Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

Meant to also say, thank you for posting yours @aprilfoolsbaby, such a brilliant post, really uplifting. I am inching in the right direction I think but would love to be as solid in my AF-ness as you and @Drybird2020 - work in progress for me over the next few months I guess...

Hiya everyone! Just checking in. Sorry I haven't been on for a while. I managed my holiday without drinking -horray!! A lot of af beer was drank😂
Happy birthday @hangingover!

@SparklingLime so good to see you back🙂
Day 172 for me (6 months on 4th September! )
Hope everyone is doing ok and having a good weekend.

@Ulysses, you have a lot on your plate at the moment. I hope you can take some time for yourself.

Welcome @SlantyBaws, and congrats on 28 days. I'm also off to google the 6 minute diary! I'm intrigued.

Happy birthday, @Hangingover - sounds like you had a good one.

@jess3817 well done on your AF holiday

as got sucked in by the Cazalet Chronicles on holiday

I just STORMED through these audiobooks, I absolutely adored them. My fav quotes:

"She made love like someone who had to catch the 8.10 in the morning and knew she'd be standing the whole way"

"There followed a silence in which they all disliked one another"

Happy birthday Hangingover! Glad you had a fab day. . Great you had good holidays Raven & Jess And sober - you got this nailed!
Welcome’SlantyBaws’!

Things sound pretty rough Ulysses. I think you should treat yourself to something nice, you deserve it. I feel for you. My mum is generally great but can be an awful moan. I couldn’t face having her round today/going to visit as she was moany (and drunk) on the phone last night. Now I feel all guilty I didn’t go. I hid in my garden instead. Will go tomorrow after work. We made it through another week folks. Bring on the last week of August. I bet we were all dreading a sober summer and we’ve managed it (well some of us almost managed it )

Thanks everyone for the welcome 😊

The 6 minute diary actually came recommended on a good habits thread. I'll see if I can find it. There was plenty other good stuff on there too.

And well done to everyone making it through the weekend sober.

Here it is!

AIBU to ask you if a daily habit has transformed your life? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3978071-AIBU-to-ask-you-if-a-daily-habit-has-transformed-your-life

@Ravenswick, totally missed you had enjoyed an AF holiday too. Well done you! I haven't experienced that yet so its helpful to see so many if you doing it and still having a great time.

Don't feel bad @iamyourequal. I swear women are programmed to care for everyone and always be available, and then feel guilty if we put ourselves first for once.

Thanks @SlantyBaws, I love the idea of making small sustainable changes. I'm going to have a read now....

@Ravenswick well done on your sober holiday too!
Thanks for the kind messages.
@SlantyBaws welcome to you! And thanks for the link for the other thread, will have a look at that.
@iamyourequal I know I was dreading it and definitely, at the start of this didn't think I'd be sober this summer.

Hi everyone
Great to hear everyone's stories. I'll read a bit more later.
Just checking in to say that's another week in, another birthday bbq and another weekend done AF.
2 weeks done. I've got another few things going on which aee making me feel a bit rubbish but at least I'm not adding hangovers or alcohol guilt into it all.
Feeling good and not missing it much.
A moment at the supermarket when I saw the wine aisles but I just bypassed it and the thought went.
Had some nosecco again at the bbq and noticed that because i was not drinking there was a lot less drinking going on in general.
DH has had a couple of beers this week but just one at a time and definitely not had as much as he would normally do.
But it's my decision anyway and although the support of him drinking less is both good for him and a support for me, it doesn't affect my decision. That felt quite a liberating thought. This is my responsibility. Not anyone else's.

I've also been great at not going on FB and not on here as much.
So much more productive. And I'm enjoying my book.

Hey guys🤩 I dropped off the thread for a while as was on holiday. Was lovely to have an alcohol free holiday!!! Will try and catch up on all the messages of the last week or so later☺️

Bunnies! Sit down, have a hot chocolate, tell us all about your holiday.

Hi Bunnies! Hope you had a good holiday.

Just about caught up with the thread😂

Well done @Ravenswick and @jess3817 (and @Drybird2020 I think!) on your sober holidays, too! Doesn’t it feel great...! And for your sober birthday @Hangingover! Sounds amazing!

And of course the poster whose name I can’t quite remember now who had the sober wedding🤩🤩🤩

I love the positivity on this thread. I was in a wine region with real wine drinkers on my holiday, but I was so happy to be sober. Instead of drinking & having hangovers I had lots of lovely runs and swims, and lots of lovely times with the kids. A few times I told myself that if I wanted to drink I could. But the benefits never outweighed the risks and each morning I was so happy to be sober🤩

I’ve also been totally smashing lots of fitness goals (running and cycling) which are really helped along by my sobriety. Altogether I’m feeling pretty great right now🤩

Sometimes I do struggle with anger (someone up thread mentioned it) and I find it interesting that a few of us do. I wonder about the relationship between alcohol and anger. I still have more thinking to do about that (and my demons) but for now I’ll just enjoy my holiday glow...!

bunnies can I ask about your fitness? I am so in awe of fit people
Were you always running? Or is it a new habit? I so desperately want to love running and I have previously done c25k but I am so unfit now and just need more motivation. I am 22 days sober and feel ok, just want to feel great. Any tips?

Hey @Rupertpenrysmistress, well done on the 22 days! It’s great you’ve previously done C25K, that is how I got started!

Pre children I used to be allergic to exercise pretty much😂 and I probably couldn’t even run for a minute!

After my eldest was born 8 years ago I did C25K and loved it! I have never been very fast and don’t run to compete, I just run for mental health benefits (and the physical health benefits are a bonus!).

After completing C25K I did a 10K and then a Half Marathon in the same year. I did it by slowly building up my mileage - doing one or two short runs a week (30 mins) and then one run which would get a bit (2k) longer each week. Coping with the increase in distance I found easy because I am slow😂

Since then there have been many period (months) where I’ve fallen off the wagon and not run at all (pregnancy, work too busy, etc) but what I have realised now is that running is SO important for my mental health (probably on a par with being sober!) that I MUST make time for it. Like I make time for eating etc.

This year again I barely ran until June. I started by doing C25K AGAIN (have done it so many times now haha!) and the last three months I have been running a few times a week. Because I have lost some weight after quitting booze (not initially, but I’m nearly 5 months in now) this also really helps and I am now probably fitter than I have been in a really long time!

Sorry that was sooo long. Basically I recommend doing C25K again. If it’s too easy you can always skip some weeks but I quite like an easy start (and it forces you to go out three times a week). And maybe sign up for a virtual race once you get going? Medals are always a great motivator!

There are quite a few runners on this thread, let us know how you get on🤩

Awesome Bunnies, sounds like exactly the kind of holiday I'm longing for in future!

Another one here absolutely smashing the fitness thing, I dont recognise myself in the mirror! So much so I'm doing a nude photos session with a photographer friend soon (black and white, foof covered sort of stuff - you know, classy )

Am I the only one that didn't know about Marion Keyes's history with addiction btw?? No wonder Rachel's Holiday is so painfully real! I thought she was just a dead good writer!

That's great, @Breathmiller - you're doing amazing! Sorry to hear you've got some things going on, but you're right, alcohol would only make it worse.

Glad to hear you also had an amazing AF holiday, @BunniesBunniesBunnies. And thanks for the exercise info. I've almost finished C25K and was wondering where to go next. I even looked at a small gym yesterday but it didn't inspire me. I think I'm going to go back to my old running club. When I say old, I'm talking 10 + years ago!

Has anyone noticed their hands look better since being AF? Mine look less puffy and less veiny than they used to and even the skin looks a bit better than usual. Weird.

@Teetotallyimperfect thank you, and hit the nail on the head about female programming, I love my OH to bits but he has no guilt about doing what he likes, I sort of admire that 👀 Funny you mention hands, mine are looking a bit better too - I thought I was just being diligent with the moisturiser...
@jess3817 and @BunniesBunniesBunnies, sober holidays rock :-) I spent mine walking as running is not my thing (plus mountains means running for me would be out of the question!) but I swear I have the energy levels I had 20 years ago, and part of that at least must be AF, though I was already fairly fit.
@Rupertpenrysmistress, it’s such a great feeling but if running doesn’t work for you (I’ll do it if I have to but there are other sports I prefer) then try cycling, walking or even rowing (my fave), not to mention good old yoga or Pilates, which are also both fab. The secret I think is to find something you enjoy then it’s not a chore and before you know it you are loving it.
@Hangingover I love those quotes 😃 she absolutely skewers English family life, and it’s so immersive. Also must admit in these strange times it’s a wake up call to be reading the details of life in WW2 (the crappy food 😱, the stress, the uncertainty...). Hark at you with your tasteful photos as well (I’m just jealous😬😂), you are rocking the sobriety thing for sure ❤️
@Breathmiller, you’re doing brilliantly. Keep at it and pretty soon the rewards outweigh the struggles. I’ve found the same with my OH, much less drinking which is a help.
Great to see the thread so busy and everyone doing so well 💪

www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/why-you-get-so-angry-even-though-you-are-nice/

Hello lovely lot.

All fine here and enjoying a booze free life. Re: the discussions about anger, I love this article on the subject (I love this organisation in general - The School of Life is all about modern day philosophy) and I often think of it when I feel angry.

I definitely feel much quicker to anger with PMT. It's like a physical vibration sometimes. Gah. Am like a new woman when my period is over.

Loving reading all your up-dates and welcome to the newbies.

Morning!

I’ve just ordered myself a nice new treat (a lovely jumper!) for my upcoming 20 week milestone on Sunday🤩🤩🤩

For my 6 month milestone I am getting myself a nice coffee maker😍😍😍

Is anyone else treating themselves a lot? I really enjoy getting myself nice things with my “saved” booze money, treats can be small (a nice shampoo or cordial) or big (Sweaty Betty😱).

@PamelaPeaches that’s an interesting article. I used to get terrible PMT rage but I’m on the pill now and much calmer.

I still do get very very angry from time to time though, I would never BE violent but I can have some very violent and angry thoughts😬😬😬 Am working on it but finding it hard. I never wanted to be an angry person😢

I too feel the rage at time just really angry and short tempered. It's horrible must find a way to deal with it.
bunnies I have been treating myself, mainly skin care and the odd dress (eBay). I would love some sweaty Betty's but need to convince myself I will start running, I have minimal motivation and I know how much better it makes me feel. I am very productive around the house just need to do the same with myself just, not really sure how.

Lads....

I think the pink cloud came today?! Was curiously OVERJOYED for no particular reason except that it was sunny?? Had music on all day and singing and dancing around the house. Perhaps will be happy shiny new type person from now on?? that or am developing bipolar

Surely twelve weeks is a bit late?.

Happy cloud day @Hangingover! From reading other people's experiences I don't think any of us have the same time line on AF, so hoping it stays with you for a long time :-)
@Rupertpenrysmistress, we should swap - I am not at all motivated round the house but exercise - bring it on. If you treated yourself to some fab work out gear would you feel more motivated? It would be a good reason for an online shopping spree :-)