Staying Stopped - Alcohol Free, permanently.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a kind and supportive environment for anyone committing to an alcohol free life.

From Day 1 onwards, you are welcome here for support, encouragement, tips and chat. There are many of us, at different points on the journey some have been sober for years, months, or weeks, others are just starting out, but all are
committed to an alcohol free life and the freedoms it brings...

Freedom from the tyranny of booze and the effort of figuring out how much to drink, and how and when to procure and drink it.

Freedom from guilt, self loathing, and 3am wake ups, and the fear of what might have been said and done the night before.

Freedom from the pervasive sense of dread and shame.

Freedom to embrace life with energy, and to face challenges with an uncluttered head, a lighter heart, and a lighter recycling bin.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to hang out and ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

I check in here every day as part of my recovery. It has kept me accountable, and the wonderful posters who contribute have helped me more than they could possibly know. This is day 137, and I'll be here for a long time!

@GreenTeaMug - of course you can come back, just a wobble in the road like Drybird said a while back. It was me that mentioned club soda.

Just need to shout this from the roof tops but....Today I am 100 days sober!!! Can't believe it!

That does sound tricky, @CalmTea. Do you think he could be subconsciously sabotaging your efforts so he has a drinking buddy? I am pretty sure my DH has done that before, even if it wasn't intentional. It's difficult in any relationship when one person dramatically changes the role they've played for many years. You see it in couples where one has changed lifestyle and lost lots of weight too. The partner gets insecure about the other's new found confidence. Maybe our relationships will adjust in time.

I love reading your post, @BunniesBunniesBunnies, very inspiring. I'm not far behind you but your post was a good reminder of the benefits.

to those struggling or who have slipped. Our struggles and slips will help us succeed...keep going!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies well done on 3 days not smoking- I gave up about 16 years ago, not easy.@Teetotallyimperfect I agree with what you've said in the above post.

@jess3817 well done amazing!!

Thanks @BunniesBunniesBunnies

@drybird2020

Not so sure what i think of the AF stuff prob best drinking juice. So 2 bottles of shloer chilling, lots of goodies, plenty films 2 watch, books to read, pizza hut for dinner. Perfect weekend plans.. Would be a shame to ruin it with a blackout and a pounding sore head.... 🤞

Oh and also the hanxiety... Heres 2 a fresh happy weekend!

@Teetotallyimperfect yes I think that is the case, subconscious sabotage. I didn't notice how big a drinker he was when we first met because I was drinking tons myself, and I probably didn't want to acknowledge my own unhealthy drinking habits to identify it as worrying. Then babies cane along, I changed , he didn't and the arguments and resentments settled in. Past few years I've drank increasingly more as a way of coping with various bumps in the road which I've actually made much worse by drowning out with booze. DH has I think appreciated and encouraged my unhealthy behaviours because it puts him in less of a vulnerable position, less nagging and ultimatums from me. He still drinks far more than me and I still resent it. I feel like the only way we will survive as a couple is if I go in that direction, which I don't want to do. And I know myself and my history of abusing substances for comfort when I was younger and how low I've let myself get before, what a tough climb back up it was. I feel like I'm at a fork in the road of life and either way will result in losses. I don't want to lose myself and the person I want to be and feel I am at my core. Sorry for the ramble. Things feel a bit glum.

@jess3817 100 days. Wow, I'd be shouting from the rooftops if I were you.I hope you feel deservedly amazing.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies great work on the non smoking. That is such a tough ride.

CalmTea you're 100% doing the right thing for you and your DC.

My ex also used to encourage me to drink but in his case it was because I was more likely to have sex - feels quite creepy looking back!

@CalmTea yep you're doing he right thing for you and your kids. Different to you, but in the early days my husband would try and tell me I didn't have a problem because , he didn't want me to think I had one, if that makes sense. I had to tell him not to give me an out.
@Hangingover that sound a very much like my ex husband too 🙈

Thanks everyone.😀

Wanted to ask you all something - I have a little blog. Basically just my ramblings, only 6 blog posts. I promised myself I would share it on Facebook if I got to 100 days. The only problem with that is..apart from my husband, nobody knows about how I use to drink, my close friends might have thought I liked a drink on a night out but nothing beyond that. I'm too embarrassed, and nervous as to what they might think what shall I do?

I think it's a great idea to share and may help more people than your realise. It may make your life easier if you block it from any work people though.

Weirdly I don't feel embarrassed at all about telling people. I told myself I would be embarrassed but I've realized I actually didn't want to voice that I had a problem because I wanted a way back to "normal" if I decided it was too hard. Does that make sense? As in, once you've admitted you have a drinking problem to friends and family that thing in the back of your head saying "oh well I can always fall off the wagon and have a massive drunken night out with my friends and it'll be just like old times" isn't there as an option any more because if they're any sort of friends they'll feel uncomfortable getting drunk with you after you've made such an admission. Unless, of course, they're addicts themselves

I wouldn’t put yourself under any pressure to share it on Facebook, @jess3817. Just tell the specific people you want to know.

@Hangingover as far a I'm aware, non of them are addicts. What you've said is what I've been toying with.

@SparklingLime I haven't decided whether too or not yet. Maybe I'll wait another 3 months 😂

Congratulations Jess that’s an amazing milestone! I don’t know much about blogs but if you can put it up anonymously that would be good. Is the concern that some people will identify you from it anyway and that will be awkward?
Welcome back GreenTea!
I totally have the same DH as you Calm I know I can’t expect him to change just because I have but I too find the eating late too tempting and would now rather eat early with the kids. I’m coping by drinking lots of fake drinks Pre-dinner and making myself pretend but I know that’s risky. It is ok on Tues & wed when DH doesn’t usually drink.

Congrats @jess3817 what a milestone!!!!!!!! Wow!!🤩🤩🤩🤩⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

There were some interesting posts on the “The unexpected joys...” closed Facebook group about whether people share this stuff on Facebook and why/why not.

I haven’t shared it there (I don’t use it much anyway) but if one of my friends posted about it I would be pleased and impressed!

@iamyourequal thank you! yes that's pretty much it really. I can just post a link to one of the posts but they might know it's me from a few of the things I've said. I'd rather eat early with the kids too.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies thank you 😀that's interesting to know.

What you've said is what I've been toying with

It's hard isn't it - can't put the genie back in the bottle and thats a scary thought!

Oh yes, the eating late thing... It was so much to do with booze. I'm much happier having tea earlier. I never wanted to drink on a full stomach anyway.

Hope everyone has bossed Friday night and is looking forward to a lovely weekend.

Morning all. Thanks for the welcome back. :)

I am not sure what triggered the slip (wobble is a great word). Just I have had overwhelming stress and tiredness and just thought 'Oh one will not hurt and i can start again tomorrow'.

It's been harder getting abck to an AF day than i thought. NOT WORTH IT (spolier alert!).

And I have been so angry and miserable the past few days.

One thing i have done though yesterday is regsitered for job alerts. I adore the people I work with, but i mostly detest my job. So I need to make the leap eventually.

This weekend dog walking and gardening will feature heavily.

Thanks everyone and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Morning!

Congratulations on your milestone, @jess3817. What an achievement.

@CalmTea, I hope you can find a solution that makes you happy

@GreenTeaMug, that's a positive step. I intend to do the same next year. Good luck.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies, I'm joining you on the no smoking front today - day 1. Feeling determined this time.

Have a great Saturday everyone

@Teetotallyimperfect
Good luck with the not smoking!!! Remember the first 3 days or so are the hardest as your body rids itself of the physical (nicotine) addiction. Am on day 5 now and feel amazing!

Happy sober weekend all.

Major congrats @jess3817 - that’s a fab achievement.

Welcome back @GreenTeaMug - good for you for moving forward. Your last post really resonated with me, I’m hugely struggling today, partly because I had a bad day at work yesterday and all my insecurities and lack of confidence over flowed and I so badly wanted a drink to make me feel better. I still feel rotten this morning but at least not hungover, but it made me think how much alcohol allows me to escape things when I’m unhappy and being AF is tough as I need to confront things I’d rather not. Good luck with the job hunt. I’m going to have a massive cry and see if that helps.

Day 15 for me today.

Just went for my first run since April😱😱😱 I really lost my mojo in May but I’m hoping to get back into it as it makes me feel soooooo much better!!!

Morning you lovely lot

I'm still going - day 47 (had to count back as I keep loosing count) Well over 100 this year.

Still feel I didn't have a problem (my DH told me I had to stop drinking or leave) and the actual 'not drinking' has been absolutely fine it's the fact I was told to do something that still annoys me. He likes to be in charge. He likes to problem solve. He still drinks himself. He has also never acknowledged I've stopped drinking since he gave me the ultimatum.

We have friends coming round next weekend for a socially distanced drink in the garden. They will all be drinking. It will take all my resolve not to say when asked "I'm not allowed" as that's how I see it. I keep thinking i can go out with friends and stay out overnight (he's said I can do that, he just won't accept me drinking in his presence) but I'm not missing the actual alcohol, however I hate that my choice has been removed. I know it would be easier if I accepted I had a problem but I don't think I did. I don't even feel any different. I've lost weight but that's because I've been working crazy hours and often have to skip meals.

Well done to everyone. Your stories inspire me. I'm so lucky I've not found that actual giving up hard.

@myhandsareverycold well done on the drinking which is amazing!

I hope you don’t mind me saying but your husband sounds quite controlling. Is he like that about things other than alcohol too? Do you usually make decisions together? Do you often find yourself asking for his “permission”? Do ignore me if that’s too intrusive, I know it’s none of my business.

Ultimately though you have to stop drinking FOR YOU, I tried to quit many times for others and it never works.

God that should say well done on the NOT drinking😂😂😂 Ignore me😂😂😂

@BunniesBunniesBunnies

Yes, he likes to be in charge. He runs his own company with staff so I guess he's used to it.

Decision making can be joint but generally his decision is final. I wanted to get a cleaner. (We has one before) but he says no. I offered to pay. He still says no. We aren't married. That should read DP not DH