Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

Rachel's Holiday is next on my list. I'm currently reading Glorious Rock Bottom and I'm listening to You Left Early (thank you to whoever recommended it as an audiobook).

Teetotallyimperfect it was me....that book made me properly weep. The heartbreaking weariness in her voice.

Hi everyone - glad I found this thread. Alcohol has been a big part of my life and I have been worried about my drinking for 2-3 years at least. I have a lot of friends who drink a lot as does my husband and no-one seems to think it is a problem. Anyway, I tried cutting down and it did not work so 3 days ago I decided I just wanted to stop. I have not missed it and I have slept better but the thing I am worried about is how my friends are going to react. We are going away in 2 weeks with 2 friends and we like to cook lovely food and drink great wine, fizz etc and, although we all hold down good jobs and are in no way 'piss heads' we all drink more than is healthy and one of our group is probably a high functioning alcoholic. I borderline had a row with my husband who keeps saying 'you do not drink too much' and laughing when I say I am worried. Now I told him 'do not question me, do not offer me a drink, I do not drink anymore' and he got the message. People seem to think I am being boring and miserable if I say I do not want a drink - how can I handle them? Also, how long do people think it takes to really become a 'non-drinker' because I am worried I will get tempted and, once I have a glass, that will be it!

That sounds draining, @Ulysses. I’ve had therapy in the past and am looking again, but I find it hard to trust the therapist. Is there any chance of more understanding and more back from your husband?

That’s amazing, @SophocIestheFox. Good to see you check in.

Welcome, @ColdOopNorth. Have you read back on the threads much? You’ll see people dealing with just those issues.

Hope you’re not suffering with your stings, @Hangingover. That sounds like an amazing year of being 32!

Thanks sparkling, good to see you too - hope you are doing Ok.

Welcome ColdOopNorth and thanks Teetotallyimperfect
I have a lot of anger too Sparking & Ulysses Sometimes you just gotta let it out!
I think you will manage your holiday fine SophocIestheFox because you are doing so well, and know your birthday wasn’t worth it and will have learned from the experience.
Quiet week here. I felt a bit flat as i would have hit my 80 days this week if I hadn’t had my holiday blip, but the days are building up again nicely. It’s amazing how much you get done sober isn’t it? I’ve done a full weeks work, cooked proper dinners all week, baked a cake, cleaned the house, tackled lots of ironing, weeded the garden and taken tonnes of stuff to the dump this week already. I’ve developed a bit of a late night chocolate habit though, one damn vice after the next...have a nice weekend all.

Just checking in. Welcome to all the newbies - I can't believe all the traffic on here. How wonderful.

Like others I've been regulating my Mumsnet use so haven't said hello for a while.

I've been sober for the whole of 2020 so far and I still find it hard. I haven't had the pink clouds described by others and have felt so bloody grumpy at times but there are so many positives that I will never drink again and I've only just made that decision recently. Up until then it was dry January, until my birthday, for 6 months... but somewhere along the line something clicked and that's me done with it. Life is soooo much better without booze.

My biggest achievement so far is not drinking on my wedding day!!!!!!! The old me would have caned the champers from 7am! I am so proud of myself - I can remember the whole day, every conversation. Obviously in lock down it wasn't a massive party but we had people in a garden socially distanced. What a contrast to my first wedding where I got totally hammered and was smoking cigars at 1am and can't remember going to bed. I've been reflecting on my first marriage of late and I do think booze had an impact on its demise. Not that my XH said I was drinking too much but I wasn't present in the relationship - falling asleep on the sofa, not doing kids bedtimes and all that. It hurts to admit it.

I'm not making that mistake again and when I snuggle into my new DH on the sofa at 8pm with a nighttime tea I feel so happy and grateful ❤️ sorry for being a smug twat but I think everyone on here deserves some smug moments don't you!?

Have a wonderful weekend x

Thank you, iamyourequal - I hope you’re right, I think you might be right, so let’s see how I go 🙂 in terms of your days, even with a blip you’ve still got an amazing count going.

Dry wedding is AMAZING aprilfools! Bloody well done you for giving yourself the huge gift of remembering and savouring every last minute of it there’s chunks of (both of) mine lost to a champagne fug. So you smug away to your hearts content, you have every reason to

What a fabulous update @aprilfoolsbaby!

And great productivity, @iamyourequal. How do you let anger out?

Thanks SophocIestheFox ! Well done April it must be awesome to one day know you will truly never drink again and be at complete peace with it. I’m a bit off from that place myself but hope to reach it one day!
Sparkling I am no expert at anger management. I just go on rants when I can’t hold it in any longer! I also have a slightly better strategy of writing letters/emails I never send, just to get it all out. Anyway, I’ve been shopping today, gardening later, nap time now. What’s everyone else up to?

I'm so pleased to read your update, @aprilfoolsbaby, I was wondering about the wedding and how it had gone, I remember you asking for ideas about how to manage it, way back. What an amazing gift to give yourself ❤️

I also have a slightly better strategy of writing letters/emails I never send

Do you delete them after?? I'd be so paranoid they'd somehow leap out my computer and down WhatsApp

Me too, @Hangingover. Utterly heartbreaking.

Welcome @ColdOopNorth. I don't know the answer to your question - I'm not sure I'm quite there yet although I have no desire to drink currently. But I know if I had one I'd soon be pouring it down my neck every day again.

@aprilfoolsbaby What a fantastic post - actually really inspiring. Thank you!

I've definitely had pink clouds but I've also had plenty of anger and frustration (the highs are higher and the lows are lower). I guess that makes sense when you're feeling everything instead of numbing.

Cross post @Hangingover - I was replying about the book - not the emails. Although I might be heartbroken if I accidentally sent emails meant for the recycle bin!

What are peoples favourite alcohol free drinks? Any cool mocktails ideas? I love lime and soda but find most non alcoholic drinks too sickly sweet.

That was funny totally....my ‘never-to-be-sent’ emails are a lot of things but rarely heartbreaking!! Possibly heartbreakingly tragic that I get so wound up by stuff! No I don’t delete them hanging, but if they are for a colleague I make sure to delete the address from the ‘to’ box, just in case I press send by mistake. I started this therapy one day by deciding to wait a day before sending a complaint email, in order to ‘sleep on it’, and that’s when I realized it was the writing it down which helped diffuse my anger, so I started doing it with lots of stuff. Try it!
I enjoyed’Rachel’s Holiday’ too, I wasn’t sure at first due to the writing style but I ended up sucked in. I haven’t read the ‘Wild’ book but the film with Reese Witherspoon was really good. Sorry I can’t remember who recommended these and I will lose my post on this damn phone if I try and go back to see!

Missed your question ColdOopNorth
My faves are Becks blue, Nosecco and Irn Bru, as it takes me back to a time when my treats didn’t involve alcohol. I’m really missing a ‘real’ drink tonight to be honest 😣. It will pass.

I'm full of anger too, @Ulysses, @SparklingLime and @iamyourequal. Mostly at my parents and things that happened when I was young. I know it would be a good idea to do some more therapy but time and finances don't currently allow. Or maybe they would if I really wanted to do it, but I'm not there yet.

No Send Letters are a useful tool. I've written a few in the past, @Hangingover you could write a draft email, just don't put the address in. Or even maybe... a pen and paper? I've got a decade on you, can you tell? Happy Birthday 🎂

@ColdOopNorth try something with ginger, I like it with lime and fizzy water, kinda like a virgin Moscow Mule. So maybe just a Mule. 🤔

In answer to your question, I do now see myself as a non drinker and have done for a while, I can't put my finger on exactly when. I'm coming up to 8 months.

You could have an interim reason for not drinking when you go away with your friends; detox, wanting to lose weight, 30 day experiment.. You don't need to come out to everyone at once if that feels overwhelming.

My anger is a sort of simmering rage at times. Thankfully it's not been around this week though, more petty annoyances!

DH is self employed and his sector has been hit by covid, though things are on the up a bit. It's all consuming for him (and us) as a result. He's also had a quarterly check up with the renal clinic this week too and fortunately it's come back okay but there's a fear that one day he will need to go back on dialysis.

Then my mum was overnight in hospital last week with heart problems. We don't have a great relationship and she's had a hard life but done very little to try and help herself and I can never take what she says at face value.

It just means when it comes to me I am looking after everyone and at times it feels I don't get much back in return. Most of my anger is about circumstances rather than at one person. But I would like to talk through it and not dwell on it when it arises.

Congratulations on your wedding @aprilfoolsbaby, that is an awesome result! And nice to hear from you @SophocIestheFox, I remember you from the early threads.

Hello everyone, may I join? Having watched this thread with great interest, I am now 28 days AF and have plucked up the courage to post! I have been too scared to put it in writing before now, but at the four week point I think I now have the strength.

I have (had?) been a pretty solid drinker for about 30 years and quite frankly enough is enough. When @aprilfoolsbaby talked about not remembering her first wedding, yup that was me too. I can't even remember the marriage proposal. In the end it was the anxiety that did it for me. Even after just one drink I'd wake up the next day feeling so wretched and anxious.

So here I am. I am now immersed in All of the quit lit mentioned. The first couple of weeks were so hard and it took a lot of strength to not drink. The real test was attending a garden party a couple of weeks ago and saying no to a glass of fizz. I felt so proud! I sat with my cans of seedlip and blethered away to everyone happy in the knowledge that I wasn't getting pissed. In my mind's eye I could see myself getting hammered if I had a drink and it was an actual joy not to be That Person Making An Arse Of Themselves as I have been too many times in the past.

I have found myself using the 6 Minute Diary to record the days and to build some gratitude into my life. I have much to be thankful for, including this thread

That’s brilliant @SlantyBaws and welcome to the thread. Not drinking is indeed something to be very proud of, I tell myself this regularly . Am away to google 6 minute diary...

Thanks DryBird it's been an epic day. Three hours doing the high trees adventure climbing then picnic in the national park with the kangeroos. I even had 0% sparkling wine and vegan cake. Was so, so lovely. So tired now I think I could fall asleep standing up. My first sober birthday as an adult!

Happy Birthday, @Hangingover!! That sounds a fabulous day! 🎉🎉

Happy birthday @Hangingover ❤️👏 Sounds like an epic day, sleep well 😎 I’ve missed loads - been on hols with very little internet but totally AF hols so it was great 👍 Welcome @ColdOopNorth - I had a meet up with some friends who are serious drinkers, we had dinner with them (my OH also still drinks) but I was well equipped with AF lager and had a great evening with them, they were all on wine but I wasn’t tempted, or at least only for a moment, and I was mentally solid in my decision so it just wasn’t an issue, They drank, I didn’t, no problem.

Welcome @SlantyBaws as well - you are off to a flying start 😎 Like you I read back through the old threads first - there is so much great stuff on there, glad it has been useful for you as well.

Great to hear things are going well @iamyourequal and thanks @Teetotallyimperfect, the weeks are totting up nicely for me now 😀 Still have Rachel’s Holiday to read as got sucked in by the Cazalet Chronicles on holiday and have not yet emerged from the 1940s 😎