Staying Stopped - Alcohol Free, permanently.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a kind and supportive environment for anyone committing to an alcohol free life.

From Day 1 onwards, you are welcome here for support, encouragement, tips and chat. There are many of us, at different points on the journey some have been sober for years, months, or weeks, others are just starting out, but all are
committed to an alcohol free life and the freedoms it brings...

Freedom from the tyranny of booze and the effort of figuring out how much to drink, and how and when to procure and drink it.

Freedom from guilt, self loathing, and 3am wake ups, and the fear of what might have been said and done the night before.

Freedom from the pervasive sense of dread and shame.

Freedom to embrace life with energy, and to face challenges with an uncluttered head, a lighter heart, and a lighter recycling bin.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to hang out and ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

I check in here every day as part of my recovery. It has kept me accountable, and the wonderful posters who contribute have helped me more than they could possibly know. This is day 137, and I'll be here for a long time!

Newbie here, another day waking up feeling rubbish physically and mentally after saying that wouldn't happen again so it's clear moderation isn't for me! AF definitely feels like a massive challenge but I've just managed to get a new job and can't waste that with hangovers so... here I go!

Can I join your thread please?

I’m already a member of a support group on Facebook but worry about the security of it - I really don’t want my colleagues etc knowing my business, it’s too embarrassing.
I’m on day 2. The longest I have gone without alcohol recently is 2 days - I work 2 days a week and never drink the night before I work ( I work long hours and the job has a lot of pressure).
Wine is my drink of choice though after enough I can happily drink anything. I’m consuming about 70 units a week.
I’ve had enough. It’s been going on for too long. I’m unhappy and over weight. My husband also drinks though I would never tell him not to - he has to reach that decision himself. I know I have the willpower - I gave up smoking 13 years ago after smoking 20 a day for 15 years - so I know I have it in me.
My mental health is shot, I sleep a lot. Any advice for the early days is most welcome. I’ve signed myself off work for the next few days as I’m not sure what to expect.

Hurrah - welcome @Ifnotnowthenwhen5 and @devaki you've done the right thing posting here. I was in your position 42 days ago feeling like going more than two or three days without booze was literally impossible. I wasn't strong enough or determined enough. Yet I've done forty two whole days - and you can too! Post here lots. Have supper early, snack when you get cravings and drink lots of water. Nap as needed!

I really, really cannot emphasize the food thing enough. As soon as 5/6pm hits, boom - get dinner down you. Makes a huge difference in my opinion.

Hi, I'm desperately hoping for that positive mind shift or click that people have experienced, because I just can't find it. I've read so much quit lit and I'm forever listening to Annie Grace, who I love. For those who have experienced it, perhaps you could share, was there a book or video or anything concrete that resulted in this shift or was it something you forced upon yourself. I'm not at a rock bottom. I'm I happy with the situation and myself but obviously not THAT unhappy, it doesn't seem THAT bad, no liver issues in my blood test, only slightly overweight, no worsening of my mental health comparatively speaking (although I know for sure that without alcohol my mh would be immeasurably better). Can anyone point me in the right direction? What helped it "click" for you? Thanks in advance. I really admire you all.

Unhappy that should read!

Hello all,

Popping in to have a look - this thread was my lifeline in the early days back at Christmas. I'll be 7 months on Sunday.

Just want to say that @Hangingover 's tip about eating early is a brilliant one - my favourite drink was always the first one at c.6 or 7pm pre dinner. I loved getting mildly fuzzy headed before we ate.

If you eat early - I now eat depressingly early with the children at about half six - you kill that craving. My longing for a gin disappears once I feel full.

So eat early! Will help if you're trying to lose weight, too.

Well done everyone still here - such a positive thread. I don't miss booze at all really any more, but I feel a tiny bit of a cheat as lockdown has helped SO MUCH by reducing the social pressure of eg drinks after work, parties, nights out, etc.

Anyway, doesn't matter which way we got sober - we're here!

What helped it "click" for you?

I'm only on day 42 so can't speak with much authority but I will share something that my drugs councillor told me that blew my mind. He was talking about cigarettes but I believe it applies here (at least when it comes to psychological addiction): cravings only last two or three minutes. When you quit, you won't be in a perpetual state of agonising craving all the time, they'll come and you'll grit your teeth for those few minutes, and then it'll go again.

This may be blindingly obvious to most people but it was an absolute revelation to me! And I've had a fair few tantrums these past 42 days but once the craving passes I'm SO GLAD I didn't given in and they're getting less and less. I don't think it'll click overnight, I think it'll creep up.

Thanks @Hangingover that's really useful to know. Maybe thinking in the immediate and short term is more helpful than contemplating the long term at least to start with. Are there any books you recommend?

I am having a craving today but managed to offload it (sort of) by eating chocolate and thinking 'I can have a drink tomrrow if I want'. I often get through cravings by saying 'maybe tomorrow'. Then when tomorrow comes I do not want it usually.

I agree about not wanting anything after eating dinner.

Hello @wickelfish, @Devaki and @Ifnotnowthenwhen5 - I’m also a newb to this but have found all the help here fantastic. It’s worth reading through the earlier threads as there is so much good advice.

I’ve not had bad cravings yet but have been eating early then going to bed with quit lit as an indulgence. I’m also going over and over in my head all the issues I’ve had with alcohol - not hangovers or any thing dramatic, probably because I’d built up quite a tolerance sadly - but that obsessing about was it time for a glass of wine, could I have another, had I had too much this week, was it impacting my health, blahdeblah on and on.

I’ve been thinking back to when I was at college or first at work when I never thought about wine, didn’t care about drinking and I would so love to feel like that again. Reading the books and here is a massive help and it’s keeping me on the right side (for now) of thinking it’s a relief to have stopped.

Ravenswick - me too. I think back to periods in my life when I didn’t drink at all and didn’t care. It would be nice if I could get there again.
Meanwhile DH is glugging beer in my ear and I have the urge to smash his face in

@Ravenswick how long since you stopped? How much were you drinking, if you don't mind me asking? I'm around 50 to 60 units a week.

I've been in the contemplation stage of change for the last few weeks and I'm very slowly coming to the conclusion that the only way I will actually change this is to experience the positives associated with not drinking for more than a few days, which obviously involves commiting for a decent length of time. The threat of something bad happening doesn't seem enough. So it has to be based on experiencing something better. I don't want to wait until I have a health issue. So frustrated with myself right now. True cognitive dissonance.

@devaki my DH is glugging wine next door but weirdly I am not tempted - thank goodness - cos willpower I don’t have...
@wickelfish I only stopped properly 7 days ago. I’ve tried to cut down and had several dry months but have been a regular drinker for years, averaging half a bottle a night easily and more at the weekends. It want even the amounts but the fact I really struggled to have even one day off.

I hated the thought of stopping as it seemed so sad to have to spend my whole life teetotal and gagging for a drink!

@Drybird2020 and the other regulars on here have been an inspiration and I’m just starting to see that I am getting out of a trap with potentially wonderful stuff on the other side rather than being condemned to a life of have-not. Keep reading and keep thinking, it really helps, and add up all the good stuff in your head. Mad but it works.

Welcome wickelfish, Devaki and Ifnotnowthenwhen5 it’s great to get some newbies!
I decided to quit after over 6 months of failing miserably to moderate. I found the following a great help: Annie Grace, Kate Bee, Craig Beck; Allan Carr. The penny dropped with me when I realized that, although my consumption wasn’t yet scary high, it was always over healthy limits and all the evidence presented made me realise that if I didn’t take action it would only get worse.

When i started viewing alcohol as addictive for me, it become much easier to stop and the quit lit really helped with that, as I never thought I was addicted, just had a bad social habit! Another thing that’s helped me is reading other people’s sober stories and even googling teetotal celebs (Rob Lowe hello ) - a little shallow I know!
I have also found that nice treats and AF drinks really help me. I never thought I’d go for cracking an AF bottle open at the end of the day and relaxing and enjoying it but if you decide it’s your time to make it happen you truly can. Hangingover made the great point too that cravings really do only last a short while. I didn’t know that until I quit as I almost always gave into them before. Of course, this thread is the best help of all!

You will not believe what’s happened this evening. Spent all day reading quit lit and psyching myself up to go for a meal with DP and not drink. Got there, ordered virgin bellinis all evening, felt really proud of myself, get the bill and I’d accidentally been served alcohol all night. Waitress didn’t know what virgin meant?! Feel stupid for not realising I was drinking and fed up that something I was so ready for has been set back through no fault of my own

@Ifnotnowthenwhen5 I'm sorry that happened to you... You must feel so cheated.

Ah... now let's re-frame it.

So... you were in the mind set for being alcohol free (and that is the most important part of the journey!).

When you have even a few days alcohol free under your belt that will not happen ever again because your taste buds will have changed and you will know (or at east suspect strongly) that a drink would have alcohol in it.

So today you can move forwards because you had the brain in the zone. Keep the brain in the zone for today!

I would be seriously annoyed though and maybe ring the pub/restaurant because the waitress clearly needs to be helped to understand what virgin is. Not just for us over enthusiastic ex drinkers but for pregnant women, drivers and others out there - ALL the multitudes of people out there who don't drink. (And when you stop drinking you realise how many of us are out there!)

I did feel cheated and extremely angry at the time! This morning though I’ve put it down to one of those things, sent a polite email just asking they don’t make the same mistake as what @ColdGreenTeaMug says is true, what if I’d been pregnant?
ANYWAY it’s a new day, hope everyone has a good one

@Ifnotnowthenwhen5 ah man, I'm so cross for you, glad you've sent an email, she should have know what it meant.

Checking in on day 129. Last night I actually had 2 complete hours on my own - first time since before lock down that isn't work related ~ it was bliss, was able to do a yoga session with no children or husband in the room! It was so much better as I didn't feel embarrassed doing all the breathing etc..Actually felt relaxed and all lalalalala after it😂

Anyway...hope you all have a good sober weekend.

I am glad you sent that e-mail ifnot.

I hope today goes well. :)

what is everyone doing? I have just an epic 90 minutes cleaning downstairs. You would think the place looks sparkling. It genuinely does not.

Now i am taking the dogs and the children for a walk in the forest.

It might just be that my energy levels are staritng to rise, as this is fairly unprecedented for me!

Morning all! Today I am 90 days sober! I honestly did not think I could do it, but I could - and did!

The beginning was hard. Sleep was worse for a bit and I remember having dreadful headaches. Now I am 3 months in I hardly ever get a headache, and of course being hangover free feels amazing🤩

Here are some of my other favourite things about being sober:

1. I have lots more patience with my children and husband
2. I am calmer and shout/cry less
3. I feel less anxious
4. I have lost 8kg, have started running again and am fitter than I’ve been in a long time!
5. My skin looks sooo much better
6. I like myself more
7. I’ve got loads more energy, especially in the evenings!
8. I can always drive anywhere, anytime
9. I’ve saved more than £400!

10. I see things really clearly

I worried there would be things that would just be RUBBISH without wine (like anniversaries, dinner parties, take aways, nights with friends, dancing, sex and more!) but I have done all of these things sober now and guess what - I am just the same! I will still dance around my kitchen to stupid music, enjoy hanging out with my friends and it turns out I don’t actually need to be drunk to have sex😂😂😂

I love being sober and I thank you all so much for supporting and inspiring me on this journey😍

Yay Bunnies!!!!!

Many congratulations!!!!!!!!!!

Well done bunnies !
I’m on day 3 today. Last night went ok but I had the most vivid strange dreams.

Bunnies that is amazing, how fantastic! Great list as well thank you for sharing, it’s something for us newbies to aim for. Brilliant! Hoping for a productive day by TBH just want to sit down and read the paper.

Have a good day @Devaki as well!