Staying Stopped - Alcohol Free, permanently.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a kind and supportive environment for anyone committing to an alcohol free life.

From Day 1 onwards, you are welcome here for support, encouragement, tips and chat. There are many of us, at different points on the journey some have been sober for years, months, or weeks, others are just starting out, but all are
committed to an alcohol free life and the freedoms it brings...

Freedom from the tyranny of booze and the effort of figuring out how much to drink, and how and when to procure and drink it.

Freedom from guilt, self loathing, and 3am wake ups, and the fear of what might have been said and done the night before.

Freedom from the pervasive sense of dread and shame.

Freedom to embrace life with energy, and to face challenges with an uncluttered head, a lighter heart, and a lighter recycling bin.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to hang out and ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

I check in here every day as part of my recovery. It has kept me accountable, and the wonderful posters who contribute have helped me more than they could possibly know. This is day 137, and I'll be here for a long time!

Today I’ve been AF for six months, minus three days, which I added on the end. I think the AA approach would be to start counting again at day 1 after drinking, but frankly sod that. I’ve had two bottles of wine in six months rather than a bottle every day. I’m calling that (an imperfect) six months!

Benefits:

• I have surprised myself, I really didn’t expect to get through Dry Jan.
• I’ve broken the ingrained habit and my belief that I couldn’t go without alcohol.
• I’ve lost two stone, but I’ve also been dieting since Feb.
• My blood pressure reduced enough for me to start HRT.

I haven’t experienced the benefits that some others on here have felt - perkiness, energy, great sleep etc. I’m OK with that in the main, not everyone gets a pink cloud. However, my mental health is just awful at the moment. (I’ve had depression/anxiety on and off for decades.) Currently I’ve got weeks’ worth of dirty washing up in my kitchen, I’ve been sleeping on a bare mattress for months and despite trying, I can’t deal with any of it.

I really want to find a therapist to help me address the rest of my shit, but I haven’t been able to find someone yet. Recommendations welcome.

Until recently I found short-term goals so helpful: I did Dry Jan, then to Valentine’s Day, end of Feb, Lent, 100 days, then as Drybird wisely advised, end of lockdown (I’m still pretty much on lockdown) and now six months. There have been times when I’ve felt positive that I’m happily AF for the foreseeable. But now I feel lost. Basing my sobriety on reaching certain dates is losing meaning. I don’t have cravings or any social pressure on me to drink, but I also feel like I could think ‘fuck it’ at some point soon. My planned slips before didn’t lead to further drinking, I was happy to get back to AF the next day, but I know that may not happen in future.

Sparkling on the housecleaning front it will make you feel a bit better if you do the dishes and put a sheet down lovely.

My recommendation on that score is set your alarm for 5 minutes. No more. Maybe put on a podcast or something on the radio. Tidy for 5 minutes only.

That's how I have to do it when i am too low and too miserable to do anything. I find mess (and I cannot convey how messy our house IS IRL.... DH is a hoarder of food and empty packages and newspapers and everything else) depresses me further. You deserve to have sheets on your bed Darling, really.

On the anxiety and depression front - well I will read any tips avidly also. The very best thing you are already doing- not drinking.

And yes I agree.. sod starting again with the counting. Counting days has a funny effect on me. Having to go back to day 1 de-motivates me. But also the more days i rack up the more i think I can drink now. So i am trying to count by months this time. It seems to work better for me although today i do feel very eager to damp down my anxiety through falling into a bottle of wine. I am resisiting it though and plan to do some work catching up.

Thank you, @ColdGreenTeaMug, that’s really kind of you, and makes sense.

I really feel for you living with someone with hoarding issues, coldgreen. I hope your feelings of anxiety calm, and you can have a peaceful Sunday.

Thanks Sparkling you too. x

@ColdGreenTeaMug thank you ☺
@BunniesBunniesBunnies 12 weeks 🙌 you've got this!
@iamyourequal yes that's the thing - i know it will open up more opitunities.
@Bluewavescrashing welcome to the thread, 8 days is a fab start, good job on sending the kids out with your husband😂

@SparklingLime I agree with everything @coldgreenteamug says, especially putting a sheet down onto your mattress. The setting the alarm for 5 mins is a brilliant idea too.

If I lived near by I'd be round like a shot help you, I love helping other people clean their homes. One of my customers health issues and hords a bit, and I've been helping her sort through it all, she says she always feels better once I've been knowing we've gone through another bit of it.

It sounds like you just feel totally overwhelmed @SparklingLime. Don’t lose sight of what you have achieved so far. Both stopping drinking and successfully losing weight are amazing achievements. Are you on meds for depression? I agree with others that tackling things in small bursts would be a great road in, but I really hope you can get some therapy to help turn a corner.
You have my sympathies coldgreen I have come across a couple of hoarders in my work and if can create a very challenging environment to live in.

Thanks re the hoarding. It's getting worse I think. Especially with food. Thank God DH is vegetarian now because he kept food poisoning himself by eating green meat.

Sparkling I agree that losing weight and stopping drinking are both amazing achievements.

Well done @SparklingLime on 6 months

I wonder if you could apply some of the thinking you found useful around not drinking to some other things you’d like to change/it would be helpful to change? So for a week do five minutes on the dishes every day? And do a period of whatever feels manageable on self care every day? Whether reading for 15 minutes, a nice bath or whatever soothes you. If you think of being AF as something that helps you do do these new goals then it might give you a new motivation for continuing with that too?

Also - thank you for your reassurance when I was frustrated at not feeling healthier earlier on this thread. I’m now on day 36 and have lost 5 pounds

I haven't lost anything but my clothes feel a bit looser. I am wearing a jumper today that is usually too tight.

Clothes are the best judge really aren’t they @ColdGreenTeaMug - it’s not even just about the weight, I feel less bloated and bleugh (although definitely do not suddenly have boundless energy)

Sitting in the garden watching the DCs play in the padding pool. I have a glass of tonic water with ice and lemon. Don't miss the vodka at all.

Massive congrats on the 6 months @SparklingLime, your sobriety just shows you are capable of so much more than you think.

Do go to your GP and request a referral for counselling - Have you tried going down that (GP) route before?

Is there any chance you could spend some of the money you have saved from not drinking on a cleaner or a therapist or both?

You deserve to be happy and sleep in a nice clean bed, and both those things are achievable👍 You’ve got this👍

I am less bloated also certainly. Plus..... my eyes look like they used to. Not just that the whites are white, but they seem alot clearer and the colour seems more green like they used to be.

A few thoughts--some my own, some from other people but I believe them all

1. A big part of the pleasure in having a drink is the anticipation, having a cold glass of something grown up and sitting down to enjoy it at the end of the day. All of this can be achieved with a nice tumbler of fizzy juice with ice and lemon, or whichever soft drink you enjoy.

1. Part of the effect of alcohol is a sugar rush, particularly from wine. I find I get hyper on wine, over sociable, OTT really. Probably quite annoying to be around. But even sugary drinks are less calorific than wine. You might crave sugar instead of alcohol.

1. Alcohol actually switches off the process of fat burning as well as being high in calories. Stopping drinking is an easy way to lose weight. There's also the double whammy of avoiding bad snacking and hangover fast food choices.

1. Spending money on alcohol is a bit of a waste when you literally piss it away. This week I've ordered a nice bbq box from the local butcher's and out my no-drinking money towards that. We'll have some nice meals to look forward to.

1. Evenings seem to whizz past when I'm drinking but now I seem to have more time. Time to get ready for the next day to have a head start, and to watch something properly with DH rather than zoning out and falling asleep.

@ColdGreenTeaMug that's so interesting about your eyes!

I also thought today that children have never experienced feeling tipsy are more capable than adults really of feeling and showing pure joy. So alcohol isn't needed. Maybe it's just social conditioning that makes us think we need it to relax and have fun.

Hello all! I passed 6 weeks on Friday, feeling great apart from serious gluten issues grrrrr!

Dad cracked tonight after a month and had 2 ciders. I felt quite proud of myself that I didn't feel any temptation at all.

I also thought today that children have never experienced feeling tipsy are more capable than adults really of feeling and showing pure joy

I've often thought this! Remember how excited you were when you were a kid just knowing you were going to do something fun that day? God I wish I'd never tried the bloody stuff

Yes... and this sound silly... but I have often looked at my pets, all of whom feel joy and get pleasure out of relationships and social interaction and walks and days out and thought 'and they have never had a drink'.

I know that probably sound silly. But I have truly thought this.

Congrats Orlando! Good on you for not feeling temptation. There is an alcoholfree cider knocking about... is it kopparberg? i like thgat alot. I confess I had to mainline a few alcohol free lagers last night as i was tempted but feel SO glad this morning!

And I have definitely thought that about just pissing it away. I had an uncle who (for want of a better word) liked to play the big man. He would show off wealth and all that and boast and was generally rather irritating. When i was a late teen we all went out to dinner and he made a MASSIVE deal of ordering a really expensive bottle of wine and a black truffle dish that cost over £100 (and this was 25 plus years ago. It was all showing off.

My actually rather refined mother got exasperated at his endless boasting and snapped at him; 'What is the point when you just shit and piss it out?!'

I don't think I'd ever heard her swear before! (heard it plenty since then though!)

It always stuck in my memory and when i was drinking her voice sometimes went through my head.

Just checking in to say as of today I have saved £400 on booze😱😱😱 Having a tough day so small things like that make me feel I can cope!

Thank you so much, @jess3817, @iamyourequal, @Cyllie33 and @BunniesBunniesBunnies, for your kindness and insights.

So sweet of you Jess. I remember helping a friend in a similar mess to clear out her flat years ago and genuinely not understanding how someone could get in such a mess. I understand now. I cleared the kitchen as there was no way I would have let a cleaner do it. Shame seems to be my most powerful motivator to get anything done.

I’ve been on various antidepressants for years. Have given up on trying to get help for MH via the NHS, but am searching for someone privately. Now that all therapy is via Skype etc it opens up availability beyond my local area.

Excellent achievements, Cyllie, @OrlandoInTheWilderness and Bunnies. 🎉🎉🎉 I’ve saved over £1000 now. JFC!

Checking in. A bit jealous of all the campers around me drinking their Veera tonight. I genuinely hate am in awe of people who can have a few beers and then stop. How. How how how how. I saw a turtle when I was snorkeling though so good day!

Veera?! Beer*!

@OrlandoInTheWilderness well done not giving in and six weeks is brilliant.
@sparklinglime - don't feel shame, it's what cleaners are for! ( do understand though) @Hangingover that must have been awesome seeing a turtle! I couldn't just have one either..
Can I ask your opinions on something please? Last year when I named my little cleaning business I wasnt thinking clearly, and now regret the name I chose..Shall I change it? Unfortunately my husband said to go for something more simple than i did, but I went ahead anyway 🙈