Staying Stopped - Alcohol Free, permanently.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a kind and supportive environment for anyone committing to an alcohol free life.

From Day 1 onwards, you are welcome here for support, encouragement, tips and chat. There are many of us, at different points on the journey some have been sober for years, months, or weeks, others are just starting out, but all are
committed to an alcohol free life and the freedoms it brings...

Freedom from the tyranny of booze and the effort of figuring out how much to drink, and how and when to procure and drink it.

Freedom from guilt, self loathing, and 3am wake ups, and the fear of what might have been said and done the night before.

Freedom from the pervasive sense of dread and shame.

Freedom to embrace life with energy, and to face challenges with an uncluttered head, a lighter heart, and a lighter recycling bin.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to hang out and ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

I check in here every day as part of my recovery. It has kept me accountable, and the wonderful posters who contribute have helped me more than they could possibly know. This is day 137, and I'll be here for a long time!

Well done bunnies.
@Devaki I had them a lot in the beginning too. Still have the odd one now but not often.
@ColdGreenTeaMug enjoy your walk 🙂 I've been put with my 3 boys on bikes this morning, just having a coffee and going for a 5k in about an hour. Probably going to watch a couple of episodes of heros later..The boys have really got into watching ( not quite age appropriate but they're sensible lads)

Hello, joining please. I really liked Drybird2020s intro to this thread and will read the whole thread over the next few days.

I am on day 4 no alcohol and feel optimistic. I identify with the tyranny of alcohol, waiting for 6 or 7 pm to open a bottle of wine, it becomes exhausting. I am 53 and during lockdown have been drinking a bottle of wine every night. Not having a school run the next day (I am very careful about alcohol if I am driving in the morning) has increased my consumption. I drank very little in my 20s and 30s but in my 40s as a SAHM started to drink. No dramatic embarrassments but lots of forgetting the ends of film I watched the night before and bits of conversation.

So far I feel very flat in the evenings, I miss the blurry edges, it is taking me 3 hours to fall asleep and I toss and turn.

The upside is I feel better in the mornings, feel proud of myself and my tummy isn’t sore and I’m not clearing my throat the way I used to. I may not be sleeping well but equally I’m not waking up at 3 am with a racing heart and anxiety which was horrible. My teenage son thinks drinking is awful and would love to see me without a wine glass nearby so that’s a motivation and also I worry about my liver. I am also trying to lose a stone but that’s less important. This is long but I think if I am serious I need to put something down in writing.

So nice to see so many new names! Welcome everyone😊

Gosh, we are going to need a new thread! I'll get on that. Busy day lined up but I will be back later.

Hello @Mustardpot, I am a little bit younger than you but have been drinking for longer and am relieved to be heading into a new chapter. I’ve had lots of positives in my 40s in terms of improving my diet and lifestyle but drinking was the elephant in the room.

It will be great to have your son cheering you on. I haven’t told anyone at home yet as I wanted to get to day 7. That was yesterday (yay!) so I may come clean tonight.

@ColdGreenTeaMug After your comment the other night our local (only 5 miles away) pub has just reopened to do takeaways so its fish and chips tonight!

Well done Ravenswick on week one and thanks for welcome Bunnies and Drybird.

I feel relieved to be doing it too and quite calm. Evenings are my tough time but I expect it’s the same for everyone. Adding Schloer, tonic water, lemons and Becks Blue to grocery list, didn’t get on with Sipsmith when I tried to give up previously (feel more determined this time). DH is taking a break at the moment but he drinks a lot less anyway. He also drinks red wine which has no appeal to me. My only weakness is white wine, anything else and I don’t want it.

@Mustardpot welcome to the thread. The sleep will soon even out. I still have the odd bad night but that's because I'm a bad sleeper anyway, but sleep a lot better than before. Liking your subs for wine there ☺ well done on 4 days

Hi Everyone and hello to fellow newbies.
For the ones that are well on their way to a new life, is it really true that you are happier not drinking, and if so when did that become apparent? After how long exactly? Was it days, weeks or months? I'm scared that I will fail and I will feel even worse than now. I'm struggling with facing up to how serious my problem has become. Today I've been reading and listening and my mindset is shifting, I can feel it, but I am not yet ready. I think I need some more support to actually take that step. I think I still believe I'm giving up something precious and important rather than going into a happier state eventually

Hi @wickelfish

That's a really good question and I'm sure other better qualified to answer will be along in the morning.

I've got into the habit of not drinking now. I'm day 75 and day 131 this year. I don't automatically reach for alcohol when it gets to 5 or 6 now. It just doesn't enter my head. This has been a gradual thing though and I do still think about alcohol everyday. I was told to stop by my OH and didn't think I had a problem so that's what I mean by others being better placed.

I did definitely over indulge on a Occassion though and that dreadful anxiety of what I might of said the night before has gone.

I've lost a stone and today I went to have my Botox done and my doctor commented on my skin feeling like a teenagers. I said I'd given up alcohol and was told that alcohol was one of the most detrimental things to do to the skin. My hair is miles better, my nails are strong and healthy (after 20 years of acrylics too!) the benefits of not drinking definitely outweigh the initial rush and an evening blurred.

I'm allowed to drink when I'm not with OH but I don't actually want to. I'm in control. And I like that.

Morning all, day 9 here for me. @wickelfish last night we had a normal chilled out Saturday night and my DH was on the wine from 6pm. I would have joined in previously but amazingly I had no temptation. For me this is a miracle as what has kept me drinking before has been temptation and not being able to bear the thought of never drinking.

The change this time has been (1) giving more time and confirmation to the voices in my head which were not happy with how I drank Instead of shutting them down and (2) reading as much as I could positive sobriety books/podcasts/interviews and trusting them.

It’s up to us but if you can get your mind on board it’s easier than you think.

Hi @Wickelfish for me the overall time invested in drinking outweighed the actual hit from it and I'm now I am finding that I can do the things I used alcohol as a crutch for without it. It's made me stronger as a person and with that I am much happier within myself.

I was speaking with my friend yesterday and it was her DDs 9th birthday the other day so she had a party in the garden and invited 3 friends and their mums. The mums got drunk, a couple of DHs got arsey about it one way or another according to her and she spent the next day in bed. It now seems like my idea of hell because I know this could've been me too and I'd have that remorse that I had lost control (at a kids party, FGS). Plus everything being a write off the next day.

It makes me much more content not drinking and I have much more inner calm. I still get stressed and anxiety but much less of it and I can look to control it better. I think I had about 10 hours sleep last night and I'm ready to make the most of today.

Thanks everyone who has replied. It's so helpful to understand how you got to where you are. I've been shutting the voices down and telling myself I'm not as bad as some others, it'll be OK, I can get a grip and cut down even though I KNOW this is not the case. But this time I've been carrying on with the reading and podcasts, doing my homework and I can't let it go and continue. I guess I have woken up. The last few evenings I have been miserable when drinking because I know I don't want to be doing it. And I've agonised with the sick and tiredness that results in the morning. It's as though I'm going through my normal behaviour super mindfully and realising how little it is giving me and how much it is taking from me. I guess I'm proving to myself why it has to change. Hope that makes sense.

Anyhow. It's Sunday morning and I just looked in the mirror at a bloated, tired and unhappy face for the last time.

Things I cannot deny any longer-

1. I cannot drink lightly or moderately even when determined to. I crave the next drink more than I crave the first drink.
2. Alcohol isn't bringing me the pleasure it used to, even though I'm drinking more of it and more frequently
3. Life will be better and I will be happier without it. I know this is the case.
4. I might have some bumps along the road but the fear of failure should not prevent me from making the right decision and stopping today.

I'm not particularly worried about managing cravings, I have some distractions and strategies that I can use. It's my overall mindset that has been worrying me. What if I do a few days, weeks, months even and then change my mind and think I'm fine, I can drink moderately. But I'm a believer in never giving up. The blinkers can't go back on now.

Thanks again to everyone who has supported me so far. I know this process will be so hard without support, and this is why I'm posting here as you are such a positive and friendly group.

Have a lovely Sunday everyone.

Honestly @wickelfish even only one week in the good feelings start. I am sickeningly jolly this morning and only on day 9. Where you are now is where I was less than 2 weeks ago. Things change fast and I’ve never found such positivity and warmth online as I’ve found from the sober gang, not just here but at this nakedmindcommunity.com snd soberistas.com - and there will be loads of others. We really are all in it to win it and in it together.

Hi ... i think Ulusses has summed it up for me as well.

I feel more in control of my anxiety. I also have alot more time. I am more content.

There is soemthing called the pink cloud. Alcohol damages your neural pathways and is a depressant so when it starts to repair you apparently at some point get a pink cloud where you feel on top of the world. I have felt that myself. But I was reading back over some of my earlier posts and was reminde dhow drinking makes me feel.... sad, anxious, angry with msyelf, ashamed. I do not feel any of those things now. As I have detailed on this thread I had a slip a month or so ago and I immediately fellinto a dark, and black hole. I am out of that now. My merry go round tends to be that I stop, I feel better, I become complacent, then I drink again and the ycle starts again. It's awful. Just awful.

When I do not drink I do not second guess myself. I do not HATE myself. I have more emotional space inside myself to give to others.

I much prefer it. :)

“What if I do a few days, weeks, months even and then change my mind and think I'm fine, I can drink moderately.”

That’s an issue all of us on here face, @wickelfish. You may decide to drink again at some point, but you can choose again to stop. It seems that for lots of people it’s a process of repeated attempts that eventually lead to long-term sobriety. Others stay AF without blips. Have you read back on here and the previous threads? (Sorry, you may have said already.) It’s worth seeing people grapple with these issues in real time over a thread.

Hi @SparklingLime I'm in the process of doing just that. I feel a bit guilty to be spending so much time with my head buried in a screen or my earphones in but I need to go through this process. It'll benefit my kids so much too.

@ColdGreenTeaMug I have depression and anxiety and thanks in no small part to my alcohol use I have had frequent relapses in a short space of time and I've been advised my medication will have to be long term. I'm so ashamed of that. I've carpet bombed my brain. So believe me I am very very much looking forward to the pink clouds, and to know my brain is healing. I've not admitted this to anyone IRL but I have sabotaged my own recovery.. That's so sad isn't it. My alcohol use took a dramatic turn for the worse when I had a breakdown with anxiety. It became my medication. If only I had realised what I was doing at the time.

Please don’t feel ashamed about needing medication or about self-medicating with alcohol, @wickelfish
Self-medication is a result of feeling desperate and not having adequate real help. I’ve done lots of that, along with plain self-indulgence!

I think the issue of shame has to be addressed by women with alcohol problems.

I recommend this blod post by a woman named Louise. She says it perfectly and much better than I ever could. I do really recommend reading this post @wickelfish

ahangoverfreelife.com/

We get suckered by society about alcohol. Alcohol is addictive that wreaks utter havoc on us, yet we feel it is our fault for becoming addicted. It is insidious.

People like those of us on this thread (and those lurking.. hello:) ) the scales about alcohol have fallen from our eyes. We know it is a trap. We are the lucky ones really. I can only promise from my own experience, that alcohol is if not creating your terrible anxiety is exacerbating it. Hand on heart- stopping the alcohol use is the ebst emdicine- and gives your medication a chance to do its job.

Stick with us, stick close and we will be here ready to listen. But I believe with all my heart that how you feel now will not be how you are feeling even in a week's time.

Morning everyone! Big Night Out last night AF and really (really) proud of myself to say I did it and I wasn’t bothered about drinking. Had to keep reassuring those I was with that everything was fine and, no, I didn’t just want a shot. I’m sure it’ll be harder at times but feeling good today and off for a walk.

Happy Sunday all - just checking in on day 44.

I had to check to see what day I was on now, sometimes I even forget to log an AF day at the end of the day on my app as I just haven’t been thinking about it...I never thought that would happen!

Welcome to all those joining

@wickelfish that sounds very familiar. The AF benefits haven’t been quite what I expected for me - but one unexpected one I have noticed is an improvement in my mental health and ability to cope with things, and a definitely reduction in stress and anxiety. It’s open my eyes to how much I was self medicating but that ‘medication’ wasn’t really helping. I am definitely now seeing being AF as a positive goal rather than simply having to stop myself drinking iyswim.

And well done @Ifnotnowthenwhen5 - that sounds a good night

"People like those of us on this thread (and those lurking.. hellosmile ) the scales about alcohol have fallen from our eyes. We know it is a trap. We are the lucky ones really. I can only promise from my own experience, that alcohol is if not creating your terrible anxiety is exacerbating it. Hand on heart- stopping the alcohol use is the best medicine- and gives your medication a chance to do its job.

Stick with us, stick close and we will be here ready to listen. But I believe with all my heart that how you feel now will not be how you are feeling even in a week's time. "

What @ColdGreenTeaMug said x 100, and go for it @Ifnotnowthenwhen5 - such a good feeling :-) Come on in @wickelfish, its lovely!

Also, I’d be careful to manage expectations - not everyone gets any kind of pink cloud. Simply being AF is a valid goal and achievement itself, and one that you can take satisfaction in even if you don’t feel amazing. I think most people on this thread have felt huge benefits in lots of ways, but quite a few didn’t get them until a month or more in.

Evening all, loads of great wise words on here since I last checked in!

@Cyllie33 I think you and me quit on the same day, I'm on 44 too high five

Sadly we've left the beautiful beautiful spot we were in the past two weeks (and the 30 degree heat which I will miss!) so DH can have internet and do his work. New camp is very nice and chilled; change of location has set off cravings for some reaso but have a nice 0% Heineken and my cucumber and lime water and have scoffed nearly a bag of tortillas chips no regrets Have figured out I don't much care for sweet drinks so these help. Unexpectedly swam with dugongs today, it was ace. Keep cracking on everyone!

New thread! Just in time. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards?watched=1
Sorry for the delay, busy weekend. Hope everyone is doing well, I will catch up with posts later.