Staying Stopped - Alcohol Free, permanently.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a kind and supportive environment for anyone committing to an alcohol free life.

From Day 1 onwards, you are welcome here for support, encouragement, tips and chat. There are many of us, at different points on the journey some have been sober for years, months, or weeks, others are just starting out, but all are
committed to an alcohol free life and the freedoms it brings...

Freedom from the tyranny of booze and the effort of figuring out how much to drink, and how and when to procure and drink it.

Freedom from guilt, self loathing, and 3am wake ups, and the fear of what might have been said and done the night before.

Freedom from the pervasive sense of dread and shame.

Freedom to embrace life with energy, and to face challenges with an uncluttered head, a lighter heart, and a lighter recycling bin.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to hang out and ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

I check in here every day as part of my recovery. It has kept me accountable, and the wonderful posters who contribute have helped me more than they could possibly know. This is day 137, and I'll be here for a long time!

@Holyjebus, I'm so sorry to read this, that is...Well there are no words are there. Brothers leave a gap don't they? My brother was having a stay at hospital (not medical) and had sat down with some others to each lunch, and he choked on a bite of food, wich caused an epileptic fit (he wasnt) and had a cardiac arrest.

That's so heartbreaking Jess, my heart goes out to you 💔
You never think it will happen to your family, do you?
My brother was the joker of the family and the life and soul of family get together. Christmas has never been the same since.

Thank you. You too.
Sounds like my brother too. Was a pain in the backside sometimes as brothers can be but still...
This year, so far on all his ' anniversaries ' and birthday etc is the first year my mum had been able to talk about him without crying, but to have a laugh remembering him, she's had councelling wich helped her a lot. I think with hindsight I should have had some too...But there we are..Maybe I will one day x

First everything is the hardest.
My brother is 19 years dead now and it still feels like yesterday.
I never had counselling either. I went to see someone for alcohol addiction but I found the silences so uncomfortable! I'm just not a talker!

Wow 19 years. Yeah first everything is hard. I'm not sure how I'd be to be fair.

Do you know what? They would want us to be happy and being sober is the only thing to make us happy right now. We can do it for them xxx

Those are very true words. Thanks @Holyjebus xx

Wow, I’m so sorry to those of you who have lost someone close.

I really do believe we all start drinking to excess for a reason. Sometimes stopping the actually drinking is easier than dealing with the underlying cause....! I am sober now and don’t struggle with that, but have yet to address the reasons that left me to drink to begin with.

Big hug for @Hangingover - Be kind to yourself.

Jess & Holybejesus It’s so sad to hear the pain you have both endured losing your dear brothers. I cannot imagine the pain and grief. It must make this all the harder to do, but so worthwhile too. You are both doing great.
I hope you are feeling better Hangingover, you have clearly been through a tonne of stuff too. I guess all this sober time to think it too much at times isn’t it? I’ve not had a productive day off. It’s involved both cake and chocolate and the weather is crap. I’d best be off and do something useful. My floors are so dirty they are sticky to walk on!

So sorry to hear your heartbreaking stories @jess3817 and @Holyjebus.

And @Hangingover, you are brave to share your reasons for drinking on here. As @iamyourequal says, when you are not drinking, or thinking about drinking, you have a lot of time and spare headspace, and you do find yourself addressing a lot of things that are usually well-hidden.

This thread is a safe and supportive space.

Thanks for all your kind words everyone..@BunniesBunniesBunnies - I think you're right, we all start for a reason.

I feel like i am going to fail. Sitting thinking to myself that i cant imagine a life without drink. I know its the boredom talking but hate being negative. Just went out a drive in the car to get my mind off it. Really need to get into something to keep my mind off things and keep me busy. Have just read a book but am all read out for the moment. 🙄

@Jlou0712 i downloaded a word game app on to my phone. It's called word scapes I think. Keeps my hands busy and focuses my mind on something else. Could something like that help? Or colouring, I do that to - I needed to be distracted. I'm not crafty and no good at crochet or anything like, sorry.
Don't think about a life without drink. Think one day at a time. The day you are in. Even the hour - whatever gets you through. You can do it.

Stay strong Jlou0712. It’s really hard imagining a life without a drink, so don’t go there yet. Just imagine today without a drink and how lovely it will be getting up tomorrow feeling fresh. I know it’s not so for everyone, but I’ve read lots of quit lit now and most seems to say if we can get a long enough streak AF we won’t even feel like having a drink again. I get overwhelmed with it too. I decided I was quitting completely this time, but sometimes I tell myself I can review at 100 days, so it’s less scary. Jess is right that keeping busy helps. I’ve taken up sewing (really badly) and yoga again and have been gardening, baking, cooking recipes and reading more to keep busy. Don’t fill the extra time with lots of housework. I’ve done this before and all it does is give negative brain connections ‘sober=work’ ! Are there any hobbies you feel you might enjoy?

@jess3817

Thank you will have a look for that and try that 😊 iv also got some colouring in books so i will look them out. Im same not so crafty but need to keep busy. I have 2 ou courses i need to complete so think al get on the case with that now am feeling a bit better mentally. Honestly knew a had a problem but actually thinking now it was so out of control. I need to do this! Thank you 2 everyone for all your advice and hope yous are all well x

You can do it, stay strong..Wich OU courses are you doing? I've been looking at a few on there but undecided whether to do one or not.

@iamyourequal thank you, yeah just have to take one day at a time. I have just re arranged all my living room kept busy now thoughts are away. I would like to try yoga so think thats something i will look into after lockdown. I keep thinking of waking up with disgusting wine breath and a thirst like nothing on earth hope that can keep me away from it. I forgot my catherine gray book came today al start that back in the reading zone now i have kept myseof busy for a bit

@jess3817. I am doing childcare ones. Im retraining in september do early years work. Another factor in getting myself under control. Dont think al go far working with kids reaking of booze 😕.

@Hangingover sending you a virtual hug. I hope you are ok.Trauma and addiction go hand in hand sadly. Self soothing behaviours which have negative consequences, leading to a need to repeat the same behaviours. Every trauma I've experienced has been closely followed by addictive or compulsive behaviour in a variety of fashions. Gabor Mate writes about the link between trauma and addiction, which might be of interest to you - his book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" is excellent.
And, like pp have said, alcohol is such a cruel treatment for anxiety. It gives that much needed soothing instantly, then throws it back to you threefold the next day. But that in-the-moment promise of instant relief is too tempting, anxiety is hell.

@Holyjebus I hope you are feeling better this evening. Sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment, and unsuprising that you drank wine with your last fag. Onwards and upwards. I'm so sorry to hear of your and @jess3817's losses.

@jlou0712. Great work on Day 6 - I hope you've talked yourself out of drinking tonight. It sounds as though you have. Just think how proud of yourself you'll be in the morning if you wake up all bright and bushy tailed, having beaten the cravings! Far too many of my nights out have ended with me waking up with the horrors, fully dressed and freezing on top of my covers, having drank too quickly on an empty stomach despite promising myself I wouldn't. It really does suck.

End of day 4 for me. Today has been suprisingly easy. Next few will be testing I'm sure. I've also eaten a sickening amount of sweet stuff this evening. One thing at a time though.

@calmtea

Yip kept myself busy. I am the same only really drink in the house and thats worse cos ur comfy and in ur own surroundings... Disaster. Well done on day 4..we can all support each other over the weekend and smash this 👍.

Once house is stocked up and we have everything i need im transferring my money into my savings so i cant access it over weekend.. Extreme measures eh but for once i want to be proud of myself and stop being so fucked up!

Oh god started the joys of being sober can actually so relate to a lot of it. Actually embarassing. My mind is doing overtime but will try sleep wonder where my mind will take me for tonights dream session 😳

Hello all. Hope you don’t mind me joining in. Day 2. No stories of rock bottom. Just general discomfort with creeping levels of alcohol.... and awareness of how it makes me more short tempered and SO TIRED. In the middle of or hopefully coming to the end of building works, job is a no go as it’s face to face and very hands on, kids are crazy - one back at school the other wishes they were. Stopped a couple of years back for 10 months, not really sure why I am started again! Will have a catch up read of thread tomorrow, just clocking in to affirm to myself more than anything that I’m all in. Sleep well all!

Just checking in to find a very busy thread!

@Holyjebus and @jess3817
I had a similar sudden loss of a sibling, and used booze to dull the pain and quieten my anxiety. I'm prone to catastrophising and live in fear of another bolt from the blue. Part of this difficult journey into sobriety has been feeling the sharpness of grief without wine to take the edge off. On the other hand, maybe this means I am finally facing it for real. @calmtea thank you for the book recommendation.
@captainladder, welcome 😊

@Bottomplasters thank you for dropping by, It helps to hear from people who have made a success of it. 😊

Hello all! Hope you’re all hanging in there.

@Jlou0712 how’s it going? The beginning is hard.

I’m still working on myself and the reasons why I am where I am today, but today I want to forget about those and celebrate!

I haven’t drunk any alcohol for 60 days🤩🤩🤩😄😄😄😄🤩🤩🤩

(And YES, I am celebrating 8 weeks, 60 days AND two months as seperate occasions🤭. I find it helps😉)