!
Bluefishing lots of us got a sweet tooth too when we quit, so don’t worry about that. I think it’s a subconscious coping strategy (you know you can’t have booze, but chocolate can ‘help’ you in your time of need). You are right to just go with it. I think we all know on here that a choc bar a day is a million times better than a bottle of wine/4 double vodkas or whatever, so enjoy it. I found myself instantly regressing to wanting the treats I had enjoyed as a teenager before booze, back when the naughtiest thing I ever consumed was a massive Woolies pick n mix on a Saturday afternoon. That was my ritual until 20 before it all went pear-shaped!
Anyway, stay focused everyone as we prepare to go forth into another weekend. I won’t be going out much. I’m allowed to from Saturday but think I will give it another day or two to be safe.
AF? We are all nailing this now!

iamyourequal · 17/09/2020 20:14

Thanks for the advice too Ravenswick I will take it easy until feeling 100% and hope your cousin makes a full recovery too.

Ravenswick · 18/09/2020 07:42

Great that you are on the mend @iamyourequal - hopefully that is you immune for the next few months anyway Smile
@Hangingover, so impressed at you getting back into the waves - awesome! I love the idea that sharks would avoid vegans - all why not?! It certainly seems fair Grin
@Bluefishing the first few times I gave up (for dry Jan etc) I always found I had cravings for sweet stuff but not so much this time, and not any more (2 months in) so I wouldn't worry about it unduly. Lots of people find they don't lose weight or put weight on for the first few weeks but it then all sorts itself out once your body is back on track.

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 18/09/2020 10:04

Hey all, just quickly checking in and marking my place. Been mental with work. So glad to be sober though. Can’t wait for my 6 month anniversary in October!

@iamyourequal I hope you recover soon!

Bluefishing · 18/09/2020 10:36

Thanks iamyourequal and Ravenswick that’s good to know. I am prioritising giving up alcohol for now and hopefully a few weeks down the road I can get to work losing weight and running. I am sleeping over 10 hours every night. This is partly because I stopped working but also going to bed earlier as I am not drinking and sleeping better because I am not drinking.

I am pretty sure I would have had a drink by now if it weren’t for this thread. Thanks everyone.

Also, any lurkers my top tip as a newbie is don’t have it in the house! I am on day 12 and two evenings I would have drank if it was in the house.

Hangingover · 19/09/2020 10:56

Usual dinnertime cravings starting up. Sad

Do you think this works as an analogy? I've been learning about neural pathways and I thought of it earlier when we were driving home through the bush...

Imagine each and every day you have to get from one end of a piece of land to the other. The land is scrub, with dense bushes, weeds, rocks and trees. Each day, once you get past a certain point, you always come to the start of a very well-worn dirt track with a quad bike ready to go...each day you gratefully hop on the quad bike and cruise down the dirt track and it's so much easier than trying to find a way through the bushes and over the rocks. Sometimes when you're feeling up to it, you decide not to take the dirt track and the quad bike because you know deep down it's healthier not to, and sometimes you even enjoy the novelty and sense of accomplishment you get from trying a different way. But in the end, most days you end up using the dirt track again. And every time you use it, the path gets smoother and more firmly forged and the undergrowth around it gets the thicker.

Giving up alcohol is like choosing not to get on that quad bike and use the worn path. Every day you have to find a way through, over or around the obstacles you usually don't think about and you often find yourself not moving forward at all because you're standing still next to the quad bike, stamping your foot because you want to keep on using it.

That's why we need to practice PERSEVERANCE! The new paths across the land will get easier the more we walk them. At the moment, we're all trying lots of different ways - some seems surprisingly easy, some are frustratingly difficult but the more we walk them the easier they'll become.

Have a good weekend all Flowers

NeedAUserNameAllTaken · 19/09/2020 18:42

I love this @Hangingover, thank you. I think it fits! I've been craving a glass of wine after finishing work - I've just started back, I think because of old habits but each day I dont it seems to lessen. Also provides hope that this wanting will eventually go! Thank you!
Sorry you have the dinner time cravings too. Hope they pass fast for you x

CH79 · 20/09/2020 09:47

Hi everyone.
I've been watching these threads on & off for a few months now.
Finally saying hello!
I used to enjoy a drink but recently it is really not agreeing with me.
I think I need to get on board with you all & stop.
Its just not that enjoyable anymore.
So, hello 👋

AvoidingTheWineAisle · 20/09/2020 10:03

Good morning all.

Just rejoining this thread to say hello and see how everyone is doing.

I’m 5 (and a bit!) months sober and really reaping the rewards of this sobriety malarkey now. Never want to go back to drinking and can finally see a happy future without a drop of booze in it. It’s a great feeling!

Hope you are all doing well. Welcome to anyone starting out 😘

Ifnotnowthenwhen5 · 20/09/2020 10:11

Hello everyone, catching up on shark posts (Shock) and everyone’s news but dropping in to share that I’ve officially done 50 days! You were all right about the benefits and I feel amazing, but I’m still getting anxious that I might one day drink? It feels like something I’ll inevitably do that I have no control over which is bizarre because I clearly do... hope that makes sense! As if one day I’ll accidentally drink and end up on another bender.

Day 50 was my own birthday party so I’m off to wash a mountain of pots Grin

Breathmiller · 20/09/2020 11:42

Yes, that makes sense to me to hangingover
Creating new pathways that are easier to follow the more we walk them.

I had the most amazing 50th birthday yesterday and did it AF!! How wonderful it is to wake up after a birthday with a clear head. Best birthday treat ever. Got up did yoga with theee most amazing view, had breakfast then a wee pampering session.

My husband just came in while i am drying my hair and commented on how lovely my skin looks. Makes a change from a post birthday hangover face.

We are on holiday just now and i realised how much more comfortable I am in the rented house when I'm not quaffing down red wine and worrying that I'll spill it.

Off for a walk soon.

Ravenswick · 20/09/2020 13:55

@Breathmiller happy birthday and your treat sounds wonderful :-)
Welcome @CH79, come and join in...
@AvoidingTheWineAisle, thanks for checking in and reminding us - I just love hearing from those further on :-) happy Sunday everyone, hope you have a great day.

CH79 · 20/09/2020 15:44

Thanks @ravenswick

Having a bit of an internal struggle with myself today about drinking.
I think I posted on one of the very early posts. Obviously didn't stay on the wagon...
But here I am again watching this feed & feeling jealous of how well you're all doing! 😉

iamyourequal · 20/09/2020 20:24

Evening everyone. I typed up a big post, then lost it all when I answered my phone so, in summary: - Happy Birthday Breathmiller! So pleased you are having a lovely sober one. Loved the sober wisdom story Hanging and welcome/welcome back everyone else on since I last posted. I’m afraid September just keeps continuing in the same crap vein here. My poor dad is back in hospital after taking a minor heart attack, and again not allowed visitors. I’m out of isolation, but haven’t been anywhere just in case, feeling okay but tiring very easily. I’m not sure how I’m going to do working tomorrow, I think I will need to disappear for a nap mid-day. I spent some time in the garden this afternoon which has helped keep me calm. I had some cravings earlier but now I’m in the bath with an ice cold AF beer, determined to see it pass. AF day 45 here (aka AF112 minus holiday blip!) . Have a good week everyone.

Drybird2020 · 20/09/2020 20:35

Hello Sober Lovelies, and happy birthday to @Breathmiller, a sober milestone birthday is extra special, and I am glad you have had a good time.

@AvoidingTheWineAisle, it's good to hear from you, that's how I feel too. I've made the transition to non-drinker and it feels great. 😁

@Hangingover nice work dodging the sharks and eschewing the quad bike. You've got this.

@iamyourequal, really sorry to hear about your dad. I'm glad you are on the mend, but it sounds like you need to be easy on yourself for a while yet.

Sorry not to name check everyone, I've been catching up on all posts in between shaking sand out of our belongings after a blissful weekend at the seaside. 🌅

OP posts: